Building sexual tension - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:14 PM Thread Starter
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Building sexual tension

My husband and I were having a discussion about how couples build sexual tension and we realized after some debating back and forth that it is actually a pretty complex and wide topic.

So guys, tell me, in your opinion what is the best way to build sexual tension?

For us, we see delayed gratification as one of the biggest builders of sexual tension.
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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:18 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

Lots of sexting all day, and then when we are finally together...teasing, until one of us bends. lol It's fun, I love it.

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Building sexual tension

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Lots of sexting all day, and then when we are finally together...teasing, until one of us bends. lol It's fun, I love it.
Ah yes! Teasing until someone folds! It's fun to challenge each other to see who can hold out the longest!
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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For us, we see delayed gratification as one of the biggest builders of sexual tension.
We all want what we "think" we can't have. My wife is a genius at making me think that I can't have something while simultaneously giving it to me. It is the same excitement as delayed gratification but without all the wait.
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Building sexual tension

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We all want what we "think" we can't have. My wife is a genius at making me think that I can't have something while simultaneously giving it to me. It is the same excitement as delayed gratification but without all the wait.
You have a talented woman there. Hold on to her tight!
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:25 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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We all want what we "think" we can't have. My wife is a genius at making me think that I can't have something while simultaneously giving it to me. It is the same excitement as delayed gratification but without all the wait.
Not quite true Sir. All power to you however you can't speak for ALL of us. I don't want what I can't have, in fact the opposite. I also find game playing a major turn off, give me true passion and honesty and life is lots of fun.

As for the OP, MrH and I have sex daily and it still amazes me that we are so in sync that we just go with the combined energy and that determines what type of sex we will have that night (morning sex is always the same which is all good). It still feels spontaneous even though it is daily and the reason is that we keep the "sexual spark" going all the time, texting is a great way to maintain this connection especially with such busy lives. We are very affectionate and groping type of people. A naughty whisper is fun as I love dirty talk. We kiss a lot and I think this really helps keep sex to the fore of our minds and lives.

So for us the sexual spark is just there most of the time as part of daily life.
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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So for us the sexual spark is just there most of the time as part of daily life.
I think that while the OP can appreciate that, however it is being asked as to what would you do if you woke up one day to find that spark was no longer "just there" anymore.

Perhaps you don't like games, but confidence when combined with playfulness in a way that is fun and nurturing towards the other partner's libido can not only create a spark but it can take you places that you never could have anticipated.
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:33 AM
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Re: Building sexual tension

All human sexuality takes place inside your head.
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

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Originally Posted by Saibasu View Post
My husband and I were having a discussion about how couples build sexual tension and we realized after some debating back and forth that it is actually a pretty complex and wide topic.

So guys, tell me, in your opinion what is the best way to build sexual tension?

For us, we see delayed gratification as one of the biggest builders of sexual tension.
Are you sure that is what you really want?

The Sex Therapist that helped save my marriage encouraged my wife and me to have playful, exploratory sex. To relax and enjoy playing with each other. She told us it should be an adult form of recess where you are given a break from our regular schedule and just allowed to play and do things the two of us enjoy.

Increasing sexual tension sounds like making one or both parties desperate for sex and sexual release. If that is the goal then you are going to be setting up at least a bit of "performance anxiety." That isn't always a good thing.

Still if that is your thing, have at it.
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

Odo and I wake up around 4:30am each morning (dogs). While he gets ready for work, I run the dogs and do small chores, provided I'm working from home that day (dishes, picking up, load of laundry). By the time he's ready I'm in the kitchen making my coffee. My hair is quite long and I have it tied back when I'm "choresing."

He always comes from behind, grabs my ponytail, tilts my head to the left side, and kisses my neck passionately on the right side. He goes at it until I'm literally putty on the floor and my hair's a mess. It's a reminder of our first formal date, when he surprised me with a similar gesture.

Once I'm worked up, he releases me and says "I'm off like your prom dress!" and out the door he goes.

I'm like

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 01:27 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

Sexual tension can be as simple as prolonged eye contact, to physically teasing, to edging!

If great sex requires foreplay, and it does, building sexual tension is the foreplay to foreplay. Tension is a technical term meaning a pulling force, an action/reaction force. When two people have good chemistry the sexual tension can be raised by an eye brow arch. They both are totally in tuned with their dynamic of action/reaction and it's not usually an intentional thing.

Not every couple has this kind of enviable chemistry but sexual tension can and should be happening. So the sexual tension is intentional. I do xyz because I know you think it's sexy, and you react, and your reaction is something I find sexy. The continuous loop of action/reaction is what builds sexual tension.

Sexual tension doesn't have to be, and shouldn't always be, serious or focused. Flashing a boob and laughing as I walk away because I know he is on the phone and has to pretend he didn't see what he just saw. But now I'm expecting a payback and I hope it's something good! Fun tension building!

Also @Satya. Yes, yes that would work!!!!

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 03:52 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

texting, sending sexy music videos, dirty pictures,

and like someone in another thread stated, offer to buy her some new shoes...
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 05:45 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

Building tension in a woman starts early. Some fondling in the morning, some suggestive looks at breakfast, a long kiss goodbye. Texts during the day telling her what you want her to do and what you plan to do to her. At dinner some footsie, get caught looking at her boobs or ass, whisper in her ear or on her neck that you can't wait till bedtime.

This will pretty much get you attacked the moment after brushing your teeth for the night.
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Building sexual tension

When my gf started coming over to my house she just wanted to chill,have a swim in my pool and laze around watching tv or listening to music.I preferred to go out,catch some live music or watch sports in a bar with plenty of beer.She ran a gym at the time and had an unbelievable body.She would put on yoga pants and a black sports bra and walk around the house in front of me.
We didn't go out much.
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Building sexual tension

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Sexual tension can be as simple as prolonged eye contact, to physically teasing, to edging!

If great sex requires foreplay, and it does, building sexual tension is the foreplay to foreplay. Tension is a technical term meaning a pulling force, an action/reaction force. When two people have good chemistry the sexual tension can be raised by an eye brow arch. They both are totally in tuned with their dynamic of action/reaction and it's not usually an intentional thing.

Not every couple has this kind of enviable chemistry but sexual tension can and should be happening. So the sexual tension is intentional. I do xyz because I know you think it's sexy, and you react, and your reaction is something I find sexy. The continuous loop of action/reaction is what builds sexual tension.

Sexual tension doesn't have to be, and shouldn't always be, serious or focused. Flashing a boob and laughing as I walk away because I know he is on the phone and has to pretend he didn't see what he just saw. But now I'm expecting a payback and I hope it's something good! Fun tension building!

Also @Satya. Yes, yes that would work!!!!
Yes this! When I say sexual tension, I'm talking about the fun, I can't wait to jump you later type! There is such a huge range and has everything to do with a couple's natural chemistry. The ability to electrically charge the air around you with dark promises of a long night
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