What would being intimate often do for you? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:17 AM Thread Starter
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What would being intimate often do for you?

I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
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post #2 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:56 AM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

confidence
full love tank
sleep better
A sore Johnson!!!!

I also think too much of a good thing would eventually be taken for granted!

For the record I can't believe I just typed that as a younger man I would never have even hinted at such a statement. But as a mature man(some might disagree) I think there can be too much of a good thing which would/could diminish the lovemaking to routine, or less passion etc.


But as a young man it would have helped me not resent my wife for turning me down or putting sex as such a low priority.
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post #3 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:01 AM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
I also think too much of a good thing would eventually be taken for granted!

For the record I can't believe I just typed that as a younger man I would never have even hinted at such a statement. But as a mature man(some might disagree) I think there can be too much of a good thing which would/could diminish the lovemaking to routine, or less passion etc.
I agree. The tendency is there for everyone to take things for granted, especially during youth. I was as guilty of it as the next guy.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #4 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:08 AM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

I'm in my 40s and my wife and I are dealing with decreased libido (associated with increasing aches and pains, work/life imbalance and raising adolescent children) so I would actually be suspicious of any overt sexual initiative. I'd rather smaller physical expressions of love (holding hands, hugs while passing, laying her head on my shoulder as we sit on the couch) that shows that she's invested in my feelings and as a side benefit could hint at the possibility of unhurried sex when the moment is right.
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post #5 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:19 AM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

I feel loved, and desired. I feel happy, contented, and very lucky to have such a wonderful, loving wife. Life is good, and I have a high level of optimism. There is no taking this for granted, even after 17 years. This high level of quality sexual intimacy is something we both value and enjoy.

This is in stark contrast to my ex, where the marriage was essentially sexless. I was unhappy with her, our marriage, and my future. Enough so that I eventually got smart and divorced her.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #6 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 11:38 AM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

It would make me happy.
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post #7 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 12:18 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
While a general increase in "enthusiastic frequency" is rather significant, the dynamics of sexuality in a long term relationship are a little more complex than that.

In some relationships sexuality is all about a power exchange between couples. Outside the bedroom perhaps the husband is very dominant and controlling, while inside the bedroom he likes to be dominated and controlled by an extremely confident wife. Or vice versa. A sudden increase in enthusiastic frequency may alter the ecosystems that keeps the power exchange between a couple balanced in a way that is very satisfying and drive both forwards in life.

While I hate to say it, if my wife enthusiastically gave it to me everyday, I'd likely loose some respect for her and stop pursuing her romantically. Perhaps I'd be happy in the short term, but in the long run it would push us apart because we would have become too close. Desire needs a little distance!

Regards,
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post #8 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

It would totally change my outlook on myself, her, our marriage, and life itself. I would be more energetic, more productive at work, happier, and more fun to be with. There is NOTHING else that my wife could do for me (alone or in the aggregate) that would in any way, shape or form come close to having the same impact on my satisfaction with our marriage.

Now, many would say that shows a flaw and weakness in my character: that I place so much emphasis on sex. Guilty as charged. And I am sure that my excessive reliance on sex for validation is a big part of the reason my wife does NOT provide frequent enthusiastic sex.

But if you are asking "my husband told me it would have an enormous impact on his confidence, vitality, energy, happiness, and more, but I am suspicious - is that possibly true or is it just a line to get into my pants?" Well, there is no guarantee that it IS true, but it quite possibly could be true. Only one way to find out. If it works and he becomes a better version of himself, win-win for both of you. If it doesn't work and it was just a line to get into your pants, well, I am sure you can think of a suitable form of revenge for his duplicity. If you are even remotely considering doing it, you should. Might as well take his complaint off the table and dare him to make it up to you.

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post #9 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 02:54 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
loved
appreciated
(more) confident

And the end result would be me giving her more of what she needs/wants, thus resulting in her feeling more loved, appreciated and confident.

Therefore, stronger marriage.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #10 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 03:12 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

"Dare him to make it up to you." He won't be able to. But it will be fun to watch him try.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #11 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 03:27 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

I wanted to add, I've said as much to my wife over the years, but to no avail. She "gets" it, understands the logic behind it, yet never acts upon it. For me, it's a win-win. For her, it's clearly not important. She likes the marriage the way it is just fine, and has said so. Perhaps this means I spend too much time on her needs, I don't know. She does seem content. The other thought was that this is perhaps the best relationship she's ever had (it's certainly the longest), therefore it's very good, in comparison. Which is likely true.

Couple that with her general lack of interest in sex, and there you have it. No real need to go that extra mile, as it were.

I realize this is my fault, and I've accepted it. I'm not (yet) willing to do a 180, as I actually am not confident she wouldn't just leave, rather than acquiesce. It's a personality trait of hers... that "**** you don't manipulate me" gene. I respect it, but at the same time it's a pain in the ass...!



Quote:
Originally Posted by alexm View Post
loved
appreciated
(more) confident

And the end result would be me giving her more of what she needs/wants, thus resulting in her feeling more loved, appreciated and confident.

Therefore, stronger marriage.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #12 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 03:51 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

It would make all the difference in the world to me. To feel loved and desired every day???? That's something I've never had and probably never will.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #13 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

I can't even picture my wife being willing and enthusiastic to have sex. That's more than my mind can handle.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #14 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I am gearing this question toward the men:

If you were initimate with your wife/gf, (be it actual sex, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, anal, anything that you consider sexual intimacy,)
every day or every other day, how would that impact your life? Or would it??
How might that type of frequency affect how you feel as a man?
Would you value her in a different way?

This is assuming the quality was average-high. I am not talking about if she was reluctant...Only willing and enthusiastic! : )

Think about how that would impact you...

Thank you!
It would make me feel very loved. It would cause in me a burning desire for her. It would make it easier for me to want to pamper her. It would relax me and help me feel strong.

This is a very depressing thread.

Last edited by sokillme; 03-28-2017 at 04:09 PM.
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post #15 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: What would being intimate often do for you?

I know you are asking men, but from my point of view regarding (almost) daily sex means NO arguing, being good to each other, patience, better parents, taking time to look good for each other, thinking outside the box to stop sex from becoming boring, non sexual intimacy is now the norm, lack of jealousy and increase in trust, better sleep, anxiety infrequent to non existent.

It is NOT perfect but it is considerably better for us both.
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