Do some men use porn to relieve an erection? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I find it amazing in 2017 that men are still lying and sneaking around to masterbate to porn so their wife's don't know. It's still very much a dirty secret for men. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't want me to tell his friends, co workers or family about his porn use.

If you have to hide it from the world there must be a part of you that is ashamed of your porn habit. Woman tend not to hide the fact that we read romance novels, and not all woman read them. I have even borrowed romance novels from coworkers, and my DH's mother. I don't know why men think that all romance novels are graphic porn, cause they are not.

Most woman dont threaten divorce because of a little porn use, it's when it becomes an addiction that takes away from your sex life and brings lies and mistrust into the marriage that it becomes an issue.

With respect to your beliefs, I don't know anyone in my generation (I'm 38 years old) that has to hide his porn usage. My wife knows I watch it. Friends know. Previous girlfriends have even pointed out things they've wanted to try after we've watched porn together. Many of my friends (male and female) openly watch. At the end of the day, it boils down to trust, respect, and understanding between two people. My wife knows that she cannot satisfy my sexual needs, so she has no problem with me having my fun "by myself". I think she even likes it when I go back to the bedroom with a few new ideas to try. If you turn porn into something shameful that needs to be hidden, then yes, people will hide their porn usage. Why would someone want to be judged for something they find to be completely normal just because someone else doesn't? However, if you view porn as an enhancement or a treat, then it can be just that. Sometimes it's the mindset, not the action, that is the determining factor.

I do agree with you though that porn usage should not diminish the sex life between the couple. If that begins to occur, then yes, there is a problem there...
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post #47 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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If you have to hide it from the world there must be a part of you that is ashamed of your porn habit.
This is why I also post on Facebook so the whole world knows when I take a dump, too.
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post #48 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 03:49 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Some? I think it may be a majority. Masturbating to porn has been blamed for the decline of sex millennials have compared to us old times who had no internet.
Their problem isn't that they masturbate to porn.

It's that they fap so much and so hard (no pun intended) that they can't stand up (they're sore) and they have issues seeing out their left eye (now that's some heavy cold cranking going on there).

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post #49 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?
Some men use porn to relive an erection.
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post #50 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 07:22 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I think one disconnect is in how people view porn. I can't speak for everyone, but for many, the person in the porn scene has no more "meaning" than a vibrator would. If a woman uses a vibrator she isn't thinking of the vibrator as a substitute for her partner. Its just a thing that helps her get off. I think that for many, the person on the screen is just a sex aid to help get off.




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I have never had a problem with insecurity sorry if I am using this as my sounding board but when thus happened in all honesty I feel a little insecure. I am a 41 old woman who has always dated younger guys and when I met this one who is older and he made me feel like I was one in a million and how he had such a horrible marriage and how he has never felt this intense about someonne in all ways it kinda hurt to think that if I am away for a few hours this is what he resorts to. He is insanely jealous and hates that I get attention every where I go so I have done my best to make him feel secure by not accepting the drinks that are bought for me when out and not talking to the men that approach me. I value his feelings and never want him to think that I can be full filled by anyone else in anyway. I feel it's his fault for placing me on a pedastal and then by doing this I just felt like he pulled a rug from under me
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post #51 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 08:19 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

There is no doubt the fact your husband agreed to abide by your wishes and then did not do so is hurtful. It really doesn't even matter what it was about. Porn or stamp collecting, perhaps flossing his teeth after 7PM. No one should tell you your concern is trivial. Certainly the fact your husband lied to you is really the heart of the matter, and what hurts.

People do often lie. Even to those they love the most. Perhaps they feel compelled to lie to those they love the most. How often have we seen it written that it's easier to talk about "this" on a chat board than with people someone knows? "This" can be anything. It's just easier to talk to others, or flipped 'round it's harder to be truthful with those we know. Especially with those we know best.

I congratulate you on doing a good job at being able to be truthful, yourself. But it's extremely hard to do for most people.

Hopefully you can find a way to a solution which works for you two to find happiness.

It's a tough situation. You definitely have every right to want what you want. Especially, you deserve the truth. Most of all though, you deserve happiness.

