Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 08:56 PM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

My wife confessed to me that the only reason why she stayed together with her cheating ex husband was because sex was great.
Sometimes now when things get a little rough for us, I have to admit that sex does keep us together and closer...weird but true.

And to be completely honest, I know we both withold sex to manipulate the other if we want something.
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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

If the sex had been poor, I would have refused to marry my wife. If the sex and become poor, I would have left her. I told her that before we got married, and did remind her of it on occasion.

We had some problems along the way. The sex was always good. We overcame all our problems. Sex was and is fantastic. If the sex had ever been bad, the marriage would have been over. Is that what you mean? But there was nothing bad about the relationship which ever persisted or went unsolved for any length of time. We worked on any issues, and solved them all.

If I had been starved for food, or water, I would have gone somewhere to find those things. If I had been starved for sex for a few days, I would have gone somewhere else to find sex. Sex was just one of the necessary items for survival which I believe a loving spouse would of course provide in abundance. My wife has always provided sex in great abundance.

I did tell her if she abused the children I would probably... oh, better not say that.

I can't see what else could possibly destroy a marriage unless one of the people is a quitter.
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

I think my wife uses sex to keep me distracted. Like other comments on here if the sex was poor or non existent I think my attitude would have changed faster. I agree with having to have some sort of connection to have a lot of good sex but again wonder if that isn't part of the smokescreen
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:18 AM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

I've had a few relationships where the only reason I was dating them was because the sex was amazing and often.
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

sex is the glue that holds ALL marriages together.

A sexless marriage is most likely doomed for failure.
Odds are pretty good ONE of the two in the marriage wants sex, so if they are denied, then there is an implication that their spouse does not love them, does not care about them, could not be bothered to give them the most basic of their needs.

So a sexless marriage may indeed be a poor marriage, not the other way around. It is not holding anything together, since has already fallen apart
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post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 02:21 PM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

Sex is necessary but not sufficient by itself to make a good marriage. If you drift apart, don't have anything in common, don't do things together then it's unlikely that sex will be strong enough glue to keep you together long term. Incidentally, that's a lonely way to live, even with decent sex.
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post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:53 PM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

Before my wife, I dated a girl who I had literally ZERO chemistry with. Our personalities didn't really mesh, and not to be snobby, but I didn't think she was all that intelligent. She was decent looking, but her dull personality really cancelled that out for me. But she was really good at all things sexual. Best BJs I've ever had, without a doubt. She just had a dedicated enthusiasm for it that is hard to find. We coasted along for about 8-9 months. I really don't think this girl even comprehended that we had a mediocre relationship. She cried hysterically when I broke up with her, which shocked me because I didn't think we were that serious at all. It was a long distance thing, she went to college about 3 hours away, so when I eventually did end it, I had that as an excuse. I started dating my wife shortly after, and it was a much better overall experience.
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post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 11:16 PM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

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Originally Posted by bremik View Post
I think my wife uses sex to keep me distracted. Like other comments on here if the sex was poor or non existent I think my attitude would have changed faster. I agree with having to have some sort of connection to have a lot of good sex but again wonder if that isn't part of the smokescreen
Your gut was right.
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post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 11:38 PM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

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In my marriage, we had a terrible dynamic about so many things, and we did ultimately divorce. However, our sex life was always stellar and it was always the one part of our relationship that never had any issues. I would say that the great sex did work as a glue for us for a long time, but eventually the other problems outweighed everything else and we had to break up. If we didn't have a great sex life, we would have broken up much sooner (or probably never got married to begin with).

We both have a lot of regret about how things turned out and wished we could have been better partners for each other. We also still acknowledge how great the sex was and even how great it would be to have it again. But we know that if we did this, we would be sucked down a sinkhole that we've already had to painfully extract ourselves out of once, and we could not bear to go through that pain all over again. In other words, I know we would never be able to "just have sex". We would immediately fall back in love with each other, and then.....like I said, just a sinkhole of pain would be awaiting us.
Why not be better partners, rather than wish you had been? I realize it's easier said than done, but if you love each other, isn't it worth the effort?

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post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:05 AM
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Re: Has anyone had sex be the glue that held a poor relationship together

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Why not be better partners, rather than wish you had been? I realize it's easier said than done, but if you love each other, isn't it worth the effort?
We really, really tried. That's all I can say. Yes we both knew each other was worth the effort. We were both in a bad place and could not deal with everything as we now wish we could have. We really did do the best we could in the space we were in though, and we never ever stopped loving each other. We still haven't.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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