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Building sexual tension

16K views 40 replies 26 participants last post by  SunCMars 
#1 ·
My husband and I were having a discussion about how couples build sexual tension and we realized after some debating back and forth that it is actually a pretty complex and wide topic.

So guys, tell me, in your opinion what is the best way to build sexual tension?

For us, we see delayed gratification as one of the biggest builders of sexual tension.
 
#4 ·
For us, we see delayed gratification as one of the biggest builders of sexual tension.
We all want what we "think" we can't have. My wife is a genius at making me think that I can't have something while simultaneously giving it to me. It is the same excitement as delayed gratification but without all the wait.
 
#9 ·
Are you sure that is what you really want?

The Sex Therapist that helped save my marriage encouraged my wife and me to have playful, exploratory sex. To relax and enjoy playing with each other. She told us it should be an adult form of recess where you are given a break from our regular schedule and just allowed to play and do things the two of us enjoy.

Increasing sexual tension sounds like making one or both parties desperate for sex and sexual release. If that is the goal then you are going to be setting up at least a bit of "performance anxiety." That isn't always a good thing.

Still if that is your thing, have at it.
 
#21 ·
Seems like this would be more true with couples who are reasonably new to their relationship. There are all types of sexual relationships. Personally, I don't understand what you are saying.

Do you mean that you two lie around on the couch in the nude and when you feel like touching the other, you just go over there and do it?

Do you mean that they are open to you just doing that while they are reading their favorite magazine and have been thinking about getting that chance to do this?

Do you mean some folks just go to bed and lie there and do as you please for hours on end, getting all sorts of positive and negative input?

I really don't understand this concept.

I am not saying you are mistaken. I just don't understand. I am also having trouble believing this would not get old fast and create this performance anxiety.
 
#10 ·
Odo and I wake up around 4:30am each morning (dogs). While he gets ready for work, I run the dogs and do small chores, provided I'm working from home that day (dishes, picking up, load of laundry). By the time he's ready I'm in the kitchen making my coffee. My hair is quite long and I have it tied back when I'm "choresing."

He always comes from behind, grabs my ponytail, tilts my head to the left side, and kisses my neck passionately on the right side. He goes at it until I'm literally putty on the floor and my hair's a mess. It's a reminder of our first formal date, when he surprised me with a similar gesture.

Once I'm worked up, he releases me and says "I'm off like your prom dress!" and out the door he goes.

I'm like
 
#11 ·
Sexual tension can be as simple as prolonged eye contact, to physically teasing, to edging!

If great sex requires foreplay, and it does, building sexual tension is the foreplay to foreplay. Tension is a technical term meaning a pulling force, an action/reaction force. When two people have good chemistry the sexual tension can be raised by an eye brow arch. They both are totally in tuned with their dynamic of action/reaction and it's not usually an intentional thing.

Not every couple has this kind of enviable chemistry but sexual tension can and should be happening. So the sexual tension is intentional. I do xyz because I know you think it's sexy, and you react, and your reaction is something I find sexy. The continuous loop of action/reaction is what builds sexual tension.

Sexual tension doesn't have to be, and shouldn't always be, serious or focused. Flashing a boob and laughing as I walk away because I know he is on the phone and has to pretend he didn't see what he just saw. But now I'm expecting a payback and I hope it's something good! Fun tension building!

Also @Satya. Yes, yes that would work!!!!
 
#15 ·
Yes this! When I say sexual tension, I'm talking about the fun, I can't wait to jump you later type! There is such a huge range and has everything to do with a couple's natural chemistry. The ability to electrically charge the air around you with dark promises of a long night
 
#13 ·
Building tension in a woman starts early. Some fondling in the morning, some suggestive looks at breakfast, a long kiss goodbye. Texts during the day telling her what you want her to do and what you plan to do to her. At dinner some footsie, get caught looking at her boobs or ass, whisper in her ear or on her neck that you can't wait till bedtime.

This will pretty much get you attacked the moment after brushing your teeth for the night.
 
#14 ·
When my gf started coming over to my house she just wanted to chill,have a swim in my pool and laze around watching tv or listening to music.I preferred to go out,catch some live music or watch sports in a bar with plenty of beer.She ran a gym at the time and had an unbelievable body.She would put on yoga pants and a black sports bra and walk around the house in front of me.
We didn't go out much.
 
#16 ·
For Ol' Arb, all that it really takes is the presence of a beautiful woman, both in heart and physicality, mutual interest in each other, a little mutual flirting, and a good solid "make out" session!
 
#24 ·
When we cook together (not in the style of 9 1/2 weeks haha), it’s tension-foreplay.

We have a rule whereby we don’t talk about our day while cooking so that we're more present. Cooking aside, it becomes as much about our chemistry. Sometimes he’s bossy in the kitchen and sometimes I respond with a glance. We end up pressed against one another and then back to the cooking tasks. Sometimes he teasingly starts to undress and instruct me while we’re cooking… mreow. Even if we’re annoying the hell out of each other in the kitchen, the sexual tension and flirtation emerges.

