[hqusafa]

Ok. I have been dealing with this for about ten months, and just found this site which seems to be very active. I'm hoping some others have dealt with this and perhaps have other views or ideas I haven't tried or thought of.

A little background . . . I'm a Soldier. We will have our 2 year anniversary in January, and we dated about 8 months prior to me getting deployed, stayed in touch, and then got married after I came back from deployment. So been together/talking/etc. for a little under 3 years. We got married in January, and by the next year (Jan 2011), she had gained 45 pounds. We met and married with her at 5'4" 130 pounds, me at 5'4" 175. She is now 5'4" 175 and I'm 5'4" 171ish. I stay in very good shape (P90x, lifting weights, running, etc. etc.) and do maintain a good physique. Not just for my job, but because being healthy and in good shape was, is, and always will be very important to me through life. It's part of my character.

To me, this is astounding. She had some very good reasons (some might say 'excuses', but I understand how they could affect someone). She quit her job and moved to the town I was stationed in while I was deployed and was without a job for about 6 months. During this time, I video chatted with her while deployed and asked if she was keeping up working out or staying in shape, and she said she wanted to try a jillian michaels wii game (something like that) so I bought it and a yoga mat and sent it to her. After a few weeks she stopped it because she thought it was too hard.

After I came back, she was beautiful. Size 2 - 4, and couldn't keep my hands off her. But somewhere along the line, she kept slipping and slipping, and now she's a size 10 - 12. And I don't like what I see anymore. She's awesome, and everything else about her rocks, but I just can't seem to get excited for sex with her.

Here's how we've discussed it

A little after Valentine's Day this year, I had a very long conversation with her (I was away at school, and it was over IM which actually made it easier for both of us cause typing and writing, we could make sure it was worded correctly instead of stumbling and possibly saying something we wish we hadn't). All in all, I told her that I've noticed her weight gain. She asked if that's why our sex lives haven't been the same and I said, "I'm sorry, but yes." I explained how I feel like a deuschebag, and shallow, but I don't want to give up the marriage cause I DO love her, but I felt almost "lied to" when we got married. I told her I married an entire package, and I stressed to her a lot of times while dating that a lifetime of fitness was very important to me, and I feel as though she just decided to disregard it. I explained that I'm upset and sad because she ALLOWED herself to get bigger. It was something that she could have controlled but chose to ignore and just secretly hope I wouldn't mind.

It also doesn't help that my family is VERY candid and has a low filter for what they say. I was raised with a family who doesn't sugarcoat things. To the point where when we visited them for Christmas, all my aunts and uncles and my grandparents at different times commented on her weight gain to her such as "Looks like he's feeding you good, huh?" Not in a mean way (as some of the them are very overweight), but they just call a spade a spade. Even the overweight ones would comment on her weight gain talking about how they love cakes and cookies too.

Well, it's been a year since we had that conversation, we've had about two or three more during different parts of the year, and nothing has changed. She MIGHT have lost 10 pounds. It seems as though every time we have the conversation, she works out very hard for about two weeks, shows improvement, and then something "gets in the way".

Important detail - right after that conversation, she got a job at a hospital, but it's a flip-flopping schedule. Sometimes day shift, sometimes night shift...so it IS hard for her to schedule a dedicated time every day to work out

Here's what I've tried...

1) I asked her to come to the gym with me every day I went. She would go about 1 out of every 4 times I asked, siting headaches or tiredness as reasons not to go the other times. While at the gym, she would get on a treadmill and walk at about a level 2.5 or 3. I mentioned she probably needs to burn more calories. She told me she didn't know how to use that equipment at the gym (which I'm sure is 100% true...gym equipment can be REAL confusing with all those machines if you're not used to it) so I offered to pay for a personal trainer to help her which she refused.

