Can we lead married life without sex? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 10:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
If he gets angry when you touch him, then there is a serious problem causing him anxiety that your husband is unable to cope with on his own.

Unfortunately this seems like a sign that he suffered from some form of abuse or sexual trauma. It could be as simple as him being severely punished for masturbating as a child, or a previous partner may have humiliated him, or he is in a crisis regarding his sexual identity.

Based on the fact that no one in your family believes you and almost almost everyone is encouraging/blaming you to just have an affair... this seems very suspicious. It is as if his family may be very aware that perhaps he is gay but has forced him into a traditional marriage to avoid shame onto their family. They purposely want you to be the one that does something to fail so that if you do end the marriage that they can blame you and save their family's reputation of having an honorable son.

This may not be what is happening, but it seems like a probability based on what you have shared. If this is the case you need to somehow get evidence that this is what is going on before you act on it. Ask some of your trusted friends (if you have any) what they think about this scenario before allowing yourself to be too paranoid.

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Ya even I asked him about any abuse when he was child then he said no and he is very confident person, he knows how to change situation towards his side so I don't feel he is in depression and he and his first are aware of his health issue surely that's why they will be planning always.

Now I don't know he is gay or he is impotent. I tried to get it from him if he is impotent then I can adjust with him and if he was gay then he won't be happy with me so we can go for divorce but he didn't said me clearly. I said him and I understand he is in some problem and if he shares with me then I can take decision good for us and I said I will not reveal to anyone but he didn't said me anything.

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post #62 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 11:19 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Ya even I asked him about any abuse when he was child then he said no and he is very confident person, he knows how to change situation towards his side so I don't feel he is in depression and he and his first are aware of his health issue surely that's why they will be planning always.

Now I don't know he is gay or he is impotent. I tried to get it from him if he is impotent then I can adjust with him and if he was gay then he won't be happy with me so we can go for divorce but he didn't said me clearly. I said him and I understand he is in some problem and if he shares with me then I can take decision good for us and I said I will not reveal to anyone but he didn't said me anything.

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If you confronted your husband to ask if he is gay and he failed to even reply to that and/or defend himself, then I would take that as an admission of guilt until he he actually says otherwise.

If he is heterosexual and just refuses to communicate, that is just as problematic if not worse than if he is struggling with his sexual identity. So the problem is just as bad either way you want to look at it.

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post #63 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 11:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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If you confronted your husband to ask if he is gay and he failed to even reply to that and/or defend himself, then I would take that as an admission of guilt until he he actually says otherwise.

If he is heterosexual and just refuses to communicate, that is just as problematic if not worse than if he is struggling with his sexual identity. So the problem is just as bad either way you want to look at it.

Regards,
Badsanta
I asked him about abuse in his childhood dint asked weather he is gay or impotent.. I said he can share his problem with me and I will not tell to anyone else and I will wait for him if he can be treated and if he is not happy with me means if he is gay then we can give some other reason in society and get separated but he didn't said me anything.

But he was ready for divorce for silly things also he was ready to give divorce.

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post #64 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Are you in an arranged marriage?
Arranged by whom?
What culture are you from? Are you both in same culture?
Ya, arranged marriage. Arranged by both side parents. ya,we both are from same culture.

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post #65 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 11:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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So I am gathering that you are currently separated?
How old are you and your husband?
Has he been married before?

It's a shame that everyone knows what is going on in your marital bed.
This could have been a lot more workable if privacy and respect had been practiced.
Now, everyone knows your business and they are busy gossiping.
Your husband is beyond embarrassed.
You are getting the blame for everything.

I understand that you are concerned about your families reputation, but it's time to get over it. If this is how it gets ruined in your culture, the damage is already done. There is no point in trying to get back together with a man that would treat you this way, and that can't consummate your marriage.

Move back home, and let daddy pick out spouse number two for you.
Yes, I really tried lot not to disclose all this to anyone else and that's why I kept quite for 11 months but it was my h and his family's behavior which was making me feel irritating.