Be well
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post #52 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 08:53 PM Thread Starter
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It's interesting that you bring this up because right before this incident happened I had asked him if your sex us too routine and if we need to experiment at all. His reply was absolutely no that he likes it being a routine and how he has no desire to incorporate anything else. When I say routine I mean it's very rourine every time and I was kinda wanting to switch it up a bit. He is open to me wanting to get out of our comfort zone but he himself has no ideas on how to do that. So I dot think he has a fetish or a fantasy to fulfill

I'm wondering if the fact that he grew up in a strictly religious environment has limited his ability to discuss sex and his sexual needs beyond what is considered "normal" or "routine." It sounds like from this and other replies you made that he genuinely wants to please you and make you happy. However there is something that has drawn him to porn, even if it is a minor pull. I understand that this may be hard for you because of your opinion regarding porn, but is there a way to find out if there was a particular type of porn he watched previously? That might give you an idea of how to get him out of his sexual comfort zone without the need of porn in the future. Maybe if the topic of porn comes up between you two again, try asking him what the people were doing in the videos he watched, and then ask if he wants to try that with you (If his eyes suddenly light up in joy and anticipation, then I might be on to something here...). That might help experience something that interests him and curtail the need to watch others on video. If you do have this conversation with him, do NOT be judgmental about any answers he gives. If the religious upbringing is coming into play, having the conversation about something he knows you don't like (porn) will be hard enough for him. Being judged about what he says will shut him down and may lessen his trust in you. Remember, the purpose of this conversation is to gather information, not to curtail a behavior (at least not yet).


May I ask you, what is it about porn that you find distasteful? This question is not meant to attack your beliefs or morals. The purpose is to take a step back to determine why this particular activity is troubling in your relationship and to help find a solution that would make you both happy in the future. Sometimes determining "why" is every bit as important as the action itself when looking for a solution.
(For example, if your reasoning is that you do not want him to see other women naked, maybe try introducing him to the Lifetime Movie Network after 10:00 PM. That's about as close to softcore porn as you can get on TV without seeing nudity. It adds a little spice and excitement, eliminates the particular aspect you do not care for, and may even be something you can enjoy together.)
We have been having lots of open discussions on this and he is grateful for the open dialogue. He is sharing what he has never been able to share before and yes it's due to his religious upbringing. He is enjoying being able to share with me. His response to his viewing was that there was never anything in particular just sometimes it was a video and others it was just a photo. Mostly it just had to be of the sex act itself nothing out of the ordinary and no fetishes. He had to resort to masturbation in his marriage since he was always turned down. He said it became a habit and didn't want to ask me and just assumed the habit since he did that in his previous marriage. He didn't know that I would be willing anytime. I said that I was open to anything he desired and he said he only desires me to initiate more. I told him I just want to me the one to sexually satisfy him and he said if he knew he could go to me or ask for photos then he would not have resorted to porn. I don't want him to desire anyone else in that way I just want to be his only desire. Of course it's normal to notice attractiveness but I don't think it should go beyond that. He said he only used it as a tool and never thinks about porn except when he has no other means of release
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post #53 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 06:31 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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We have been having lots of open discussions on this and he is grateful for the open dialogue. He is sharing what he has never been able to share before and yes it's due to his religious upbringing. He is enjoying being able to share with me. His response to his viewing was that there was never anything in particular just sometimes it was a video and others it was just a photo. Mostly it just had to be of the sex act itself nothing out of the ordinary and no fetishes. He had to resort to masturbation in his marriage since he was always turned down. He said it became a habit and didn't want to ask me and just assumed the habit since he did that in his previous marriage. He didn't know that I would be willing anytime. I said that I was open to anything he desired and he said he only desires me to initiate more. I told him I just want to me the one to sexually satisfy him and he said if he knew he could go to me or ask for photos then he would not have resorted to porn. I don't want him to desire anyone else in that way I just want to be his only desire. Of course it's normal to notice attractiveness but I don't think it should go beyond that. He said he only used it as a tool and never thinks about porn except when he has no other means of release

