Don't want it. Ever. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 05:38 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacquaenos View Post
I had a low sex drive before getting married, but not nonexistent. It's not him, just sex in general seems too much work for a small chance of enjoyment. It doesn't hurt, but so rarely feels good enough to keep trying. Same issue with previous relationships, but they never turned into marriage.

Do you have difficulty reaching orgasm?
Do you masturbate, ever? Have you ever regularly masturbated? How do you feel about masturbation?
When you try to get yourself in the mood, what goes through your mind?
You say it just goes away...what do you think is happening? Do you feel negatively at that moment, toward sex or toward your H?
Do you feel like he pressures you?
Do you think your husband knows his way around your body? Is he paying attention to your feedback? Are you giving him feedback?

I don't think there is something wrong with you, necessarily. It could be a LOT of things none of which are indicative of something "wrong" with either one of you.

What do you know about responsive desire in women?

How well you orgasm also plays a key role in your enjoyment of and desire for sex. If you're not getting there, the journey seems like a waste of time.... so getting there is kind of important. Have you heard of this web site?

Www.omgyes.com

You should check it out, alone first. Once you've determined if the information is useful, share it with your husband.

The trouble is not that women don't understand men...men are fairly simple. The trouble is that women don't understand themselves!!!

Learn thyself woman.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #17 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:19 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Have you ever had an orgasm?
Do you ever masterbate?
Do you have any kids?
Do you work?
How is your health? Are you over weight? Thyroid problems? Regular periods? Any medication?

What have you tried to fix the problem so far?
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post #18 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:22 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

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Originally Posted by Jacquaenos View Post
What on earth can I do?
Explain to your husband that sexual pleasure often comes from "validation" and not necessarily an orgasm. Here is a list of common ones:

  • Wanting to please others
  • Wanting to be pleased by others
  • Enjoying one's desire for a partner
  • Knowing your partner desires you
  • Wanting to be in control
  • Wanting to let go of one's control
  • Wanting to be controlled

Odds are you simply want to make your husband happy, and you probably have a very strong desire to do just that for him. He just needs to see that your desire and satisfaction works differently than his. You should ask him to help you with that so that "you can feel sexually satisfied" knowing that you make him happy. Odds are your body may even respond very well to that if you two work on it in just that manner.

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post #19 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:24 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

My suggestion is to try to fix this. If you do not, you will not be married very long.

I have to say that your attitude sounds problematic as well. My dog likes fetch. I hate the game. It makes my arm hurt and my hand gets covered with dog slobber. But you know what? I play fetch with the dog a lot. Why? Because I love him.
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post #20 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:29 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tatsuhiko View Post
My suggestion is to try to fix this. If you do not, you will not be married very long.

I have to say that your attitude sounds problematic as well. My dog likes fetch. I hate the game. It makes my arm hurt and my hand gets covered with dog slobber. But you know what? I play fetch with the dog a lot. Why? Because I love him.
Here- easier on the arm & you can push the holder over ball so ya don't get slobbered!

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Canine-Ha...ncher/25176069

Good analogy for the OM!!
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post #21 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:31 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Definitely try to fix it. Go see a doctor to make sure it is not a physical issue. Then maybe go see a sex therapist by yourself and then maybe later with your husband.

Can I ask you OP...were you ever sexually abused growing up?
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post #22 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:33 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
Do you orgasm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Do you have difficulty reaching orgasm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Have you ever had an orgasm?
Seriously? Do you women understand how to listen to another woman like a man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacquaenos View Post
I had a low sex drive before getting married, but not nonexistent. It's not him, just sex in general seems too much work for a small chance of enjoyment. It doesn't hurt, but so rarely feels good enough to keep trying. Same issue with previous relationships, but they never turned into marriage.
Apparently she is capable of enjoying sex, but just does not find it that enjoyable compared to her partner's level of enjoyment.

OK, wait a minute here... perhaps you ladies actually are onto something...

@Jacquaenos do you think you have ever had an orgasm with a partner? Are you comfortable masturbating for you partner so that he can experience your sexual response while he is inside you?

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post #23 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:44 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Seriously? Do you women understand how to listen to another woman like a man?







Apparently she is capable of enjoying sex, but just does not find it that enjoyable compared to her partner's level of enjoyment.



OK, wait a minute here... perhaps you ladies actually are onto something...


@Jacquaenos do you think you have ever had an orgasm with a partner? Are you comfortable masturbating for you partner so that he can experience your sexual response while he is inside you?



