Can we lead married life without sex? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:05 AM Thread Starter
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Can we lead married life without sex?

I am female n married since 19 months,my husband is not able to complete the process of physical relationship means we come closer but he can't insert it as it t gets loose other than this we enjoy sex but sometimes he says he feels guilty as he can't insert n he won't comes close to me n he pushes me away saying he is feeling irriated so I asked him sorry for making him feel bad n I wait for him to feel good n I asked him to go to doctor even I went for physical check up of mine n doctor said I don't have any problem but my husband dint said to doctor that he has problem of getting loose but to me he said this so I doubted him n discussed with my cousin she is a doctor she said if it's only loosening problem then it will be solved n i dint shared with anyone else but my husband dint came forward to show to doctor n after some time I said to his mom she didn't said anything n I said to my parents n they asked him he said I won't allow Him to come close to myself n a big quarrel happened somewhere my parents n relatives doubt me that I am lying bcs I was having a past but whatever it is my relatives r interested in me getting divorced n suffer after divorce n it's affecting my family members bcs our relatives purpusly doing this n I understood that my husband has some problem n so he was purpusly quarrelling with me without any reason to prove me bad in front of others n hide his health issue n some where he knew I won't be trusted due to my past so he took advantage of this so over all I was honest n loyal with my husband n I tried to give my best to our marriage n I have feelings for him but he won't n I feel bad that he don't have feelings for me but anyhow I am angry that he lied to me but only physical relationship is not important if he cares for me respect me n my family n be there for me then I am thinking to have baby through ivf n lead a good life with him,actually as suggested by doctor once we can have baby through ivf so now my parents n relatives doubt me but they don't want me to continue marriage with him n I wonder how my future will be bcs I am being doubted n forced to get divorced now n my husband didn't came forward as he is worried lot bcs he has lied to us n we r leaving him without filing any case on him so we both applied for divorce through mutual consent but I feel divorce will not lead me anywhere but if my husband is ready to be there for me life long then we can have baby through ivf n I don't want to have any wrong relationship with anyone else but now my parents are not ready n my husband is not ready

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post #2 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

I don't know what to do? Any suggestions please?

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post #3 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:22 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Do I understand correctly that he has erectile dysfunction? Is he able to get hard sometimes, but goes soft when he goes to penetrate you?
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post #4 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:40 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Please try to use sentences and paragraphs.

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I am female and married since 19 months, my husband is not able to complete the process of physical relationship, which means we come closer but he can't insert it as it gets loose.

Other than this we enjoy sex, sometimes he says he feels guilty as he can't insert. He won't come close to me and he pushes me away, saying he is feeling irritated.

So I asked him sorry for making him feel bad and I wait for him to feel good and I asked him to go to the doctor.

Even I went for physical check up of mine and the doctor said I don't have any problem, but my husband didn't say to the doctor that he has problem of getting loose, but to me he said this.

So I doubted him and discussed this with my cousin, she is a doctor. She said if it's only a loosening problem, then it will be solved.

I didn't share this with anyone else, but my husband didn't come forward to show to the doctor. After some time I said to his mom, she didn't say anything and I told my parents and they asked him.

He said I won't allow Him to come close to myself and a big quarrel happened somewhere. My parents and relatives doubt me and think/say? that I am lying, because I was having a past, but whatever it is my relatives are interested in me getting divorced. And suffer after divorce and it's affecting my family members, because our relatives are purposely doing this.

I understood that my husband has some problem, so he was purposely quarrelling with me, without any reason. To prove me bad in front of others and hide his health issue.

Some where he knew I won't be trusted due to my past so he took advantage of this. So over all I was honest and loyal with my husband.

I tried to give my best to our marriage and I have feelings for him, but he won't and I feel bad that he don't have feelings for me. Anyhow I am angry that he lied to me, but only physical relationship is not important.

If he cares for me respect me and my family and be there for me, then I am thinking to have baby through IVF and lead a good life with him, actually as suggested by doctor once we can have baby through IVF.

So now my parents and relatives doubt me, but they don't want me to continue marriage with him. I wonder how my future will be, because I am being doubted and forced to get divorced now. And my husband didn't came forward, as he is worried lot because he has lied to us. And we are leaving him without filing any case on him.

So we both applied for divorce through mutual consent, but I feel divorce will not lead me anywhere, but if my husband is ready to be there for me life long then we can have baby through IVF.

I don't want to have any wrong relationship with anyone else, but now my parents are not ready and my husband is not ready.
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post #5 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:13 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

I'm sorry, I don't understand what your question is. Can you please clarify?

