Do some men use porn to relieve an erection? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 10:59 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

Count me as one of the men on here who doesn't have a problem with occassional porn use. After 21 years of marriage, it comes in "handy" at times. Your attitude is wonderful! "If you need release just come find me and we'll take care of it!" That's great in the first few years of a relationship, but over time, real life takes over. There is work, there are kids, there are bills, and family, and (hopefully) hobbies. Men are very visual and porn is rarely about wanting to have sex with the person they look at. Heck, I don't EVER fantasize about being with any woman in porn. It's just a short-term visual stimulation.

However, you need your boundaries and if this is one, then stick to it. Don't equate flirting with other guys to viewing porn though. One is interactive and can lead to more. The other is nothing more than a visual image on a screen.

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post #32 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I find it amazing in 2017 that women are still worried about their husbands using porn. Are there any threads where husbands are threatening divorce over erotic novels or vibrator use?

Haven't seen any.
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post #33 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:20 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

This is a tough one.

I hardly ever look at porn. If my wife was available every few days, I don't think I would ever look at it. I have some pictures and videos of my wife that I look at quite frequently. They are much better than any porn I can look at!!!!

My wife and I have looked at porn together, but not for many years. Neither of us have ever told the other person that they aren't allowed to look at porn.

To be honest, if my wife told me that I wasn't allowed to look at porn, I would want to more! It would be more difficult to not look at it. Because I don't feel it is a betrayal. It is just a naughty thing to do. I am not so sure that it is a wise thing for you to tell your husband he can't do this.

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post #34 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:20 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I don't find anything wrong with the use of porn from time to time, I use it and my wife uses it. Sometimes it's not even so much for the visual but for the sound. Who knows, maybe he's putting it on, closing his eyes and imagining that the moans he's hearing are you. Personally for me, even with sex, I need some type of visual or audio stimulation or I get bored and go soft. I've even watched porn with my wife and basically acted things out along with it, it was great.
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post #35 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

At my age having an erection is in itself a relief! As for porn use, I don't need to be reminded of my inadequacies. What passes for our sex life - or lack thereof - is reminder enough. If I need a visual aid to pressure test my plumbing I will just rely on laundering my wife's unmentionables.
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post #36 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:27 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by Good Guy View Post
I find it amazing in 2017 that women are still worried about their husbands using porn. Are there any threads where husbands are threatening divorce over erotic novels or vibrator use?

Haven't seen any.
I find it amazing in 2017 that men are still lying and sneaking around to masterbate to porn so their wife's don't know. It's still very much a dirty secret for men. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't want me to tell his friends, co workers or family about his porn use.

If you have to hide it from the world there must be a part of you that is ashamed of your porn habit. Woman tend not to hide the fact that we read romance novels, and not all woman read them. I have even borrowed romance novels from coworkers, and my DH's mother. I don't know why men think that all romance novels are graphic porn, cause they are not.

Most woman dont threaten divorce because of a little porn use, it's when it becomes an addiction that takes away from your sex life and brings lies and mistrust into the marriage that it becomes an issue.
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post #37 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:31 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by Good Guy View Post
I find it amazing in 2017 that women are still worried about their husbands using porn. Are there any threads where husbands are threatening divorce over erotic novels or vibrator use?

Haven't seen any.
Here you go.....

Is using a vibrator cheating?
wife and her vibrator
Can your wife prefer a sex toy than being with you?
Vibrator Issue. Would Counselling Help?
husband hates toys

erotic novel addiction?
Me (32m)- wife (29f) addicted to reading romance novels -- I need advice badly...
I think my wife is addicted to erotic books.
My wife watches lesbian porn and it's freaking me out

A lady once PMd me because her husband refused to let her buy or use a vibrator because he considered it a threat to their marriage. There was another thread that I cannot find where some guy was getting pissed off because his wife's vibrator kept moving positions in the drawer. He would rush home to check and put dud batteries in it to test her.

The fear that our partners would replace us with trash is very common. Its just the media that differs.

Sexual insecurities are NOT gender specific.
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post #38 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I find it amazing in 2017 that men are still lying and sneaking around to masterbate to porn so their wife's don't know. It's still very much a dirty secret for men. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't want me to tell his friends, co workers or family about his porn use.

If you have to hide it from the world there must be a part of you that is ashamed of your porn habit. Woman tend not to hide the fact that we read romance novels, and not all woman read them. I have even borrowed romance novels from coworkers, and my DH's mother. I don't know why men think that all romance novels are graphic porn, cause they are not.

Most woman dont threaten divorce because of a little porn use, it's when it becomes an addiction that takes away from your sex life and brings lies and mistrust into the marriage that it becomes an issue.
I don't think it's so much that men sneak around and lie about masturbating, it is a touchy subject, no pun intended. There are times that guys just want or need to get off, and there are times that their wives or girlfriends just aren't in the mood, and the same can be said about women. Neither the man or the woman typically admit to the other that they do it, but they do, we all know it.
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post #39 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

Some things are private. I think most women would not want the world to know how they use a dildo to masturbate. Its not that using a dildo is private, or that people don't know that many women do masturbate that way (millions of dildos are sold each year).

Most women don't hide reading romance novels, but I suspect few would be comfortable admitting that they masturbate to fantasies of the characters in them, even though I suspect many do. Again, its private.

For whatever reason, society has decided that sexual activity should be private and that it is in a different category from flirting, romance etc, even though those are lead-ins to sex.


I think most people agree that porn use that interferes with a couple's sex life is a huge problem. The big disagreement seems to be over whether porn use that doesn't interfere is OK. There are a significant number of people who are completely opposed to any porn.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy12 View Post
I find it amazing in 2017 that men are still lying and sneaking around to masterbate to porn so their wife's don't know. It's still very much a dirty secret for men. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't want me to tell his friends, co workers or family about his porn use.

If you have to hide it from the world there must be a part of you that is ashamed of your porn habit. Woman tend not to hide the fact that we read romance novels, and not all woman read them. I have even borrowed romance novels from coworkers, and my DH's mother. I don't know why men think that all romance novels are graphic porn, cause they are not.

Most woman dont threaten divorce because of a little porn use, it's when it becomes an addiction that takes away from your sex life and brings lies and mistrust into the marriage that it becomes an issue.
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post #40 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 01:06 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I don't know why men think that all romance novels are graphic porn, cause they are not.
Yeah and these are the same women who think that "50 Shades of Gray" isn't porn either.

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post #41 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 01:21 PM Thread Starter
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A lot of great responses and it does show how different we all are. I do think the main point is why can't we all be honest without being ashamed? If I am going to do something that I don't want my partner to know about then that's a major issue. I want to know my partner from the inside out otherwise I don't truly know him. Even if it's hurtful.
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post #42 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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I have never had a problem with insecurity sorry if I am using this as my sounding board but when thus happened in all honesty I feel a little insecure. I am a 41 old woman who has always dated younger guys and when I met this one who is older and he made me feel like I was one in a million and how he had such a horrible marriage and how he has never felt this intense about someonne in all ways it kinda hurt to think that if I am away for a few hours this is what he resorts to. He is insanely jealous and hates that I get attention every where I go so I have done my best to make him feel secure by not accepting the drinks that are bought for me when out and not talking to the men that approach me. I value his feelings and never want him to think that I can be full filled by anyone else in anyway. I feel it's his fault for placing me on a pedastal and then by doing this I just felt like he pulled a rug from under me
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post #43 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I have never had a problem with insecurity sorry if I am using this as my sounding board but when thus happened in all honesty I feel a little insecure. I am a 41 old woman who has always dated younger guys and when I met this one who is older and he made me feel like I was one in a million and how he had such a horrible marriage and how he has never felt this intense about someonne in all ways it kinda hurt to think that if I am away for a few hours this is what he resorts to. He is insanely jealous and hates that I get attention every where I go so I have done my best to make him feel secure by not accepting the drinks that are bought for me when out and not talking to the men that approach me. I value his feelings and never want him to think that I can be full filled by anyone else in anyway. I feel it's his fault for placing me on a pedastal and then by doing this I just felt like he pulled a rug from under me
I don't think it's all his fault. After all you did say that you never say no to him, but when he asked you if you would take your nap naked with him you did refuse. I would take that as the same as refusing sex. Granted you may not do that often, but it's something that your H probably doesn't like as much as you don't like porn and he doesn't do that often either.

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post #44 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 02:05 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by Daisy12 View Post
I find it amazing in 2017 that men are still lying and sneaking around to masterbate to porn so their wife's don't know. It's still very much a dirty secret for men. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't want me to tell his friends, co workers or family about his porn use.

If you have to hide it from the world there must be a part of you that is ashamed of your porn habit. Woman tend not to hide the fact that we read romance novels, and not all woman read them. I have even borrowed romance novels from coworkers, and my DH's mother. I don't know why men think that all romance novels are graphic porn, cause they are not.

Most woman dont threaten divorce because of a little porn use, it's when it becomes an addiction that takes away from your sex life and brings lies and mistrust into the marriage that it becomes an issue.
Well, it is an intimate detail of my own personal life, but if someone asked, I would probably not hide it.

Do you leave your sex toys out for people to see? Do you casually mention to other people which vibrator is your favorite?

I'm not "ashamed" of looking at porn, but I don't feel the need to announce to friends.

This is certainly something that couples should discuss with each other.

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post #45 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 02:29 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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It's interesting that you bring this up because right before this incident happened I had asked him if your sex us too routine and if we need to experiment at all. His reply was absolutely no that he likes it being a routine and how he has no desire to incorporate anything else. When I say routine I mean it's very rourine every time and I was kinda wanting to switch it up a bit. He is open to me wanting to get out of our comfort zone but he himself has no ideas on how to do that. So I dot think he has a fetish or a fantasy to fulfill

I'm wondering if the fact that he grew up in a strictly religious environment has limited his ability to discuss sex and his sexual needs beyond what is considered "normal" or "routine." It sounds like from this and other replies you made that he genuinely wants to please you and make you happy. However there is something that has drawn him to porn, even if it is a minor pull. I understand that this may be hard for you because of your opinion regarding porn, but is there a way to find out if there was a particular type of porn he watched previously? That might give you an idea of how to get him out of his sexual comfort zone without the need of porn in the future. Maybe if the topic of porn comes up between you two again, try asking him what the people were doing in the videos he watched, and then ask if he wants to try that with you (If his eyes suddenly light up in joy and anticipation, then I might be on to something here...). That might help experience something that interests him and curtail the need to watch others on video. If you do have this conversation with him, do NOT be judgmental about any answers he gives. If the religious upbringing is coming into play, having the conversation about something he knows you don't like (porn) will be hard enough for him. Being judged about what he says will shut him down and may lessen his trust in you. Remember, the purpose of this conversation is to gather information, not to curtail a behavior (at least not yet).


May I ask you, what is it about porn that you find distasteful? This question is not meant to attack your beliefs or morals. The purpose is to take a step back to determine why this particular activity is troubling in your relationship and to help find a solution that would make you both happy in the future. Sometimes determining "why" is every bit as important as the action itself when looking for a solution.
(For example, if your reasoning is that you do not want him to see other women naked, maybe try introducing him to the Lifetime Movie Network after 10:00 PM. That's about as close to softcore porn as you can get on TV without seeing nudity. It adds a little spice and excitement, eliminates the particular aspect you do not care for, and may even be something you can enjoy together.)
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