Building sexual tension - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 08:33 PM
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Cool Re: Building sexual tension

For Ol' Arb, all that it really takes is the presence of a beautiful woman, both in heart and physicality, mutual interest in each other, a little mutual flirting, and a good solid "make out" session!

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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 08:54 PM
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its a tough question for long term marriages. i think the best tension comes from unintentional sources, like one partner is sick for awhile, or one is out of town, busy schedules, period, etc. intentional denial to build tension...meh...why deny pleasure
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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 07:22 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

Pretty much all of the response I read are good and healthy ways to keep the spark alive both short and long term.
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 09:07 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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Originally Posted by Saibasu View Post
Yes this! When I say sexual tension, I'm talking about the fun, I can't wait to jump you later type! There is such a huge range and has everything to do with a couple's natural chemistry. The ability to electrically charge the air around you with dark promises of a long night
I was in a casual relationship with a Japanese student a few years ago and we were invited to a fancy dress party with a Quentin Tarantino theme.I just went as one of the reservoir dogs but she went all out as the Lucy Liu character from kill Bill, Oren Ishii.Traditional Japanese dress and geisha makeup.All night she brought me food and drinks while bowing after serving me and not saying a word.I had a hard on that was killing me and didn't know until the very end of the night whether she was even coming home with me.It was probably the best sex I ever had but she went home the following month and never came back to the US.
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:48 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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Are you sure that is what you really want?

The Sex Therapist that helped save my marriage encouraged my wife and me to have playful, exploratory sex. To relax and enjoy playing with each other. She told us it should be an adult form of recess where you are given a break from our regular schedule and just allowed to play and do things the two of us enjoy.

Increasing sexual tension sounds like making one or both parties desperate for sex and sexual release. If that is the goal then you are going to be setting up at least a bit of "performance anxiety." That isn't always a good thing.

Still if that is your thing, have at it.
Seems like this would be more true with couples who are reasonably new to their relationship. There are all types of sexual relationships. Personally, I don't understand what you are saying.

Do you mean that you two lie around on the couch in the nude and when you feel like touching the other, you just go over there and do it?

Do you mean that they are open to you just doing that while they are reading their favorite magazine and have been thinking about getting that chance to do this?

Do you mean some folks just go to bed and lie there and do as you please for hours on end, getting all sorts of positive and negative input?

I really don't understand this concept.

I am not saying you are mistaken. I just don't understand. I am also having trouble believing this would not get old fast and create this performance anxiety.

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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:32 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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Seems like this would be more true with couples who are reasonably new to their relationship. There are all types of sexual relationships. Personally, I don't understand what you are saying.

(1)Do you mean that you two lie around on the couch in the nude and when you feel like touching the other, you just go over there and do it?

(2)Do you mean that they are open to you just doing that while they are reading their favorite magazine and have been thinking about getting that chance to do this?

(3)Do you mean some folks just go to bed and lie there and do as you please for hours on end, getting all sorts of positive and negative input?

I really don't understand this concept.

I am not saying you are mistaken. I just don't understand. I am also having trouble believing this would not get old fast and create this performance anxiety.
!,2,3 Nope.

Go to bed to play and make love to my wife of 45 years. I never know whether I will end up on top or under her. I do know how things will start. hugging, kissing, body fondling. And no, it isn't for an unlimited amount of time.

Sex is fun and should be. Once in a while, I will get a leg cramp and have to stop. Sometimes my wife might sneeze or cough (which can feel good to me), but she may need to stop. Sometimes the phone might ring.

If things don't go well, you laugh about it, talk about it and may either try again or promise to try that night or the next morning. Sometimes it is great, sometimes things just don't work out, and sometimes its OK. In sports sometimes you hit a home run, some times you strike out, and most of the time you do reasonably well. Its playtime.
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:59 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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!,2,3 Nope.
I figured, but that's why I was asking. Seemed like a non issue.

