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post #16 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 11:56 PM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
There are a lot more men living their sex lives online than those actually doing what they say they are doing. What you are noticing is a lot of guys who masturbate to cuckold porn until they want to experience it themselves. Online it is not really their wife and then have no emotions other than arousal. Real life is very different.

I was a cuckold before it was even called that back in 1972. That lasted a year and ended when my girlfriend asked my three visiting friends to gang bang her and then expected me to lick her clean. After that I cuckolded two husbands and one fiancee for a few months. I cuckolded my last cuck for 25 years. He liked the fact that I am married and sterile because he lost his first wife to one of her lovers.


Ok so because you are a cuckold... what is it all about? What feeling does it create That turns you on? Humiliation, degrading, being dominated...
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post #17 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 02:04 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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Interesting. I guess this fantasy is always doomed to failure from the start because the whole cuckolding project requires the guy to become subordinate and females find this off-putting (unless losing respect for the guy is also part of the spiel...but by then it's too late).

These thoughts have crossed my mind (and I have shared them though as soon as I utter the words, I realise how ridiculous it is). In reality, I think unless I murder the guy afterwards, I would not be able to move on with my life...Very strange. I have no idea where they come from (the thoughts). Or why.
Yes I do believe the fulfilment of this fantasy is doomed to failure and not worth the risks involved. Although I didn't personally experience this response, I also wonder if it couldn't also introduce the subconscious feeling of being pimped out, to the woman involved. In my mind, that type of reaction seems even more damaging than the loss of respect.

It would be interesting to hear some theories on what drives this interest in men, particularly when it's a very strong interest that they feel compelled to act on. When you think about the act, what aspect of it is the turn on?
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post #18 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 04:57 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

cuckolding? it is a kinky fetish. Some men have them.

Some guys love to have a woman kick their balls. over and over. Why? Who the F knows, but obviously it turns them on.

i am not going to judge another man, just point out eh inherent dangers in talking your wife into ****ing other men! Pandora had this box once and....
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post #19 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 05:53 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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It would be interesting to hear some theories on what drives this interest in men, particularly when it's a very strong interest that they feel compelled to act on. When you think about the act, what aspect of it is the turn on?
I enjoy aspects of tantric tease and denial and discovered this while reading the forums about karezza at https://www.reuniting.info/ which is a very monogamous site that discusses using orgasm denial as a means to explore sex for the purpose of emotionally bonding with one another. So in my efforts to research and learn more, the topic orgasm denial is all too often associated with chastity play and then you guessed it, cuckolding. When first researching this, I was always like "WTF why can't couples just enjoy some form of orgasm denial without all this humiliation crap and swinging lifestyle." Anyway, I am now somewhat fairly well read on this topic out of morbid curiosity and I do find some wive's aptitude towards the psychology of knowing how to tease their husbands to be somewhat fascinating. But in all my reading about cuckolding, here are a few of my theories:

THEORY 1
Most men grow up watching porn and essentially the experience of watching a desirable woman have sex with multiple partners becomes too rewarding. Men that watch porn compulsively likely know that these female objects of their desire will never love them back and are inaccessible in real life. Some men that get into cuckolding seem to be obsessed with an opportunity to have their wife emulate the porn they watched growing up by taking photos/videos or her sleeping with another man and then use that for erotic stimulation knowing that for the first time that the porn they are watching actually loves them back and did this just for them.

THEORY 2
In a great deal of cuckolding porn and websites there seems to be some form of suppressed male homosexuality (perhaps bisexuality) that these men fear for whatever reason. Meanwhile they are able to attract and have sex with other men via proxy by using their wives. My theory is that this type of man is aroused by observing and trying to experience another man's arousal. If his wife is in charge of this, it allows him to have very close participation with the other male which usually will culminate in a threesome for which the wife will encourage the other male to have direct sexual contact with her husband in ways that humiliate him pleasurably for his fear of homosexuality.