Well, it sounds like you guys are in a good place then. Keep the open communication going. Congrats and good luck...
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post #54 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:13 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by Lizzyb View Post
I have never had a problem with insecurity sorry if I am using this as my sounding board but when thus happened in all honesty I feel a little insecure. I am a 41 old woman who has always dated younger guys and when I met this one who is older and he made me feel like I was one in a million and how he had such a horrible marriage and how he has never felt this intense about someonne in all ways it kinda hurt to think that if I am away for a few hours this is what he resorts to. He is insanely jealous and hates that I get attention every where I go so I have done my best to make him feel secure by not accepting the drinks that are bought for me when out and not talking to the men that approach me. I value his feelings and never want him to think that I can be full filled by anyone else in anyway. I feel it's his fault for placing me on a pedastal and then by doing this I just felt like he pulled a rug from under me
I just want to say, and this is not a knock on you, but not accepting drinks from men and/or engaging men in conversation who are trying to pick you up is something you shouldn't be doing, anyway. It's not a concession you make to the marriage, nor something your husband should be happy you don't do. It's simply part of marriage (or any relationship, really), and is an expectation, not something one "gives up" because of their partner.

I think we've established that you don't necessarily have a problem with porn, per se (none of your wording implies a disdain for the medium, I don't think). You have a problem with your partner watching porn. And that's okay, and quite normal.

My wife doesn't watch porn, and I'm not entirely certain how I'd take it if she did. I suppose it would depend a lot on what she's watching, as well as when. If she has a thing for normal, average couples having normal, average sex, I'd probably be fine with it. If she watched nothing but ripped men with huge elephant penises, then I don't know. She'd obviously be in to something that I can't provide her, and I'd feel inadequate.

And feeling inadequate is, more often than not, the sole reason one partner doesn't want the other to watch porn.

However, the comparisons to sex toys and romance novels has been brought up, and I don't disagree. I don't think they're as 'apples and oranges' as one would like to think. Like many women, my wife has sex toys. They don't often get used, if at all by herself, but I digress... I'm totally okay with them, and more than okay if she wants to use them on her own - provided they do not interfere with our sex life in any way. They did, with my ex wife, and that SUCKS.

In any case, my wife has vibrators only. She's not into penetrative sex toys, like dildos. If she was, it would be like the hypothetical porn use - whether I'd be 'okay' with them would entirely depend on the dildos she used. If she owned nothing but realistic, veiny, enormous dildos, I'm not sure I'd be thrilled about that. It would make me feel inadequate, obviously. If she used 'normal' sized, that didn't look like real penises, that would be different.

As far as vibrators go, I'm fine with them, personally. I can't do what a vibrator does - but nobody else can, either. I could choose to feel inadequate (some do, I imagine) or I can recognize that no human being on earth can replicate what a vibrator does. Besides, there are sex toys for men out there, and they do things your partner simply can't.

Anyway, I think your displeasure at your husband's occasional porn use is rooted in feeling inadequate. Again, that's okay, and normal. However, it does not seem to affect your sex life, or his desire for you in any way. Silver lining. You haven't mentioned that what he watches fits any sort of pattern (ie. things you won't do, body types you don't have, etc.) Silver lining.

I personally think that, in cases like this, there needs to be compromise - provided the person who is against porn isn't vehemently against it for moral or religious reasons. If the main focus is on that person feeling inadequate, then some discussion should be had, IMO, and there's room to move in either direction.

What you need is to feel reassured that you're not actually being replaced. You already know you're not being physically replaced, so that's a start (though some would argue that vibrator/dildo usage is a physical replacement).

In one example you gave, you turned him down for sex, and he proceeded to take care of business after you left for the evening. He clearly wanted to have sex with you, as opposed to masturbating to porn. The other examples you've given have pointed to this, too - you're unavailable, he took care of his needs. So is it reasonable, or unreasonable, to expect him to 'save himself' for when you're available? A little bit of both, if you ask me, but in the case of you turning him down for sex, then going out to a friend's wedding (in which you said you'd be staying out late, because you "like to party") then that's not reasonable, IMO. He'd have to wait til 3 in the morning, or the next day.

