Don't want sex when he's been drinking - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:54 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

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teamwork.
If there is ONE THING in my marriage that makes me feel loved, it is knowing that my wife and I always feel like we are on the same team. Even when we argue about things, we do so understanding we are a couple. She gives me a sense that in everything I do that I am never alone, as I always think of "us" in every decision I make and I know she does the same for me!

@Becka from a husband that appreciates this aspect of marriage, you are 100% correct in my opinion. Just make sure he makes you feel the same, and if not emphasize the importance that the two of you always need to work together on things. If he needs help to unwind, perhaps teamwork means going shopping together for a set of reclining sofas for your family room!



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post #62 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

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When I've bought it up before, he'll just say non- committal things like 'I know', usually with a sigh or suggest I have a drink with him.


Ok so you need to be more direct and have a serious conversation with him. Honey I hate having sex with you when you drink. I love you and want to have sex with you more, like 3x a week would be perfect for me. But your drinking is such a turn off for me and it seems you are drinking every night which is not good for our sex life. Can you not drink everyday for me? If you need help unwinding I have some better ideas than beer
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post #63 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 07:55 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

Men aren't mind readers. Be direct and blunt and tell him what you want.
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post #64 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 08:44 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

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Men aren't mind readers. Be direct and blunt and tell him what you want.
In addition to being horrible mind readers, we are also horrible listeners! If you want to be direct and blunt only ever keep ONE or TWO beers in the fridge for him. Leave the rest out somewhere nice, warm and hard to get to!

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Originally Posted by Becka's Other Half
Honey, Where is the rest of the beer?
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Originally Posted by Becka
Up in the attic, in the crawl space behind the hot water heater.
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How did they get there?
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Originally Posted by Becka
You must have drank too many and gotten lost with them or something!
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Dang! You mind going to get them for me?
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Sure, just go into the bedroom and get naked!
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OK, but why do I gotta get naked?
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We are going to have sex to help pass the time while your beer needs to cool down in the freezer!
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Double Dang, you are AWESOME honey!
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post #65 of 71 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

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You said that if you need a drink or two a day to unwind and relax you're an alcoholic. That's ridiculous.

I wasn't talking about this guy - this guy obviously has problems that reach far beyond having a few beers.
I said if you need alcohol to relax, you have a problem. Doesn't matter if it's 2 drinks or 5. Everybody's tolerance is different.

Why so defensive? It's because it's me, isn't it?

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post #66 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 01:17 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

I agree! He will get terribly jealous. I bet that works. Great idea William.
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post #67 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 01:47 PM
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Cool Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

Come right out and tell him that the drinking is a deal breaker if he's expecting to get sex!

I think that he will get the message loud and clear!

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post #68 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

I'm glad to hear that I am not the only person out there that feels the same way. Before I met my husband he got into trouble with the booze. His father was an alcoholic, his brothers are alcoholics and drug addicts. Mainly pot. He was honest with me when we started dated. Told me he would never go back to that way of life. I told him I wasn't going to live with a drunk. We have been married for 14 years and he started drinking about 3 to 4 years ago behind my back. I don't drink so it was easy for him. I guess I should have figured it out because one day he said to me he could handle the drinking. One night he came home drunk. I was so angry. I asked him why he started drinking again? He had nothing to say. I told him he isn't bring booze into the house, that I'm not going to bail him out of jail and I'm not having sex with him when he has been drinking. He told me, but you already have. Like I said I don't drink. I know what beer smells like and I can't stand it, but as for other drinks go had no clue. I work 70 hours a week to pay the bills. He might work 20. He owns a business and has employees, so he is free to what ever he wants. His income pays for his bar tabs and his hobby. We use to have sex 3 to 4 times a week. Now I'm lucky to see one time a week. Which is sad because I want sex more (even with working all those hours), but I guess drinking and getting drunk is more important. He tells me when I complain (which is often) to go use my toys. It's not the same. I know he won't stop drinking unless something bad happens like another DUI or an accident. I will never be a priority in his life even though he tells me I am. If I was, he would have stopped drinking when I asked him to. I have asked him to get help, but he won't. His friends don't help any either. We have had some pretty bad fights over the drinking. He has broken things, but the booze still is top priority. I know if I tell him I don't want to live with an alcoholic he'll just tell me to pack his stuff and he will leave. I just need to get there first.
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post #69 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-24-2017, 10:53 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

@heartbroken66

why not start your own thread with this post so that people can give you some support and input?

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post #70 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-24-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking

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Hello lovely forum peeps. This is my first post, though I have been reading the awesome advice on here for some time now. I was hoping to call on that advice now.

So... I enjoy sex 3 or 4 times a week but find it repugnant when my husband has been drinking. I hate the smell of alcohol on his breath and it is a deal breaker for me for physical intimacy.

I have told him this and it feels like he's making the choice between beer and sex at the moment which makes me feel rejected. This can result in only one time per week which isn't enough and leaves me frustrated and cross.

Some of you might suggest me having a drink with him to offset the smell but I have to get up super early for work and even 1 drink makes me feel horrid in the morning. I have had a drink on a work night before now because I'd like to be intimate with him but I always regret it.

I bath and shave my legs every night, put on a nice dress. I even bought erotic underwear recently and wear that under my dress so it's clear I'd like to get it on. I thought this would entice him away from the fridge and towards me but it's not working!

It's getting to the point where I'll spend the evening feeing anger as soon as he opens the first can which ruins our evening together. I've just been deciding to go to bed earlier than normal to avoid this situation.

So I'd like to tap into your collective wisdom about these questions:
1. Am I being mean for thinking/ feeling this way?
2. Do you think he is drinking to deliberately not have sex with me?
3. How can I get him not to drink so we can be intimate instead?
4. Any other suggestions or advice appreciated!


If Mrs.CuddleBug was a drinker, I wouldn't of married her and if I was a drinker, she wouldn't of married me. Occasional social drink / toast is all we do.


You aren't being mean for feeling / thinking this way. I wouldn't want to smell alcohol on my wife's breath before sex either. Gross.


He probably just loves his alcohol as a stress relief from work and life. Not doing this on purpose to avoid you in the bedroom.


Tell him straight up, you find a drunk disgusting and not sexy. If he wants sex, no alcohol.


No alcohol / sober = sex.


Alcohol / drunk = no sex.


My ways to unstress are:

- weight training
- landscaping our area
- computer gaming, etc.
- watching movies
- upgrading something for our place
- SEX (if that actually ever happens is a different story.....)

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #71 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-25-2017, 05:13 AM
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Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking


1. Am I being mean for thinking/ feeling this way?

No its not mean that you think its repulsive that he has to drink before having sex with you.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel



2. Do you think he is drinking to deliberately not have sex with me?

No , May be he is a drunkard


3. How can I get him not to drink so we can be intimate instead?

As I said talk to him and tell him strongly how you feel. Openness is key to success in marriage



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