Interesting point of view. Are you sure the arranged marriages prove this and not the fact that society pushed women to be more obedient and just learn to live with the sorry situation that they have been forced into? They did not have an alternative to begin with really.
This is the thing and I don't want to open pandora's boxes but it seems to me somewhat irrational to leave yourself/myself (or anyone) and my wife's attraction levels/intensity towards me out of the equation completely. From your writing, it makes a lot of sense to explain basically almost any type of behaviour and navigate through it with success (as far as it is possible, given the pre-requisites of each other's attractions). But I am not sure it would be good enough, in the big picture, if one of the main underlying causes for ND/LD/SD (slow drive)/NR etc was the fact that she just wasn't as into me as she could be, if she found a more compatible partner. This seems like a vital piece to me that might be missing from your reasoning and I assume many people's reasoning, because it is just a very painful truth that one can not really do that much about. (If it is even true.)
Have you examined how sexual attraction works on a biological level? (Hormones, pheromones etc). It would seem to me that instinctive/animalistic/subconscious elements play a MUCH more important role in partner selection or how one feels about their partner throughout the relationship, rather than their willingness to drop the pride & selfishness etc. Of course changing certain behavioural patterns consciously (being more considerate, intimate, willing etc) can go some way, but not all the way...And it would be biologically unnatural to force it.
Ok this is a longwinded way to say this: say there was another male, like myself, but my wife had a significantly stronger attraction for him (without jumping through all the hoops to get herself there). If I was considerate and really loved her altruistically, I should break up with her & let her be with that partner, because in the long run, there is a MUCH higher probability that she will be more fulfilled. Of course I am not really able to do this, due to selfishness (and due to the fact that I may still be missing something). But it seems (in the words of Spock) the only logical course of action. Or at least something worth considering.
But the other voice in me tells me that the bit that I might be missing, I think, is that sexual attraction (no matter how complex) may be just one of the many components that contribute towards a soup of various ingredients, to give the relationship a higher or lower chance of success (there are so many others, including superficial things like bank account balance/ability to provide). However the woman's sexual attraction part towards her counterpart, I think, is one of the more important ones (I would guess it would make up at least 70%), hence why I focus so much on it. I think without it (or if the attraction is weak), there's really not such a high chance to succeed. I sometimes wonder whether all these terms (ND/LD/RD etc) are in fact there making us avoid the real issue. Because on the other end of the spectrum, the answer to my question seems to be "of course her sex drive will manifest itself differently with somebody else". Would we not be fighting a loosing battle, if that was the case?
Anything in particular that you did? Any books you'd recommend how to make it "deeper & intimate"? I know what you mean; it is really impossible to write these things down in a few paragraphs. That's why I enjoyed your articles: the flow is great & very comprehensible.
I've avoided this thread because I couldn't offer any reasonable advice. I still can't but I have to say that I think the woman's drive is more complex than even I can fathom. I've noticed changes in my sexual persona over the last year that were surprising, and more recently, concerning.
I can say for certain that my sex drive varies from partner to partner. It was at zero with my last. My current partner: I've never obsessed so much about sex with anyone prior; I've never enjoyed the act itself as much; I've never felt so comfortable being super freaky with another. Basically, I don't think it's possible to be any more sexually compatible than we are.
The first thing I started noticing about a year ago: I observed myself enjoying the sex with him in a way I never felt before. There was something nurturing about it and filling. It was no longer just raw lusting. Like he belonged in my vagina or something.
Next I noticed my own moaning. One time I was on top of him for quite some time and realized I wasn't making any sounds. Immediately I thought, I hope he doesn't think I'm not enjoying it. Then I started to wonder if I've been faking moaning all this time? Do women just do it to make men feel good? But it comes so naturally?? Except when I'm on top? I still haven't figured that one out, it screws with my head too much.
Then I realized that after sex, sometimes I still wanted to masturbate till orgasm. This is even after having multiple orgasms from sex and feeling so satisfied that I don't want any more sex. Do I just want to masturbate because we've been long distance for some time and that's what I'm used to? If that was the case wouldn't I have experienced this with others after being single and only masturbating for quite some time? How can I not want to orgasm any more from sex with him but still want to bring my own self to orgasm, especially when they're both clitoral orgasms?
More recently I started noticing that I'm not spontaneously horny in the way I've known myself to be for my entire sexual life. Prior to the last year, I would think about sex at least once every half hour. My panties would be constantly soaked. I couldn't go to sleep without thinking about sex. The only lucid dreams I ever had were sex related. I didn't just recognize I was in a dream, I was able to do crazy sexual stuff because I knew there would be zero repercussions.
Less spontaneous horniness towards my partner yet every now and then I want to masturbate, without my partner. WTH?! I feel like I just don't want sex as much as I used to before. Could it be that I'm just getting too much??
The sex is still just as good. Honestly its better than it has ever been because he's now into oral(giving), anal and satisfies my obsession with bjs better. I'm happier than I've ever been.
So I don't quite understand what's happening to my sexuality. I'm worried that I'm becoming LD. And I'm concerned about what other changes will come next. It's all very strange.