What would being intimate often do for you? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

The concept of synchronicity comes to my mind. Intimacy in long term relationships produces a common thought pattern/ The offshoot of synchronicity is, among other things intimacy as desired.
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post #17 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

First of all, I'd have to do a background check to make sure that it's really my wife. Seriously, I'd be a hell of a lot happier - be a spring in my step, etc. As it stands, three times in five years is about as good as it gets in our house.
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post #18 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
I guess I must be one of the few "lucky" ones who already has that kind of frequency. I honestly can't remember any time in our 20+ year marriage where we didn't ML at least 4 to 6 times a week, except when there was an illness or surgery. Sex is not always "earth shattering" but it is always good.

I am almost always positive about life in general. I don't worry about much. I sleep good (but probably not enough). I get very horny often...
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post #19 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
My life always felt so much better when sexual intimacy was frequent, felt content, energized, loved and just much happier person. I like how you did not make it just PIV since I get same satisfaction from all acts listed above.

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #20 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you all for sharing your thoughts/feelings on the subject!
I know it can be a difficult thing to think about. I appreciate knowing more about how a man works so that I can work on things in my own marriage.

I am trying to be much more aware of how my actions, or lack thereof, affect my husband. We will go sometimes 2-3 weeks in-between any sexual contact..we both will comment that it's been a long time and ask eachother why we don't do it more often.
I feel like we get distracted and forget how much we love being intimate.
I do love it, but just don't think about it as often as I should.

I notice when we do it, he seems waaay more likely to cut me slack afterward and is in a lighter mood.
On the flip side, if we go too long, he'll be feisty, punchy, pick little fights etc..almost every time that happens, I take note that we haven't gotten it on for a while.

Amazing the difference it can make.

I have to say though, he is equally at fault for us not being frequent because it's not as if he is trying and I am turning him down.
It's just his laziness, I think. He rarely says to me- hey, it's been a while, I need to connect with you. He NEVER wants to appear weak.
If he brought it up more often, or approached me more often, we'd be much more sexually active: )
I like for him to feel fulfilled and happy!
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post #21 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

This seems like a rhetorical question. LOL.
Some of my best relationships had sex daily or every other day. I was with a woman once that had an insatiable sex drive. I never thought it was possible to have too much sex until her. I literally got bored of sex after a while thinking "can't we have a little downtime once in a while?" Now I kind of understand how the LD feels in a relationship. All things considered, I still appreciated it

Anywho... it seems to have only a positive impact on the relationship based on my experience. It's hard to be fighting with someone you want to be having sex with, or are having sex with. Also, I think sometimes people feel taken for granted when their SO doesn't want them enough. There is always flirting and a sense of being wanted, and you always look forward to being with them. You also don't need to discuss you relationship as much as actions are speaking instead of words.
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post #22 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

We went from once a week/every other week sometimes to every other day. This occurred because the last kid moved out in October. The increased intimacy has led to a more loving relationship, and what we are referring to as a honeymoon period. It all just sort of happened. We just fell back into our frequency and duration that we had before kids (and/or trying to make kids). I do not know how long this will last. I hope it lasts until the day I die. We are in the best physical shapes of our lives and we are acting like a couple of horny teenagers, only we are in our 60's and the next morning, I sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies (my bones and joints go SNAP CRACKLE POP)
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post #23 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:55 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

He may feel embarrassed at having to ask, or maybe you have turned him down in the past. Maybe in order to enjoy sex he needs to feel that YOU want it, and are not just doing him a favor.

You can find the answer to how he feels. Start having sex frequently. Drag him off to bed every other evening for an hour of passionate sex - skip your favorite TV show or whatever else you normally do. Go of your way to please him in bed - I bet he reciprocates. Try it for a couple of months See what happens. My bet is that you will find that you are both much happier.

Seems like very little to lose and maybe a lot to gain.


Don't do what my wife has done on several occasions of trying to "fix" our sex life by having frequent sex - then getting bored and tapering it off after 2 weeks as if I wouldn't notice.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts/feelings on the subject!
I know it can be a difficult thing to think about. I appreciate knowing more about how a man works so that I can work on things in my own marriage.

I am trying to be much more aware of how my actions, or lack thereof, affect my husband. We will go sometimes 2-3 weeks in-between any sexual contact..we both will comment that it's been a long time and ask eachother why we don't do it more often.
I feel like we get distracted and forget how much we love being intimate.
I do love it, but just don't think about it as often as I should.

I notice when we do it, he seems waaay more likely to cut me slack afterward and is in a lighter mood.
On the flip side, if we go too long, he'll be feisty, punchy, pick little fights etc..almost every time that happens, I take note that we haven't gotten it on for a while.

Amazing the difference it can make.

I have to say though, he is equally at fault for us not being frequent because it's not as if he is trying and I am turning him down.
It's just his laziness, I think. He rarely says to me- hey, it's been a while, I need to connect with you. He NEVER wants to appear weak.
If he brought it up more often, or approached me more often, we'd be much more sexually active: )
I like for him to feel fulfilled and happy!
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post #24 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 07:01 PM
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Cool Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
I would think that it would hopefully unbridle unfettered intimacy and put a quietus to a lot of built up tension... and in my book, that's a good thing!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #25 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 07:18 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts/feelings on the subject!
I know it can be a difficult thing to think about. I appreciate knowing more about how a man works so that I can work on things in my own marriage.

