Contraception in marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:58 AM Thread Starter
zio
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Contraception in marriage

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question but really need your advice concerning contraception.

I am 23 and will be getting married in a few months. I am a virgin never had any sexual contact and since I will be getting married soon my fiancé and I have agreed to not have children maybe after 2 years. However, if it happens it happens, but for the time being I really do not want children yet. Since we are both young I still want to practice in my legal career first before I actually take the decision to just look after children. However, I have no real knowledge of actual contraception and am worried about the risks of it. I do want children but I don't want to risk not being able to conceive in the future.

So, though my question may seem really ignorant and misinformed. What contraception is best to use that will not cause so much affects? And if I was to stop it will everything go back to normal and will be able to normally conceive?

Thanks
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post #2 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:09 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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So, though my question may seem really ignorant and misinformed. What contraception is best to use that will not cause so much affects? And if I was to stop it will everything go back to normal and will be able to normally conceive?
The best solution for your age and situation would be the female birth control pill. If you only plan to use them for a few years, the side effects should be minimal and you should be able to resume your normal fertility just after you stop taking them.

Condoms are too problematic due to the temptations to explore what it feels like without using one.

An IUD can cause very heavy bleeding, and may be a little traumatic to have it inserted and/or removed.

The timing method, while OK, can be unpredictable because the female cycle can be altered by stress. And if you are just getting married and moving in together, there is going to be stress as the two of you adjust to a new life that is shared.

Coitus Interuptus can work also, but can be too difficult unless the male has extraordinary control. If you are a virgin, there has been NO opportunity to practice this level of control, and besides most couples want to climax while together.

Hopefully there will be more options for birth control in the future that are not so hormone dependent. But for now scientists say that it is medically easier to stop just one egg each month than it is to try and stop millions and millions of sperm a day (the average male produces 85 million sperm a day per testicle).

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post #3 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:27 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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The best solution for your age and situation would be the female birth control pill. If you only plan to use them for a few years, the side effects should be minimal and you should be able to resume your normal fertility just after you stop taking them.

An IUD can cause very heavy bleeding, and may be a little traumatic to have it inserted and/or removed.
I'd recommend the birth control pill. However you have to be very consistent in taking it at the same time everyday. Set a daily alarm on your phone and throw the pack in your purse. Easy does it. There are different brands and you may have to experiment with several before you find the right one.

The reaction to an IUD can be different for different people however this method is for a longer term birth control. I did not experience heavy bleeding. I would not recommend an IUD for short term nor for a virgin. You will be traumatized with the insertion. Otherwise, I would completely recommend that.

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post #4 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:30 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

I might do condoms for the first 6 months or a year to build a baseline on what a normal sex drive feels like. Then try the pill, there are many different formulations which can be experimented with if you don't like the effects of a particular pill. But you won't know the difference if you haven't been having sex without the pill.

Also, talk to your doctor about when the pill is not reliable. You need to take it every night without fail and if you go on an antibiotic for instance you need to use condoms as a backup. Those are the big pill related potholes I think. Recovering fertility is generally not an issue but discuss that with your doctor if you are concerned about it.
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post #5 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

I would go with the pill at the start. After a few years just switch to condoms since we all know marriage leads to a lot less sex
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post #6 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:53 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you everyone for your advice on this matter. I'll definitely check out the birth control pill and see what the doctor will say about this before I get married. ?
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post #7 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 09:03 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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Thank you everyone for your advice on this matter. I'll definitely check out the birth control pill and see what the doctor will say about this before I get married. ?
Definitely the pill OP. Like others have said, you will have a to try a few before you find the right one. My doctor insisted on one that I absolutely hated. I did my own research, tried 2 more before I finally found one that worked for me. I have yet to notice any side effects. The types of hormones in there and the amount of each was what I payed special attention to as they determined the side effects and benefits.
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post #8 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 09:14 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

I got pregnant on the pill with perfect use simply because I got a lung infection and the antibiotic prescribed reduced the effectiveness of the pill. Neither my doctor or the pharmacist informed me that there could be a problem and to use a back up method. That lack of information resulted in my daughter. So, if you go the pill route, be very careful with potential interactions with other medications, over the counter or prescribed.

Personally, I have had too many friends online and in real life have side effects from the pill. Weight gain, headaches, dizziness, and low libido being the most common. I am now no longer a fan of hormonal birth control for many reasons. I'd suggest condoms for the first few months until you adjust physically to having sex and then seriously consider switching to a non-hormonal copper IUD. IUD's are good for about 5 years, but can be removed whenever you wish.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #9 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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Thank you everyone for your advice on this matter. I'll definitely check out the birth control pill and see what the doctor will say about this before I get married. ?


You should start on the pill a couple months before you get married. When you start it, you will have irregular periods and spotting and it takes sometime to get adjusted. This way, when you are newly married your irregular spotting/period won't get in the way of any romance
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post #10 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 10:07 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

A huge concern I have in your post is that you intend to practice law and then after a few years you intend to quit and just look after the children. This will cause a huge strain on your marriage as far as finances go. Have you talked to your future husband about this?

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post #11 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

I took the pill the first few years I was married. I had no side effects and was very happy with it. I got pregnant within a few months (planned) after I quit taking it. A few years later I got an IUD after my doctor recommended getting off the pill for awhile. I did have side effects and also got pregnant while using it (that pregnancy ended in a first trimester miscarriage). Since I had only wanted one child, and didn't want to continue dealing with birth control, I decided to get my tubes tied. For me, that was the perfect birth control decision after my family was complete. All of that was decades ago and there are probably different options these days but between the pill and an IUD, my experience was much better with the pill. Everyone is different though and you'll probably have to experiment to find the best solution for you.
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post #12 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 10:28 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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You should start on the pill a couple months before you get married. When you start it, you will have irregular periods and spotting and it takes sometime to get adjusted. This way, when you are newly married your irregular spotting/period won't get in the way of any romance
Yes, this is important. Also it can take a while for the pill to go into effect, primarily because the doctor prescribing them may require for your appointment to be during a certain part of your cycle for an exam. Your OBGYN may not even be able to schedule you an appointment during your next cycle in the event they are busy. So a decision to start BC pills will not be useful while you are waiting for weeks just to get an appointment so that you can start a prescription.

If you are a virgin, you may not even have a OBGYN yet! Do NOT assume your primary care provider will be able or willing to prescribe these for you just because they are your "doctor" at the moment. Odds are your doctor will refer you to a OBGYN if you do not have one, and you will be waiting just to get an appointment!

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post #13 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 10:47 AM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

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Originally Posted by zio View Post
Hi everyone,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question but really need your advice concerning contraception.

I am 23 and will be getting married in a few months. I am a virgin never had any sexual contact and since I will be getting married soon my fiancé and I have agreed to not have children maybe after 2 years. However, if it happens it happens, but for the time being I really do not want children yet. Since we are both young I still want to practice in my legal career first before I actually take the decision to just look after children. However, I have no real knowledge of actual contraception and am worried about the risks of it. I do want children but I don't want to risk not being able to conceive in the future.

So, though my question may seem really ignorant and misinformed. What contraception is best to use that will not cause so much affects? And if I was to stop it will everything go back to normal and will be able to normally conceive?

Thanks
I had same conversation with my W she was on Pill and we planned to wait a couple years, moved in together Feb and she was Pregnant by May, Pill is not 100% effective

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post #14 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:16 PM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

Nothing is 100% effective against abstinence.

And I do not suggest abstinence for newlyweds. I experienced it and it was awful.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #15 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: Contraception in marriage

unless she has a high medical risk for blood clots, the best is her to be on the pill. end of discussion
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