Does sex drive vary from partner to partner? - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #91 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 07:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
It's difficult to understand how your wife's behaviour has little impact on your drive. Mine is almost completely dependent on my partner. Or perhaps it's dependent on my immediate response to his behaviour. Hmm I need to think about this more...

My gut feeling is that this is mostly a female thing because of the link between affection/intimacy and sex that seems inseparable for women. I have a very difficult time having sex when things are not good between us. You'd swear I was being raped. Even if I want it just to feel close, that feeling quickly fizzles into me not feeling loved and used for sex in that moment.
Yes it's strange. There are generally two emotions I have towards my wife most of the time: either I feel aroused by her and I want to **** her or I feel annoyed and want to **** her. In all the scenarios I always want to **** her. If the latter happens and I am annoyed, it's generally because she's trying to pick a fight (usually during PMS) and ****ing the "demons" out of her, actually helps a lot of the time...
Ok this is a very simplified version and if my wife read it, we would have a massive fight, rightly so. (And then I'd probably want to **** her :-) (make up sex is the best!).

I know with women it is not like this at all. Either women's emotions are much more complicated or the drive is much more connected to them. My wife would not have sex with me if she is annoyed about something or feels resentment. As you say, it will feel a bit like rape. but then, she sometimes likes being "raped" by me a little bit so maybe it's ok :-)
(yes, I know, it's different kind of rape. Where she "lets" me rape her. But then it's not really rape so...confusing).
Would you still want to masturbate etc by yourself if you had a fight and couldn't have sex with your partner? I just wonder whether sex drive in HD women has an independent life as well. (it does with men, I think).

All in all, I think she is great because she is trying hard. And from reading these forums, it seems a lot of women often don't even bother trying. Although she says she also wants it and gets offended whenever I bring the subject up and ask her if she came up to me because she wanted to or because it was time. And maybe she does want it now more than before. It is possible I am overly sensitive/still hurting from the times when she would use lack of sex, against me (she did say the other day that she used to do a bit of it). It will probably take time for me to stop constantly second-guessing her actions. I don't seem to remember it as well but I am convinced my **** likes carrying grudges all day long. Otherwise I can't explain this new-found paranoia.

Last edited by inmyprime; 03-14-2017 at 08:04 PM.
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post #92 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 07:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

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"I was always wondering if there actually are women who have that sort of boy-ish* drive that you are describing of yourself."

I don't know that this is so uncommon among women as opposed to there being many women who are not comfortable being open about their sexual desires. At least a handful of my female friends are similar. Hmm I wonder if they're experiencing some of the same changes.

"How long have you actually been living together with your current bf?"

Moved in just a little over 6 months. A month here, a month there over last 5 years.
Ah, see? The magical 6 months...I realise you have been together far longer but it's living/settling down together that is the real test for any relationship. It's completely ok to experience changes. All it means is that you both have to work a bit harder an consciously put in an effort to make things exciting (take time out to spend together, go on dates (I have been told) is a good idea etc.



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She never masturbates? I'm not sure how that works either. Very different...
Yes, I wondered how this can be. But apparently she only masturbated a few times in her life. Once because she was curious and the other time because I told her to...
She says she'd rather wait for me, to let me do it for her..I doubt it's because of laziness....
Do many women still do it even though their sex life is regular? I certainly don't need to if it happens every 2-3 days. Maybe I am not as HD as I thought I was...

Last edited by inmyprime; 03-14-2017 at 08:06 PM.
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post #93 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 02:29 PM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

IMP,
Sincere effort/commitment is a type of true love.

And - provided you can differentiate between 'taking' your wife - and 'forcing' your wife - I would wager those are her best experiences with you.

I live with 3 cats. Two (quadrepreds) by way of 'pet rescue', and a large (bipedal) jungle cat by way of marriage.

The behavioral overlaps are striking. For example - the link below describes a scientific study related to how cats react to the firm squeeze of skin - back of their neck. To summarize the study results: The cat relaxes and becomes compliant. This is not a 'paralyzed by fear' reaction. It's an expression of trust. In the feline world it is best described as: Oh - mommy has decided to move us to a different location.

For those of us with wives that trust and love us, there is an analogous move - produces the same relaxed - go with the flow response. Only difference being that this seems to create voltage across a part of the female circuit board - creates intense sexual passion.