I am trying to be much more aware of how my actions, or lack thereof, affect my husband. We will go sometimes 2-3 weeks in-between any sexual contact..we both will comment that it's been a long time and ask eachother why we don't do it more often.
I feel like we get distracted and forget how much we love being intimate.
I do love it, but just don't think about it as often as I should.

I notice when we do it, he seems waaay more likely to cut me slack afterward and is in a lighter mood.
On the flip side, if we go too long, he'll be feisty, punchy, pick little fights etc..almost every time that happens, I take note that we haven't gotten it on for a while.

Amazing the difference it can make.

I have to say though, he is equally at fault for us not being frequent because it's not as if he is trying and I am turning him down.
It's just his laziness, I think. He rarely says to me- hey, it's been a while, I need to connect with you. He NEVER wants to appear weak.
If he brought it up more often, or approached me more often, we'd be much more sexually active: )
I like for him to feel fulfilled and happy!
My H and I have the same dynamic and frequency as you. I also notice his moodiness if it's been too long - sometimes I can be objective about it and make sure we take care of it later that night, other times I find it greatly irritating, like dealing with a tantruming child, and it is a turn off. I guess it depends on what else I've got going on mentally at that moment as to whether I have patience for the game or not. He's also sickeningly sweet to me the next day...truthfully, I don't like it! It feels very fake. So the next day things are always a little awkward. He's very clingy and chatty and I'm very suspicious that it's a little too over the top, so I tend to distance myself a bit until he's finished with that behavior. I like seeing that side of him, but the fact that it only comes out when he's recently been laid feels like he's purposefully withholding that side of him that he knows I like in some kind of tit for tat game. I don't want to be treated differently unless it's genuine, and unfortunately I don't feel that it is.

My natural drive is for once every two weeks or so. It's just who I am for the last several years.
I've got some medical problems that can cause me to be sick for extended periods of time (several weeks to a couple of months). Flares, I guess. I have a full time job and we've got young kids so during those times all of my energy goes into simply making it through those commitments and by the time I get home I am completely useless. During those times sex may take a bit of a dive (maybe every 3 weeks instead of every 2).

My H also never initiates but I think he's more wary of my illness and not being able to predict how I might feel...so I don't fault him for waiting for me to start things. I do know he would like me to initiate a lot more frequently than I do. But since it's up to me we tend to just settle into my natural desire level.
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post #26 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 07:32 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

What feels like tit for tat to you may be a sign of his being relaxed and happy - and feels in love. The affection after sex may be how he naturally feels and if so and you don't respond well, it may go away someday and not come back.

The upswings and downswings may be replaced by a general detachment, love replaced by an efficient arrangement of shared chores and assets.




Quote:
Originally Posted by kag123 View Post
My H and I have the same dynamic and frequency as you. I also notice his moodiness if it's been too long - sometimes I can be objective about it and make sure we take care of it later that night, other times I find it greatly irritating, like dealing with a tantruming child, and it is a turn off. I guess it depends on what else I've got going on mentally at that moment as to whether I have patience for the game or not. He's also sickeningly sweet to me the next day...truthfully, I don't like it! It feels very fake. So the next day things are always a little awkward. He's very clingy and chatty and I'm very suspicious that it's a little too over the top, so I tend to distance myself a bit until he's finished with that behavior. I like seeing that side of him, but the fact that it only comes out when he's recently been laid feels like he's purposefully withholding that side of him that he knows I like in some kind of tit for tat game. I don't want to be treated differently unless it's genuine, and unfortunately I don't feel that it is.
snip
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post #27 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

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What feels like tit for tat to you may be a sign of his being relaxed and happy - and feels in love. The affection after sex may be how he naturally feels and if so and you don't respond well, it may go away someday and not come back.

The upswings and downswings may be replaced by a general detachment, love replaced by an efficient arrangement of shared chores and assets.
You may be right. I feel nothing from sex - no different than at any other time - so for me observing his moods it seems like a lot of game playing.
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post #28 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

It makes a huge difference for some people, none at all for others.

I don't know how you can know for sure that he isn't playing games. Is there anything to suggest that he isn't just acting on how he feels?


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You may be right. I feel nothing from sex - no different than at any other time - so for me observing his moods it seems like a lot of game playing.
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post #29 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 08:22 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

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I'm in my 40s and my wife and I are dealing with decreased libido (associated with increasing aches and pains, work/life imbalance and raising adolescent children) so I would actually be suspicious of any overt sexual initiative. I'd rather smaller physical expressions of love (holding hands, hugs while passing, laying her head on my shoulder as we sit on the couch) that shows that she's invested in my feelings and as a side benefit could hint at the possibility of unhurried sex when the moment is right.
This.

We spent four full days in Washington DC. At the end of each day, after 27,000 to 30,000 steps, I could barely crawl back to our hotel (I'm 57). Sex? Not when I'm near death

Such actions give one great incentive to move forward and really do their best to keep the relationship going. They hold promises of things to come and memories of things past.

It boggles the mind that such obvious things aren't as obvious to many people.
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post #30 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 08:29 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

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This.

We spent four full days in Washington DC. At the end of each day, after 27,000 to 30,000 steps, I could barely crawl back to our hotel (I'm 57). Sex? Not when I'm near death

Such actions give one great incentive to move forward and really do their best to keep the relationship going. They hold promises of things to come and memories of things past.

It boggles the mind that such obvious things aren't as obvious to many people.
We did that last month - fantastic weather in DC! The Hirshhorn was great, and we walked miles around Georgetown. And had sex every day.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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