When lube is NOT optional - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 09:13 AM Thread Starter
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When lube is NOT optional

Here are two quotes from @katiecrna in her thread that I didn't want to derail, but it got me thinking about lube.
Quote:
My personal problem with [lube] for me, using it in our bedroom is because I am a young healthy women who doesn't need it.
Quote:
Oh you want to have sex? Slab some lube on me and go. It's very insensitive, you don't care to take the time and make me horny or into it
I agreed with katie. In her younger days my wife was always naturally super luberific. But now, post menopause, "artificial" lube is required for every and any sexual encounter below her waist, no exceptions.

A few question to those who always need to use lube. Where and when do you apply it? This one bugs me, how to know when she is ready and "horny or into it" if she's just not going to get wet?

I'll put some in her, and the excess on me, just prior. And I will ask, "You ready?" Super smooth She's never said no (really? I've never ever rushed her?). And yes, sometimes it feels to me like "Slab some lube on me and go".

It's not really a problem for us. And it's great to have good lube to allow us to still have good sex but it can also be a bit clinical, unsexy and just one more potential distraction.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:09 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

It's only a distraction if you see it as one... if you have a long and healthy sex life it will eventually become an inevitability.

Learn it before it becomes a frustration.

It is always the start of any foreplay down below, simply makes it much nicer for her and when it's nicer for her, it's nicer for us.
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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:14 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

I see no problem with lube.

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"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:15 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

I think @alexm tried to create a similar post in the past, but it got deleted by moderators as perhaps being a fantasy poll of some sorts. Concerns about lubrication in the meantime are often a very strong topic in books about sexuality and discussed by those in professional research settings such as universities. Yet some take offense to the topic in the form of "sexual disgust."

A prominent PhD in sexual research keeps a bowl in her office with colored items that look like candy. Many individuals come in and start going through it very curious as to what is in the bowl. Upon being informed that the bowl contains samples of sexual lubricant, some immediately yank their hands out of the bowl in disgust, while others seem interested to explore and perhaps take a few of these samples with them upon leaving.

A good question to ask might be the nature of "sexual disgust" that so many people often associate with lube. Is that a learned form of disgust that more often than not prevents arousal? As a society we are bombarded by warnings of "sexual fluids" transmitting STDs. So when individuals come into contact with "3rd party sexual fluids" such as lubrication by a large corporation, there may be a subconscious concern as to, "who created this fluid, and is it indeed safe for me to use." More often than not we learn in the news that large corporations are more concerned for profit and less concerned about product safety. Who knows, perhaps the lube was created using GMO materials that also contains hormones and pesticides...

Quote:
Glycerol (glycerine) is generally obtained from plant and animal sources where it occurs as triglycerides.
...uhhhh, "animal sources?" And this stuff is often used in making antifreeze and explosives? Wait just a minute?

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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:59 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Talk to your wife about it. I'm curious to hear her thoughts, or any women on here that's dealing with vaginal dryness.

As for when to apply it... I guess it doesn't matter and you can switch it up. It would probably be nice during foreplay, if your kissing and touching her, put some on your hand and be smooth about it I guess. (Pun intended). I would Imagine waiting till the last second wouldn't be romantic or desirable.
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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:03 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Look into vagina suppositories. I've heard great things about them.
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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:07 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

You guys here on this site have made me a true believer in coconut oil... pure, virgin, filtered in essence, and unfiltered in fun.

No "animal sources" either...
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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:19 AM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.
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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.
Yes, that's more like it. Thanks for the as part of foreplay advice. It's generally not a frustration or a distraction, it's just an extra step that has to be, and so be it.

We use Sliquid Organics Natural Satin, it's glycerin free and in fact vegan. We recently got an overly gynomous bottle of coconut oil, I need to take some out of the kitchen.

We do talk about it in a practical sense. She says she doesn't need the suppositories, and actually the lube we use can be used for "everyday" or as needed.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:16 PM
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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:35 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.
I understand that... but if it is natural in composition and feel then it is more accepting in natural introduction and application, a mental hurdle removed.

Yep, Katie, I read that site too when we were first first considering it... nothing they said was true for us and besides, they want to market something in competition to it... read their Amazon reviews.

In the end CP, our approach is warm up with it and it becomes a natural part of warming up, don't even think twice and EB2 brings it out as we move to "wherever warms our heart" at the moment at home... and we never travel overnight without it, so acceptance as a natural action is behind us.
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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:43 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Personally, my wife and I have only used lube a couple of times in 12 years, we are in our mid 30's. If it became a necessity I would have no problem with it since she still wants to be intimate with me. I'll do anything for her to make her comfortable and if lube is mart of it, so be it. It's very easy to introduce it in a loving and/or sexy way. Asking her if shes ready isn't one of them in my opinion. Do your normal thing kiss her, tease her, do whatever. After a bit of foreplay just put it on and go. if she doesn't want to yet she should/will tell you.
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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:09 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.
Probably just as awkward as that, is how does one go about using lube without compromising one's hands for a continued romantic touch or without leaving a mess on the sheets or needing a towel to wipe your hands clean.

KY Jelly always seems to get cold and icky after a few moments in your hands because it is water based. Meanwhile coconut oil stays warm and can easily be rubbed all over your skin or your partner's skin as a moisturizer. Seriously, "come here honey and let me clean all this cold and icky KY Jelly off my hand onto your back!" But when done with coconut oil, that can actually be a very pleasurable part of the experience for both partners. No towels needed!

So back to oiling the car. With coconut oil the process of lube can begin as a soft back massage. Also as a male you can apply an ample amount to yourself well beforehand and just allow it to be absorbed into the skin. This way you can go into lovemaking in such a way that your skin is moisturized in such a way that it should compliment your partner's natural lubrication since your skin will not need to absorb anything. An if by chance you miscalculate and lovemaking does not happen, your skin will just be nice and soft. Coconut oil can also kill yeast, viruses, and bacteria. So this will also help your skin be very healthy. Coconut oil is also a common ingredient in homemade deodorants, so it also helps fight against body odors.

Regards,
Badsanta

PS: Generally coconut oil is not recommended for use with latex condoms, so this is why it is so often overlooked in favor of water-based lubes. For those that use condoms, you should do your own research into this topic. Here is also a blog with the negative arguments against coconut oil https://goodcleanlove.com/4-reasons-...onut-oil-lube/

Last edited by badsanta; 03-05-2017 at 01:15 PM.
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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:23 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

I think using lube as a necessity and using it as preference are 2 very different things. In the old days it was seen as something that was a medical necessity for post menopausal women. Now lube is something of a sex toy in its own right, for all parts of the body (many women like it on their clit or for nipple stimulation) and is also pleasurable for both genders. I can't imagine using my hands on him without it.

As for when to use it - right from the start, keep a bottle on either side of the bed so that there is minimal stop/start. I have never found it awkward.

Almond oil is my preference.
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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:40 PM
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Re: When lube is NOT optional

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacem View Post
I think using lube as a necessity and using it as preference are 2 very different things. In the old days it was seen as something that was a medical necessity for post menopausal women.
If my experience is anything to go by, it hasn't entirely gone away. One woman I was (briefly) with last year was very forthright that in her opinion, if you needed to use lube, you should stop having sex. I didn't linger...

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