When lube is NOT optional - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 10:38 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Originally Posted by WilliamM View Post
My wife is 61, and we still have sex every day. Mary does not need any lubrication but her own. She is less wet than when she was young, but she still lubricates very well. She also did not take any Hormone Replacement Therapy. She, however, does not pay much attention to her health. Junk food, a few veggies, more junk food. I eat organic, so I try to get her to eat some of that too.

The research I have done, and her doctors, indicate it is because she has had, and continues to have, so much sex. I kid you not.

This doesn't seem very accurate. Maybe anecdotal but certainly not accurate. There are many factors that contribute to vaginal lubrication during arousal and only one of them has to do with sexual arousal.

There are a whole host of medical conditions, not to mention medications, not to mention how well hydrated at that moment, that contribute to vaginal lubrication. The most obvious condition is post menopausal when estrogen levels are very low.

If you salivate when about to eat chocolate at 18 you will still do so at 81. Even if you don't have any chocolate for 20 years (heaven forbid such a catastrophe) your mouth would still salivate when the horrendous dry spell ended and the beloved gift from the Gods is on your plate once again.

The amount of semen ejaculated doesn't indicate, at all, how aroused the mind was during sex. Not one bit. It may indicate how long the semen has been building up, but only to a point because the body reabsorbs what isn't expelled.

The amount of vaginal lubrication is not directly correlated to the level of arousal. It's presence, but not amount, indicates arousal is present.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #47 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:53 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Here are two quotes from @katiecrna in her thread that I didn't want to derail, but it got me thinking about lube.

I agreed with katie. In her younger days my wife was always naturally super luberific. But now, post menopause, "artificial" lube is required for every and any sexual encounter below her waist, no exceptions.

And it's great to have good lube to allow us to still have good sex but it can also be a bit clinical, unsexy and just one more potential distraction.
Hi Charlie! Donít know that I agree with the posts you quoted in your intro. I think theyíre a slippery slope (see what I did there??) to the misconception that if youíre a woman who needs lube then youíre past it and not ďhealthyĒ or if youíre a man who likes to use lube then you donít care about your partnerís pleasure. I mean zero offense and Iím pretty sure the quotes were taken out of context and werenít the posterís intention, but thatís how it reads.

Weíre all different. Just because a woman is menopausal it doesnít mean her garden of eatiní is dead and a dismal desiccated desert with tumbleweeds blowing about and just because a woman is young it doesnít mean her highway to heaven is always a funtastic slip ní slide to paradise.

Young, healthy women can need lube; in my late teens and early 20s I was very much wet, willing, and ready, but a little too tight and lube would sometimes make things go (and come) a little easier. And just like MrsH pointed out, sheís past the Ďpause and her peach pie is still very much sweet and run-down-your-chin juicy (may not have been her actual statement, but Iím certain thatís an accurate description nonetheless).

Anyhoo! Iím not menopausal but Iíve used lube off and on throughout my sexual life, not out of need but for variety and fun. And even though sex is like the bluebird of happiness for me now (i.e., long absent from my life, but at least I have the chicken of depression to keep me company), I did have great sex in the past, still have a filthy mind, and do have a need to help, so maybe some of my below suggestions could be of use? Doesnít hurt to try!

I can think a few scenarios in which lube could be used in such a way as to add to the heat of the moment rather than detract from it. Nudity is required and not all of it may work for you as every couple is different. Hopefully itís not inappropriate (if too graphic, Powers-That-Be, please let me know and I'll delete) and gives you ideas to creatively incorporate lube in a sexy, "non-clinical" way.

1. With her on her back, straddle her ribcage, squirt some liquid fun in your hands and make a slow sensuous show of slathering up your man mitts. When youíre good and slippery, rub the oil all over her breasts while you fondle, squeeze, and tease her. When you have her in a lather, you can make another show of slowly slathering oil all over your rod right above her, and then when youíre ready, mound her breasts together from the sides and, to put it delicately, proceed to **** her tits. If you want to finish this way, you can oil up her fingers and have her tend to her little lady downstairs while you give her the loverís timeless gift of a pearl necklace. Or if youíd rather go inside of her, now that youíre all slicked up, you can slide down and ride her little red corvette until you both reach O-town.

2. Have her on all fours on the bed with head and arms down but keep her ass up. Get behind her, slather up your hands and rub her rump and in between her legs, massaging her clit and sliding your fingers in and out until sheís ready for you to slide home. The great thing about this position is you (or she) can rub her clit and her oil slicked curves can be slapped while you ride her from behind. It also leaves her ass available for some finger play if thatís in your menu of lusty good times.

3. This one is always good, simple, and doesnít break momentum. While youíre standing in front of her and sheís sitting on the bed, have her oil up her hands until theyíre nice and warm and slick and then have her give you a thorough handy. When you're ready she can lie back on the edge of bed and use her oiled hands to play with her breasts (feels great) and you're already slicked up and ready to go!

