Hubby's fantasy - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 06:04 PM
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Cool Re: Hubby's fantasy

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Not sure what kind of man would want to share his wife.


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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 06:06 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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After all that marriage vows monogamy faithful stuff you wrote about, there's a 50% chance you'd just go ahead and do it anyway?

It's the ultimate temptation.

In the end, I probably wouldn't do it.

But when single......

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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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It's the ultimate temptation.

In the end, I probably wouldn't do it.

But when single......
If single, then you can't fulfill a fantasy about sharing your wife, because you won't have a wife.
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 06:35 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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If single, then you can't fulfill a fantasy about sharing your wife, because you won't have a wife.

and there lies the conundrum.....


To summarize, when married, you are faithful to each other and not sleep with other people because you lust for it. Adultery my friend. Many have forgotten....

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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 07:17 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

To further summarize.

Another reason not to get married, then you can have both of them without committing adultery!
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:02 AM
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Hubby's fantasy

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Originally Posted by emuna View Post
My husband admitted a fantasy last night that he wouldn't mind trying swinging and watching me have sex with another guy. I am of course against this idea and I feel bad I an unwilling to fulfill this fantasy of his. I'm a strong believer in monogamy. I don't know if it means he just does not love me like I thought ? Or he's just less conservative. I don't know what to feel about all of this


Normally I'd say give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Be the wife that listens ,communicates and work through any conversation that is uncomfortable or even offensive. Even in his fantasy.

However, I saw your post about your H "friend"

I pray you get through divorce proceedings with grace. Find someone who loves you for you. Cherishes you and your children. This man does not love you or honor you. That's his loss he's the idiot.

Good luck to you




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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:16 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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To further summarize.

Another reason not to get married, then you can have both of them without committing adultery!

You got it.

Marriage is for those people who have matured and want to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 02:54 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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You got it.

Marriage is for those people who have matured and want to spend the rest of their lives with each other.
Marriage is for foolish individuals who haven't figured out it's a failed concept with nothing to gain and everything to lose, who haven't grasped the concept that you get all the same benefits by being in an exclusive, committed relationship sometimes even going far enough to sign a domestic partnership agreement such as I did.
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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Marriage is for foolish individuals who haven't figured out it's a failed concept with nothing to gain and everything to lose, who haven't grasped the concept that you get all the same benefits by being in an exclusive, committed relationship sometimes even going far enough to sign a domestic partnership agreement such as I did.

Exactly.

Marriage isn't like buying a sandwich. Marriage is tough and very tough at times and not for everyone.

That's why being single, not getting married, is the better option, until those people mature and want to spend the rest of their lives faithful together instead of sleeping around and trying to justify it away.

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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 03:09 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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Marriage isn't like buying a sandwich. Marriage is tough and very tough at times and not for everyone.
According to current statistics, marriage isn't for about half of all individuals who exchange vows for the first time and it isn't for 2/3's of individuals who are exchanging them for 2 or more times.

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That's why being single, not getting married, is the better option, until those people mature and want to spend the rest of their lives faithful together instead of sleeping around and trying to justify it away.
You seem to be forgetting about a third option. For those who want to spend the rest of their lives together and remain faithful- they do this in an exclusive committed relationship, until they no longer want to be together anymore.

You are attempting to establish a connection between "marriage" and "maturity" that is simply not there.

So-called "mature" people are still subject to the same, shall we call them "personality flaws" that so-called "immature" people are, including but not limited to anger management issues, gambling and drug addiction, financial irresponsibility, and sexual infidelity. Yes, even grown up people can cheat.
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post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 11:04 PM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

So to hear about your divorce. That can be a difficult time in life. I wish you and your family the best!

Nefarious 'set-up' aside, quite a lot of research has gone into this topic of cuckolding. One theory offered in Sex at Dawn is that humans evolved from small collectives which included group mating. Humans practiced 'last male precedence" in which the alpha male went last to inseminate the female. Doing so increased his chances of successfully fertilizing the egg. The waiting (and watching) increases arousal and the likelihood of of a more robust ejaculation.

Todd Shackelford tested parts of this theory and found that human sperm contains seeker sperm designed to seek and destroy a rivals sperm. He also demonstrated that the glans (the penis head) evolved to displace a rival's sperm and that the purpose of the refractory period is to prevent an individual from displacing one's own semen. Finally, he demonstrated that the length a make spends away from his mate, the more high his sperm count will be ostensibly to overwhelm a rivals sperm.

Dan Savage (Savage Love) calls this human sperm competition.
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post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 07:01 AM
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Re: Hubby's fantasy

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emuna - I'm offering my opinion a little late here, but I also doubt your husband's motives.

When both partners in a relationship are in a good place trust-wise, they are able to be truly honest with their partners. They can be honest (without worrying about shame or judgement) about both their own fantasies and their responses to their partner's fantasies. Depending on how that conversation goes, it becomes clear whether any further action/decision could be taken.

But, from what you have said previously, your marriage is not in a place like this at all. You have clear (justifiable) trust issues that you have been trying to resolve for several months now. In your current marriage climate, I'd interpret your husband's sharing of his fantasy as not just insensitive, but offensively disrespectful.

FWIW, I also think that he is trying to find a way to have his cake and ... actually have another cake as well. Have you confronted him yet with what you know about the actual substance of his conversations with the OW?
Yeah, this.

If I had fantasies involving my wife and/or I, I'd be able to tell them to her because we have a mutual trust. In OP's case, her husband does not have her trust. Worse, he knows this (or is too dumb to realize it). Therefore bringing it up now is only self-serving. Even if OP was into this, the timing isn't right.

He's brought it up now for one of two reasons. Either what others have said above (it's, in his mind, a way of equalling out his lust for another woman and/or a bridge to "allow" him to sleep with somebody else) or the marriage is on the rocks so why the hell not?

About 2 or so years before my XW left me for another man, she told me I was 'allowed' to get BJ's from other women, if I so chose. At that point in our relationship, she was not able to give me oral sex because she had TMJ/lockjaw (she really did). This was her justification for 'allowing' me to get this elsewhere - she said. I obviously declined, but simply did not see through her real motives.

At the time, I genuinely thought she was just being nice, and they were just words, and obviously I would decline (had no interest in that, anyway). In retrospect, it's clearly obvious it was her trying to balance something out. Whether she just lusted after somebody else, or she had been physical with someone, who knows. I should have known better, though.

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