There's little moments that occur almost daily that keeps that spark alive. Recently we were in the car together all day. I decided to wear a dress. He asked if I would be comfortable and said it looked nice. I replied I wanted to wear my dress seeing as I would be with my husband all day. It wasn't until that night that he lustfully shared I'd been driving him nuts all day in that dress. He loves anticipation... I love being part of the anticipation. Although on that occasion I was clueless the dress was having that effect on him.
 
#27 ·
No kidding - as I typed that, I realized that it's been years since we had that in our marriage. I remember going out to dinner and coming home to have a session - now on the rare occasions that we go out, she lets me know before we leave how bad her head hurts and/or how tired she is, so that we get home she can get her dumpy sleep clothes on.
 
#28 ·
For me it's the small things. The warmth of his skin under his t-shirt when we hug, gently touching my lips to the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. Whispering in his ear and him in mine.

Although not my musical taste in general, 90s R&B always gets me in the mood. Suggestive, rather than explicit, texts. Sending him pics of the underwear I'm going to wear (not on me, yet!) or just allowing my dress to go far up enough when I'm sitting down so he can glimpse a stocking top.

Leaving the bathroom door open when either of us are in the bath or shower, getting dressed in front of each other. I love when he grabs my butt or when his hands are on my waist. Kisses that last.
 
#29 ·
My wife and I are into chastity play right now. I wear a chastity cage and she teases me a few times a week without letting me orgasm. She can have all the orgasms she wants or just wait. It is like tantric sex. We have frequent sex and the only difference is the 10 seconds of orgasm are missing. All else is there. My wife will edge me, which is playing with me and stopping right before I orgasm. She will also give me ruined orgasms, which is like edging but she stops right when I orgasm. I ejaculate but feel nothing and am left even hornier as before. My wife is fine with one orgasm a week but she says they are the most intense of her life. My moans of sexual frustration turn her on and trigger her orgasms, even when she was not planning on having one. You can lay back and have your husband perform oral on you and when done, just get up and leave without having to do anything to him. The act of oral sex will arouse him and leave him wanting more. You can also forego your own orgasms as my wife sometimes does. You take charge of your husband's orgasms.

You do not need to get a chastity device although there are more and more of them being sold each year. You can now find them sold on just about any online sex store. They sell millions of them each year. What it does is assure you that your husband is not going to sneak in an orgasm. We men tend to have little self control and our hormones do drive us to have orgasms from the day after our last one. They level off after 14 days or so. Men are genetically designed to impregnate several women a day if available. That is why they cheat and are always thinking about sex. It is in our nature and only our brain can control it. The problem is that when nature takes over, we tend to make bad choices.

If you Google male Chastity play you will find most websites use chastity as a part of a larger fetish like BDSM, cuckolding or female led marriages. Chastity can stand on its own but it is kind of boring to write about. How many times can you say that you did not orgasm before people get bored? :) You can also Google Tantric sex as that is the art of having sex and withholding your orgams. I guarantee you that if you have sex a few times without orgasms, when you do have them, it will be very intense. My wife laughs at me because I speak in tongue and say all sorts of crazying things as the pleasure takes over my brain. I though I knew a great orgasm until I was teased and denied for a few weeks to a few months. I get about one orgasm a month now and my wife gets one per week. Teasing me turns her on and she cannot imagine a more powerful orgasm than she is having now since they leave her exhausted and with not only toes curled but also most of her other muscles.

I thought delaying orgasm was stupid since my whole adult life was in orgasm seeking activities. I first got a taste of it when my wife and girlfriend decided to not let me orgasm during our nightly threesomes. They would tease me and edge me in all sorts of ways but they both had orgasms every night. Often I gave them their orgasms or they gave them to each other. Either way I was highly aroused when they were done and when I finally got to orgasm, about a week later, it was very intense and almost painful from the effort. That was my first tasted of building up sexual tension. When we moved away from our girlfriend, my wife and I continued that practice. When my wife wanted to deny me longer than I could control my masturbation, I was told to buy a chastity cage and been wearing it for 4 years now but take it off when not practical.

Research teasing and denial, Tantric sex and male Chastity. Ignore all the BDSM or dominant/submissive stuff. You do not need any of that unless you like it. We just do chastity with nothing else. I have gotten so used to the fantastic orgasms that when my wife does give me an orgasm too soon, I am disappointed in how weak it feels compared to the ones I have after a few weeks of denial.
 
#33 · (Edited)
I think that it is little different for everyone. It depends on a woman's comfort level with herself, her appearance, her accomplishments, and how she views life in general...

