you have to be honest with your wife... you are not being kind to her by letting her believe things are ok
I agree. Tolerance can send a signal of acceptance and/or complacency if you're not careful. Neither are signals you wish to emit.
Let her know that you're hurt by her actions (i.e. that she prioritizes things other things over you), and that you are disappointed with the lack of physical intimacy in the marriage. Set expectations for positive change. See how much progress you can make from a series of honest conversations. Be persistent, and revisit this topic with her until it registers how big of a problem this really is.
After communicating effectively, your wife will either change for you (things get better), or she'll be rife with excuses, or selfish dismissals and apathy (things stay bad, and get worse). In the latter situation, you should evaluate how important the sex is to you. Is it more important than a future with your wife, a unified family? Reflect.
If you find these things are more important than more sex, and as assumed, your wife either de-prioritizes you and doesn't care about your needs, you must somehow cope with less sex than you need. I don't advocate the typical: porn, infidelity, or open relationships; for many, these are destructive. Instead, spend more time doing things you love (family, friends, hobbies). If you can't change your wife and feel compelled to keep the family together, get your mind off sex. Only way to get by...
Hope this helped. Good luck!