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Go to bed to play and make love to my wife of 45 years. I never know whether I will end up on top or under her. I do know how things will start. hugging, kissing, body fondling. And no, it isn't for an unlimited amount of time.
I guess, it could start in the kitchen with some hugging, sweet words and looks of longing, etc., or another room? I think that would be normal, too? I'm not understanding the issues. Seems all good as long as she is in the mood?

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Sex is fun and should be. Once in a while, I will get a leg cramp and have to stop. Sometimes my wife might sneeze or cough (which can feel good to me), but she may need to stop. Sometimes the phone might ring.
Screw the phone, wait, I don't mean that literally. That would stop it for me. If we aren't more important than the phone for an hour or so, what the hell? Get a divorce or get a counselor, I say. Piss on that ****.

Well, of course someone might get a leg cramp. No big deal. Just do some nice rubbing if she gets one and she will appreciate you more.

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If things don't go well, you laugh about it, talk about it and may either try again or promise to try that night or the next morning. Sometimes it is great, sometimes things just don't work out, and sometimes its OK. In sports sometimes you hit a home run, some times you strike out, and most of the time you do reasonably well. Its playtime.
Laughing depends on what doesn't go well and how it affected me or her. I get it, though. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but some things are quite funny when the two of you are naked and feeling vulnerable. Maybe it's nervous laughter, but never never laughing at her.

I mean, I had a few positions I'd want to do, but she couldn't. As long as she tried, I saw no issue and didn't even mention it, though she seemed like she was more concerned than me. Hell, I'd just roll her around to a different one where she felt more comfortable. Never bothered me at all. I always figured, if she or I tried, it was much better than saying, "no". I mean, positions, not something new and outside her boundaries. It's all good.

I agree that it is playtime and meant for pleasure, bonding, increasing love and respect(yes in the bedroom you can build respect), and deepening feelings you have for each other. Sounds like making love, but much of this is also buildable in just fun exploratory or wild animal sex, as long as you are both into it and agreeable.

I'm not seeing the issues. I don't know what issues you might have? Maybe this was more of a thread letting folks who don't know, that sex is fun and bonding, not just for release?

The phone thing is the only issue I'd have. That would stop the whole thing for me and I'd have my clothes on and be sitting down thinking about how to tell her it's a no no for my libido and strengthening our marriage/relationship.

I think that is pretty normal, though. Thank you for responding to me. I really was confused about what this thread was about.

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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:35 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

When we cook together (not in the style of 9 1/2 weeks haha), it’s tension-foreplay.

We have a rule whereby we don’t talk about our day while cooking so that we're more present. Cooking aside, it becomes as much about our chemistry. Sometimes he’s bossy in the kitchen and sometimes I respond with a glance. We end up pressed against one another and then back to the cooking tasks. Sometimes he teasingly starts to undress and instruct me while we’re cooking… mreow. Even if we’re annoying the hell out of each other in the kitchen, the sexual tension and flirtation emerges.

There's little moments that occur almost daily that keeps that spark alive. Recently we were in the car together all day. I decided to wear a dress. He asked if I would be comfortable and said it looked nice. I replied I wanted to wear my dress seeing as I would be with my husband all day. It wasn't until that night that he lustfully shared I'd been driving him nuts all day in that dress. He loves anticipation... I love being part of the anticipation. Although on that occasion I was clueless the dress was having that effect on him.

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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

I recall being in the LDR (meaning that we only saw each other on weekends as we lived a couple of hours apart), and the sexual tension was palpable when we got together, especially when she came to my place as she didn't have her kids. Several days of pent-up tension was released.
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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

What is this sexual tension you speak of?
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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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What is this sexual tension you speak of?
No kidding - as I typed that, I realized that it's been years since we had that in our marriage. I remember going out to dinner and coming home to have a session - now on the rare occasions that we go out, she lets me know before we leave how bad her head hurts and/or how tired she is, so that we get home she can get her dumpy sleep clothes on.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:58 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

For me it's the small things. The warmth of his skin under his t-shirt when we hug, gently touching my lips to the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. Whispering in his ear and him in mine.