2) After offering a few times for a personal trainer and her refusing it, a personal trainer happened to come up to her and offer her services (they walk around the gym and hand out cards to people of course - expanding their clientele). She and I went into a room to talk to her, and my wife decided she'd like to try it. So I paid for 8 sessions. My wife wanted to space out the sessions so she took a session every 2 weeks. However between sessions, she'd workout about three times. So average two workouts a week, and she didn't really have a "plan" when she worked out. Just moved stuff around and waited for the next session. I blame a LOT of that on the personal trainer showing her how to use machines, but not giving her a plan or recommended workout. NEVER going to use that company again. After the 8th session, she FINALLY got the trainer to writeup a written plan, and she used it for about two weeks, and then stopped going.

3) She told me the reason she stopped going was she didn't like working out at a gym with people watching. Legitimate concern, so I asked if there's anything she wanted to try. We tried running around the track on base, but she was frustrated that she could only run about 1/10 of a mile before getting really tired and winded, and would just complain over and over again about how much it hurt her throat or hips or legs. I told her, "Working out WILL hurt, but it'll get easier the more you do it. And you'll be able to run further and further". But that was short-lived.

4) Bought her a home workout DVD, exercise ball, small dumbbell kit while at GNC buying some vitamins for us. She never used it.

5) She wanted to try P90x, so I got that. I went through the first two months at the same time as her, doing the diet. She saw and felt results, but kept saying she didn't have time to work out due to her flipflopping shifts. The first month worked great (she had a more steady work schedule), after that the diet is no longer being used (but she IS eating a little better overall) and she works out about twice a week. Maybe.

I've tried to tell her to come up with a planned schedule. Write on a piece of paper, if my shift is 9 - 5, I'm going to work out at THIS time. If my shift is 3 - 11, I'm going to work out THIS time. If my shift is 11 - 7, I'm going to work out THIS time. But she won't do it. Also, I've stopped working out at the same time as her (P90x at home) because I can't stand her negativity throughout the workout complaining the entire time through. It's affecting my mood and making ME pissed off, and i don't need her to see that. To help with her crazy schedule, I've taken up almost all the chores in the household to afford her as much time as possible to get it done. I do the dishes and put them away, I do the laundry and fold it all (she puts her clothes away after it's done), I clean up after the dogs, I do any mowing or carwork that needs to be done, I help vaccuum, I clean up when the coffee table starts to get out of hand, stuff like that. She cooks half the time and I cook half the time (usually baked chicken or fish, rice, nothing unhealthy), and once a week we have a night where we eat unhealthy, but good tasting food (pizza, or a burger, or something like that). I believe one meal in 21 won't throw off a diet enough and it helps to keep the sanity.

summary
All in all, I'm stumped. I flat out told her, I will NOT be in a sex-less marriage. I told her and pointed out some of our friends who have a large spouse and said, I will NOT be that couple. I can't do it. I'm not attracted to overweight woman and I will NOT allow myself to be overweight barring some huge medical condition which stops me from being in control of working out and diet. But I'm not seeing progress.

I am to the point where I get ANGRY seeing my colleagues and their in shape spouses. Why do THEIR spouses stay in shape? What have I done in life and what could I have done different to have gone from what I thought would have been the trophy wife and her having the trophy husband to it not being the case? I actually won't even visit or hang out with other couples that much anymore because it angers me to see their spouses working out (yes I know their spouses go to the gym and workout) and mine won't. My wife will tell me she wants to work out with this person or that person or follow that person's workout plan, but it's always an obese person's workout plan. I tell her, "Why would you want to follow the workout plan of an overweight person? Why not find a spouse you like who's in shape and follow THEIR workout plan? Cause then you know for sure that it'll work. Cause they're in shape."

I've done lots of good 'ol google research on how to tackle this issue, and feel like I've done almost everything shy of counseling. I've completely changed my diet to eat a ton better with my wife, I've offered to take her with me, I've spoken directly to her about it (several times), I've offerred every workout plan to suit her desires (doesn't like the gym? Got her P90x. Wants people to motivate her to workout? I've offered to help pay for Curves, Zumba, Spin class, etc. She wants it to be fun? I bought her and me bikes to ride which she won't do. She doesn't know how to use equipment? I paid for a personal trainer. She has too busy a schedule? I offered to help her sit down and come up with one, plus I now do the majority of the chores around the house to allow her as much time as possible. Wants something she can do at her own pace? Brought her to the track.)

