Thank you all for sharing your thoughts/feelings on the subject!
I know it can be a difficult thing to think about. I appreciate knowing more about how a man works so that I can work on things in my own marriage.
I am trying to be much more aware of how my actions, or lack thereof, affect my husband. We will go sometimes 2-3 weeks in-between any sexual contact..we both will comment that it's been a long time and ask eachother why we don't do it more often.
I feel like we get distracted and forget how much we love being intimate.
I do love it, but just don't think about it as often as I should.
I notice when we do it, he seems waaay more likely to cut me slack afterward and is in a lighter mood.
On the flip side, if we go too long, he'll be feisty, punchy, pick little fights etc..almost every time that happens, I take note that we haven't gotten it on for a while.
Amazing the difference it can make.
I have to say though, he is equally at fault for us not being frequent because it's not as if he is trying and I am turning him down.
It's just his laziness, I think. He rarely says to me- hey, it's been a while, I need to connect with you. He NEVER wants to appear weak.
If he brought it up more often, or approached me more often, we'd be much more sexually active: )
I like for him to feel fulfilled and happy!
My H and I have the same dynamic and frequency as you. I also notice his moodiness if it's been too long - sometimes I can be objective about it and make sure we take care of it later that night, other times I find it greatly irritating, like dealing with a tantruming child, and it is a turn off. I guess it depends on what else I've got going on mentally at that moment as to whether I have patience for the game or not. He's also sickeningly sweet to me the next day...truthfully, I don't like it! It feels very fake. So the next day things are always a little awkward. He's very clingy and chatty and I'm very suspicious that it's a little too over the top, so I tend to distance myself a bit until he's finished with that behavior. I like seeing that side of him, but the fact that it only comes out when he's recently been laid feels like he's purposefully withholding that side of him that he knows I like in some kind of tit for tat game. I don't want to be treated differently unless it's genuine, and unfortunately I don't feel that it is.
My natural drive is for once every two weeks or so. It's just who I am for the last several years.
I've got some medical problems that can cause me to be sick for extended periods of time (several weeks to a couple of months). Flares, I guess. I have a full time job and we've got young kids so during those times all of my energy goes into simply making it through those commitments and by the time I get home I am completely useless. During those times sex may take a bit of a dive (maybe every 3 weeks instead of every 2).
My H also never initiates but I think he's more wary of my illness and not being able to predict how I might feel...so I don't fault him for waiting for me to start things. I do know he would like me to initiate a lot more frequently than I do. But since it's up to me we tend to just settle into my natural desire level.