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Do any men NOT enjoy facials, anal and cum shots?

42K views 224 replies 64 participants last post by  EleGirl 
#1 ·
My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.

He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.

I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?

After months of playfully telling him to stick it in my ass we had a few failed (but fun attempts) at anal. I don't detest it, but I need to be drunk for it to be enjoyable and successful. I'm not saying I need to be drunk to have sex with my husband. No. But when I'm all done up and we've had a night out I tend to be in the mood more and I think that's a fair assessment for most women.

I hope we're not experiencing that Madonna/***** complex in which the thought of cuming on my face turns him off, but on some twentysomething it's appealing because I'm his wife and she's of no importance. Maybe that's a stretch, I don't know... His response and lack of interest just doesn't seem normal. I don't think he's cheating, but I think he's just a man... And men want these things, don't they?

Do any of you NOT like to do these things? If so, why?
 
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#6 ·
Don't you worry he's lying to you? Like he doesn't want to tell you when he's secretly masturbating to the idea of doing it to someone? I guess I should have put this in the Men's Club... I'm more interested in their honest opinion. Not women who've been "told" one thing...
 
#7 ·
None of those interest me. I had one or two gfs who liked facials occasionally, and one who liked anal. I'd do it for them, but it wasn't something I myself wanted.
 
#12 · (Edited)
Some men enjoy those things and many women do not. A lot of guys learn about sex by watching porn where all sorts of things are done to paid actresses. As someone into BDSM for 52 years, ejaculating on a girls face is a sign of sexual dominance, a submissive act for the women if she is into being sexually submissive and also a form of marking your territory. This is common in the BDSM world but not something non submissive women like. If I tried that with our girlfriend I would have gotten my head handed to me. My wife would do it because she loves me and it would make me happy. No matter what the reason, it is a dominance/submissive act. Not unlike urinating on someone. The fact that two people like it does not examine the reason why they like it or think it is fun. Do girls look better with semen on their faces? I do not think so but maybe some do. :)

Anal is mainstream now. I was doing anal 40 years ago before porn stars did it. 14 year old girls are doing it today to preserve their virginity and/or prevent pregnancy. It is mentioned on TV and in the movies, indirectly most times. It has entered mainstream society. I guess I am more interested in how I get to my orgasm and not what I do with it which is mostly what BDSM is all about. Most never explore why they enjoy sexual things or are aroused by it. The things mentioned in the OP are often signs of male dominance. Anal sex can be done out of love if both enjoy it. It can also be done as a sign of dominance much like it is in prison. When the two sex acts are mentioned together I just think of porn where a man shows his dominance over some submissive woman (paid to do it, I should add).

In my fetish life the things being talked about are common ways to dominate or humiliate a woman. They are not things I would do if I was just making love. My wife is/was sexually submissive so she did more than the average wive. However, I know it is a D/s thing and not a regular part of sex as portrayed in porn. It is bad enough when I reads young guys posting about the unsatisfying sex they have with girls when what they are expecting is what girls are paid to do, not real life. Once again, if the girl is submissive and indicates that it is OK, then go for it even if it makes you feel like a porn star for a few minutes. No harm done but it is not something I would just do the first time I had sex with a woman without her permission.
 
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#78 · (Edited)
Some men enjoy those things and many women do not. It is kind of degrading to cum on a girls face like a porn actress who is paid to accept it.
Most of my sexual partners have happily accepted frequent cum facials.

Personally I feel it is a great thing to share with a woman who I like and or love.

The only women who I have been with that I didn't do (try) this with, were one night or not even one night stands. Or women who the sex on a first through fourth date, didn't seem to mutually work out well.

That said (according to her) my wife has never felt degraded when I cum on her face, which is something I have enjoyed with her quite frequently through close to 21 years.

As an alternative to receiving a facial, my wife will take it in her mouth and then slowly drool it out onto her breasts and then play with it. Or she will swallow virtually all of it and then just let a little bit out of her mouth. Much less frequently I will cum on her breasts or just get the hair on her head. Otherwise I cum in her vagina or backdoor, at the end of the day variety works for us.

I never had a desire to cum on a girl's face.
My having a desire to do that, stems from experiences with my first sexual partner. Where she drooled it out onto her chin after I would cum in her mouth. Or sometimes when I pulled out to finish in her mouth I sometimes got her face first. So from when I was 17, it became something that I liked doing.

