Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.
to me this is selfish to not even be willing to try.
besides, you have no idea you are missing out on one of the best sex acts that you can enjoy as much as the woman.
thanks annagarret and all others, i am not actually not dying for it but just curious to have it done one time just to have that exp. I will try this step by step also just want to get opinion about hygeine because i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.
NOT COMFY, ya gotta be kidding me.Every women I.ve been (3) LOL ,I have licked clean . The lovemaking isn't completewithout suckingall the parts. This should just be a natural thing man. BTW, have you tasted uyourself ? If you are repulsed try a little in a dish with a potatoe chip. Experiment man. C'mon man !
Catherine, I notice that you haven't answered this question. Any suggestions?
Sawney, you completely missed the point of the many post that I have made on this subject. You default to - the woman is depriving the man. That assumes that she is withholding something unfairly and it is her fault that he is frustrated and angry.
I don't think there is any other human exchange where the breakdown is blamed on one person except in the sexual relationship between men and women.
The default attitude seems to be that women come into marriage with a predetermined debt because she cuts off the man's access to hot 20 yo chicks. In some societies, the man is compensated with a dowery.
In enlightened societies the female indebtedness has ostensibly, gone the way of child labor and debtors prisons. Sadly, I think it is still ingrained in the psyche and leaks out in the guise of the imposition of sexual expectations on women. Many men will not date or marry women who chose not perform certain sex acts.
Add to that the assumption that women accrue debt by accepting the monetary support of her husband for maintaining a household, which includes his children and their caretaker, his wife; his "helping" with household chores in a domicile that he enjoys along with his kids and their caretaker, his wife; etc etc.
My answer - have a relationship with the person you selected for a mate. Assume that you both made, and are making equal sacrifices and contributions.
If you start off with those assumptions and attitudes, how can you go wrong? There is no place for anger, ultimatums and threats around sex acts.
Lets say the more enthusiastic partner did not approach his/her reluctant partner with feelings of entitlement for acts but felt the desire to share his/her enthusiasm and passion.
It would make sense to create a safe accepting environment so the reluctant partner will come out and play. In addition, make sure that when they do come out to play that they get equal chance to enjoy the pleasure of the game.
It would also make sense for couples to have premarital comprehensive sex education. We don't know swat about male or female sexuality and that is the elephant in the room.
Sawney, you completely missed the point of the many post that I have made on this subject. You default to - the woman is depriving the man. That assumes that she is withholding something unfairly and it is her fault that he is frustrated and angry.
I don't think there is any other human exchange where the breakdown is blamed on one person except in the sexual relationship between men and women.
The default attitude seems to be that women come into marriage with a predetermined debt because she cuts off the man's access to hot 20 yo chicks. In some societies, the man is compensated with a dowery.
In enlightened societies the female indebtedness has ostensibly, gone the way of child labor and debtors prisons. Sadly, I think it is still ingrained in the psyche and leaks out in the guise of the imposition of sexual expectations on women. Many men will not date or marry women who chose not perform certain sex acts.
Add to that the assumption that women accrue debt by accepting the monetary support of her husband for maintaining a household, which includes his children and their caretaker, his wife; his "helping" with household chores in a domicile that he enjoys along with his kids and their caretaker, his wife; etc etc.
My answer - have a relationship with the person you selected for a mate. Assume that you both made, and are making equal sacrifices and contributions.
If you start off with those assumptions and attitudes, how can you go wrong? There is no place for anger, ultimatums and threats around sex acts.
Lets say the more enthusiastic partner did not approach his/her reluctant partner with feelings of entitlement for acts but felt the desire to share his/her enthusiasm and passion.
It would make sense to create a safe accepting environment so the reluctant partner will come out and play. In addition, make sure that when they do come out to play that they get equal chance to enjoy the pleasure of the game.
It would also make sense for couples to have premarital comprehensive sex education. We don't know swat about male or female sexuality and that is the elephant in the room.
You didn't actually answer my question with this diatribe. Nor do I EVER default to the position of the woman depriving the man.
My question was a very specific one regarding a very specific comment of yours.
You said "I followed. I was a good sheep".
What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
You didn't actually answer my question with this diatribe. Nor do I EVER default to the position of the woman depriving the man.
My question was a very specific one regarding a very specific comment of yours.
You said "I followed. I was a good sheep".
What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?
Are you sure I didn't answer, do you mean that after all of those words you can't find an answer among them? It was such a strait forward question too.
Well, give me some multiple choice questions and I will try to focus. As you can see, I can go off on tangents that veer badly off topic.
