Can we lead married life without sex? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #76 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
Apparently that is not such an easy thing in her culture, especially when people all around her are saying that she is making it up and her husband is telling everyone that the problem is that she won't let him near her.

@coolgal In my opinion, it would be better to be single the rest of your life than to be married to someone like your husband who is blaming his problems on you and refuses to get help for something basic to marriage. I don't know why you need a divorce. You should be able to get the marriage annulled.

If your husband isn't even taking your calls, let him go. You do not need him in order to be happy.
Did you finish your degree program? What is your career?
Yes I have completed my post graduation but not left with any confidence. Don't know nothing is going in my brain.

Yes we could have nullified marriage or we could have filed charges against my h and his family for his cheating but I am aware that my h is prepared for all this reactions from us so he might have created a strong story with evidence that will prove me wrong not him. Means i feel he might have taken some pics of mine when i was sleeping without wearing anything he was forcing me to sleep like that only,i dint realised his intension earlier and may be when I was sleeping he had taken my pics by making someone else to sleep beside me purpusly to prove me wrong and characterless. I am not sure but i have this strong feeling because of his behaviour.I was worried that he is ready for all court cases and this would more affect my parents reputation so I didn't chose to harm him by any means and I don't know I fee.

I am just expecting a peaceful life from my h.told him and messaged him about it but he is not ready to take calls also.
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Have you gotten angry over any of this? You seem to still be willing to stay married to a man who is purposefully trying to ruin your reputation and create serious problems in your family all to save his own sorry, lying ass. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. You seem to be an extremely tolerant person.

It's okay to get angry. It's okay to call him out for being a liar.

The last thing you need is to have children with this man. If you think things are bad now, you haven't seen anything until you have a child with him. Things would get much worse for you from there. Forget IVF. Forget this man. Speak out and never stop telling the truth.

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post #77 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Yes I have completed my post graduation but not left with any confidence. Don't know nothing is going in my brain.

Yes we could have nullified marriage or we could have filed charges against my h and his family for his cheating but I am aware that my h is prepared for all this reactions from us so he might have created a strong story with evidence that will prove me wrong not him. Means i feel he might have taken some pics of mine when i was sleeping without wearing anything he was forcing me to sleep like that only,i dint realised his intension earlier and may be when I was sleeping he had taken my pics by making someone else to sleep beside me purpusly to prove me wrong and characterless. I am not sure but i have this strong feeling because of his behaviour.I was worried that he is ready for all court cases and this would more affect my parents reputation so I didn't chose to harm him by any means and I don't know I fee.

I am just expecting a peaceful life from my h.told him and messaged him about it but he is not ready to take calls also.



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Actually he wants me to say to all that he is gay or impotent and then he will say I am not allowing him to get close to myself. So he is already planned with all this of my reactions.

He knew what makes me feel bad and what makes me to react to him and he was using all this against me to prove me wrong in front of others.

All this he did to protect himself. Means other than all these issues and this much big health issue in his life he didn't moved into depression like me rather he has done achievements and he is a well known Cricket player in his city.
But he was caring for me sometimes. May be he don't like to touch me but for my pleasure he was coming close to me.

We both have spent some time together,went to trips and I like his way of living his life in all this mess also he is moving on in his life.

When I was with him he never beat me or he didn't talked rudely with my parents and siblings. he was not demanding anything from me or my parents or siblings.

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post #78 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

I can understand the problem of being blamed in the society. He has some problem which should be understood and he should be supported but he will not get it. no one will get it from society so for his self protection he used me and we had said about my first engagement cancellation and we both differ in looks so some how he thought or he enquired in my city might be he knew about my school affair before our marriage so he chose me because if he blames me of having an extra marital affair or if he says I am wrong then all will believe him not me. He has planned everything for his protection.

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post #79 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 02:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

I have seen my parents have many misunderstandings. everything is good but they misunderstand each other and now my mom is using all these situations to create misunderstandings amongst us earlier she was not like this but now she has become like this.it is more painful than anything else until now.

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post #80 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 05:33 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Stop discussing it with every single relative!


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post #81 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 06:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Stop discussing it with every single relative!


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Whatever I had said is just to few people , that too in our city.I have not said to anyone from his side other than his family. We stay in far cities so no common known people are there.

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post #82 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:16 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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He was proving to others that I don't like him and i am quarreling with him and his parents means purpusly they were saying something wrong in front of me only but when i was angry then other people will be involved and then they will think i am quarrelling and all of them are innocent and I am not allowing him to get close to me which I was not able to realise at start of my marriage that he is proving me wrong in front of others, if any such situations occur I was trying to do my best but I dint realised that my husband and his parents and his aunt are purpusly doing all this.
There are many situations where they did so.some examples are that they were trying to prove to others that I don't like my husband as he is black and I don't care for him and I am dominating and I am having some affair and I am involved with my husband's cousin and all this bull **** which was never in my mind.honestly I was trying to follow my duties and I was trying not to hurt my husband as he has some health issue so i was trying to be emotionally close to him and i was trying to please him by cooking what he likes and taking care of his needs and i was trying not to hurt my in laws and I don't want anyone else other than my husband in my life but they were doing purpusly all this.
rather I would say they were indirectly telling me that I can have any affair so that I will become wrong person and my husband will be relieved from his inability and they can blame me when I will try to blame him,they were giving me chances to have affair including my husband and all this was irritating me,I was ready to adjust his health issue but I want him to be there for me.prior to involving others in this I had asked him many times to discuss with me but he dint.

