Have not been on here in about 3 years so many may not remember me and that's fine. Wife is asexual but in the time since my last visit (spring 2014), we have had sex twice and have had two children. One born in march 2014 and the other in december 2016. Sex drive has essentially died. The two kids and getting my dream job have taken precedence over sex and passion. It feels weird being male and not caring in the least if we touch, kiss, have sex. About once a month I masturbate but it is more of a sleep tool than a release. Has anybody else ever just given up and had their sex drive die a not so sweet death?
Upon reading my initial post, I realize that the time line is a bit off. Since July 2013, we have had sex 6 times with the 4th and 6th times creating children. I have just settled into a new sexless life. My almost 3 year old son and I are peas in a pod. I would rather have a passionless/sexless life than not be around him every day.
We get along great as friends and coparents. Thoughtful gifts, pleasant conversation, helping each other out before work, etc. I get all the benefits of a marriage except sex. It used to dominate my thoughts but some emotional cost/benefit analysis said that lack of sex would not hurt as much as not seeing my kids every morning/night/day.
As someone who has been married to the same woman for over 45 years and once was in a Sex Starved Marriage, but through self change, introspection, reading lots of relationship books, help from a great sex therapist and hard work on the part of both my wife and myself rebuilt our marriage to include sex, I have a few recommendations for you.
I would like to suggest you get MW Davis Book the Sex Starved Marriage and study it and figure out how her lessons apply to you.
One of the things MW Davis recommends is getting a life, which involves improving yourself, often by physical exercise. That can be done by taking your nearly 3 year old swimming, walking, running, etc.
In my SSM, I told myself that by throwing myself into my job that I was being a good provider. It wasn't true, I through myself into my job so that I would get the praise and emotional companionship from co-workers that my wife wasn't giving me at home and that I needed.
May I also suggest that you sit down with your wife and ask her something that our sex therapist gave my wife and me as a homework assignment. Ask each other what you "want" your marriage to look like in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years? See if after your two children are grown and out of the house, that she and you both want a sexless marriage with no intimacy.
It was after we became empty-nesters and a boomerang child finally left home with their spouse that we suddenly confronted the lack of intimacy. My wife indicated that she could grow old and die with just friendship and memories. I found that I took a vow of marriage and not a vow of chastity. My ethics wouldn't allow me to cheat on her and my sexuality wouldn't allow me to wall off part of my core being.
Good luck to you.
Just for kicks, you might also want to read Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy. It is not about becoming a jerk, but about becoming an integrated man, who is not codependent on a wife, doesn't need a woman to validate his existence, and is responsible for doing things that makes him happy.