With that said. A few things are universal:

  1. Eye contact then look her up and down. But it has to be perfectly timed, just a tad past the comfort zone. Just glance at her a little longer than she expects. Then inhale deeply. At first, she will likely think that you angry with her. But just before she has a chance to think that, you smirk and look away. You have just let her know that you find her interesting and attractive...
  2. In morning, before anyone gets cleaned up, you brush up against her and absent mindedly ask her if that is a new perfume she is wearing from yesterday. She will laugh at you and maybe even roll her eyes. This is not a bad thing. Just smirk as if you are slightly suspicious and humor her with a nice "okay".
  3. Do something physically challenging. Let her see that you have worked up a sweat. Do not show any fatigue. It doesn't have to be anything dangerous or truly hard, so long as you are sweating but not out of breath. Better yet. Go for a 20 min jog after the perfume comment...
  4. By her a nice dress (red or black). Go out for dinner somewhere you have never taken her before (someplace nice but not super nice either). Make sure that the dress fits right. Again. MAKE SURE THE DRESS FITS RIGHT. What ever you do: MAKE SURE THE DRESS YOU BUY FITS RIGHT. When she asks you why you picked this place, where did you hear about it, tell you heard about it from a friend and just wanted to check it out for yourself (works well if its a new restaurant, but works even better if its an existing place just tell her they revamped the menu and you were curious). BTW, make effing sure the dress fits!!!
  5. Be a little aloof (but not of the dress more on that in a sec). This one is the mother of all moving targets (different people are different about this and even the same person can vary on any given day). But get this right and, yeah...
  6. Act surprised (when she omes out in the dress). I know this contradicts the above. We are trying to build tension here after all.
  7. While in the car play this Thievery Corporation - Saudade and ask her what she thinks of it. Be like you're not sure yourself if you like it or not but are just looking for her opinion. It doesn't matter if you personally like this music or not. Just trust me.
  8. Walk in on her while exiting the shower or getting dressed and act just a little surprised when you see her, as if you are trying to mute your astonishment. Immediately apologize for "barging in" like a fool and walk out.
  9. Non-nonchalantly take and use something personal of hers (she must see you do this), like use her pillow instead of your own, take a sip from her glass, use her napkin, or finish off the few bites she doesn't eat at dinner (but convey you couldn't care less about the food itself).
  10. At dinner, ask questions that get her talking about something she loves and can't stop talking about. Let her get excited about it (this is important). When the waiter or waitress comes, if you know what your wife wants, order for the both you without taking your eyes off of your wife. Then re-engage the conversation exactly where it left off.

I could go on and on and on... But you get the point.

If you fail (except the dress one - MAKE SURE THE DRESS FITS), it won't matter. She will appreciate the effort you made no matter how this pans out...

I can't tell you how long to do this for either. For some it may take a couple of days, for some it may take a couple of weeks. Timing is everything!! Don't be overly anxious but don't wait too long either.
 
#34 ·
One of best tension builders a girlfriend of the past did happened when I caught up with her shopping in M&S. She already had a basket of items and went into the changing rooms and I sat down in the waiting area while she tried stuff on. Eventually she came out wearing a white faux fur coat and asked me what I thought then, without warning, the coat slid onto the floor reavealing a rather see-though bra and knickers set. She then gave the most unconvincing "whoops" and made a very exagerated bend over motion to pick up the coat and saying "Well, that's dessert sorted for tonight"
 
#35 ·
So guys, tell me, in your opinion what is the best way to build sexual tension?
From experience I've learned that suggestive or teasing texts back and forth during the day allows our imagination run rampant.

A slightly x-rated selfie goes a long way too !!!!

Of course it all depends on how busy his day is at work but those rare days when be isn't too busy almost always leads to very passionate love-making that evening!!
 
#36 ·
I hope this doesn't come across as too graphic, but its from a 75 yr old married to a 73 yr old.

we've been married 52 yrs. We've had times with sex twice a week and times we've gone a month. We get to a routine of sex on a sunday morning. I'll take 1/2 viagra on Saturday night and Sunday morning I'm more than ready to go. It's usually a quickie... her getting her vibrator.... me getting the lub and her then have an orgasm before we start and usually 4 or 5 before we end. And that's all in less than 5 minutes. However... I do love the sexual tension we create once in a while.

The most recent was on a Saturday afternoon. I was at the office getting horny and text my wife aned ask what she was doing. Well, one text led to anything and each getting more graphic. And the words got more xrated.

I told her to make sure the door was unlocked... then to take off all her clothes and lay on the bed with her thighs spread. I was sure she wouldn't do it.... but what the heck. It was 5 minutes and i got a text of "where are you?"

I jump in the car and headed home. Sure enough, the front door was unlocked, and soft music was playing. I headed for our bedroom and the door was slightly open. When I pushed it all teh way, there was my wife on the bed just as I had asked.

Without saying a word I went over.... well, the best way to say it is I had oral with her. then after a few minutes, I got up took off my clothes and headed for the shower. well, when I got back we continued and finished just in time to take a shower together and go out for dinner.

My wife doesn't like to engage in fantasies and when I suggest we sextext, she doesn't want to. but at least I have that last time to remember!!
 
#39 ·
Sexting, need to be careful. I sent one to my wife whilst she was visting her mum "Feeling horny, want to kiss your wet ***** and slide up your sweet bum" Unfortunately mother saw her screen and was quite shocked! Luckily she was fast of wit that day and said that was always hapenning, hubby leaves phone unattended and a friend sends a naughty message.
 
#40 ·
I had a similar unintentional disclosure, this time the unwitting reader was my 17 yo son. Fortunately the text was more suggestive and less graphic, but it still creeped him out pretty good. I used it as a teaching moment and told him to remember this after he's been married a while and needs to spice things up.
 
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