My husband is such a sweet man. He is the sweetest with our two kids. We've been married for 5 years and I feel like he has not grown in the sexual area of our marriage. He pretty much is the same from when we married even though I have suggested doing things a little differently. My biggest frustration is that he hardly kisses me when we're having sex. Anywhere. I don't understand. For this reason sex is just that to me. I have never really felt like we've made love. Just had sex. I've mentioned and asked him to kiss me a little more, but he will for about a week after and then he'll stop not long after. Ugh. I just want to feel like I'm wanted (is it weird that I don't even though we're having sex?) how do I bring it up to him and make it stick in his head without being a complete jerk?
I dont know whats going on in your husbands head but from HOW you are wording your postI can try to shed light on your own feelings, and why you feel weird about it.
Ok so because sex is mainly a taboo in our society not much s being discussed, encouraged or explored. Keep in mind 2 dimensions that er happening in your life right now:
Emotional Attraction-------------------Emotional Boredom
Sexual Arousal----------------------Sexual Deactivation
In my own experience, when you just met somebody, you can be attracted to them or bored by them EMOTIONALLY. depending on what you feel and how your feelings move on this continuum, you will find yourself seeking out the other person or ignoring them. Have you ever wondered about a friend of yours that just got a new boyfriend and when you meet him you think "what in heaven does she sees in him???". Well thats because she was attracted to him emotionally.
If there is no emotional attraction, there cannot be sexual arousal. So at the beginning couples (married or not) need the feeling to be emotionally attracted to each other. Sex comes naturally, and is very satisfying. For both.
What happens when couples get married years fly by, have kids, relocate, live together and pretty much know everything about each other? The emotional attraction can start fading out, and all of a sudden the 2 partners can find themselves on 2 different pathways. Where did the emotional attraction go? Are we still attracted to each other? Are we attracted to others? Are we still a good fit for each other? Questions start to creep in.
This has nothing to do with loving each other! This is about attraction, seduction, feeling wanted, feeling sexy, feeling wet/hard when your partner is around. This dimension is the hardest to maintain through the years.
I think this is the dimension your husband is not experiencing anymore or he never had. None of you has faults in this it is kind of a natural process.
You said he doesnt kiss you while haivng sex. Thats a big red flag about attraction. I bet he kisses you on a regular basis, but not when having sex, right? Thats because those 2 kind of kisses are completely different, almost one the opposite of the other.
Have you asked why he doesnt kiss you while having sex?
What changed in YOU from when you were just dating?
I bet (and kind of know) you initiate passionate kissing with him. How does he respond? Kisses back passionately? Reciprocates with smaller less passionate kisses? Avoids kissing you with excuses like "not here", "kids are watching", "not in public"...?
Would love to hear more, my wife and I are going to through something similar and I have thought about this long and hard so I could offer some insight.