If someone says no, stop or I don't want or like it, there should be no need to continue to ask or pressure. We have a right to boundaries for our bodies. Just enjoy her and the things she does want.
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If there's a deep-seeded reason for her to not enjoy this, that's her prerogative. While we all wish our partners would be 100% open with us about everything, that's just simply not going to happen.
It could also be, as she's already told you, a simple case of not liking it, period. Perhaps she doesn't know exactly
why she doesn't like it - she just doesn't.
Look, my wife WILL NOT give me oral sex on it's own, period, full stop. As part of sex or foreplay - absolutely. Sometimes to completion. She swallows. She gets right into it. If she's determined to finish me this way, she won't let me stop her.
She's also told me that she unequivocally hates giving BJ's. I've tried to reconcile this by saying "but, but, but...!" and have yet to receive a logical answer.
Because one doesn't exist.
It's her prerogative to give me BJ's as part of sex or foreplay, but to HATE them at any other time.
AFAIC, perhaps my wife has had bad experiences with standalone BJ's in the past, and therefore despises them now. Maybe she had a very insistent boyfriend who expected this sort of thing from her on a regular basis.
More likely it's because she's extremely responsive desire. Once we get going, anything goes. Outside of that time, she won't even talk about sex. It's that so-called 'light switch' that responsive desire people seem to have. When the switch is 'on', anything is on the table - because she's getting hers, too.
People who are not responsive desire (and who don't have 'hang ups') are far more willing to give and receive sexual favors with no return.
Long story short, your wife doesn't like to be manually touched down there. If there's an underlying reason for it, it's not your place to coax it out of her. It's her prerogative to keep that to herself, if she chooses. It's not our job to fix people, or to normalize them. It's not my job, or my business, to get a definitive answer as to why my wife won't give me standalone BJ's, yet give them like a pro at any other time.
What we need to do more of, as couples, is to respect our partners likes and dislikes and leave them alone about these sorts of things. When we start questioning their reasons, that makes them feel as though they're broken, or not normal. I've learned this the hard way, unfortunately.