Sex! Just another thing on the todo list - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #106 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 10:12 PM
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 44
Re: Sex! Just another thing on the todo list

If I'm allowed to make reference to another forum, there's a good, extremely pro-sex (because God is!) Christian site called The Marriage Bed. I would try to get your wife reading there. Especially in the "sexually refused" section. When my wife read in there her eyes were truly opened. My wife learned that sex for husbands is so much more than a physical release.

You will also learn that some women are entirely responsive sexually. My wife is this way. She (and your wife) don't have the drive of a man. BUT, once they start getting into it (following the husband's lead) THEN desire kicks in. Learning this changed everything for me. There have been times when my wife started with almost an eye roll when I initiated to, with proper attention, she was BEGGING for me to enter her

Like you, years ago in frustration from being denied, after a big talk about sex, we agreed we'd only have sex when SHE would initiate. BIG mistake. Why? Because she's RESPONSIVE. It actually made things much worse because then she felt pressure to initiate, knowing that I was dying for release. Pressure leads to resentment. Bad road to be on!

Don't know if you're a Christian, but if you are, your standard would be Scripture, which teaches the man to lovingly lead his wife. If you're doing it right, she will respond. And she will appreciate & respect you for it.
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post #107 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 02:58 PM
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Hudson Valley, New York State
Posts: 636
Re: Sex! Just another thing on the todo list

Everyone is different.

My experiences are not like yours. I knew I wanted sex in marriage. I told my wife it was vital and required, just a few days after we started dating, that if she wanted to keep me happy she had to keep me sexually satisfied. She was a virgin, and really had no idea, but she accepted the challenge.

In any case, in going over this thread, one thing of note is my wife seldom initiates sex. When I said never, she said she thinks she remembers doing it once, in the 43 years we've been married. I think who initiates sex has little bearing on the issues. My wife never says no, and that works for me.

We agree with those who think your wife has never had an orgasm. From your description it is just not possible she could have. We think the fact she has never had an orgasm is part of why she has become so disinterested in sex.

My wife and I fully agree with the other posters who say you need to be less accommodating. My wife cannot stand a man who is accommodating. Weak, as she calls it. Power turns her on, wildly turns her on. Yes, if I were to ever ask her if she wants to have sex she would probably be turned off. I never have, though, so I can't really be sure. I just strip her and take her whenever I please. I've verified over the years that works extremely well for her. The more forceful I am, the better. She has used her safe word twice, in 43 years. It was a road I had not expected, but I followed her responses.

Not everyone is the same, but there is so much you have refused to explore. Perhaps your wife needs a level of excitement you both refuse to even acknowledge could be allowed.

You never know, unless you start to explore. And she may deny it, even if she responds to it. She may find her body responding to things she thinks she should not respond to, and the dissonance can cause issues.

I pushed my wife beyond the dissonance because I reminded her I had demanded she had to sexually satisfy me every day if she expected to keep me. She melts before, and truly loves, power.

Everyone is different.

Good luck.
WilliamM is offline  
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