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How were they trying to make an affair available to you? Also, I'd just get a divorce at this point

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post #83 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:28 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation. It's clear that women have no power and few rights in your country and the man's side will be heard and the woman will be made the scapegoat.

Also it's clear that this affects your whole family and your brothers and sisters may not have marriage prospects if your h and his family lie and people believe them

So I understand why you are trying to get back with your H so your family is not shamed and ridiculed. And you believe getting back with your H is the best thing for everyone else.

I wish you luck convincing his family not to ruin the reputation of your family but it sounds like they will do it anyway.

What did you study in school? Is there any way to use your school contacts to get a job in another city? Maybe that is your best option.



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post #84 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:35 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

It appears to me that he was made get married to you, maybe against his will or somehow persuaded into an arranged marriage which he does not want.

This would explain his lack of wanting to be intimate. He may already have a girlfriend who is not approved of by his parents or not known about by his parents.

He may also be gay. In your culture (i suspect Indian or Pakistani) this would be instant 'suicide' for his cricket career and him personally. Therefore the marriage is just a sham marriage for him to appear respectable.

He may be impotent but most men of any culture would solve that problem.

I would suggest you file for divorce as discretely as possible. Talk to him about it, stop involving all and sundry (though I know that is the culture). The decision should be between you two alone. If you keep running to talk to relatives, he cannot trust you and share his burdens, how could he, you will run and disclose to others. He has to be able to trust you. So of course he is playing a game and pushing the blame to you.
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post #85 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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How were they trying to make an affair available to you? Also, I'd just get a divorce at this point

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He was forcing me to go out on bike with his cousins to any family function so for it was just a drop but for others it was not good if my h says it and he was commenting his friends from my side that they are good looking and once he has put his cousin's and his friend's number on my cell's speed dial and I was unaware of this.

He was making me feel free to talk to other boys and he was indirectly saying me that I can have more friends and all this was making Me to get worried.

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post #86 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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It appears to me that he was made get married to you, maybe against his will or somehow persuaded into an arranged marriage which he does not want.

This would explain his lack of wanting to be intimate. He may already have a girlfriend who is not approved of by his parents or not known about by his parents.

He may also be gay. In your culture (i suspect Indian or Pakistani) this would be instant 'suicide' for his cricket career and him personally. Therefore the marriage is just a sham marriage for him to appear respectable.

He may be impotent but most men of any culture would solve that problem.

I would suggest you file for divorce as discretely as possible. Talk to him about it, stop involving all and sundry (though I know that is the culture). The decision should be between you two alone. If you keep running to talk to relatives, he cannot trust you and share his burdens, how could he, you will run and disclose to others. He has to be able to trust you. So of course he is playing a game and pushing the blame to you.
Yes we filed for mutual consent divorce and I have not involved his health issue in this,he has not returned my belongings and money given by my parents yet.half amount of money he agreed to return.

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post #87 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Yes we filed for mutual consent divorce and I have not involved his health issue in this,he has not returned my belongings and money given by my parents yet.half amount of money he agreed to return.

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But I am facing my divorce is affecting me and my family mentally.

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post #88 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:39 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

I'm sorry, I couldn't get through your entire post because it made no sense, and was all over the place. What I DID get from it was that your husband cannot penetrate you, but then you said that he can, but I would say that he may have erectile dysfunction. I would get him to talk to his doctor about this, and if it were me, I would go with him to make sure that all issues were brought up to the doctor.

In the future, please try to use paragraphs and punctuation, and proper words. I'm not sure what you mean when you type the letter "n", whether you mean "in" or "and". It makes it MUCH easier to understand, get your point/question across, and then people will reply with help rather than confusion.
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post #89 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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I'm sorry, I couldn't get through your entire post because it made no sense, and was all over the place. What I DID get from it was that your husband cannot penetrate you, but then you said that he can, but I would say that he may have erectile dysfunction. I would get him to talk to his doctor about this, and if it were me, I would go with him to make sure that all issues were brought up to the doctor.

In the future, please try to use paragraphs and punctuation, and proper words. I'm not sure what you mean when you type the letter "n", whether you mean "in" or "and". It makes it MUCH easier to understand, get your point/question across, and then people will reply with help rather than confusion.
Ok sorry for inconvenience and I will follow your tips.

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post #90 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation. It's clear that women have no power and few rights in your country and the man's side will be heard and the woman will be made the scapegoat.

Also it's clear that this affects your whole family and your brothers and sisters may not have marriage prospects if your h and his family lie and people believe them

So I understand why you are trying to get back with your H so your family is not shamed and ridiculed. And you believe getting back with your H is the best thing for everyone else.

I wish you luck convincing his family not to ruin the reputation of your family but it sounds like they will do it anyway.

What did you study in school? Is there any way to use your school contacts to get a job in another city? Maybe that is your best option.



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Thanks for understanding my situation and intension.

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