First of I'd like to thank all of u for the input.
I also m a bit confused I don't remember saying that I want her to be like a porn actress. If fact I remember say something like : I'd me happy if she would tell me what she wants or doesn't want. I never wanted to do all the things that are done in porn. If fact I'd didn't even know that girl can squirt until it happened. I also mention that she didn't like me watching porn and I stoped.
As to the initiating thing that is a long story so here it goes:
In our first year of marriage I think I tried to initiate sex every day. Heck I probably could have had sex all day long. But I often got turned down at first not so much and then more and more. (all of that is normal) if i remember right i think out of the 7 nights in a week we had sex 3 times. Even at that time i noticed that her input for sex was basically to be there. With that I mean if I don't ask for a different position it won't change. If I don ask to be touched it won't happen. Oral is the same she don't ask for it. After the first year the frequency of us haven't sex went down and so did my trying to initiate. I finally only tried 1 a week and even then I got denied. (Sometimes) so that is when I sat her down and talked to her (more in depth than:"hey do u like it or what can I do differently.") I told her that I am watching porn now and how I feel and so on. By the end of the talk I felt guilty and promised not to watch porn and I kept my word. I that talk she said the she don't want sex. Sure once we are having it I like it" she said but nevertheless her input into sex did change. After that I told her that I feel bad asking or trying to get her to have sex with me if she really does not want it and that I would stop asking for it. After that talk she comes 2 a week and asks me"would you like to have sex" I say yes we have sex sometimes she even lets me touch her. So I don't think that I am asking for a porn actress.
I don't recall anyone on this thread saying that you are asking for porn sex.
A lot of the talk and questions here are because people are trying to figure out what's going on , it's not finger pointing at you.
There is a chance that your wife is asexual. Some people have no desire for sex at all. They can enjoy it some when it happens, but they have no sex drive.
Some women have responsive sex drives. That means that they require their mate to start the sex in order for them to be sexually aroused. To me, from what you have been posting, your wife has a responsive sex drive.
But it is often hard to tell the difference between asexual and a responsive sex drive.
Or she just has not been 'set free' yet and just does not understand her own sexuality.
I get your frustration. I would hate to be with a man who is like your wife, and yes some men are. WE get women posting here married to men who are like your wife.