Badsanta


Maybe her level of enjoyment isn't reaching her partners because she doesn't orgasm. If I didn't, I wouldn't desire sex either... not worth it.
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post #24 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:46 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

the most important question is... what have you done so far to try to fix the problem.
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post #25 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacquaenos View Post
What on earth can I do?

Let him go. Find someone you actually love and free him to do the same.
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post #26 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:52 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Seriously? Do you women understand how to listen to another woman like a man?



Apparently she is capable of enjoying sex, but just does not find it that enjoyable compared to her partner's level of enjoyment.

OK, wait a minute here... perhaps you ladies actually are onto something...

@Jacquaenos do you think you have ever had an orgasm with a partner? Are you comfortable masturbating for you partner so that he can experience your sexual response while he is inside you?

Badsanta


Did you just mansplain to disagree and then back track essentially agree?


Don't want it. Ever.-img_1136.jpg

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #27 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Maybe her level of enjoyment isn't reaching her partners because she doesn't orgasm. If I didn't, I wouldn't desire sex either... not worth it.
Agreed! But she first has to enjoy herself!

Some partners may compel an orgasm which makes orgasms undesirable. She needs to enjoy herself and orgasm because it just happens, and not the other way around. You are likely saying that, but to the OP it may not be obvious.

Last edited by badsanta; 03-06-2017 at 08:15 PM.
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post #28 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:13 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Did you just mansplain to disagree and then back track essentially agree?
Absolutely not!

I wanted to take sides with the OP to make her feel as though I was empathizing and hearing her frustration, as she has likely been asked 1000 times or more about her orgasm abilities or lack thereof. You ladies just do NOT know how to listen. You all get fairly vicious towards trying to "fix" the problem, and the OP is a woman than simply needs to be understood.

I mean @katiecrna did a thread on that exact topic!

Men watch and learn

Seriously @Jacquaenos explain to these ladies that if you found a man that learned how to love and except you for the fact that you simply don't enjoy sex, that you might finally enjoy just pleasing your partner without him putting so much pressure on you to insist that you try to enjoy yourself. But in that same context I'm also asking if that type of enjoyment is what gets you aroused?

Obviously if your partner is insisting you orgasm and if everyone is asking you if you orgasm, it will probably annoy you to no end, thus the reason you may not be able to enjoy sex.
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post #29 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:26 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Absolutely not!



I wanted to take sides with the OP to make her feel as though I was empathizing and hearing her frustration, as she has likely been asked 1000 times or more about her orgasm abilities or lack thereof. You ladies just do NOT know how to listen. You all get fairly vicious towards trying to "fix" the problem, and the OP is a woman than simply needs to be understood.



I mean @katiecrna did a thread on that exact topic!



Men watch and learn



Seriously @Jacquaenos explain to these ladies that if you found a man that learned how to love and except you for the fact that you simply don't enjoy sex, that you might finally enjoy just pleasing your partner without him putting so much pressure on you to insist that you try to enjoy yourself. But in that same context I'm also asking if that type of enjoyment is what gets you aroused?



Obviously if your partner is insisting you orgasm and if everyone is asking you if you orgasm, it will probably annoy you to no end, thus the reason you may not be able to enjoy sex.


Typical man thinks he knows it all but is clueless. (How do you like it)

First of all... she never indicated that he pressures her. In fact, he doesn't. He simple says he wants her to want to. He isn't forcing her, he doesn't think she should have duty sex. He actually seems like he genuinely cares about her.

Us ladies do know how to listen. We just need to get the facts straight so we can jump in. She wasn't looking for sympathy, she was asking what can she do. Therefore we need to find more information to help her out.

I think this is an issue with her, not with her husband and their relationship, which she clearly stated that she has always been like this. So it boils down to... health issues or pleasure issues.
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post #30 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:33 PM
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Re: Don't want it. Ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacquaenos View Post
32 year old female, married 4 years. I just don't like sex much. I don't want it, and my husband thinks it's a sign I don't love him. I've explained that I don't want to, when I try to fake interest he can tell. I think he just wants me to want it, and I can't. I try to get in the mood, but it goes away before we get anywhere. It's making him very bitter and he makes snide comments about how he shouldn't even try because I never want it. I'm not doing this on purpose, I'm willing to have sex just to let him enjoy it, but he doesn't want that. What on earth can I do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Typical man thinks he knows it all but is clueless. (How do you like it)
This typical man you are talking to used to make extremely snide and bitter remarks to his own wife because she would try to get in the mood, but it would just go away! I wanted her to want it and absolutely nothing else. It got really ugly, and to the point where my wife told me she did not really want it anymore.

Can I empathize with the OP?
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