That said from experience, I do enjoy marking the women that I am with.

I was doing anal 40 years ago before porn stars did it.
Anal sex isn't a new thing, and has featured in some pre twentieth century pornography. Likewise I started doing anal sex when I was 17, yet I hadn't seen it in pornography until a few years after that. Just like I was doing facials a few years before I also saw it in porn.

Some people do stumble upon this sort of thing without any help from pornography.
 
#18 ·
Your hubby is a very lucky man but clueless to the sexual adventurousness you want to do with him.

Most guys would kill for a lady like yourself.

Into anal, facial, cum shot, adventurous sex, WOW.

Were are more ladies like yourself???

I wish Mrs.CuddleBug was into those things and more adventurous sex, but she is conservative LD. Basically, like your hubby.

You are HD and he is more LD.
 
#38 ·
Count this old fashioned fart as one who doesn't like stuff like that in the least!

I find it personally obnoxious and more than disrespectful to my love interest!
 
#39 ·
HD has little to do with types of activities, but desire to have sex in whatever configuration pleases you most. You want missionary 7 times a week? HD. You want a facial once a month? LD. IMO.

@UnicornCupcake, my husband doesn't enjoy any of the above. Especially facials. He's not conservative (at all...I had especially here and then I thought a bit and laughed) but to him, it doesn't feel as good as finishing inside. I trust that he is telling the truth and if he is not, he is only short-changing himself.


I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?
I think the most important thing I've learned in my marriage is don't listen to what "most" men want. Listen to your husband, without judgement and openly. Just like women are pegged into boxes we don't like, men receive the same treatment and it sucks just as much.

I don't worry that he's lying to me because a) he isn't a liar b) I don't give him a reason to feel pressured or judged when he is expressing himself. Never been like "ew gross, you are a pervert" to try to get him to not want something sexually.

My husband is not into any of your list. I trust that he isn't as I have no issues with letting him express himself verbally and sexually and talking about his likes, dislikes and would like to tries. I wouldn't categorize my husband as conservative, but facials and cumshots especially aren't appealing to his sexuality for reasons like: doesn't feel as good/is mostly for show/degrading in not a fun way.

IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
Maybe. However, fantasy and reality don't always collide, especially when it comes to sex and porn. Even if he did search this stuff, he might not be compelled to do it for other reasons.

The big thing that concerns me is how much you don't trust your husband's words which are also backed up by his actions. What is the driver of the second guessing?
 
#41 · (Edited)
I know that some woman get off on being humiliated or being roughly taken but to most men, who love their wives, we don't enjoy abusing our woman. I love my wife and wouldn't want to shoot on her face. To me, I'd feel like I'm disrespecting her.

Anal is a different story. Taking her anally is extremely hot to me. There are many men who want to do more adventurous things with their wife but fear that not only will they be turned down but that their wife will think they're sick. I'd bet the majority of men fall in this category.

Of course there are also men that sincerely don't want to try anal or have their wife swallow. If your husband is one of these men, you may need to curb your desire for these act by eliminating movies, books, or friends that are planting these desires in your mind. Continuing to plant these desires, will lead you to another man's bed to fulfill those desire. So if you don't want to find yourself become a wayward, watch what you allow into your mind.
 
#83 · (Edited)
I know that some woman get off on being humiliated or being roughly taken but to most men, who love their wives, we don't enjoy abusing our woman. I love my wife and wouldn't want to shoot on her face. To me, I'd feel like I'm disrespecting her.
I love my wife and don't abuse her at all, yet I do enjoy cumming on her face and don't feel I am disrespecting her at all.

As to the fear of being considered sick, in my experience I've found there's lots of positive mileage in being very direct and upfront about such things.

Anal is a different story. Taking her anally is extremely hot to me. There are many men who want to do more adventurous things with their wife but fear that not only will they be turned down but that their wife will think they're sick. I'd bet the majority of men fall in this category.
Is that the category of fearing to disclose such sexual interest, or of having a desire for such interests?

Of course there are also men that sincerely don't want to try anal or have their wife swallow. If your husband is one of these men, you may need to curb your desire for these act by eliminating movies, books, or friends that are planting these desires in your mind. Continuing to plant these desires, will lead you to another man's bed to fulfill those desire. So if you don't want to find yourself become a wayward, watch what you allow into your mind.
I agree that there are some men who don't want to go there. Yet don't agree with the recommendation of suppressing ones sexual desires.
 
