When lube is NOT optional - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 03:37 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Why does everyone like coconut oil more than water-based lubes found in stores? Where do you purchase it?
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post #32 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Why does everyone like coconut oil more than water-based lubes found in stores? Where do you purchase it?
For us, it tastes GREAT! Gives a nice oily sheen to the skin ! If your wife happens to like a little spank every now and again, coconut oil gives a GREAT sound without having to spank too hard!!!

You can actually buy it at the grocery store (near olive oil, etc.)

As for use, we always start it up during foreplay -- just makes things more, umm, interesting even IF she naturally lubricates. (oh yeah, wife is post-menopause)
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post #33 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 04:51 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Why does everyone like coconut oil more than water-based lubes found in stores? Where do you purchase it?
We buy gigantic tubs of it at Costco. (Unrefined - the refined stuff is gross - no coconutty smell or taste at all.) Has nothing in it but coconut oil, is natural and organic, and feels really really nice. And is WAY cheaper. And has antimicrobial properties. And moisturizes.

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post #34 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:46 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

My wife is 64 and she still gets wets just from kissing. We did use lube a few times for anal sex when we first started, but my hands were covered with it and I left grease patches everywhere I touched my wife. We stopped using it for anal sex too. Just had intercourse for a bit and then switched to anal using my wife's natural lubrication. I never used lube with any girl I had sex with during my life. None ever asked for it and suggested it. If I could not get them wet, I would probably call it a day and find someone else. One of the things I love about sex is feeling a woman get soaking wet from what I was doing to her or the anticipation of sex with me. Without that it just seems forced. I especially loved what is called thigh sweats. That is when they lubricate so much in anticipation of sex that their thighs are soaked with the lubrication dripping on them. I know that I would not have sex with someone who did not lubricate. That would not be good sex for me and not the type of sex partner/girlfriend I was looking for. I only wanted girls who lubricated just from making out. Guess I was lucky that never needed it except for the firsts few times of anal sex. Too messy and interrupts sex to apply it. Not for me.

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post #35 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 12:29 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Here are two quotes from @katiecrna in her thread that I didn't want to derail, but it got me thinking about lube.

I agreed with katie. In her younger days my wife was always naturally super luberific. But now, post menopause, "artificial" lube is required for every and any sexual encounter below her waist, no exceptions.

A few question to those who always need to use lube. Where and when do you apply it? This one bugs me, how to know when she is ready and "horny or into it" if she's just not going to get wet?

I'll put some in her, and the excess on me, just prior. And I will ask, "You ready?" Super smooth She's never said no (really? I've never ever rushed her?). And yes, sometimes it feels to me like "Slab some lube on me and go".

It's not really a problem for us. And it's great to have good lube to allow us to still have good sex but it can also be a bit clinical, unsexy and just one more potential distraction.


Lube to me, isn't to cheapen the sex. It adds to it for those quickies and for say, foot jobs, breast jobs and anal. Plus you can give and receive great massages as well. It's fun and adds to the experience.

I use water based lubes, actually we have two and they work great, no odor and no permanent mess.

Plus when we all get older, lube is required to help.

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post #36 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 06:54 AM
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Cool Re: When lube is NOT optional

Don't really mind using lube in the least!

But not until I'm done performing a good, long, heart-stopping session of oral on my lady!

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post #37 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 07:19 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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We stopped using it for anal sex too. Just had intercourse for a bit and then switched to anal using my wife's natural lubrication.
My wife (who is pre-menopause) and I have largely done the same thing with anal sex, for the same reason through the last 20 years. With the exception being on limited occasion, we have sometimes applied lube when using a butt plug.

Aside from that there was a week or two shortly after the birth of our children when my wife was quite dry, which saw us use get some some lube to use as required.
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post #38 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 03:03 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

a lot of women do not like lube. They simply do not want to put foreign unnatural substances into their bodies. But older women, say 50 or older, probably need it 100% of the time, otherwise sex will become painful and they will unconsciously avoid sex, OR might even tear something inside.

