Contraception in marriage - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 11:52 PM Thread Starter
zio
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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That being the case you might actually end up with a man like the famed Victorian era English art critic and patron John Ruskin, Who married Effie Gray then failed to consummate his marriage for a myriad of reasons. To the point that it created a scandal, when she sought an annulment and then married the Pre-Raphaelite painter John Everett Millais.

"He alleged various reasons, hatred to children, religious motives, a desire to preserve my beauty, and, finally this last year he told me his true reason... that he had imagined women were quite different to what he saw I was, and that the reason he did not make me his Wife was because he was disgusted with my person the first evening 10th April." - Effie Gray
Actually, he is the one that wants children more than me and doesn't care if it happens at the very beginning. I am the one that wants to delay children but not sure what to do since he is worried about the affects of contraception. Hope this makes sense now.
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post #47 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 11:59 PM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

Most women do not have a problem with the contraceptive pill, which includes my wife amongst others. That said the contraceptive pill is not 100% failsafe, so you should be cognisant of the risks.
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post #48 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:20 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

Condoms are risk free since no chemicals are used or devices inserted into the vagina. My wife took birth control pills prior to our marriage and she was a virgin too. As a result she got a blood clot that kept her bedridden for a year and forced me to quit college to get a full time job to pay the mounting medical bills. After that she tried a diaphragm and various devices inserted into her vagina but they all had unacceptable side effects. The sad part is that when we attempted to have kids I was found to be infertile and my wife had so many operations due to the the various birth control devices she tried and other reasons, that she had too much scar tissue to support an egg so she was never able to get pregnant.

Condoms are the safest way to have birth control but as with all other methods, it is only 99% effective and there is the danger of throwing caution to the wind on occasion which will result in a pregnancy. I am no doctor so talk to one and see if any methods other than a condom appeal to you. I rarely used a condom. They broke the mood and back in my day they really reduced sensitivity. A lot of guys do not want to use them in a committed relationship. There is also a vasectomy. They can be reversed and your husband's sperm can be frozen just in case should it be needed at a later date. There is also the rhythm method which you doctor can explain to you. You basically track your monthly cycle and figure out your fertile days and avoid intercourse on those days. Not very effective in practice though.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #49 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 09:50 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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Actually, he is the one that wants children more than me and doesn't care if it happens at the very beginning. I am the one that wants to delay children but not sure what to do since he is worried about the affects of contraception. Hope this makes sense now.
If HE is the one worried and he indeed wan you to be as healthy as you can be, then a barrier method is preferable. If you think he may object to condoms AND you are just trying to delay children for a while, then you could try a diaphragm. Combining a diaphragm with the timing method should be sufficient, and you can ask him to wear a condom during your fertile days or at moments when the diaphragm may prove awkward.

While many men complain about condoms, many aspects about them can be rather erotic as well if you can each view them from a playful perspective. You can playfully brag to him how much better it will be without them and ask him to use his imagination as a way to tease him. 80% of sex happens in the mind, and the more you can stimulate his mind during sex, the better it can be for him!

My wife had some medical complications that lead to the decision that I did not want her taking hormonal BC anymore and I agreed that I would take responsibility for contraception. Her OBGYN freaked out about this by the way, claiming that it would be a bad idea because men do not like options that are available to us (condom, vasectomy, or withdrawal). So I went back to condoms for a brief period and I tried to make the most of it by reliving all my teenage moments together with my wife.

Of all the different ones we tried, lambskin condoms felt the best for the BOTH of us in that I could hardly feel them and they felt very natural to her as well. They are however a bit expensive at about $3.00 to $4.00 a condom compared to others that only cost about $0.20 each. Another awkward thing about lambskin condoms is that they do NOT do well if you try to place them on for any significant time prior to penetration as they dry out and the texture becomes rather leathery in a crinkly kind of way. So you can not let them dry out. For this reason they should not be used during any forms of foreplay.

Some men may enjoy condoms for what is known as a "posh wank" in that they do not have to worry about making a mess AND they can allow themselves to get accustomed to how it feels to wear a condom. You should recommend that your husband try this if he experiences problems with them, but cheap latex condoms are best suited for this as lambskin ones will dry out.

By the way DO make it a point to be very open and discuss your views about masturbation with your partner. Hopefully you are both open to it and can enjoy the aspect of how desire sometimes needs a little distance from one another to thrive. If this is the case, you could buy him a box of condoms now, and ask him to begin experimenting with them on his own solo while he thinks about you. THIS type of thing will go a long way towards helping him feel confident and comfortable with them when it is time to become active together. Otherwise they actually can be awkward and stressful, which will kill the mood. Start with latex ones and the graduate to lambskin for a special occasion. Then before you know it you may not even need them again!

Best thing about this is if for any reason you need to resume non hormonal birth control after being married for 10 years or more, you will have some fun memories to replay together with condoms that can serve to even help add a little spice to your lovemaking.

Regards,
Badsanta

Last edited by badsanta; 03-17-2017 at 09:54 AM.
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post #50 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 10:58 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

Never tried lambskin. Interesting

Santa is right.... grab some latex condom ultra thin lubricated. You don't nees the spermicide ones.

Have your future husband practice with one on. On a positive note he won't pull the trigger as fast wearing a condom (if he has that problem)

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post #51 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:08 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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Actually, he is the one that wants children more than me and doesn't care if it happens at the very beginning. I am the one that wants to delay children but not sure what to do since he is worried about the affects of contraception. Hope this makes sense now.
If he is so concerned about the effects of contraception, ask him to do some research and talk about with the doctor. I too was concerned and resisted the pill for a very long time as I was fine using condoms. Much of what I feared about the pill was just hearsay and my own conspiracy theories. I ended up on them after my doctor suggested I strongly reconsider as I was developing terrible hormonal acne and she was concerned about anemia from my heavy flow. I gave up and tried it as I couldn't bear the cystic acne anymore. Sure enough face is now peachy, cycle is lighter and through trial&error/research I found a pill with no noticeable side effects.
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