#42 ·
My husband doesn't like being put on the spot; do you like this? do you like that? He prefers things to be experimental and natural. Sometimes he just doesn't know whether he likes something or not. And if he watches something in porn it certainly doesn't mean he wants to actually do it. BTW he has never been interested in facials as it is a complete turn off for him, he describes it as 'wrong' in the same way spanking seems 'wrong' (and I have tried). Watching a paid porn star do something and doing the same thing to your wife are 2 different things.

If you want to spice things up maybe you should go slow and gradual. The sex we have now is very different to the sex we had 20 years ago - it was an evolution rather than revolution.
 
#43 ·
I really don't have any great interest in those things. I have had anal sex a couple of times and honestly enjoy a nice vagina MUCH more. I love the smell of a woman. Anus smell, not so much... Anal play can be fun though.

I find facials kind of more of a "porn" thing than something I would want to do in real life. If she wanted it, I would do it, but it wouldn't be a huge turn on.

I am adventurous and wiling to try new things. Those particular things don't do anything for me though.

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#46 ·
If the woman I was with got off on that stuff and asked me to do it for her, I would. I would do it to satisfy her kink, because that is what a generous lover does. But I don't crave any of that stuff myself. I like cumming inside my partner, because it makes me feel like I've planted my flag so to speak. Now, I do like it when a woman gives me a BJ and swallows. That's pretty hot.... but again, I don't require it.
 
#48 ·
You need to believe what your husband tells you. Not all men are into the same things as not all woman are in to the same thing. What you see in porn is not the "bible" of what men expect woman to be or act like. Any man or woman that looks to porn for ideas or a base as which to judge the sexual relationship he/she has with his/her partner is denying themselves and their partner the intense intimacy and bonding experince that you get by creating a healthy sex life, and exploring each other's like's and dislikes while mapping each other's body to find what gives each other pleasure. You can't recreate porn, but you can make your own.

My husband does not like idea of giving a facial. He want to cum inside me and has no desire to cum on my face or anywhere else on my body. He has told me that he find it degrading to woman and the he loves me and respects me as his wife and mother of his children. Even if I wanted him to do that I don't think he could as it's not the kind of man he is. I respect that and frankly feel blessed to have a man that views me in such a positive light.

If your husband is a decent guy that loves you are you really going to make this a big issue? At the end of the day why does it matter what you might think men in general want, it only matters what your husband wants. Trust me this is not an issue you want to push, I wanted my husband to be more verbal and aggresive in bed, but after useless arguing I have reliazed that i can't force him to be something he is not comfortable being or doing and frankly the way he is that maybe prevents him from being that way are the very things I fell in love with him to begin with.

Don't pressure your husband about these things cause you think he's lying to you and really wants them, cause he is probably telling you the truth. If these are things you really want than you have to decide if he cant give them to you Is it worth breaking up your marriage, but be careful before making hasty decision. Wishing you all the best.
 
#51 ·
You sound as if you have a good husband who loves and respects you. I have one of them as well, its awesome. He never looks at porn for the same reason, out of love and respect for me.
I honestly think that the prolific use of porn today gives people such unrealistic and wrong and skewed ideas of what men and women like and of what a normal healthy relationship looks like.
 
#49 ·
My husband and I have a great marriage and great sex life but neither has any interest in anal sex or the other things you mentioned. I cant see what the attraction is, cant think of much worse than a penis being put there, what with the pain and the mess, when there is a great place perfectly designed for the penis already.

Dont assume that all men want those things, they dont. Its so sad that you are even thinking he may be cheating because of this:frown2:
He is a normal man with his own likes and dislikes, whats wrong with that?
 
#55 ·
My husband and I have a great marriage and great sex life but neither has any interest in anal sex or the other things you mentioned. I cant see what the attraction is, cant think of much worse than a penis being put there, what with the pain and the mess, when there is a great place perfectly designed for the penis already.
So you don't suck on him either, I guess.

Ignorance is bliss.
 
