I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 41Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

My husband is the sex bunny, he wants to have sex all the time. I'm usually tired and stressed so our sex life has come down to about once or twice per month. We have different sex schedules. He wants to have sex in the morning and I want to have sex at night; thus, once or twice a month we make it work. Sometimes we go even further in between having sex. Sometimes is once every three months.
We've been married for 7 years. At the beginning we used to have sex at least once a week but not anymore. At the beginning, I looked forward to receiving oral sex, and I really enjoyed it, even to this day, I still enjoy it. But now every time my husband's face comes close to my vagina, I just cringe. I get soooo mad. If I'm in the mood, it just goes out the window. I start getting so upset, and all I want to do is push him to the side and kick him (literally). In the end, we don't have sex at all, and we both end up frustrated.
So, I have to be drunk for him to give me oral sex, and I enjoy it. But if I'm sober, I get mad at him. I resent him.

In previous relationships I always enjoyed receiving oral sex, even with my husband, I did enjoy oral sex for the first year or so in our relationship, but now, I get mad. And I've told him, I don't trust him with my vagina. He's never bitten or hurt me when he's down there. But somehow, I just don't trust him.

I don't know what to do. As is we don't have sex as much and the few times that we could have, sometimes it gets spoiled by him going down and me getting soooo upset.

Should I force me and fake it for the sake of the relationship? Or just be ok with having sex every few months in between?

It's sexually frustrating, the good news is we both relieve through masturbation.
casa82 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:44 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,574
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by casa82 View Post
My husband is the sex bunny, he wants to have sex all the time. I'm usually tired and stressed so our sex life has come down to about once or twice per month. We have different sex schedules. He wants to have sex in the morning and I want to have sex at night; thus, once or twice a month we make it work. Sometimes we go even further in between having sex. Sometimes is once every three months.
We've been married for 7 years. At the beginning we used to have sex at least once a week but not anymore. At the beginning, I looked forward to receiving oral sex, and I really enjoyed it, even to this day, I still enjoy it. But now every time my husband's face comes close to my vagina, I just cringe. I get soooo mad. If I'm in the mood, it just goes out the window. I start getting so upset, and all I want to do is push him to the side and kick him (literally). In the end, we don't have sex at all, and we both end up frustrated.
So, I have to be drunk for him to give me oral sex, and I enjoy it. But if I'm sober, I get mad at him. I resent him.

In previous relationships I always enjoyed receiving oral sex, even with my husband, I did enjoy oral sex for the first year or so in our relationship, but now, I get mad. And I've told him, I don't trust him with my vagina. He's never bitten or hurt me when he's down there. But somehow, I just don't trust him.

I don't know what to do. As is we don't have sex as much and the few times that we could have, sometimes it gets spoiled by him going down and me getting soooo upset.

Should I force me and fake it for the sake of the relationship? Or just be ok with having sex every few months in between?

It's sexually frustrating, the good news is we both relieve through masturbation.
Do you mean that the two of you go off and masturbate alone?
EleGirl is offline  
post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:45 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,574
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Why are you so upset with your husband? Why don't you trust him?
EleGirl is offline  
post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 02:06 PM
Member
 
john117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,147
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Why are you so upset with your husband? Why don't you trust him?
Some people are naturally mistrusting or non-trusting, esp in other cultures...
john117 is offline  
post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 02:24 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: North Eastern USA
Posts: 11
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

This is a little confusing to me. One reason men enjoy giving oral sex is because they enjoy making their partner feel good. If your husband likes it and you physically like it, why are you so angry with him? Saying you would like to kick him is a little extreme for someone who is trying to pleasure you.

I think you need to do some soul searching and find out exactly why you have these feelings. Talking with your spouse may help so he at least understands what you are going through and won't feel like he is the problem.
Goldfinger is offline  
post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 02:24 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 1,885
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

By your words he is a sex bunny.

By our words and standards he has very low sex drive. LD

A sex bunny would want sex multiple times a day, when young.

Past thirty? 3 to 4 times a week, minimum.

You have serious issues with him. Issues that have nothing to do with sexual intercourse.

Your skin crawls when he touches you.

You need therapy.....he needs to find a new mate.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is offline  
post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:28 PM
urf
Member
 
urf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 118
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Casa82 - I suppose you understand that this relationship is doomed as currently constituted. Deep introspection on your part would go a long way towards helping your next potential partner. Have you had any lesbian moments in the past?
urf is online now  
post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:48 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,574
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by casa82 View Post
My husband is the sex bunny, he wants to have sex all the time. I'm usually tired and stressed so our sex life has come down to about once or twice per month. We have different sex schedules. He wants to have sex in the morning and I want to have sex at night; thus, once or twice a month we make it work. Sometimes we go even further in between having sex. Sometimes is once every three months.
We've been married for 7 years. At the beginning we used to have sex at least once a week but not anymore. At the beginning, I looked forward to receiving oral sex, and I really enjoyed it, even to this day, I still enjoy it. But now every time my husband's face comes close to my vagina, I just cringe. I get soooo mad. If I'm in the mood, it just goes out the window. I start getting so upset, and all I want to do is push him to the side and kick him (literally). In the end, we don't have sex at all, and we both end up frustrated.
So, I have to be drunk for him to give me oral sex, and I enjoy it. But if I'm sober, I get mad at him. I resent him.