If you can't help but feel inadequate due to the fact that he's watching other women/people have sex, you have every right to do so. But I think you owe it to yourself to attempt to not feel inadequate. As most men will tell you, they'd much rather have sex with their wives than jack off to porn. Not always the case, of course, some will become addicted, but they have mental issues that preclude them from these other, more normal scenarios. If you have no indication of an addiction taking root - and you'd know, I think - then I'd let it be, TBH.

*ETA - if my wife were against me watching porn for the same reasons you do, I'd propose that we make our own, and I can use that. And I would. I'm not a habitual or regular porn user, once or twice a month, if that. I don't have an addiction, or any particular proclivity to it, I'm just a dude. Visual simulation is part of my psyche.

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Last edited by alexm; 03-31-2017 at 07:23 AM.
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post #55 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:26 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I just want to say, and this is not a knock on you, but not accepting drinks from men and/or engaging men in conversation who are trying to pick you up is something you shouldn't be doing, anyway. It's not a concession you make to the marriage, nor something your husband should be happy you don't do. It's simply part of marriage (or any relationship, really), and is an expectation, not something one "gives up" because of their partner.
I've always thought openly flirting is an announcement to the world that you don't respect your spouse and are available for sex with other men (or women). That's certainly what I think when other men's wives do it to me.

When I say openly flirting, what I mean is for example recently a woman was sitting beside me in a bar with her partner present and she was literally squashed up against me and then said that her partner wasn't "the one". It was bloody embarrassing. Having a laugh is a different story.

If I somehow found out one of my friends wives (or my own) likes watching porn, so what?

Porn, or masturbation, or reading erotic or romance novels and imagining yourself in those scenarios (in the case of romance novels) on the other hand is something you do privately and is ultimately not disrespecting your partner.
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post #56 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:44 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I love the above post by @alexm. I think the core issue of inadequacy is a big part of people working through porn issues. And many other issues about trying to control their partner's sexuality. Masturbating. Toys. Several things all tied in to feeling inadequate.

And I like the idea that if you are opposed to your spouse watching other people having sex, then make a video of the two of you for your partner to watch when you are not available.

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post #57 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I've always thought openly flirting is an announcement to the world that you don't respect your spouse and are available for sex with other men (or women). That's certainly what I think when other men's wives do it to me.

Exactly. And it's not something we don't do in a marriage and are proud of it, or expect our partners to be thankful. This part of OP's post was concerning to me. Like not flirting is for the sake of her husband and should be lauded, and he should be happy about that. Like it takes some kind of control to not do this. Anyway.

If I somehow found out one of my friends wives (or my own) likes watching porn, so what?

Porn, or masturbation, or reading erotic or romance novels and imagining yourself in those scenarios (in the case of romance novels) on the other hand is something you do privately and is ultimately not disrespecting your partner.
Ah, but it is, if the person who is against it views it that way. It's not black and white, and it's all about one's own perception, and ultimately opinion. Telling the OP she shouldn't feel this way is wrong, IMO. She's absolutely allowed to, even if she doesn't have a specific reason she can verbalize.

But suggesting to the OP that she has the ability to view this from another perspective is another thing. I believe she can, if she chooses to. As I said, this seems to be about her feeling inadequate, and replaced - even though it's only occurring when she's not available and/or has turned her husband down.

But it's a slippery slope. She has no problem with masturbation - probably does it herself. She has a problem with the visual stimulation he's getting while doing so. He's watching other people who are not his wife, naked, having sex/masturbating/whatever. I GET that. I don't particularly enjoy imagining my wife masturbating to some ripped dude's 9" monster penis, either. It makes me feel inadequate. Therefore, it's about me. And this is where OP (and really anybody) can change their train of thought, especially when it comes to this subject. Like I said, if she hypothetically watched porn and it was 'normal', average, everyday couples having sex, I wouldn't feel inadequate or replaced (unless she was turning me down sexually, then doing this, of course).

But when she masturbates, what does she think of? My ex wife asked me this loaded question many years ago. It's the "do I look fat in this?" of sex questions. Tell her what she wants to hear, she won't believe you. Tell her the truth, she's furious. Aaaargh.

