I have been honest with my husband before about when I am truly tired. At times, that is well before bedtime, if it's been a hectic day...NOT because I didn't want sex though! Never thought he might relate the two.
Recently I started becoming aware of the fact that he seemed deflated if I said it..so I decided I'd let him know that even though I am tired, it doesn't mean I am *too tired* for action: ) He seems to like that confirmation.
I DO feel the need for him sexually on my own at times, yes. Usually for a good 5 days or so around ovulation and again a few days leading up to my period....and also during my period sometimes.
Other than that, I don't really feel a big natural drive for it.
BUT, if he gets me started, I am always happy and enthusiastic about connecting.
One reason I hesitate to initiate for myself is that, the few times that I have, he has not stayed fully hard. (We're both 39, but this has happened over the course of a few years..no health issues.)
I noticed that almost every time I try to initiate, things go downhill during, for whatever reason.
I try to act cool about it and make it a non-issue, but inside I'm thinking, ****! He must really not be comfortable with me starting it off. Also, I figure that, since he obviously HAS to be hard to have actual sex, I'll just wait until he comes to me for it next time.
Only he knows when he is really ready.
Even if I am not 'ready' per se, I can still accomodate him...if HE'S not ready, then no sex is happening. So I feel it's up to him, for the most part.
In those instances, when things don't go as we hoped, we've moved on to other things that didn't involve penetration, but to be honest, I would rather end the session after I see he isn't into it. He tries to be into it still and I know he's probably a little embarrassed when it happens, and I get it.
But in my head I am thinking, hmm, I must not be doing it for him right now, which kills my arousal....and my drive to initiate again.