Truly the possibilities are endless. I think lube and oil are great additions to sex and shouldn't be seen as mood killing, clinical prep work. Change it up, get her involved in the slippery goodness, and most importantly just have fun with it! You're a loving, committed couple who have regular sex... the world is your slick delicious oyster, my friend. Enjoy!
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post #48 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:50 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Lube is a sexual enhancement if used correctly. Just as a vibrator is an enhancement. Some want or need either or both, and some do not. Enjoy sex with your partner and let others enjoy sex the way it works for them. There is no shame in using lube.

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post #49 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Originally Posted by Curse of Millhaven View Post
Hi Charlie! Donít know that I agree with the posts you quoted in your intro. I think theyíre a slippery slope (see what I did there??) to the misconception that if youíre a woman who needs lube then youíre past it and not ďhealthyĒ or if youíre a man who likes to use lube then you donít care about your partnerís pleasure.
In the case of the quotes, the poster's partner was substituting lube for proper foreplay, I agreed that wasn't cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curse of Millhaven View Post
Weíre all different. Just because a woman is menopausal it doesnít mean her garden of eatiní is dead and a dismal desiccated desert with tumbleweeds blowing about and just because a woman is young it doesnít mean her highway to heaven is always a funtastic slip ní slide to paradise.

Young, healthy women can need lube; in my late teens and early 20s I was very much wet, willing, and ready, but a little too tight and lube would sometimes make things go (and come) a little easier. And just like MrsH pointed out, sheís past the Ďpause and her peach pie is still very much sweet and run-down-your-chin juicy (may not have been her actual statement, but Iím certain thatís an accurate description nonetheless).
I didn't intend to generalize, my wife was a peach pie when younger but is now closer to a desert, that's not a bad thing, it just is. (Yay for @MrsHolland!)

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Originally Posted by Curse of Millhaven View Post
I can think a few scenarios
Thank you. Is it just me or did it get hot in here?

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Originally Posted by Curse of Millhaven View Post
shouldn't be seen as mood killing, clinical prep work. [...] most importantly just have fun with it!
It's usually the latter, so we're generally good.

Thanks, and thanks all.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #50 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 10:33 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Iím sorry, Charlie. I fear my post may have come across in a manner in which I did not intend. In no way was I suggesting you were ďgeneralizingĒ. My only thought was that you wanted to spice up your use of lube, which is now a necessary element in your sexy fun times.

I just wanted to express that women can need or use lube at any stage of life, for myriad reasons, and itís all okay and healthy. I meant nothing more than this; I apologize if it came across wrong.

And yes, using lube in lieu of foreplay is not cool, unless of course both parties agree to just skip the appetizers and get right into the main course of ****ing. Whatever floats your tuna boat, different strokes for different folks, and all that.

Anyway, Iím probably doing my really annoying habit of over-explaining what I meant and just making it worse and digging the hole deeper and deeper, so Iíll stop now before I reach China.

Let me just say Iím happy to read that loviní and lubiní for the Parkers is mostly in the fun category.
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post #51 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Originally Posted by TX-SC View Post
There is no shame in using lube.

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Thank you for this!!

I used to humblebrag that i never needed to use lube. Ever. Never bought nary a tube.

Welp just found out last weekend that i need it. I'm 48 and pretty sure im either peri or menopausal.

I'll be honest with you. My womanhood has taken a huge hit over this.😣😣😣

So im just going to try real hard to embrace what you said.
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post #52 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 01:36 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

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Originally Posted by lucy999 View Post
Thank you for this!!

I used to humblebrag that i never needed to use lube. Ever. Never bought nary a tube.

Welp just found out last weekend that i need it. I'm 48 and pretty sure im either peri or menopausal.

I'll be honest with you. My womanhood has taken a huge hit over this.😣😣😣

So im just going to try real hard to embrace what you said.
I can't see why you would worry over this too much. Sex is so much more than just how wet you can get. If you and your husband enjoy oral, use coconut oil and enjoy the added flavor. Use it on you AND on him. Make it nice and slippery and just enjoy yourself!

If oral isn't your thing, then store made lubes work great too. Some have an ingredient that warms your parts and tingles a bit. Heck, try it all and use what works best.

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post #53 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Another vote for coconut oil. My post-menopausal DW needs lots of time to 'heat up', so we always start our LM sessions with a LONG (i.e. one hour or so) massage for her. This means LOTS of coconut oil for her and myself. After the oil has been warmed up, I have her lie on her stomach and I apply it all over her back, butt, legs, and woman parts. I do this as slow and erotically as I can, and then proceed to give her a massage using a Hitachi Magic wand. Usually, she is using another wand on her lady bits.

The feel of coconut oil is wonderful and we will never give it up. I think she buys it from Costco.
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