THEORY 3
Some men grow up feeling inadequate to please their wives and are engrained that all other men are bigger, stronger, and better then them. This type of man's biggest fear is that his wife will leave him for another man. For whatever reason he feels that her fidelity to him is an unfair punishment due to his inadequacy and he feels that she deserves to have a satisfying sex life. So this type of male is excited about being very in control of finding another man for his wife to entertain herself with sexually as it allows him to confront his fears of abandonment and experience his wife coming back to him after the experience is over. For this male it is all about the euphoria each time she returns to him because this is what he needs to feel loved and know that she will not leave him.

One blog that I have enjoyed reading because I find the nature of how his wife teases him to be rather fascinating, and combined with the fact that he has blogged continuously about it now for over a decade but yet I can never guess what will happen next. It is like watching a movie where you know the main character is doomed and will be destroyed by all his villains, but somehow manages to barely survive, just like Batman when he is tied up and suspended over a tank of acid. I'll revisit that blog every once in a great while knowing that it should have ended by now, but somehow the guy has managed to survive to live another day in his marriage. I am always like WTF, and HOW is his wife managing to keep putting up with him AND encourage this???? OMG she did what to him last time!!!! Holy crap Batman! She is now in the process of slowly turning her husband back into her alpha male from beta, emphasis on SLOWLY and humiliating him by not allowing him to progress as fast as he wants at this! She lets him take one step forwards and she pushes him two steps back. She seems motivated by empowering her husband to become her sole and only lover, but she knows she has to tease him back into this role in order for it to work so she can quit the "lifestyle" and have a normal marriage as they get too old for anymore nonsense.

Regards,
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post #20 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 06:10 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

What I'd like to know is if this is an exclusively male fantasy, or if there are some women out there who share it, as well? (ie. watching their husband with another woman). I have yet to hear of one instance of a woman being interested in this, let alone following through.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #21 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 06:21 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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What I'd like to know is if this is an exclusively male fantasy, or if there are some women out there who share it, as well? (ie. watching their husband with another woman). I have yet to hear of one instance of a woman being interested in this, let alone following through.
Yes - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckquean
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post #22 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 06:49 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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Yes I do believe the fulfilment of this fantasy is doomed to failure and not worth the risks involved. Although I didn't personally experience this response, I also wonder if it couldn't also introduce the subconscious feeling of being pimped out, to the woman involved. In my mind, that type of reaction seems even more damaging than the loss of respect.

It would be interesting to hear some theories on what drives this interest in men, particularly when it's a very strong interest that they feel compelled to act on. When you think about the act, what aspect of it is the turn on?
I wrote a bit about it in the hotwife thread: The hotwife fantasy

I think it's just to see my wife really turned on, independently of me, might be a huge turn on. Why independently of me...difficult to say. I think there might be some wires getting crossed in my brain (because it makes no sense to me): to see your wife all turned on plus another guy and being in control of that situation (though that's debatable but lets assume it is this way, since it's a fantasy) is a bit like letting a human dildo bringing wife to ecstasy. But it only works when I think about it from wife's perspective (who may not even enjoy it, so it's kind of pointless). Once I think about the guy as a person, I feel rage.
I know for sure that I would not be able go on with my life if I did let this happen so i don't dwell on it too much and it remains a fantasy. I just don't see it working out in real life at all. I don't care so much for the humiliation aspect for myself although it might be hot, I don't know. Haven't thought about it and we never really reversed roles in bedroom (her dominating me). It's all to do with basically having a fantasy of my wife having a fantasy of being ****ty plus me (having the illusion) of being in control of her ****tiness. How another dude ends up in the picture sometimes, I have no idea!
Messed up. But it seems there are many different reasons why men fantasize about it. But I have a feeling that in the majority of cases it totally doesn't do "what it says on the bow" it is supposed to do for the wife! She probably ends up feeling the other male is actually taking over husband and that seems a big turn off. So i don't see how it can work out. Unless a woman really loves a non-alpha guy or changes her perspective (that it's the husband letting her getting ****ed). The brain...why did they give me one
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post #23 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 07:09 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
I enjoy aspects of tantric tease and denial and discovered this while reading the forums about karezza at https://www.reuniting.info/ which is a very monogamous site that discusses using orgasm denial as a means to explore sex for the purpose of emotionally bonding with one another. So in my efforts to research and learn more, the topic orgasm denial is all too often associated with chastity play and then you guessed it, cuckolding. When first researching this, I was always like "WTF why can't couples just enjoy some form of orgasm denial without all this humiliation crap and swinging lifestyle." Anyway, I am now somewhat fairly well read on this topic out of morbid curiosity and I do find some wive's aptitude towards the psychology of knowing how to tease their husbands to be somewhat fascinating. But in all my reading about cuckolding, here are a few of my theories:

THEORY 1
Most men grow up watching porn and essentially the experience of watching a desirable woman have sex with multiple partners becomes too rewarding. Men that watch porn compulsively likely know that these female objects of their desire will never love them back and are inaccessible in real life. Some men that get into cuckolding seem to be obsessed with an opportunity to have their wife emulate the porn they watched growing up by taking photos/videos or her sleeping with another man and then use that for erotic stimulation knowing that for the first time that the porn they are watching actually loves them back and did this just for them.
Just examining myself from your points:
Not sure about theory 1. I never cared if the women in porn loved me back or didn't...The turn on for me was just imagining the particular scenario/reliving the sex act, nothing more, no emotions at all.
I also don't know if the 'porn star' (my wife) always loves me back the same way I do...but that's independent of the whole hotwife thing. If I record us during sex, it's usually to remember/hold the moment so that I can relive it when she is inaccessible for me or when I travel etc. It doesn't do anything to enhance the actual act at the time. If somebody else was watching us: perhaps might be a turn on because I am mildly exhibitionist like that (I guess, but I never tried) but the sexuality/arousal of third person would not really be of interest so much I don't think.


THEORY 2
In a great deal of cuckolding porn and websites there seems to be some form of suppressed male homosexuality (perhaps bisexuality) that these men fear for whatever reason. Meanwhile they are able to attract and have sex with other men via proxy by using their wives. My theory is that this type of man is aroused by observing and trying to experience another man's arousal. If his wife is in charge of this, it allows him to have very close participation with the other male which usually will culminate in a threesome for which the wife will encourage the other male to have direct sexual contact with her husband in ways that humiliate him pleasurably for his fear of homosexuality.


Definitely does not resonate with me. It's all about wife and her arousal in the scenario. (And possibly a control game/pushing it).

THEORY 3
Some men grow up feeling inadequate to please their wives and are engrained that all other men are bigger, stronger, and better then them. This type of man's biggest fear is that his wife will leave him for another man. For whatever reason he feels that her fidelity to him is an unfair punishment due to his inadequacy and he feels that she deserves to have a satisfying sex life. So this type of male is excited about being very in control of finding another man for his wife to entertain herself with sexually as it allows him to confront his fears of abandonment and experience his wife coming back to him after the experience is over. For this male it is all about the euphoria each time she returns to him because this is what he needs to feel loved and know that she will not leave him.


Interesting theory. Never thought about it that way. I do often feel she might be happier with someone else (or rather, how can she know that she wouldn't, since she assures me she is with me but never has been in any other LTR). I think this has been the underlying theme of our relationship for 20 years...But I am not sure it's connected to the hotwife thing or I have never connected it. Maybe you are onto something...I am not sure why an insecurity would manifest itself in a sexual kink though.
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post #24 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 08:58 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

@badsanta, very interesting theories and I think all spot on. I would guess that my ex was operating under Theory 3 when he asked me to act out this fantasy. It fits in with his extreme nice guy tendencies which were rooted in his unresolved abandonment issues stemming from childhood. And the masochistic aspect that I sensed despite his denial, and that initially threw me off. I couldn't understand, why would he torture himself this way? But what you've presented here makes sense.

I'm not familiar with karezza at all. Thanks for sharing that. The blog you refer to at the end, care to share? With that description, I'm super curious to find out more about this interesting dynamic between husband/wife.
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post #25 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 09:09 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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I wrote a bit about it in the hotwife thread: The hotwife fantasy

I think it's just to see my wife really turned on, independently of me, might be a huge turn on.


That makes perfect sense. This is exactly my perspective when I think about watching my partner with another woman. I'm not sure why I never thought about a man wanting this for the same reasons.

I know for sure that I would not be able go on with my life if I did let this happen so i don't dwell on it too much and it remains a fantasy. I just don't see it working out in real life at all. I don't care so much for the humiliation aspect for myself although it might be hot, I don't know. Haven't thought about it and we never really reversed roles in bedroom (her dominating me). It's all to do with basically having a fantasy of my wife having a fantasy of being ****ty plus me (having the illusion) of being in control of her ****tiness. How another dude ends up in the picture sometimes, I have no idea!


Messed up. But it seems there are many different reasons why men fantasize about it. But I have a feeling that in the majority of cases it totally doesn't do "what it says on the bow" it is supposed to do for the wife! She probably ends up feeling the other male is actually taking over husband and that seems a big turn off. So i don't see how it can work out. Unless a woman really loves a non-alpha guy or changes her perspective (that it's the husband letting her getting ****ed). The brain...why did they give me one

During the act, I couldn't help assuming that the OM was secretly laughing at my partner's decision to let this happen, and watch in real life. That the guy was getting an ego trip over this and my partner was inadvertently relegated to 2nd place. It's difficult being in a situation where your partner is not in charge and you feel he's being somewhat belittled.

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post #26 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

My wife asked me if I ever had that fantasy.

My reaction was; How would you like to watch me **** some random woman?
Our reaction was nope nope and nope.

I have difficulty with polyamory in any of its forms. Almost everyone I have met in that lifestyle has at least one broken relationship as a result.

It may be exciting in the moment, however it has an aftermath. That aftermath is deadly.

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-25-2017 at 08:50 PM. Reason: removed profanity filter bypass
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post #27 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

Ever see one of the old giallo movies from the 1970s...the Italian made murder-horror movies? Where you have lots of stabbing and slicing and fountains of irridecent blood flying everywhere? That's what it would look like if I saw my woman being nailed by another dude.

I'd be hacking his head off with my machete...she'd be screaming and slipping and sliding around in his blood trying to get out of there....

It wouldn't be good for any of the parties present.
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post #28 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 10:45 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

Is it really a genuine fantasy? For a few maybe but my opinion is the rise of this new fetish it's just an escalation from a porn addiction. A few years ago an old TAM member made the case for this and I wish I could remember his name or saved his post. Basically a porn addict needs more and more dopamine as the porn gets more boring and mundane to the point where the wants to watch sex in person instead of on a computer screen. I don't think he necessarily wants to see his wife have sex with another man, he just wants to see live sex. His addiction has taken over common sense.
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post #29 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 10:48 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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Ever see one of the old giallo movies from the 1970s...the Italian made murder-horror movies? Where you have lots of stabbing and slicing and fountains of irridecent blood flying everywhere? That's what it would look like if I saw my woman being nailed by another dude.



I'd be hacking his head off with my machete...she'd be screaming and slipping and sliding around in his blood trying to get out of there....



It wouldn't be good for any of the parties present.


That's a whole different fantasy altogether


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post #30 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?

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Is it really a genuine fantasy? For a few maybe but my opinion is the rise of this new fetish it's just an escalation from a porn addiction. A few years ago an old TAM member made the case for this and I wish I could remember his name or saved his post. Basically a porn addict needs more and more dopamine as the porn gets more boring and mundane to the point where the wants to watch sex in person instead of on a computer screen. I don't think he necessarily wants to see his wife have sex with another man, he just wants to see live sex. His addiction has taken over common sense.


No that's definitely not it. I know it's popular to blame porn on everything plus their dog here.


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