In previous relationships I always enjoyed receiving oral sex, even with my husband, I did enjoy oral sex for the first year or so in our relationship, but now, I get mad. And I've told him, I don't trust him with my vagina. He's never bitten or hurt me when he's down there. But somehow, I just don't trust him.

I don't know what to do. As is we don't have sex as much and the few times that we could have, sometimes it gets spoiled by him going down and me getting soooo upset.

Should I force me and fake it for the sake of the relationship? Or just be ok with having sex every few months in between?

It's sexually frustrating, the good news is we both relieve through masturbation.
It looks like you are still logged into TAM. You really need to reply to people, answer questions, etc. in order to keep your thread active. If you don't, people will assume that you just posted and left. So they will stop replying.
EleGirl is offline  
post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 04:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: new england usa
Posts: 229
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

your hatred for your husband is coming thru. are you looking to divorce him soon, because that is the road you seem to be headed on.
Talker67 is online now  
post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:09 PM
Member
 
CuddleBug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,730
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by casa82 View Post
My husband is the sex bunny, he wants to have sex all the time. I'm usually tired and stressed so our sex life has come down to about once or twice per month. We have different sex schedules. He wants to have sex in the morning and I want to have sex at night; thus, once or twice a month we make it work. Sometimes we go even further in between having sex. Sometimes is once every three months.
We've been married for 7 years. At the beginning we used to have sex at least once a week but not anymore. At the beginning, I looked forward to receiving oral sex, and I really enjoyed it, even to this day, I still enjoy it. But now every time my husband's face comes close to my vagina, I just cringe. I get soooo mad. If I'm in the mood, it just goes out the window. I start getting so upset, and all I want to do is push him to the side and kick him (literally). In the end, we don't have sex at all, and we both end up frustrated.
So, I have to be drunk for him to give me oral sex, and I enjoy it. But if I'm sober, I get mad at him. I resent him.

In previous relationships I always enjoyed receiving oral sex, even with my husband, I did enjoy oral sex for the first year or so in our relationship, but now, I get mad. And I've told him, I don't trust him with my vagina. He's never bitten or hurt me when he's down there. But somehow, I just don't trust him.

I don't know what to do. As is we don't have sex as much and the few times that we could have, sometimes it gets spoiled by him going down and me getting soooo upset.

Should I force me and fake it for the sake of the relationship? Or just be ok with having sex every few months in between?

It's sexually frustrating, the good news is we both relieve through masturbation.

Your hubby is what's called HD - high sex drive. He can have sex every day.

You are what's called LD - low sex drive. You can have sex 1x to 2x month.

This is common on TAM and called sexual mismatch.

I am also going through this with my wife of 17+ years. I am HD and she is LD.


Try taking this quiz and show him the results. Both of you take the quiz separately and compare afterwards. This is a start.

Profiles Archive - The 5 Love Languages®


If he can have sex every day and you want sex 1x to 2x month, a serious middle ground has to be reached. There is no ideal number but having sex 2x to 3x every week is a good start. 3x week is average by the way.


Tell him you love oral sex. He should then be on adult sites seeing how to give you great oral sex.


For HD spouses, sex and physicality is what binds us to our other halves more than words will ever do. For me, sex totally unstresses me and I feel like I can take on the world. Studies show that having sex 3x every week actually reduces the chances of heart disease and attack in men by up to 50%. Less than 3x week does nothing. It's just enough to start boosting testosterone levels.


Can you go on adult sites and see the great oral sex techniques? Tell your hubby.


Do you give him great BJ's as well?


After 7 years of marriage, you still being LD, you think he is happy with that? Or do you think he is giving up....?

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
CuddleBug is offline  
post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:16 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 863
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by casa82 View Post
My husband is the sex bunny, he wants to have sex all the time.

...our sex life has come down to about once or twice per month.

We have different sex schedules. He wants to have sex in the morning and I want to have sex at night;

.....once or twice a month we make it work......Sometimes it is once every three months.

We've been married for 7 years. At the beginning we used to have sex at least once a week.....