Any other ideas? I believe counseling is pretty much the last step before divorce. I think any counseling I get would basically be a way to AVOID leaving. I've already been divorced once, and she is a great woman, but a marriage without physical attraction would be miserable for both of us. And I'm not gonna live the next 30 years miserable.

She wants to have kids as soon as possible, and I keep telling her to wait. One reason is I want to pay off as much debt as possible, but one reason that I haven't told her about yet is her fitness. If she can't find a way to get BACK in and stay in shape without kids, it's NOT going to be any easier WITH kids. And to be honest, if she doesn't get back in shape and stay there, I feel like I'll have to leave. I'll be miserable and end up being that guy who is a workaholic to avoid having to go home. I don't want to be that guy. I want to be the guy who comes up and can't WAIT to devour his wife up after a long day of work. Not dread going home to an overweight, not trying housewife. And having a kid is NOT going to make her getting BACK into shape any easier.

Any ideas on other things to try? Am I to the point where counseling is necessary? Obviously I'm to a point where I'm asking random strangers anonymously on the internet, but that's at least TWICE removed from having to dissolve this relationship.

And honestly, if this one doesn't work, I'm not going to try again. First wife ALSO gained 50 pounds. Essentially, I end up getting married, wife loves me and I love her. We go out to eat, but the wife believes that she can eat the same portion size as me. But I workout, and the wife will stop working out. So now they have increased the food intake, and decreased calorie burning, and they gain weight. Whereas I stay the same with my food intake and calorie burning.

HQ

PS - I don't think I'll be on this forum giving any advice anytime soon. Obviously, I can't pick them right, so I wouldn't want to hamper someone else's relationship. And if you need any other details or facts about what's going on, just ask. It's just so frustrating that I work so hard to stay in shape, am SUPER careful on who I date making sure that they are in shape and their eating and workout habits support that, and then we get married and the eating goes up, workout goes down, and I end up getting the short end of the stick trying to make sure my wife has the same qualities as me, and then having those qualities change after a ring is on the finger. Sucks.

[Sawney Beane]

Originally Posted by hqusafa

Ok. I have been dealing with this for about ten months, and just found this site which seems to be very active. I'm hoping some others have dealt with this and perhaps have other views or ideas I haven't tried or thought of.

Hqusafa, I wrote this on another post earlier this evening, and it seems eerily prescient:

"Um. As a lifetime exerciser, I've met some people who are keen on exercising, start to finish, plenty of people who are like you describe (added for clarity: people who aren't too keen to start a workout, but always do eventually and love it once they do), and some who do it under protest and afterwards tell you at great length how they DIDN'T like it. And will never, ever, do it without you cajoling or browbeating them.

I've struggled with getting the latter group to enjoy exercise. The usual suggestions (try different things until you find something you like, exercise with a friend, incentive exercise etc) work for some of them, but there's a hard core who are determined to not like it, no matter what."

You can't "make" her like exercising, or indeed even "make" her accept it as an occupational hazard. SHE has to do that - by the sound of things, you've been willing to put time and effort into helping her with her fitness, but unless and until she has a damascene moment about it, she will not exercise of her own volition.

As for why she will not exercise, well, there could be any number of reasons, physical, mental, psychological, but only SHE can address them. YOU can provide support, strength and a "good example", but only she can fight and win those battles.

I spent five years as a Rifleman back when I was younger. The need to be a "self starter" where fitness is concerned is very important to anyone in the military. You cannot rely on having to be "beasted" into it. However, this self-motivation makes is more difficult still to relate others who don't see exercise the same way.


Good luck.

SB

[tjohnson]

You know there are jokes about what happens when women eat wedding cake

1) it makes them lose their sex drive
2) it makes them gain 20-50 lbs over the next 2-5 years.

There are some people (men and women) who change after they get married.

Seriously though if you made it clear that an active lifestyle is important and she told you what you want to her then that is dissapointing. Keep in mind this is only going to get worse over time.

Many times overeating is caused by other underlying lack of happyness.I am not making excuses but, 45lbs is alot of weight to gain. Even with excersize she would have to be eating allot.

It is concieveable your approach may not be a good one. Good luck.

[RoseRed]

Exercise and fitness does NOT have to come from a gym or track! I would strong suggest that you work together with your wife, and all your crazy schedules, to find the time to find an activity that can build muscles, great cardio, and best of all, great alone time with your wife. Trail hiking, you put together a nutritious romantic picnic. Try activities that are not gym/sports related. Heck, even going for a long evening walk, enjoy the starlight. Get goofy, and go bowling. Even do something that you know you will suck at, but she may have a leg up on you to help build her confidence.

In essences you have given your wife an ultimatum, your have shown your cards that physical fitness and attractiveness is paramount in your love to her. You are, in essence, deflating the last sense of her self-esteem by your words. You are foresaking the "better or worse" portion of your vows. In her eyes, you have defined your love for her purely by her appearance.

HTH's

[lovesherman]

Your wife hates to exercise, so the only thing that will work is to drastically cut down on her calories. Do you think that she would be motivated by some sort of gift if she reaches her goal? A bigger diamond? A fancy European river cruise?

Unfortunately I think that you need to discuss how important weight is before you get married. Some people just do not find their weight that important, and they resent any attempt by their spouse to make them thin.

[Sawney Beane]

Originally Posted by lovesherman

Unfortunately I think that you need to discuss how important weight is before you get married. Some people just do not find their weight that important, and they resent any attempt by their spouse to make them thin.

Originally Posted by RoseRed

In essences you have given your wife an ultimatum, your have shown your cards that physical fitness and attractiveness is paramount in your love to her. You are, in essence, deflating the last sense of her self-esteem by your words. You are foresaking the "better or worse" portion of your vows. In her eyes, you have defined your love for her purely by her appearance.

HTH's

Whilst I wouldn't shoot the OP for being "totally shallow" and simply being concerned about his W's appearance, I can see what you're saying.

However, there is a side to this that is concerned with how much the OP's wife is bothered about her health. Should he be expected to sit there and let her eat herself into an early grave?

If we were talking about the OP's wife drinking excessively (for example), we wouldn't be saying that his efforts to change her were simply undermining her confidence and all about his inability to deal with how she lives her life, would we?

[Enchantment]

Has your wife ever been able to, or willing to, exercise?

And, has she been checked out medically to rule out things like hypothyroidism, which negatively affect your metabolism causing weight gain and fatigue? A rapid weight gain in a short period of time coupled with fatigue, and yes, the inability to exercise can be part of that condition if she has it.

Best of luck to you. Nothing is guaranteed in life, not slimness, not fitness, not health. Therefore finding the beauty within yourself and within your spouse can go a long way.

[lovesherman]

I don't feel that alcoholism can necessarily be equated to weight gain. Our society is obsessed with being thin. There are many people who live long lives despite being overweight: Jackie Gleason, Winston Churchill, Ed McMann, Barbara Bush, to name a few.

[Sawney Beane]

Originally Posted by lovesherman

I don't feel that alcoholism can necessarily be equated to weight gain. Our society is obsessed with being thin. There are many people who live long lives despite being overweight: Jackie Gleason, Winston Churchill, Ed McMann, Barbara Bush, to name a few.

For every Churchill etc, there are a slew of people who died young as a result of being overweight, drinking and smoking.

We are perfectly prepared to accept that an unwillingness to exercise or control weight may be a sublimation of a psychological issue. Are we also prepared to accept that a spouse not finding their overweight partner attractive could be a similar subconscious reflection of an inability to find a person who disregards their health as sexually attractive? Just asking...

[GreenEyes]

Ok, I am going to give it to you from the perspective of a wife that does not like to workout with a husband that loves it....I will start off by saying that I do tend to watch what I eat, so I am not overweight or anything because I don't want to be overweight, I'm also not the size that I would love to be either, but it's good enough for having 2 kids....Anywho...I hate to go to the gym, I really honest to God wished that I loved it, but I don't...working out just takes up precious time that I will not get back...My husband tries to go every single day, plus has a very physical job, so needless to say, he is in ridiculous shape. I have a desk job and since I leave home at 7:30 in the morning (H is already gone so can't go to the gym before work) and have to drop off one kid at school, and one 20 minutes away from that at my mom's then drive another half hour to work, then do all that in reverse after work, plus make dinner, whatever that may be, and do homework and baths, I do not feel like going to the gym....

I know that you guys have no kids and she has no job, and honestly if that were me I would then make time to go to the gym....but you cannot make someone workout that doesn't like to workout.

My suggestion would be to take her out on a hike, without making it seem like exercise. I love when me and my H take the kids and go for hikes, so much more scenic than a gym...or spontaneously say lets go for a bike ride, I know you said you bought bikes and she wouldn't ride, but the less you make it seem like exercise, the more willing she may be to do it...

Depending on what type of person she is, she may be seriously discouraged by the fact that you find her unattractive already and have less motivation (although I understand that you did everything you could to prevent this from happening)....I mean personally if my H, who in his vows promised to love me for better or for worse, said I will divorce you because you gained weight, I would give him a big F U and get fatter on purpose then lose it all after the D.... Just sayin....

The thing that jumps out at me the most and rings a bell for me is that she makes all these suggestions, tries it for a while and quits...I do this all the time because I get boooooored Believe it or not working out can be the most boring freakin thing to some people and after doing something over and over for a while, or even a couple times, I get boooooored and dread the though of having to do it again....

My thoughts on this is either she will come to terms with this herself eventually and want to make a change in her life, or you will end up divorcing her for being who she is....

[hqusafa]

Originally Posted by lovesherman

Your wife hates to exercise, so the only thing that will work is to drastically cut down on her calories.

Forgot to mention that she did VERY briefly also try weight watchers points and was immediately pissed off that I got more points than her just cause I'm "a man". I told her it's because I have more muscle mass and naturally will burn more calories just sitting there than she would sitting there, but she got upset that I could have fuller plates. I know just drastically cutting calories (which I know would work without exercise, but it'd have to be a hefty cut) is not something she'll do.

Originally Posted by lovesherman

Unfortunately I think that you need to discuss how important weight is before you get married. Some people just do not find their weight that important, and they resent any attempt by their spouse to make them thin.

We did. As a matter of fact, I discussed how my FIRST wife gained 50 pounds in LESS than a year and how much that annoyed me and ticked me off and was one of the reasons I left her (there were many MANY other reasons, last straw being infidelity on her part)

Originally Posted by enchantment

Has your wife ever been able to, or willing to, exercise?

And, has she been checked out medically to rule out things like hypothyroidism, which negatively affect your metabolism causing weight gain and fatigue?

Yes she physically can exercise. The only medical condition she has is some medication that may cause weight gain, but she was on it when we met and she was 130 pounds. I think the major issue was her quitting one job, working a few months and then being without work again for over a year. And for that year, despite my urging and suggestions, she never joined any clubs, volunteer organizations, or exercised at all and spent all day every day at home. During that time she was a GREAT housewife, doing chores and cooking lunch and dinner so we didn't have to worry about them when I got home from work, but never took time to exercise. So the only calories she burned were watching TV, vaccuuming, loading/unloading dishwasher, etc. etc. (you get the picture, not exactly stuff that raises the heart rate or gets you really moving). So for over year, she didn't change her eating habits to reflect her more sedentary lifestyle.

Fact of the matter is, as a society, we're taught not to judge a book by it's cover, it's what's on the inside that counts, and all these other wonderful phrases to get us to try to look deeper. But when you get down to it, our initial reactions, our inital impressions, and as far as relationships go, our initial judging factor IS based on how you look. I could be the sweetest, most wonderful guy in the world, but since I'm 5'4", half the women have already discounted me as "not dateable" and not "for them" cause they want a tall man. Men and women discount people based on age (he/she is too young....he/she is too old, even when the difference is negligable in the long run). But as soon as someone dismisses someone for being too heavy, all of a sudden the issue of "superficial" comes into play. Fact of the matter is, if I were single, and I saw my wife as she looks now somewhere, I would not consider asking her on a date. Because I want someone fit and trim, because I'm fit and trim, and I want to grow old together having the ability to keep up with future kids, being able to play soccer with future kids in the park, and, in general, being attracted to your spouse throughout life, to me, seems pretty important in a relationship. I wouldn't date someone I'm not attracted to, I wouldn't marry someone I'm not attracted to, because I want to go home, see them, and immediately have a smile jump to my face on how I'm the luckiest guy in the world, and have her feel the same way. And I'm not attracted to her anymore.And I don't feel that way. I feel unlucky to be the guy who married someone, and had her change negatively, EVEN AFTER expressing to her throughout our courtship that her fitness and choicce to stay fit is important to me throughout a lifetime committment to each other.

So it's ok to say, "No. He's too short.", but not ok for my wife to have grown too large. At least she has the ability to control her weight. I just can't seem to find out how to motivate her to do so. And if I DO outline an actual ultimatum, she MAY then get in shape, but how ****ty would I feel knowing that the only reason she's working out is out of fear? Would it be right for me to do that? I don't think so. It'd make me feel like some horrible tyrant and abuser in the relationship. But if I DON'T give her the ultimatum, how will she know how serious of an issue this is? I hate being in this position. And I hate that there was nothing I could have done to stop it, and despite my various efforts, apparantly nothing I can do to change it. I'm expected to just "accept" it.

Hey, here's a contract we signed together, and we had premarital counseling, and outlined our lifetime expectations for one another....but even though we promised we'd be together for the rest of our lives, I'm going to go ahead and change one of those items you outlined as important and I agreed to in year two. Accept it. I know it wasn't done maliciously, but what really irks me and saddens me is she is fully aware, I have made TONS of efforts to help, and she just keeps subtly telling me "No. Accept it" through her various reasons why she can't work out here, or there, or now, or then, or constant complaining and pissed off demeanor when she does work out.

Coming to a forum with such a personal problem, for me, is a sign that I'm pretty much at my wits end. Like I said, it actually physically makes me mad to see other Soldier's spouses who, someone, maintain a job, a household, and children and still do the right thing and maintain a high level of fitness and attractiveness. And female Soldiers who work out EVERY lunch break and go home to a husband and children. And after seeing thi for a year, it makes me think how my wife has gone an entire year of knowing the problem, offerred multiple solutions, and she could have changed it and it would not be an issue right now, but procrastination and a willingness to NOT change it. She can't change it now, and she wants to have kids? If I'm not attracted to her now, there's no way having a famiily is going to make her have MORE time and motivation to go to the gym or do whatever it is she needs to do to get back to where she was. And we're not talking about a 50 year old woman trying to look like when she was 25. We're talking about a 27 year old woman trying to look like she was at 25.

I'm tired. And worn out from thinking and frowning. Maybe Ill get more ideas from other posters or replies in this thread. But myself, I just can't think of any other options I haven't already exhausted. I tried subtle, I tried direct, I tried going with, I tried going without, I offerred professional help, I bought anything to make her more comfortable in whatever environment she chose, I tried a diet, I took over a lot more chores to free up more time for her. What else is there? I would feel really crappy about an ultimatum hovering over her head, but I swore to myself I would never again stay in a relationship where I was not attracted to my significant other, ESPECIALLY when it's somethig they CAN control, but choose not to. That to me is like saying, "I dont care about your wants or desires. I'm doing what I want to do and you're just going to have to deal with it."