ANd of course ANY anal sex needs lube, since there is no natural lube in that part.

If you use lube, stay away from lube with glycerin in it, since glycerin is a type of sugar and yeast are fed by it.
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post #39 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 03:32 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Post menopausal woman who has used coconut oil after trying and hating many other brands out there.

I use coconut oil every damn time. Before we have sex I alway empty my bladder and once back in the bedroom I take my jar of coconut oil after I've removed my nightgown, open the jar and while looking right into his eyes I scoop out a glob, lift a leg on the bed and start spreading it around. Sometimes I take a LOOOOONG time to spread it around and I have to go back and get more. Sometimes I spread it on him too. Sometimes I am rudely interrupted while I'm still spreading it.

You could stand over your husband while you spread it, you could wait till his uses the bathroom and then let him walk out finding your spread eagle and spreading the lube (my husband's fav) you could spread it on him and then shimmy your lady bits all over picking up the lube from his body.

There have been a few times my body has almost generated enough lubrication but I find that more lube is always better than less lube.
Yep.

I'm 55, post menopausal, and have sex w/ H daily.

So far, lube is still optional. We've recently switched to coconut oil and it really is the best we've found so far. Had to stop using the flavored ones due to post meno UTI's. (Nice joke Mother Nature!)

We've put the oil into a little spray bottle. Either one of us reaching for that bottle is a huge turn on for the other. It's definitely used during foreplay...and we rub it EVERYWHERE.

I think, instead of putting the oil on/in her and asking if she's ready.... just rub it around for a while, and if she doesn't tell you "NOW".... then tell her to tell you when she wants it. Or see if you can get her to beg for it!
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post #40 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 03:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Had to stop using the flavored ones due to post meno UTI's. (Nice joke Mother Nature!)
Thanks for the heads up. Our normal lube doesn't taste bad but it's a bit bitter, so use flavored lube to get oral going (talk about cruel Mother Nature). Ours is sugar and sugar derivative free.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #41 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 04:02 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Coconut oil is edible too, doesn't taste bad, doesn't gunk up.... it's all good. We usually add it to the foreplay somewhere between the initial making out and oral. And it doesn't seem to leave you sticky and needing to shower....so the "after" shower is optional.
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post #42 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 04:52 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Coconut oil is great stuff - but remember, it IS an oil and not compatible with condoms and most toys.

Silicone is not an oil, and IS safe with latex condoms and dams, and most toys made of hard materials (but not silicone toys or Cyberskin). One favorite brand is Gun Oil - despite the "Oil" in the name, it is silicone based (they also have a water-based product).

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post #43 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:37 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Not what you are asking OP but still worth mentioning.... I am 50, post menopausal and never need lube (anal being the exception). Going to attribute it to good diet (vegetarian, minimal preservatives, lots of fresh organic foods). I did not take any form of hormones replacement during peri or into menopause.

What sort of general health is your wife in? Is there room for improvement?
My wife is 61, and we still have sex every day. Mary does not need any lubrication but her own. She is less wet than when she was young, but she still lubricates very well. She also did not take any Hormone Replacement Therapy. She, however, does not pay much attention to her health. Junk food, a few veggies, more junk food. I eat organic, so I try to get her to eat some of that too.

The research I have done, and her doctors, indicate it is because she has had, and continues to have, so much sex. I kid you not.
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post #44 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:45 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Obviously I need to have my wife pick up some Virgin Coconut Oil!
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post #45 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:34 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Originally Posted by Talker67 View Post
a lot of women do not like lube. They simply do not want to put foreign unnatural substances into their bodies. But older women, say 50 or older, probably need it 100% of the time, otherwise sex will become painful and they will unconsciously avoid sex, OR might even tear something inside.

ANd of course ANY anal sex needs lube, since there is no natural lube in that part.

If you use lube, stay away from lube with glycerin in it, since glycerin is a type of sugar and yeast are fed by it.

So not true and another unfounded generalisation when it comes to women and sex. I need it 0% of the time.
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