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post #6 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Do I understand correctly that he has erectile dysfunction? Is he able to get hard sometimes, but goes soft when he goes to penetrate you?
Earlier as he said so I felt he has erectile dysfunction but as he didn't came forward for treatment n he said that I am not allowing him to come close to me so from this I feel he is impotent or he is gay I don't know what is truth but I feel he don't have treatment so he is not showing to doctor or he is not trying to save our marriage

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post #7 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Do I understand correctly that he has erectile dysfunction? Is he able to get hard sometimes, but goes soft when he goes to penetrate you?
Sometimes it gets hard for few minutes only but when he tries to penetrate it was getting loose

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post #8 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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I'm sorry, I don't understand what your question is. Can you please clarify?
I don't know what problem my husband is facing but I am a bit clear that he is not able to do intercourse so to hide his problem he was purpusly proving me wrong in front of others n sometimes he was trying to please me by giving special treatment so I was happy when he was good with me but I was feeling very bad when he n his family was blaming me purpusly so I was angry that he cheated me about his inability n I am hurt n irritated as he was purpusly blaming me but other than this I love him I have special place for him in my heart n I feel whatever it is we should continue our marriage rather than getting divorced n I can't say how my second married life will be so I feel I should not get divorced.so is this thing correct or sometimes I feel he don't have feelings for me so it's better to get divorced I don't know what to do?

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post #9 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Sometimes it gets hard for few minutes only but when he tries to penetrate it was getting loose

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I said him that I will wait for him until he gets treatment n I need his love care respect n protection but he is not ready to talk with me now bcs now all our family members n relatives are involved in this

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post #10 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:36 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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I said him that I will wait for him until he gets treatment n I need his love care respect n protection but he is not ready to talk with me now bcs now all our family members n relatives are involved in this

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How are all your family members and relatives involved?

This should be a matter between the two of you.
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post #11 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:41 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Look, you need to seriously change the way you write. Your posts are impossible to read. Please type "and" instead of "n" and PLEASE use proper sentences and paragraphs. I have tried to go through your posts and it's just not possible to see what you are trying to say. I just don't understand the issue. Thank you!

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post #12 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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Look, you need to seriously change the way you write. Your posts are impossible to read. Please type "and" instead of "n" and PLEASE use proper sentences and paragraphs. I have tried to go through your posts and it's just not possible to see what you are trying to say. I just don't understand the issue. Thank you!
Ok I will follow your tips.sorry for inconvenience.

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post #13 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

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How are all your family members and relatives involved?

This should be a matter between the two of you.
Yes it was between us for almost an year but my husband was not telling me clearly anything. Sometimes he was trying to please me and sometimes he was proving me wrong in front of others so that in future if I raise his inability then he will prove to others that I am wrong

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post #14 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:54 AM
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

In what way was he proving you wrong to others? By not having the sexual issue when he chose to?

Is the issue that you don't know if he truly has a physical impotence issue or if it is something he can correct on his own?

Sorry; just trying to understand, thanks!

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post #15 of 97 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 03:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can we lead married life without sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
In what way was he proving you wrong to others? By not having the sexual issue when he chose to?

Is the issue that you don't know if he truly has a physical impotence issue or if it is something he can correct on his own?

Sorry; just trying to understand, thanks!
He was proving to others that I don't like him and i am quarreling with him and his parents means purpusly they were saying something wrong in front of me only but when i was angry then other people will be involved and then they will think i am quarrelling and all of them are innocent and I am not allowing him to get close to me which I was not able to realise at start of my marriage that he is proving me wrong in front of others, if any such situations occur I was trying to do my best but I dint realised that my husband and his parents and his aunt are purpusly doing all this.
There are many situations where they did so.some examples are that they were trying to prove to others that I don't like my husband as he is black and I don't care for him and I am dominating and I am having some affair and I am involved with my husband's cousin and all this bull **** which was never in my mind.honestly I was trying to follow my duties and I was trying not to hurt my husband as he has some health issue so i was trying to be emotionally close to him and i was trying to please him by cooking what he likes and taking care of his needs and i was trying not to hurt my in laws and I don't want anyone else other than my husband in my life but they were doing purpusly all this.
rather I would say they were indirectly telling me that I can have any affair so that I will become wrong person and my husband will be relieved from his inability and they can blame me when I will try to blame him,they were giving me chances to have affair including my husband and all this was irritating me,I was ready to adjust his health issue but I want him to be there for me.prior to involving others in this I had asked him many times to discuss with me but he dint.

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