Alexi

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

I didn't read what the other responses were, I have a migraine coming on, but I read your post. You really come off shallow by not wanting sex because your wife does not have the motivation to work out hard core cardio 7 days a week. Sorry, that's how your coming off to me. My husband is an absolute fabulous athlete, he's raced in a few ironmans, half ironmans, and marathons. Heck I use to be a triathlete myself and was running a minimum of 36 miles we week, plus biking and running. I looked fabulous!

It all ended one day when I broke my neck and herniated 3 discs 3.5 years ago. I'm now in my late 30's, so my metabolism is very slow. Especially since I spend most my days on the couch or bed due to being disabled with severe pain. Yes, I gained 30 pounds right away. Luckily, I have some motivation to stay thin and I have lost 20 of the 30 pounds. I'm far from toned! It's very noticeable.

My husband loves me and still is very attracted to me regardless of my weight gain. Not once has he ever turned me down for sex, even at my heaviest. Never would he ever suggest I lose weight. Love is not based on looks. My husband married me for better or for worse. I thank God everyday for my supportive husband. He never expects anything from me ever, nor has he ever gotten mad at me for anything.

If your not happy with your wife, divorce her. She deserves someone who will treat her better then you. Women naturally have a slower metabolism and more body fat then men. It's very hard to lose weight. Your better off divorcing her and finding a woman who already is an athlete.
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[hqusafa]

I do loe her. But I'm not attracted to her. And so we don't have sex NEARLY often as we used to. It's down to two or three times a month. No matter what I say, how happy I am, how many times we cuddle and hold each other, which she all loves, I can't be happy having sex with her. And that obviously translates to a low sex drive which means she's always reminded.

As for loving a person for who they are, I thought I was doing that when I married her. Now that she's heavier is THAT who she is? So who did I fall in love with? An imposter? A fake?

I'm believing more and more in that quote I heard a long time time.

1) Men marry women hoping they won't change.
2) Women marry men hoping they will.
3) Both are wrong.

She married me because she loved I was a Soldier. She comes from a long line of military family. She married me because we agreed to have 2 - 3 children. So if I refused to reenlist, went to work at McDonalds and got a vascectomy she's just supposed to accept it? "It's not what we discussed, now we can't have natural children and have to sell off a few vehicles and drive 1000 dollar beaters, but he's y husband. I'll just let my dreams of raising a little girl remain just that." Or is this change something we should have discussed first, or at least discuss afterwards and make sure we're both ok with it. "Better or worse hon." "Oh. And BTW, you know how you love I'm in shape? Well start saving up for a rascal cause I'm on a funyon diet from now on." Better or worse. Get those handicap ramps installed. And roll me over, it's time for some lovin'. But you'll have to do all the work, and don't mind the sweat around my naval area. Better or worse.

Extreme? Yes. Could it start with 50 pounds? Yup. Would it be fair to my wife to deny her her children and stop the military lineage and gain weight despite one of the reasons she loves me is beccause I'm in good shape? No. But this is my true self. That stuff I said and promised before marriage? That wasn't me. I've changed, and you'll just have to change your dreams, expectations, desires, and standards of attractiveness to fit the new me.

[sinnister]

Sorry dude your family sounds like a bunch of rude tactless people.

And if I were you I would love your slightly overweight wife whos awesome in every other way or somebody else will.

[hqusafa]

Originally Posted by sinnister

Sorry dude your family sounds like a bunch of rude tactless people.

And if I were you I would love your slightly overweight wife whos awesome in every other way or somebody else will.

And just flip a switch in my brain and say, "I'm now attracted to overweight women."? It's not about loving her. I love her. It's about not being attracted to her. She'd be a wonderful wife, wonderful mother, and anyone would be lucky to be with her till death do them part, but I'm no longer attracted to her. So just go the next 40 years of my life either not having sex with her, or just not looking forward to it and just hoping it's over soon so she can put some clothes on is the answer?