Originally Posted by DustyDog
I can't imagine wanting physical intimacy with someone who I actually hate.
How do you know you hate each other? Is this a mental, emotional, or spiritual hatred?
I've had relationships that begin with sex, usually on date #3, before there's really any love, but the love develops after a time. Except on one occasion...sex on date #1, then not so much hatred as a realization that I could not respect someone who did not respect herself, and I moved on having developed no depth of connection.
So did you lose respect for yourself afterwards as well? That seems like quite a double standard you're working with. So did you lose respect for yourself afterwards as well? That seems like quite a double standard you're working with.
Took me a while to realize what you were talking about.
No, I did not lose respect for myself. Nor was her lack of self-respect based on anything having to do with her sexual behavior. Rather, as I got to know her, I realized she let everybody walk all over her...her alcoholic parents expected, and got, a bail-out from her any time they were in the drunk tank, even to the extent that she got fired from jobs due to asbsence and had a very expensive legal battle to not have her children taken by CPS.
Her lack of self-respect led her to be voluntarily dishonest about the kids - that is, I did not ask who the father was, didn't seem to be my business, but she stated that it was husband #1 out of 2...and then later she admitted she didn't know who the father was. As the week went on, everything she'd told me in our first date (which went on for 8 hours before she invited me to her place) was replaced by something else...and often twice.
I do not lose respect for a man or woman simply because they have sex on the first date. As long as they do it openly, honestly, and without expecting anything that hasn't been said, other than simple honesty. So, no double standard.