The one myth about cats that's actually true





Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Yes it's strange. There are generally two emotions I have towards my wife most of the time: either I feel aroused by her and I want to **** her or I feel annoyed and want to **** her. In all the scenarios I always want to **** her. If the latter happens and I am annoyed, it's generally because she's trying to pick a fight (usually during PMS) and ****ing the "demons" out of her, actually helps a lot of the time...
Ok this is a very simplified version and if my wife read it, we would have a massive fight, rightly so. (And then I'd probably want to **** her :-) (make up sex is the best!).

I know with women it is not like this at all. Either women's emotions are much more complicated or the drive is much more connected to them. My wife would not have sex with me if she is annoyed about something or feels resentment. As you say, it will feel a bit like rape. but then, she sometimes likes being "raped" by me a little bit so maybe it's ok :-)
(yes, I know, it's different kind of rape. Where she "lets" me rape her. But then it's not really rape so...confusing).
Would you still want to masturbate etc by yourself if you had a fight and couldn't have sex with your partner? I just wonder whether sex drive in HD women has an independent life as well. (it does with men, I think).

All in all, I think she is great because she is trying hard. And from reading these forums, it seems a lot of women often don't even bother trying. Although she says she also wants it and gets offended whenever I bring the subject up and ask her if she came up to me because she wanted to or because it was time. And maybe she does want it now more than before. It is possible I am overly sensitive/still hurting from the times when she would use lack of sex, against me (she did say the other day that she used to do a bit of it). It will probably take time for me to stop constantly second-guessing her actions. I don't seem to remember it as well but I am convinced my **** likes carrying grudges all day long. Otherwise I can't explain this new-found paranoia.
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post #94 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 02:41 PM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

For those of us with wives who don't love us, or don't trust us, or both, just say "no thank you" a few times. Creates intense voltage across the female circuit board - "I'll show him who can't resist whom". Trouble is, if you turn her down too often, she will find some other guy who says "yes ma'am, may I have another". Very difficult to know in advance how many times is too often.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #95 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 05:53 PM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

It is true, you can use someone's desire to be loved - to create the odd spark here and there by rejecting them.

That is totally different than what we're discussing below.


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For those of us with wives who don't love us, or don't trust us, or both, just say "no thank you" a few times. Creates intense voltage across the female circuit board - "I'll show him who can't resist whom". Trouble is, if you turn her down too often, she will find some other guy who says "yes ma'am, may I have another". Very difficult to know in advance how many times is too often.
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post #96 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 10:15 AM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

Yes, I know. Most people have the capacity to feel the "kitten effect" for someone they love and trust. Sorry to hijaak.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #97 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

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Also, she doesn't have any physical flaws...

Also trying to think about too many negatives about your partner can't be a good recipe for successful marriage...

Contact the media then; the first woman since Eve to not have any physical flaws.


Quote:
It's painful to go to bed some nights when there's this emptiness.
Your marriage is already unsuccessful to an extent. You said in your OP that you wish there was a pill to make you find your wife less attractive because she doesn't want you as much. That's not a definition of success.

But go ahead and worship her to your hearts content. Your life. Your emotions.
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post #98 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

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Contact the media then; the first woman since Eve to not have any physical flaws.


She has no physical flaws to me. (She also doesn't really have flaws objectively either but I guess it's impossible for me to be objective.) Yes I probably worship her a bit. Is it wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Your marriage is already unsuccessful to an extent. You said in your OP that you wish there was a pill to make you find your wife less attractive because she doesn't want you as much. That's not a definition of success.

But go ahead and worship her to your hearts content. Your life. Your emotions.
What criteria is used to judge a successful marriage?

It seems to me that it is impossible to have the balance right where each partner desires each other with exactly the same intensity. Maybe it is possible but it seems at least rare.
There are just too many factors at play. Part of it is personality (some people maybe have a hard time expressing passion). Part of it is the fact that some people maybe don't place sexual desire that high on their list of needs (LD-ish, I guess). Part of it is exhaustion.

What I want to know is whether her desire for me is anywhere near the spectrum that mine is on. Or whether she is just trying hard. But I know I am obsessing about it (and her) too much.

Maybe it does not matter but I would be very curious to know the truth one day...
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post #99 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

Yes - it varies. My ex didn't enjoy sex from start to end of 23 years, my wife of 4 years enjoys sex daily and expects it.
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post #100 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: Does sex drive vary from partner to partner?

This pill you seek is progesterone- but can make you sleepy.
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