At the beginning, I looked forward to receiving oral sex, and I really enjoyed it, even to this day, I still enjoy it. But now every time my husband's face comes close to my vagina, I just cringe. I get soooo mad. If I'm in the mood, it just goes out the window. I start getting so upset, and all I want to do is push him to the side and kick him (literally). In the end, we don't have sex at all, and we both end up frustrated.
So, I have to be drunk for him to give me oral sex, and I enjoy it. But if I'm sober, I get mad at him. I resent him.

.....I don't trust him with my vagina. He's never bitten or hurt me when he's down there. But somehow, I just don't trust him. ...
Wow, very serious issues. First I would suggest you get MW Davis book, the Sex Starved Wife. Then I would suggest that you and hubby go to a sex therapist. They are expensive, but cheaper than hiring two divorce attorneys, and that sounds like the alternative. If you are really lucky, your husband may be more committed to your marriage than you are.

Good luck.
Young at Heart is offline  
post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:45 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,088
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

I hope the OP comes back to answer some questions. I feel like we are missing an important part of the story here so its impossible to make any sensible comments / give advice?

Why is sex so infrequent, and why does the OP not "trust" her husband to give her oral. There could be very reasonable explanations for both, but I don't know what they are.
uhtred is offline  
post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:20 PM
Member
 
badsanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Southpole!
Posts: 2,964
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by casa82 View Post
We have different sex schedules.
Perhaps you are angry at him because he is unwilling to go out of his way to try and help make things work.
badsanta is offline  
post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 09:25 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,580
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

Seems that you have some underlying resentments in your marriage which is reflected in your attitude to having sex with him, perhaps you should explore what those might be or even go see a sex therapist.
aine is offline  
post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:07 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 448
Re: I get upset when my husband wants to give me oral sex

If your husband is a sex bunny, I must be the energizer bunny then. We are in our mid sixties and have sex once or twice a week and still engage in sexual fetishes. For most of our 44 years of marriage we shared a girlfriend so we could have more sex. So your husband is far from a sex bunny with the sex schedule you posted about. In fact, most of the old geezers around her have more sex than he does. It is all relative. Wifes think that if their husband wants more sex than they do, they are sex addicts or oversexed.

Sex produces a hormone called Oxytocin that emotionally bonds you to your spouse. If you have little sex, you lose out on that emotional bonding and you end up living like friends with a lot less benefits than you would with a real FWB. Oxytocin is the same hormone that bonds a mother to a child and unless you get a good dose of it every week, you are missing out on what could be a much more intimate marriage. The more sex you have the more you bond and want sex more.

As for oral sex, I think many wifes want it less as their love matures. My wife prefers her vibrator to oral sex. She gets her best orgasms that way. Our girlfriend was the same way. For the first half of our marriage of 44 years, the girls loved oral but then they lost interest in it, even with each other. I got used to it and so can your husband if you try to have sex more often. As I have posted many times, schedule at least one night a week for sex with no excuses accepted. My wife and I somethings go into the bedroom not feeling horny, but when we leave the bedroom my wife has had one or two very intense orgasms. Due to making sure we have frequent sex we are like newly weds. My wife feels sexually desired and is very happy. Yes, sometimes she will let me perform oral sex on her if I ask and sometimes she has sex with me out of love. To me, that is what a loving couple does. I do not like taking out the garbage and yet I still do that twice a week so I think we can all make the same effort to have sex too.

Try the scheduling of a sex night each week. It is something I learned from Psychologist and it really works. Whenever we find that our sex live is lagging, we schedule it and lo and behold, our emotional bonding does increase and we do feel closer to each other. Read the article below as it explains the different stages of love. Try to think about why you do not like oral sex performed on you anymore. Perhaps there is an underlying reason that can be fixed. If not, just explain it to your husband and offer something else instead. My wife loves to kiss. She will kiss all through sex if I let her. That is her thing and even if I am not in the mood to kiss for a half an hour, I still do it because I love her. She makes up for not letting me perform oral sex on her as often as I used to by increasing the times she has oral sex on me. Great sex and marriages come from great communication. Talk to each other and let each other know what is on your minds. Then compromise because no two people can fulfill all of another's needs. Marriage is a compromise. I could not marry a super model so I compromised.

How long does passion last? The four stages of love - TODAY.com

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
Vinnydee is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is Sex The "Bottom Line"? Vega Sex in Marriage 1356 03-08-2017 08:15 AM
The Sex Starved Wife EleGirl The Ladies' Lounge 428 11-17-2016 08:12 AM
Why the "red pill" is bitter tech-novelist Politics and Religion 591 09-23-2016 01:58 PM
Great marriage, poor sex life. Swatson81 Sex in Marriage 82 09-13-2016 03:23 PM
What to do? Ray83 Sex in Marriage 32 12-31-2015 09:44 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome