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post #16 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 10:54 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Originally Posted by RideofmyLife View Post
My recently divorced friend was never able to have PIV orgasms with her husband, but could with a later sex partner. She said he was shaped differently.
Not the same as OP.

He gave his wife PIV orgasms for 15 years and she had an affair for maybe 4 months.

Also, your friend might be more stimulated mentally as well by her partner. Not taking anything away from penis shape, fun subject, but men and women can orgasm without touching of any kind from a dream.

The orgasm response is triggered by a serious of nervous impulses sent to the brain and the brain sending signals back.

Brain dead corpses on life support are very difficult to get off! LOL!
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post #17 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Affair sex is more exciting, forbidden fruit, etc. The Sec. Maybe just ok but the circumstances make it like sex on steroids. Although it's a fantasy that can never last longterm the memories do that's why for most the sex will never be the same in the marriage.

Sounds like after her experience in the A she's just not that into you.
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post #18 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 12:54 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Maybe she feels bad about the affair and its blocking hercability to let herself go? Is she remorseful? She ended up with you so must have wanted you?

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post #19 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 01:14 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

She's not failing to "get there" because of guilt. She got involved in the affair because romantic interest in her husband reach a low point and she decided to subsidize it with another man. The romantic interest, like most of the time, never returned and she can't reach orgasm with him for that reason She's just not that into him anymore and just providing duty sex. Evidence is when she said orgasm is not that important. (That's womanese for, "shut up about it and be happy I go to the trouble to give it up to you at all. Just hurry up and get it over with for gawd sake.) When he puts on his equipment, its like she doing it with someone else.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #20 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 02:30 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Partner replacement fantasies are actually more common among women than compared to men. My theory about this is because men tend to watch more porn and doing so numbs both our ability and desires to fantasize about other women, because we just got done watching about 100 different women have sex yesterday and today we want the real thing. Meanwhile women tend to gravitate towards romance novels which does the opposite as it enhances one's ability and desire to fantasize, partly because yesterday there were zero men that most women were watching have sex.

So then when women read romance books and imagine themselves in that book, "partner replacement" becomes a must as imagining their partner in real life would just not be plausible enough to enjoy said fantasy.

When is the last time you saw a female romance novel full of pictures? YOU DO NOT, because it would ruin it for her because she already enjoys fantasizing him into being and that is way better than any stupid pictures could ever do!!!!

Imagine if someone flipped a switch and all the sudden all the world's internet porn were gone and replaced by words? Men everywhere (while very frustrated and screaming four letter words) would slowly learn what it is like to use their imaginations for the first time in forever! Then we too would think of all sorts of things. Imagine that?

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post #21 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 02:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by RideofmyLife View Post
My recently divorced friend was never able to have PIV orgasms with her husband, but could with a later sex partner. She said he was shaped differently.
Not the same as OP.

He gave his wife PIV orgasms for 15 years and she had an affair for maybe 4 months.

Also, your friend might be more stimulated mentally as well by her partner. Not taking anything away from penis shape, fun subject, but men and women can orgasm without touching of any kind from a dream.

The orgasm response is triggered by a serious of nervous impulses sent to the brain and the brain sending signals back.

Brain dead corpses on life support are very difficult to get off! LOL!
I stand corrected.
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post #22 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Sheezus....gawd almighty.....


I need to quit this forum.
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post #23 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

I am 49 and have been with my husband since I was 17. I have had other partners but he is the only one to ever bring me to orgasm. I NEVER have thought of another man while having sex. Perhaps the other man was well-endowed and that's why she cannot orgasm unless you are weating an extender. Please stop doing that and be only yourself. Have you gona to marital counseling?


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post #24 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 04:29 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Has she ever been remorseful?

Has she read how to help your spouse heal from your A?

Did she tell the OM's wife about the A, stop protecting the POSOM and start protecting you?

How would she feel if you had an A? Does she have any empathy at all?

Hope you do not continue to rugsweep. She should be happy that you are still around.

will she pay for you both to go to affair-recovery.com?

maybe they could open her eyes to realize how she has hurt you and the OM is some fantasy about a player that used her and several others at the same time.

did she ever give you a timeline of her A and all the events? Help you put the puzzle together? Stop with the extender. Tell her to get into the real world.
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post #25 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Ladies...is it normal to fantasize of other men during sex with your husband?
We have been married since college (30 years). About 15 years ago my wife had a 3-4 month affair. Unwisely, I wanted to know all the details of their encounters and she shared with me that the sex and her orgasms were great. I have noticed that she has not had an orgasm with me during intercourse since her affair. However, if I wear a strap on or penis extender she always orgasms during intercourse. I believe by adding these enhancements she feels she is having sex with another guy. which allows her to orgasm.
Thoughts?
I don't understand the problem. Do you want to control her mind? To me, excuse me if I am being unsympathetic, this is simply creating a problem where there is none. Let me refine that. There probably is a problem, lot's of them but this is one is just a way of diverting attention from the real stuff that is bothering you and I imagine her to an even greater degree.

Sex occurs in the mind. It REQUIRES that we leave our rational mind to be properly enjoyed.
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post #26 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Originally Posted by hifromme67 View Post
I am 49 and have been with my husband since I was 17. I have had other partners but he is the only one to ever bring me to orgasm. I NEVER have thought of another man while having sex. Perhaps the other man was well-endowed and that's why she cannot orgasm unless you are weating an extender. Please stop doing that and be only yourself. Have you gona to marital counseling?


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What do you think of during sex? Do you experience fantasy at all or are you wholly present during the act?
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post #27 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 04:47 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Partner replacement fantasies are actually more common among women than compared to men. My theory about this is because men tend to watch more porn and doing so numbs both our ability and desires to fantasize about other women, because we just got done watching about 100 different women have sex yesterday and today we want the real thing. Meanwhile women tend to gravitate towards romance novels which does the opposite as it enhances one's ability and desire to fantasize, partly because yesterday there were zero men that most women were watching have sex.

So then when women read romance books and imagine themselves in that book, "partner replacement" becomes a must as imagining their partner in real life would just not be plausible enough to enjoy said fantasy.

When is the last time you saw a female romance novel full of pictures? YOU DO NOT, because it would ruin it for her because she already enjoys fantasizing him into being and that is way better than any stupid pictures could ever do!!!!

Imagine if someone flipped a switch and all the sudden all the world's internet porn were gone and replaced by words? Men everywhere (while very frustrated and screaming four letter words) would slowly learn what it is like to use their imaginations for the first time in forever! Then we too would think of all sorts of things. Imagine that?

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Do you have data to support this?
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post #28 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 05:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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What do you think of during sex? Do you experience fantasy at all or are you wholly present during the act?
At this point I have become consumed with the fact that the last time she orgasmed during intercourse was with another man so all I think about during sex is her inability to orgasm with me anymore. I know...pathetic isn't it. The reason I bought the extender was to prove to myself that she is still capable of PIV orgasms.
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post #29 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 05:33 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Do you have data to support this?
Who is the romance book reader? (source: Nielsen Books & Consumer Tracker)
Female: 84%
Male: 16%

Who is the porn watcher? (source: Pornhub's 2016 Year in Review ? Pornhub Insights)
Female: 26%
Male: 74%

So if you ask which gender would prefer to only read about sex without any pictures that would be female. Meanwhile men statistically would rather watch sex and not really read about it.

What requires more imagination? Watching someone have sex or only being able to read about it? Obviously only being able to read about something would require much more imagination.

Now here are the questions that get interesting, but I have not seen data on this yet. How many men require some type of porn in able to be able to masturbate to an orgasm? Then the question for females would be how many females require a romance novel in order to masturbate to an orgasm? I would hypothesize that there is a much higher occurrence rate of men that require porn than compared to females that require books, simply because one gender does not exercise their imaginations sexually as much as compared to the other.

When I was young and before internet porn, I used my imagination all the time! After porn, I found myself unable to imagine anything sexual what so ever and would be desperate for porn. When I stopped porn and started reading, I found my own imagination to become exponentially more powerful than porn. Today I find myself unable to masturbate to porn because it distracts my imagination, so I'll turn it off and find the experience to be way better without it. I do not know how many other men have experienced that, but that it my story.

I also did a fantasy poll here on TAM, and it got deleted for good reasons. It regarded which genders chose to fantasize someone other than a spouse. Almost all men would fantasize about their own wives, probably because they lack the imagination skills to imagine sex with other partners. Meanwhile women enjoyed fantasizing about almost anything they wanted, probably because they have a superior imagination that has not been impaired by years upon years of their brains being spoon fed sexual imagery produced by the porn industry.

Of course I could be wrong! So feel free to debate if you have data or experiences that suggest otherwise.

I have also heard a great number of women describe what it is like to have had a wide variety of sexual partners and how this impacts fantasy while being with a spouse. They would describe it as having gotten to drive all sorts of race cars, many of which could really perform beyond expectations. In contrast their husbands would be like driving the family van, most often a little more bulky and not so powerful. These women also found that being limited to driving a family van could be really fun if they closed their eyes and imagined themselves back in the seat of a finely tuned race car, even if that finely tuned race car was their same husband but just twenty years younger when he was in way better shape and won awards on the college swim team.

Regards,
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post #30 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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At this point I have become consumed with the fact that the last time she orgasmed during intercourse was with another man so all I think about during sex is her inability to orgasm with me anymore. I know...pathetic isn't it. The reason I bought the extender was to prove to myself that she is still capable of PIV orgasms.
If that is how you view yourself then stop it.

I don't think you are pathetic but I'm still curious about why you reconciled, why she justified cheating, how it was discovered, how it ended and what you two did to repair it.

It sounds like it was rug swept and the damage is still there.
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