However we always had this mismatch and it's not so much the sex I'm talking about. I don't think I ever felt the same passion from her. I wondered if people experience markedly different sex drives and different passion levels with different partners (after settling down with them).
Though I guess it's a bit of a pointless question. We have to work with what we got. And I want too much. I want HER to feel in ecstasy ALL the time. With ME.
Because that's how I feel about her.
I think the answer is a resounding 'yes', though not in all cases, of course.
Most of us here are in our 40's and beyond, I think. Most of us here are, or have been, married. And most of us here have dating and LTR experience prior to marriage.
One thing that I think most of us can agree upon is that our choice in marital partner tends to be somebody who meets
all, or most, of our needs - but not necessarily exceeds
in all (or even any) of them. Some may call this settling, and you wouldn't necessarily be wrong, however the odds of finding a partner who exceeds in all of one's needs is exceedingly slim. If there are one or two areas in which one's needs are not met by them (which is not uncommon), one decides whether those needs are important enough or not.
Long story short, not many couples exceed each other's needs in all areas. And what you look for in a marital partner is not the same as what you look for in other relationships, especially when you're younger.
A good example of this is that my wife is LD/ND/responsive desire, and has been as long as she remembers. She's generally always chosen her partners based on her needs - which aren't sexual in nature, nor do physical attributes play much of a part in her choices. Her ex before me was ugly, as was at least one other guy she dated briefly who I happened to know. Helluva nice guy, though. My wife is, truly, a beautiful woman, so to see her with either of those guys would make most people go "huh?". Honestly.
However, there was this guy she knew when she was in her late teens who was, quote/unquote, "hot". (for those of you who know, we knew each other back then, same social circles). He was a player, through and through, and a male dancer on weekends (yup! lol). A total stereotype. Tall, well built, crazy abs, long hair, extremely charismatic. Literally looked like he stepped off the cover of a romance novel. My wife was gaga over him, and to this day, she can't explain why. She knew he was a ****, that there was no relationship to be had with him, but she wanted him, bad, and pretty much chased him for the better part of a year (with no luck). Never chased any other guy, including me, like this.
So this dude, for the one and only time in her life, checked 'those' boxes for her. None of the other ones, though. She's still genuinely mystified by it and has no real explanation.
It is what it is, but I do often wonder that if I looked like this guy, yet had all the other qualities she likes about me (and thus chose me as a marital partner for), would our married life be different? The likelihood is that it wasn't necessarily this guys looks that attracted her, but the overall bad-boy image and relative unattainability of him. There are people out there we just want to bang, and there are people that we want to marry. It's generally rare that that person is one and the same - that's just the way it is. It certainly doesn't mean that we can't, or don't, have a high sexual attraction to our mates, it's just that once we find somebody we want to spend the rest of our lives with, pure animal lust is usually not the #1 reason we want to do so.