But if OP, or any other man or woman here, only ever thinks of their spouse while they masturbate, they're almost certainly lying.

Furthermore, and I may be in the minority here, I genuinely don't know - but when I do watch porn, I don't actually imagine myself with that person. Maybe some do, I don't know. There's a disconnect. I'm visually stimulated by the act I'm watching, not actually visualizing myself having sex with that person. However, when I masturbate using my imagination, I DO visualize things, and they most often - but not always - involve my wife. So the irony is that I'm more likely to let my mind wander to something/somebody other than my wife when I'm NOT watching porn.

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post #58 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 10:07 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I don't think its so simple. There are some promises that should never be requested.

My wife masturbates - I know because sometimes the sex toys move from where I left them for easy reach. I once asked in the hope of learning more about what she physically enjoys. She said that she didn't. OK, I know she was lying but I don't care - she wasn't lying to hurt me but just because she finds masturbation to be embarrassing.

I could tell her that I don't want her to ever masturbate because she should have sex more often with me. She might even promise to do so because she has already claimed that she doesn't anyway. But that would be an unfair request and a promise that she would either break or regret. I have no right to control my spouse's private sexuality.






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There is no doubt the fact your husband agreed to abide by your wishes and then did not do so is hurtful. It really doesn't even matter what it was about. Porn or stamp collecting, perhaps flossing his teeth after 7PM. No one should tell you your concern is trivial. Certainly the fact your husband lied to you is really the heart of the matter, and what hurts.

People do often lie. Even to those they love the most. Perhaps they feel compelled to lie to those they love the most. How often have we seen it written that it's easier to talk about "this" on a chat board than with people someone knows? "This" can be anything. It's just easier to talk to others, or flipped 'round it's harder to be truthful with those we know. Especially with those we know best.

I congratulate you on doing a good job at being able to be truthful, yourself. But it's extremely hard to do for most people.

Hopefully you can find a way to a solution which works for you two to find happiness.

It's a tough situation. You definitely have every right to want what you want. Especially, you deserve the truth. Most of all though, you deserve happiness.

Be well
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post #59 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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I have never had a problem with insecurity sorry if I am using this as my sounding board but when thus happened in all honesty I feel a little insecure. I am a 41 old woman who has always dated younger guys and when I met this one who is older and he made me feel like I was one in a million and how he had such a horrible marriage and how he has never felt this intense about someonne in all ways it kinda hurt to think that if I am away for a few hours this is what he resorts to. He is insanely jealous and hates that I get attention every where I go so I have done my best to make him feel secure by not accepting the drinks that are bought for me when out and not talking to the men that approach me. I value his feelings and never want him to think that I can be full filled by anyone else in anyway. I feel it's his fault for placing me on a pedastal and then by doing this I just felt like he pulled a rug from under me
I just want to say, and this is not a knock on you, but not accepting drinks from men and/or engaging men in conversation who are trying to pick you up is something you shouldn't be doing, anyway. It's not a concession you make to the marriage, nor something your husband should be happy you don't do. It's simply part of marriage (or any relationship, really), and is an expectation, not something one "gives up" because of their partner.

I think we've established that you don't necessarily have a problem with porn, per se (none of your wording implies a disdain for the medium, I don't think). You have a problem with your partner watching porn. And that's okay, and quite normal.

My wife doesn't watch porn, and I'm not entirely certain how I'd take it if she did. I suppose it would depend a lot on what she's watching, as well as when. If she has a thing for normal, average couples having normal, average sex, I'd probably be fine with it. If she watched nothing but ripped men with huge elephant penises, then I don't know. She'd obviously be in to something that I can't provide her, and I'd feel inadequate.

And feeling inadequate is, more often than not, the sole reason one partner doesn't want the other to watch porn.

However, the comparisons to sex toys and romance novels has been brought up, and I don't disagree. I don't think they're as 'apples and oranges' as one would like to think. Like many women, my wife has sex toys. They don't often get used, if at all by herself, but I digress... I'm totally okay with them, and more than okay if she wants to use them on her own - provided they do not interfere with our sex life in any way. They did, with my ex wife, and that SUCKS.