#53 ·
I actually haven't found any evidence. Or real suspicions of cheating. I don't quite know where this paranoia is coming from. Boredom, perhaps? I just find our every day live so mundane right now. I'd never cheat because I pride myself on willpower and not being impulsive in this area or any other area, but if I'm this bored I imagine he is, too. He's not as... Tough as I am when it comes to restraint (finances, bad habits, etc.) so I guess I just think he'll go do what men do. I'm just worried as a man, he'll act on his boredom. TBH, I have little faith in men as a gender concerning cheating. I guess I just expect it will eventually happen to me and I'm just wondering if these circumstances are a good breeding ground for it. Maybe I should read stories about women cheating to balance out my thinking because I know it occurs with both genders.
 
#60 ·
I actually haven't found any evidence. Or real suspicions of cheating. I don't quite know where this paranoia is coming from. Boredom, perhaps? I just find our every day live so mundane right now. I'd never cheat because I pride myself on willpower and not being impulsive in this area or any other area, but if I'm this bored I imagine he is, too. He's not as... Tough as I am when it comes to restraint (finances, bad habits, etc.) so I guess I just think he'll go do what men do. I'm just worried as a man, he'll act on his boredom. TBH, I have little faith in men as a gender concerning cheating. I guess I just expect it will eventually happen to me and I'm just wondering if these circumstances are a good breeding ground for it. Maybe I should read stories about women cheating to balance out my thinking because I know it occurs with both genders.
UC, you do know why you are paranoid. And the rest of the part in bold actually hints at it. You are making assumptions about him, based on past experiences. You are assuming that he is bored with you, based on OTHER men's actions in the past. What we, most if us anyway, are trying to tell you, is that your husband is not all those other men you have known. Not all men behave as they did. Their actions, as well as their words, cloud your judgment of your husband. You have known men who cheated on their wives, and claimed they had good marriages. But, you can't see that not all men are like that. And, I'm sorry, but if their marriages were great, they wouldn't have cheated. Even if the marriages are not great, many men CHOOSE not to cheat. This is why we keep telling you that you really can't BASE your husband's preferences and choices on that of "all men".

Even with ALL the disagreements between @CuddleBug and myself, the one thing that stood out to me, in all his lamenting about his wife's sex drive, is that he has not sought action elsewhere. That is one thing I actually DO like about CB! (See, CB? I can be agreeable. 😛)

You are basing your mistrust of your husband, and what you think he really does and does not want, on the actions of men you have known in the past. Don't you see how destructive that is to your marriage?? PLEASE, tell him all of it. And, please, get into counselling for this. You cannot build a marriage up when you do not trust your spouse.

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#70 ·
This thread has moved quickly. To the original question, different people like different things, and it isn't that some are more "extreme" than others, just different tastes.

I don't like facials, my wife is neutral on that. I do like anal, and when its not uncomfortable my wife really enjoys it, but we very rarely do it anymore. I like to finish in her mouth, don't care if she swallows, but she recently told me she thought that was disgusting and degrading and will never do it again. I'd be fine with spanking either, way, but she isn't. She occasionally finds in fun to tie me up.

As long as a couple can settle on things that they both enjoy, its all good. If one really wants something the other is unwilling to do, then there are problems that need to be worked out.
 
#74 ·
Only tried anal once with old GF but wasn't successful (this was in a night when we went all over her house having sex). Wife has always refused anal (of course, she's ND, but that's another story).

Once early in our relationship wife was giving me a HJ and I shot it all over her chest. That would never happen today as she'd be grossed out.
 
#75 ·
A couple of things here that you need to know. Men (not all, of course) like quiet, and quality time can mean just being there. My teen daughters cannot comprehend this. If we are driving, sometimes I just want to sit and think and just enjoy being there with them. No words need to be said. But, if there is quiet for even 5 minutes, I'm accused of being "too quiet" or "grumpy". I'll be asked what I'm thinking about or why I'm being so quiet. I'm just enjoying being there!

If he and his dad are similar, then they both enjoy it. There's no need to yap it up. As someone who's dad and mom are both dead, believe me when I applaud your husband for doing this with his dad. Same for you and your parents.

I realize it's kind of a cheesy sitcom, but watch the tv show called "The Middle" sometime. Mike Heck has a way of summing this up so nicely sometimes. I relate to him so well!

Okay, on to issue #2. You often hear of women being attracted to "bad boys" and doing kinky things, but they marry the safe guys who they aren't really as attracted to. I really get that vibe from you. It's like you settled for your husband but you yearn for more. It's a perfect storm for cheating. You said earlier you would never cheat, but I worry you really are setting yourself up for it.

