Wife thinks about other men during sex - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:18 AM Thread Starter
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Wife thinks about other men during sex

Ladies...is it normal to fantasize of other men during sex with your husband?
We have been married since college (30 years). About 15 years ago my wife had a 3-4 month affair. Unwisely, I wanted to know all the details of their encounters and she shared with me that the sex and her orgasms were great. I have noticed that she has not had an orgasm with me during intercourse since her affair. However, if I wear a strap on or penis extender she always orgasms during intercourse. I believe by adding these enhancements she feels she is having sex with another guy. which allows her to orgasm.
Thoughts?
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post #2 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

As a 40 something woman, I can honestly say I have never thought of anyone else during sex with my partner. I am usually too distracted to think of anything really.

Did she used to orgasm with you before the affair?

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post #3 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by araffair View Post
Ladies...is it normal to fantasize of other men during sex with your husband?
We have been married since college (30 years). About 15 years ago my wife had a 3-4 month affair. Unwisely, I wanted to know all the details of their encounters and she shared with me that the sex and her orgasms were great. I have noticed that she has not had an orgasm with me during intercourse since her affair. However, if I wear a strap on or penis extender she always orgasms during intercourse. I believe by adding these enhancements she feels she is having sex with another guy. which allows her to orgasm.
Thoughts?
Amongst other things I think penis extenders are fake embellishments.
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post #4 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Yes, she used to orgasm via intercourse before the affair.
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post #5 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

I suspect that on some level she regrets the affair is over, when it came to her sexual needs.
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post #6 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:46 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Why don't you use your own appendage?
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post #7 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 08:59 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by araffair View Post
Ladies...is it normal to fantasize of other men during sex with your husband?
We have been married since college (30 years). About 15 years ago my wife had a 3-4 month affair. Unwisely, I wanted to know all the details of their encounters and she shared with me that the sex and her orgasms were great. I have noticed that she has not had an orgasm with me during intercourse since her affair. However, if I wear a strap on or penis extender she always orgasms during intercourse. I believe by adding these enhancements she feels she is having sex with another guy. which allows her to orgasm.
Thoughts?
This should probably be in the coping with infidelity section but your wife needs therapy with you.

Sex is a very mental sport. From your posts, her affair partner must have been larger than you in the penis department?

Are you in the average range?

The reason I am asking is because if she had orgasms with you from PIV sex before her infidelity then she could have them now.

The vagina is a negative space that is very elastic otherwise having a baby would ruin sex for everyone out there!

Your wife has a mental /emotional problem do to her infidelity.

I've never heard of a woman who has vaginal orgasms being unable to have them anymore because of different sized partners.

A woman who can orgasm from PIV alone can accommodate a very big penis and still orgasm from one of her fingers being inserted later.

I'm not convinced.
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post #8 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:06 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

No I would never fantasise about another man during sex with my husband.How disrespectful that would be. Just him. Mind you I would never cheat either.
Well done for having her back and being able to have sex with her again, I doubt I would or could if I were ever cheated on.
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post #9 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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This should probably be in the coping with infidelity section but your wife needs therapy with you.

Sex is a very mental sport. From your posts, her affair partner must have been larger than you in the penis department?

Are you in the average range?

The reason I am asking is because if she had orgasms with you from PIV sex before her infidelity then she could have them now.

The vagina is a negative space that is very elastic otherwise having a baby would ruin sex for everyone out there!

Your wife has a mental /emotional problem do to her infidelity.

I've never heard of a woman who has vaginal orgasms being unable to have them anymore because of different sized partners.

A woman who can orgasm from PIV alone can accommodate a very big penis and still orgasm from one of her fingers being inserted later.

I'm not convinced.
Yes, I am in the average range. 6" Long & 5.5" Circumference. I agree that it appears to be a mental thing with her.
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post #10 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Originally Posted by araffair View Post
Yes, I am in the average range. 6" Long & 5.5" Circumference. I agree that it appears to be a mental thing with her.
You have more than enough.

Is therapy a possibility for you two?

How has your communication been?

Have you discussed this particular issue?

You said you have observed that she doesn't O but have you talked with her about this?
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post #11 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

I don't think size matters to be honest. It really is what you do with it. I had one partner who was really big and I found it very uncomfortable. My husband is similar in size to you and its the best sex I have ever had. Its very rare that I orgasm though penetration alone. Its all the other stuff that gets me there! Penetration just pushes me over the edge.

Have you spoken to her about it? Maybe more foreplay / afterplay?

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post #12 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
You have more than enough.

Is therapy a possibility for you two?

How has your communication been?

Have you discussed this particular issue?

You said you have observed that she doesn't O but have you talked with her about this?
Yes, I have discussed this with her. She confirmed that she has not orgasmed from intercourse with me since her affair and she doesn't like talking about it because it puts more pressure on her. She said she doesn't care about the lack of PIV orgasms and it's not a big deal to her (which I find hard to believe).
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post #13 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

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Yes, I have discussed this with her. She confirmed that she has not orgasmed from intercourse with me since her affair and she doesn't like talking about it because it puts more pressure on her. She said she doesn't care about the lack of PIV orgasms and it's not a big deal to her (which I find hard to believe).
Well. I would say she deserves the pressure if she wants to work to repair the marriage she destroyed.

I'm surprised you haven't required more effort on her part to repair your marriage.

I don't personally settle for less than my wife's best and she deserves the same from me.

By her not repairing this issue and refusing to work on it, she is indeed keeping the other man firmly planted in your bed and coming between you two.

How did the infidelity come to light and how did it end?

You two got the son of a ***** out of her vagina now he needs to get out of her head!

Has she admitted to thinking about him during sex?

I believe she still is and that is the most likely the barrier between you two in bed.
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post #14 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Wife thinks about other men during sex

Mrs, has always done this. not every time but from time to time since our first year.
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post #15 of 78 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by araffair View Post
Ladies...is it normal to fantasize of other men during sex with your husband?
We have been married since college (30 years). About 15 years ago my wife had a 3-4 month affair. Unwisely, I wanted to know all the details of their encounters and she shared with me that the sex and her orgasms were great. I have noticed that she has not had an orgasm with me during intercourse since her affair. However, if I wear a strap on or penis extender she always orgasms during intercourse. I believe by adding these enhancements she feels she is having sex with another guy. which allows her to orgasm.
Thoughts?
This should probably be in the coping with infidelity section but your wife needs therapy with you.

Sex is a very mental sport. From your posts, her affair partner must have been larger than you in the penis department?

Are you in the average range?

The reason I am asking is because if she had orgasms with you from PIV sex before her infidelity then she could have them now.

The vagina is a negative space that is very elastic otherwise having a baby would ruin sex for everyone out there!

Your wife has a mental /emotional problem do to her infidelity.

I've never heard of a woman who has vaginal orgasms being unable to have them anymore because of different sized partners.

A woman who can orgasm from PIV alone can accommodate a very big penis and still orgasm from one of her fingers being inserted later.

I'm not convinced.
My recently divorced friend was never able to have PIV orgasms with her husband, but could with a later sex partner. She said he was shaped differently.
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