I seriously can't think of divorce and second marriage. And I am aware that all thinks that I am not good so I knew if anything happens with my marriage then I am only blamed but it was one moment of anger when I was getting confirmed that my h and his family already knew about his health and mostly he can't get treated at that point again my h and his mom purposely planned to irriate me then I got angry and came to my dad's house and told everything to them.

So it dint happened intentionally.

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post #66 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:08 PM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Yes, you can stay married despite having no sex life. The real question is why would you want to?

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #67 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Try the "blue pills". My husband has ED due to having his prostrate removed because of cancer. The surgeon has had him taking 25 mg of viagra every day since he was discharged from the hospital (10 months ago). Once or twice a week he takes a full 100 mg, all to no avail. He is now scheduled to start penile injections to see if they will work. The bad news is that we learned that you have to use it or lose it - the muscle will actually atrophy and we are desperately hoping to avoid that. The doctors said that his nerves were jostled and will heal in time (probably 2 years to recover).
Thanks for being positive.

But I feel doctor gave my h some tablets and he didn't took it with interest and those tablets dint helped.

My h never said that he can recover.it was me and my family who were saying he may recover.

So I feel he knows everything about himself.

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post #68 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Yes, you can stay married despite having no sex life. The real question is why would you want to?
I just feel no one is perfect and if I go for second marriage then I have to adjust in some other issues there also and even I am not perfect my h has to adjust with me in many issues and even if i go for second marriage then my second h also has to adjust with me in some issues.

Means we can't satisfy someone else and no one can satisfy me.its more we expect and more we get hurt so better is to be happy with what is their with me I feel.

And here we have respect for marriage and husband means we rarely choose second marriage if not the good image of ladies will be of that lady who can stay with her husband with all the loyalty .so don't know somewhere this is not allowing me to leave my h and we have spent time with each other so I value those moments and I miss him but he won't considers all this.

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post #69 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 09:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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I just feel no one is perfect and if I go for second marriage then I have to adjust in some other issues there also and even I am not perfect my h has to adjust with me in many issues and even if i go for second marriage then my second h also has to adjust with me in some issues.

Means we can't satisfy someone else and no one can satisfy me.its more we expect and more we get hurt so better is to be happy with what is their with me I feel.

And here we have respect for marriage and husband means we rarely choose second marriage if not the good image of ladies will be of that lady who can stay with her husband with all the loyalty .so don't know somewhere this is not allowing me to leave my h and we have spent time with each other so I value those moments and I miss him but he won't considers all this.

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One more reason is my family reputation is being spoiled because of me.all are thinking that my h is leaving me because of my bad character or any reason of their own mind.

So this is affecting my dad's health and at start my family members trusted me but later they lost trust on me.because some of our relatives are purpusly trying to break our family so that we get split and get close to the relatives not with each other. This is one more big problem I am facing that I am being misunderstood and even my dad is trying for second marriage but he also won't trust me.


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post #70 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 09:50 PM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Ok. So he can't f you and won't get help so he can?

Get someone who can drill you into the bedpost!

No. You can't have a marriage with this ridiculous excuse for a man!
He won't even try.

If he was doing what he needed to overcome, then that is a different story.

He apparently doesn't have a blood flow problem just a stick it in you problem.

That is mental /emotional.

That can be fixed for sure.

If he won't do it, find another husband who will.

Geesh!!!
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post #71 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 10:10 PM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Ok. So he can't f you and won't get help so he can?

Get someone who can drill you into the bedpost!

No. You can't have a marriage with this ridiculous excuse for a man!
He won't even try.

If he was doing what he needed to overcome, then that is a different story.

He apparently doesn't have a blood flow problem just a stick it in you problem.

That is mental /emotional.

That can be fixed for sure.

If he won't do it, find another husband who will.

Geesh!!!
Apparently that is not such an easy thing in her culture, especially when people all around her are saying that she is making it up and her husband is telling everyone that the problem is that she won't let him near her.

@coolgal In my opinion, it would be better to be single the rest of your life than to be married to someone like your husband who is blaming his problems on you and refuses to get help for something basic to marriage. I don't know why you need a divorce. You should be able to get the marriage annulled.

If your husband isn't even taking your calls, let him go. You do not need him in order to be happy.
Did you finish your degree program? What is your career?