Here's what I would recommend... Actually TALK to your husband. Tell him you worry your sex life is becoming too predictable and that you want it to be fun for both of you. Ask him to tell you his fantasies. Don't judge him for them. And, don't assume that his fantasy is somethong he would want to act on. If he says he has a fantasy of you having sex with other men, don't take that as him wanting you to have sex with other men. It's just fantasy. Ask him if there are things he would like to try. Here are some ideas to start:

Sexual massages
Light bondage
Mutual masturbation
Sex toys (for both of you)
Anal play (fingers or toys)
Edging
Blindfolds
Sex in public
Role playing
Etc.


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#76 ·
My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
That can happen over time, which is why it's refreshing to mix things up and sometimes do other things.

Have you specifically shared with your husband, that you've started to find the sex a bit stale and boring?

He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
Unfortunately he may genuinely not be interested in such activities. That said I don't think you should feel you are unattractive and undesirable as consequence of the rejection.

I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?
Plenty don't, not all men are alike just as not all women are alike.

I think you would do well to realise that his reticence probably has nothing specifically to do with you at all.

After months of playfully telling him to stick it in my ass we had a few failed (but fun attempts) at anal. I don't detest it, but I need to be drunk for it to be enjoyable and successful. I'm not saying I need to be drunk to have sex with my husband. No. But when I'm all done up and we've had a night out I tend to be in the mood more and I think that's a fair assessment for most women.
IF you want to go into the ins and outs of how to do this well, I am happy to share.

That said as someone who is quite experienced at this with different woman, I encourage you to do this while sober and without numbing creams. Simply because you are better off having immediate feedback if something hurts back there.

I hope we're not experiencing that Madonna/***** complex in which the thought of cuming on my face turns him off, but on some twentysomething it's appealing because I'm his wife and she's of no importance. Maybe that's a stretch, I don't know... His response and lack of interest just doesn't seem normal. I don't think he's cheating, but I think he's just a man... And men want these things, don't they?
Since some relate that they would happily do this to someone they don't love, yet would not share this with those they do, You might be experiencing that.

Do any of you NOT like to do these things? If so, why?
That's not me.
 
#96 ·
My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.

He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.

I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?
I'm just wondering why you are putting so much energy into going after things that you "don't mind too much" or need to be drunk to enjoy. Shouldn't spicing up your sex life be about doing things you love to do? Especially since it seems like you're the one who is bored/unhappy?
 
#99 ·
@UnicornCupcake. Re various sex acts and porn - porn is a visual stimulation source and many things can stimulate a man that they are completely uninterested in doing. For example, there is a huge amount of cuckolding porn out there, yet I suspect there are far fewer actual (knowing) cuckolds. There are other aspects to open than the act - for example, the female dominance of cuckolding might be intriguing... similarly femdom is a big thing and again - what might be interesting might also be of no interest irl.

Anal sex is another thing that has really exploded online - I'm old enough to have seen this as a small porn fetish decades ago become mainstream porn (versus mainstream real life). I think it has to do to a certain degree with taboo, but again -as it grows more common the taboo qualities diminish. Huge member porn is big too (pun intended) but it isn't quite so fun IRL for many / most women.

So I admit weird, unusual, extreme porn can be exciting but not on the real menu.

Personally I'd feel weird shooting onto my W's face unless we were role playing and she was begging for it or something. So the setting would have to be the turn on - the act - meh. Re anal - I "threaten" her with that in a playful why when she's pushing me back in a playful way - because there are 100 things I'd rather do and 1000000 things she'd rather do.

Re: guys sitting there.... years ago I went to a friend's cabin / house on a river. The women all stayed in and played a game and smoked while my friend and I fished at night. My w hated the smoking and games and kept begging me to join us fishing. So we let her. Afterword she was astonished -"you guys just sat there! You didn't even talk!". We didn't notice - we were just 2 guys enjoying each other and fishing on a boat. She assumed it was a cluck-fest. So don't assume sitting around isn't fun for a guy.

Finally - maybe watch porn with him -start with lighter porn and nothing too harsh or dirty (given how you've described H). Then ease into what you like and maybe SHOW him it turns you on by a little rubbing / moaning. I think the key with this guy is to avoid pressure and avoid being too forward. You'll need to bring him along so he feels like he's driving this. You're yelling "put it in" might be too aggressive for him ;)


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