__________________________________________________ ___
"If I've left anything out, just ask me specific questions - and - and I'll be glad to answer them one by one." Captain Queeg, Film - The Cain Mutiny, 1954.
Is Queeg a real last name or did Wonk make it up to fit the character?
You consider this response forceful, bitter, and a verbal attack?? How so? Does it bother you that I said what I said or just the tone of the post?
Maybe you feel it is a diatribe because I did not give you a concrete answer like "you do this and she will do that; then you do this and she will ...."
I dont think people work like that. I shared my experiences about being very inhibited and how my husband helped me.
What I thought would come across was that it was that his attitude that tuned the tide. He made me feel safe, that is all I can tell you.
I expected to be judged for the person I was and to be pigeon-holed into a category with the added burden of trying to prove my worth (prude, selfish). I expected him to grow weary of me but he didn't. He did not give up on me, he was the first person in my life who did not give up.
He cared enough to endure my fumbling efforts with little show of frustration. He was the right man for the job.
You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.
You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.
Awesome, Catherine!
Our own 'hands' - our thoughts and the implementation of those through our actions - are the only tools we ultimately have.
“A good leader inspires people to have confidence in the leader, a great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves." ~ anon.
It sounds like you have a GREAT husband, Catherine.
You consider this response forceful, bitter, and a verbal attack?? How so? Does it bother you that I said what I said or just the tone of the post?
Maybe you feel it is a diatribe because I did not give you a concrete answer like "you do this and she will do that; then you do this and she will ...."
I dont think people work like that. I shared my experiences about being very inhibited and how my husband helped me.
What I thought would come across was that it was that his attitude that tuned the tide. He made me feel safe, that is all I can tell you.
I expected to be judged for the person I was and to be pigeon-holed into a category with the added burden of trying to prove my worth (prude, selfish). I expected him to grow weary of me but he didn't. He did not give up on me, he was the first person in my life who did not give up.
He cared enough to endure my fumbling efforts with little show of frustration. He was the right man for the job.
You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.
I think he gets what you said but he is saying he tried his best at leading and so forth so whats the next step.
instead if just saying the same thing over and over you could have said I don't know.
You consider this response forceful, bitter, and a verbal attack?? How so? Does it bother you that I said what I said or just the tone of the post?
Maybe you feel it is a diatribe because I did not give you a concrete answer like "you do this and she will do that; then you do this and she will ...."
No, I just didn't see what the bit about dowries and material acquisition / mutual debt bought to the table. I asked a simple question and got an essay on the history of marriage in the west.
Quote:
I dont think people work like that. I shared my experiences about being very inhibited and how my husband helped me.
What I thought would come across was that it was that his attitude that tuned the tide. He made me feel safe, that is all I can tell you.
I expected to be judged for the person I was and to be pigeon-holed into a category with the added burden of trying to prove my worth (prude, selfish). I expected him to grow weary of me but he didn't. He did not give up on me, he was the first person in my life who did not give up.
He cared enough to endure my fumbling efforts with little show of frustration. He was the right man for the job.
Good for him. But you cared enough to want to be lead. You DIDN'T say "This is how I am, accept it or get lost".
Quote:
You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.
And if the sheep isn't a person willing to be led, but a passive-aggressive sh*t-fit specialist? Someone who sits squarely on the victim side of the drama triangle and refuses to move? Who will NOT give up the power?
God, I'm glad I don't have to put up with this kind of old cobblers in my marriage. The drama, the effort, the entrenched positions. We manage to do what the other wants and get what we want ourselves without it becoming a full-scale psychological case study.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn
I think he gets what you said but he is saying he tried his best at leading and so forth so whats the next step.
Like I said, luckily, I don't have to. I cannot comprehend how people who have to go through this level of rigmarole to achieve any sort of sex live maintain their sanity, never mind any sort of motivation.
Quote:
instead if just saying the same thing over and over you could have said I don't know.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
No, I just didn't see what the bit about dowries and material acquisition / mutual debt bought to the table. I asked a simple question and got an essay on the history of marriage in the west.
Having a bad day?
You weren't asking a question you were picking a fight. Next time you want to post a diatribe, do so.
You weren't asking a question you were picking a fight.
No, I was asking a question. You had volunteered some very useful, specific information from your own experience. I wondered if you had any suggestions as to how someone of either sex could take that information in a general sense (i.e. lead someone who wants to be led) to a situation where one partner does NOT want to be led.
Believe me, if I pick fight, there's no equivocation about whether or not I have.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
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Re: My wife does all i want except oral 
Re: My wife does all i want except oral 
