Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #91 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 07:50 PM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

OP, you said:

"This is fair. You're right, I'm complaining that she *can't* do what I like and here I am a man who *won't* do what she likes. She at least tries. I do my best to avoid anal. I find it gross, the poop is my hangup. I know that she prefers it but even now if I ask her if she wants to do it that way she says no because she knows I don't want to. I have to change that. Wearing a condom helps with the 'uck' factor to me. She doesn't like cum inside her either so a condom would help that."

My suggestion is you research anal sex and anal play more, there doesn't really need to be any "poop" involved, if preparations are taken beforehand. My wife and I have been having and BOTH enjoying anal for years, there never is any "poop" involved.
Also, my wife also enjoys anal as much or more than vaginal sex, she says her orgasms from anal are much stronger than from PIV sex.

Do a little research and educate yourself on anal sex and anal play, you are totally misunderstanding what is possible if you are thinking "poop" is involved.

Good luck
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post #92 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 09:03 PM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

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That would be the last guess I'd ever come up with. She doesn't have many female friends, has always had more male friends. She didn't like when I told her I had slept with two women at once (she asked). She didn't like when I said it would be hot to see her with another woman, she immediately shut that down. She's a crap liar. No part of me would guess that she's lesbian, or even bi.
Some people are so distrought about being gay that they repress it and live a straight life style . Maybe never having to courage to come out. Some are married for years before they come to the realization that their miserable living in the closet.

Alot of times these people even act repulsed at the mention at anything remotely gay.
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post #93 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 09:32 PM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

Seizures can cause permanent damage. You said she had a severe reaction and a seizure. Is it possible her problem remembering things and her inability to keep a rhythm are due to brain damage from her seizure? If her memory problem isn't severe and no one ever asked her about rhythm, perhaps whatever damage done was subtle and overlooked.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.

Last edited by MJJEAN; 03-28-2017 at 09:45 PM.
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post #94 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:15 PM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

OP, I was in a long term relationship with a man who was very much like you are describing. He just lacked passion and skill and no amount of talking or teaching made any difference. He was willing to try, to change, to improve...but he just never did (or could?)

Between that experience and reading a lot and hearing the experiences of others IRL and online, I've realized that he (and probably your wife) just simply wasn't that good at sex. There is no real reason, just a lack of skill, I guess. In my partner and in most stories like this I've heard of, there is also a sort of general lack of passion sexually, and in the rest of life, too. Like sex and other pleasures are just not that high on their priority list, though they like it and do want to have it.

I've never really read any stories like this where the passion lacking partner has significantly improved. However, I have read lots of stories where the non-passion lacking spouse just made sex better for themselves anyway. There were various ways this occurred, but mostly it had to do with self love, self servicing, and acceptance that their spouse loves them and is doing their best.

If she never improves, hopefully you can come to a place like that. I was not able to in the relationship I mentioned above, but I also was not very tolerant and was incapable (at the time) of figuring out how to self love and self service myself into a better sex life.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #95 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 09:06 AM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

Do NOT have kids with her. Then you are trapped by your own sympathy / sensitivity.

If she is in her 30s and wants kids, divorce her so she is free to have them with someone else. And you are free to find a compatible sex partner.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #96 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 09:16 AM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

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That's one way to look at it. Another way to look at is, if the bridge were well maintained to begin with, it would not be rusting and in disrepair, so no need to replace it.
But it is rusting and in disrepair. And she doesn't seem interested in maintaining it. The question is whether bad sex, by itself, is worth divorcing over. Of course making the sex into good sex is a better outcome, but some spouses are not interested in making sex better. They just want the unhappy spouse to accept that the sex will always be lousy and move on. Except they don't want the unhappy spouse moving on to another partner. They just want the unhappy spouse to focus on other issues besides sex.

Is it worth divorcing over your spouse telling you "I know you are unhappy, but can't you just ignore that and focus on making ME happy"? No shame in thinking it is.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #97 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 09:23 PM
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

My wife and I have been married for 43 years. Lots of sex. My wife has no rhythm, can't dance, can't give a hand job, or a blow job worth a darn. Oh well. My wife feels little sensation from her vagina. It never bothered me, because I've always been a clitoris guy. On our second date I spent hours massaging her and making sure she had a good orgasm from massaging her clitoris. Vaginas are great but clitoris is where all the action is, or should be as far as I'm concerned.

After my wife and I got married she often read erotic stories out loud while I gave her long massages, and performed oral sex on her. At first she was hesitant about receiving oral sex since she couldn't give back worth a darn, but I convinced her getting to watch her responding so wildly was all I needed to get me ready.

Massages or Whatever foreplay, I never had sex with her until after she had at least one orgasm. Then I always made sure to continue massaging her clitoris while having sex with her. Sex is an art. Be an artist.

It was fun discovering which erotic stories turned my wife on best.

Have fun

Last edited by WilliamM; 03-31-2017 at 05:11 AM.
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post #98 of 98 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 11:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Our sex life is going to ruin our marriage

For the past few days I have been having anal sex with my wife twice a day and she has been a lot happier. That might be what I have to do to keep her happy, and me. She was able to use a toy during penetration so she had orgasms during sex for the first time. Maybe in time it will get better for me as well.
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