Although not my musical taste in general, 90s R&B always gets me in the mood. Suggestive, rather than explicit, texts. Sending him pics of the underwear I'm going to wear (not on me, yet!) or just allowing my dress to go far up enough when I'm sitting down so he can glimpse a stocking top.

Leaving the bathroom door open when either of us are in the bath or shower, getting dressed in front of each other. I love when he grabs my butt or when his hands are on my waist. Kisses that last.
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 10:42 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

My wife and I are into chastity play right now. I wear a chastity cage and she teases me a few times a week without letting me orgasm. She can have all the orgasms she wants or just wait. It is like tantric sex. We have frequent sex and the only difference is the 10 seconds of orgasm are missing. All else is there. My wife will edge me, which is playing with me and stopping right before I orgasm. She will also give me ruined orgasms, which is like edging but she stops right when I orgasm. I ejaculate but feel nothing and am left even hornier as before. My wife is fine with one orgasm a week but she says they are the most intense of her life. My moans of sexual frustration turn her on and trigger her orgasms, even when she was not planning on having one. You can lay back and have your husband perform oral on you and when done, just get up and leave without having to do anything to him. The act of oral sex will arouse him and leave him wanting more. You can also forego your own orgasms as my wife sometimes does. You take charge of your husband's orgasms.

You do not need to get a chastity device although there are more and more of them being sold each year. You can now find them sold on just about any online sex store. They sell millions of them each year. What it does is assure you that your husband is not going to sneak in an orgasm. We men tend to have little self control and our hormones do drive us to have orgasms from the day after our last one. They level off after 14 days or so. Men are genetically designed to impregnate several women a day if available. That is why they cheat and are always thinking about sex. It is in our nature and only our brain can control it. The problem is that when nature takes over, we tend to make bad choices.

If you Google male Chastity play you will find most websites use chastity as a part of a larger fetish like BDSM, cuckolding or female led marriages. Chastity can stand on its own but it is kind of boring to write about. How many times can you say that you did not orgasm before people get bored? You can also Google Tantric sex as that is the art of having sex and withholding your orgams. I guarantee you that if you have sex a few times without orgasms, when you do have them, it will be very intense. My wife laughs at me because I speak in tongue and say all sorts of crazying things as the pleasure takes over my brain. I though I knew a great orgasm until I was teased and denied for a few weeks to a few months. I get about one orgasm a month now and my wife gets one per week. Teasing me turns her on and she cannot imagine a more powerful orgasm than she is having now since they leave her exhausted and with not only toes curled but also most of her other muscles.

I thought delaying orgasm was stupid since my whole adult life was in orgasm seeking activities. I first got a taste of it when my wife and girlfriend decided to not let me orgasm during our nightly threesomes. They would tease me and edge me in all sorts of ways but they both had orgasms every night. Often I gave them their orgasms or they gave them to each other. Either way I was highly aroused when they were done and when I finally got to orgasm, about a week later, it was very intense and almost painful from the effort. That was my first tasted of building up sexual tension. When we moved away from our girlfriend, my wife and I continued that practice. When my wife wanted to deny me longer than I could control my masturbation, I was told to buy a chastity cage and been wearing it for 4 years now but take it off when not practical.

Research teasing and denial, Tantric sex and male Chastity. Ignore all the BDSM or dominant/submissive stuff. You do not need any of that unless you like it. We just do chastity with nothing else. I have gotten so used to the fantastic orgasms that when my wife does give me an orgasm too soon, I am disappointed in how weak it feels compared to the ones I have after a few weeks of denial.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:10 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

@Vinnydee

Your relationship is weird. I can't take anything you take seriously since you and your wife have had a "girlfriend" in your marriage most of the time.
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