We have (or could have) a frequent sex life, that isn’t the problem here. The problem is the quality of the sex. My wife would have sex daily but the sex isn’t satisfying.
She tries, so I give her credit for that. We keep the communication open and I try to teach her what I like but she just doesn’t get it. I use to believe that no one was bad at sex, just inexperienced or poor communication. My wife has changed my mind, and I hate saying that. She tries so hard.
-Handjobs result in chaffing and she has no rhythm. They feel very awkward like she cannot move her hand/wrist properly. I have tried so many times to show her how to do it but she just cannot get it. If I keep my hand over hers the entire time it’s alright, but where is the fun in that.
-Blowjobs are boring. I encourage her to use her hands but again, no rhythm and it makes it worse having the alternate random motions from hand and mouth. She doesn’t know how to use her tongue and can’t follow direction.
-She never looks like she is enjoying it. No enthusiasm. She isn’t winning any awards for her performance. She can’t do both at the same time, the physical act and the emotional act. I do not get it.
-She cannot dirty talk without it being awkward. It doesn’t naturally come from her. She doesn’t moan much when she does it sounds like a broken record. The same noise over and over. I can tell her to switch it up but she forgets.
-In most positions where I’m in control she ends up just laying there silent and still. I encourage her to move a bit, touch me, kiss me, be involved and she will but then forgets.
-If she is on top we’re back to the issue of no rhythm. It’s hard to get the positioning right so it’s frequently uncomfortable for me.
It just doesn’t come naturally to her… I’ve been with inexperienced women, but I have never been with a woman who just couldn’t learn.
It has led to me not wanting to have sex with her because it’s more satisfying to take care of myself, which in turn led to a loss of general intimacy. And with that, I fell out of love with her. The lack of intimacy is hurting her, as is my attitude towards her. It’s killing our marriage. She is very attractive and has an amazing body but I feel like I’m losing my attraction for her as well. The ****ty part is that she tries. She ****ing tries... and 5 years later nothing has improved.
This hasn't been an issue just with me. She had unhappy men in previous relationships. She knows that the sex isn't mind blowing. She has gone as far as offering I have those 'needs' met elsewhere, though it killed her to say that. I wouldn't do that to her. I don't want to divorce her over bad sex, but that is where we are headed.
Is there any way to mend this?
She tries, so I give her credit for that. We keep the communication open and I try to teach her what I like but she just doesn’t get it. I use to believe that no one was bad at sex, just inexperienced or poor communication. My wife has changed my mind, and I hate saying that. She tries so hard.
-Handjobs result in chaffing and she has no rhythm. They feel very awkward like she cannot move her hand/wrist properly. I have tried so many times to show her how to do it but she just cannot get it. If I keep my hand over hers the entire time it’s alright, but where is the fun in that.
-Blowjobs are boring. I encourage her to use her hands but again, no rhythm and it makes it worse having the alternate random motions from hand and mouth. She doesn’t know how to use her tongue and can’t follow direction.
-She never looks like she is enjoying it. No enthusiasm. She isn’t winning any awards for her performance. She can’t do both at the same time, the physical act and the emotional act. I do not get it.
-She cannot dirty talk without it being awkward. It doesn’t naturally come from her. She doesn’t moan much when she does it sounds like a broken record. The same noise over and over. I can tell her to switch it up but she forgets.
-In most positions where I’m in control she ends up just laying there silent and still. I encourage her to move a bit, touch me, kiss me, be involved and she will but then forgets.
-If she is on top we’re back to the issue of no rhythm. It’s hard to get the positioning right so it’s frequently uncomfortable for me.
It just doesn’t come naturally to her… I’ve been with inexperienced women, but I have never been with a woman who just couldn’t learn.
It has led to me not wanting to have sex with her because it’s more satisfying to take care of myself, which in turn led to a loss of general intimacy. And with that, I fell out of love with her. The lack of intimacy is hurting her, as is my attitude towards her. It’s killing our marriage. She is very attractive and has an amazing body but I feel like I’m losing my attraction for her as well. The ****ty part is that she tries. She ****ing tries... and 5 years later nothing has improved.
This hasn't been an issue just with me. She had unhappy men in previous relationships. She knows that the sex isn't mind blowing. She has gone as far as offering I have those 'needs' met elsewhere, though it killed her to say that. I wouldn't do that to her. I don't want to divorce her over bad sex, but that is where we are headed.
Is there any way to mend this?