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post #72 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 10:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Ok. So he can't f you and won't get help so he can?

Get someone who can drill you into the bedpost!

No. You can't have a marriage with this ridiculous excuse for a man!
He won't even try.

If he was doing what he needed to overcome, then that is a different story.

He apparently doesn't have a blood flow problem just a stick it in you problem.

That is mental /emotional.

That can be fixed for sure.

If he won't do it, find another husband who will.

Geesh!!!
All this whole story is spoiling emotional bonding between my parents and siblings and me.

We are being blamed in society also though we have been helpful to all no one is there for us and my dad should be concentrating on his health now,he had been cured from cancer that's our luck but because of me he is tensed and not getting what should he get.

All this is affecting my us mentally. Still none of my siblings are married. My elder brother is getting older because he waited me to get married but my story is not ending.

Some of our waste relatives or society people are spreading that my brother is gay not my h and my dad supporting me because of this truth.this has made my brother feel so bad,he is broken.purpusly marriage proposals for my brother are being misguided by people.


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post #73 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 10:33 PM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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All this whole story is spoiling emotional bonding between my parents and siblings and me.

We are being blamed in society also though we have been helpful to all no one is there for us and my dad should be concentrating on his health now,he had been cured from cancer that's our luck but because of me he is tensed and not getting what should he get.

All this is affecting my us mentally. Still none of my siblings are married. My elder brother is getting older because he waited me to get married but my story is not ending.

Some of our waste relatives or society people are spreading that my brother is gay not my h and my dad supporting me because of this truth.this has made my brother feel so bad,he is broken.purpusly marriage proposals for my brother are being misguided by people.


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Hoping all this will go away or get better is a delusion.

Taking action and going on the offensive is the only way to make bullies back off.
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post #74 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Hoping all this will go away or get better is a delusion.

Taking action and going on the offensive is the only way to make bullies back off.


Have you gotten angry over any of this? You seem to still be willing to stay married to a man who is purposefully trying to ruin your reputation and create serious problems in your family all to save his own sorry, lying ass. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. You seem to be an extremely tolerant person.

It's okay to get angry. It's okay to call him out for being a liar.

The last thing you need is to have children with this man. If you think things are bad now, you haven't seen anything until you have a child with him. Things would get much worse for you from there. Forget IVF. Forget this man. Speak out and never stop telling the truth.

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post #75 of 96 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Apparently that is not such an easy thing in her culture, especially when people all around her are saying that she is making it up and her husband is telling everyone that the problem is that she won't let him near her.

@coolgal In my opinion, it would be better to be single the rest of your life than to be married to someone like your husband who is blaming his problems on you and refuses to get help for something basic to marriage. I don't know why you need a divorce. You should be able to get the marriage annulled.

If your husband isn't even taking your calls, let him go. You do not need him in order to be happy.
Did you finish your degree program? What is your career?
Yes I have completed my post graduation but not left with any confidence. Don't know nothing is going in my brain.

Yes we could have nullified marriage or we could have filed charges against my h and his family for his cheating but I am aware that my h is prepared for all this reactions from us so he might have created a strong story with evidence that will prove me wrong not him. Means i feel he might have taken some pics of mine when i was sleeping without wearing anything he was forcing me to sleep like that only,i dint realised his intension earlier and may be when I was sleeping he had taken my pics by making someone else to sleep beside me purpusly to prove me wrong and characterless. I am not sure but i have this strong feeling because of his behaviour.I was worried that he is ready for all court cases and this would more affect my parents reputation so I didn't chose to harm him by any means and I don't know I fee.

I am just expecting a peaceful life from my h.told him and messaged him about it but he is not ready to take calls also.
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Have you gotten angry over any of this? You seem to still be willing to stay married to a man who is purposefully trying to ruin your reputation and create serious problems in your family all to save his own sorry, lying ass. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. You seem to be an extremely tolerant person.

It's okay to get angry. It's okay to call him out for being a liar.

The last thing you need is to have children with this man. If you think things are bad now, you haven't seen anything until you have a child with him. Things would get much worse for you from there. Forget IVF. Forget this man. Speak out and never stop telling the truth.

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