In any case, my wife has vibrators only. She's not into penetrative sex toys, like dildos. If she was, it would be like the hypothetical porn use - whether I'd be 'okay' with them would entirely depend on the dildos she used. If she owned nothing but realistic, veiny, enormous dildos, I'm not sure I'd be thrilled about that. It would make me feel inadequate, obviously. If she used 'normal' sized, that didn't look like real penises, that would be different.

As far as vibrators go, I'm fine with them, personally. I can't do what a vibrator does - but nobody else can, either. I could choose to feel inadequate (some do, I imagine) or I can recognize that no human being on earth can replicate what a vibrator does. Besides, there are sex toys for men out there, and they do things your partner simply can't.

Anyway, I think your displeasure at your husband's occasional porn use is rooted in feeling inadequate. Again, that's okay, and normal. However, it does not seem to affect your sex life, or his desire for you in any way. Silver lining. You haven't mentioned that what he watches fits any sort of pattern (ie. things you won't do, body types you don't have, etc.) Silver lining.

I personally think that, in cases like this, there needs to be compromise - provided the person who is against porn isn't vehemently against it for moral or religious reasons. If the main focus is on that person feeling inadequate, then some discussion should be had, IMO, and there's room to move in either direction.

What you need is to feel reassured that you're not actually being replaced. You already know you're not being physically replaced, so that's a start (though some would argue that vibrator/dildo usage is a physical replacement).

In one example you gave, you turned him down for sex, and he proceeded to take care of business after you left for the evening. He clearly wanted to have sex with you, as opposed to masturbating to porn. The other examples you've given have pointed to this, too - you're unavailable, he took care of his needs. So is it reasonable, or unreasonable, to expect him to 'save himself' for when you're available? A little bit of both, if you ask me, but in the case of you turning him down for sex, then going out to a friend's wedding (in which you said you'd be staying out late, because you "like to party") then that's not reasonable, IMO. He'd have to wait til 3 in the morning, or the next day.

If you can't help but feel inadequate due to the fact that he's watching other women/people have sex, you have every right to do so. But I think you owe it to yourself to attempt to not feel inadequate. As most men will tell you, they'd much rather have sex with their wives than jack off to porn. Not always the case, of course, some will become addicted, but they have mental issues that preclude them from these other, more normal scenarios. If you have no indication of an addiction taking root - and you'd know, I think - then I'd let it be, TBH.

*ETA - if my wife were against me watching porn for the same reasons you do, I'd propose that we make our own, and I can use that. And I would. I'm not a habitual or regular porn user, once or twice a month, if that. I don't have an addiction, or any particular proclivity to it, I'm just a dude. Visual simulation is part of my psyche.
@alexm I'm learning that some men need visual stimulation where some can use imagination. When I asked him he said if he used his imagination it would have taken longer and he just wanted to hurry up.

You hit the nail on the head that's how I am feeling, inadequate and its a horrible feeling. I'm not sure if I were to see exactly what he saw if that would make me feel better. I know what he searched for and he only had image searches he didn't say he went to a particular website and according to the history it on my shows Google Image search for bang bros and goo girls. So not really sure what he his actual target was. I asked him to show me but he does not want me to have that image in my head. The other time I found it his searches were a little concerning but we never talked about it, I just told him I knew and he said it wouldn't happen again and that was it. That was 5 months ago and the search was for big dicks, big cocks and big tits. Not sure what to make of all the keywords. I am not big chested just a full B so that was a little insulting. His ex wife was though. But he left her so it isn't like he wants her back.

When I presented us making a video he said no that if he were to see himself he would be tyrned off thinking he looks like a whale next to me. He isn't fat just could lose a few pounds but he is insecure

I really appreciate your thought out response and it's helping my thought process. I do hope to maybe get more advice from you. Thank you
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post #60 of 173 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 10:51 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
I love the above post by @alexm. I think the core issue of inadequacy is a big part of people working through porn issues. And many other issues about trying to control their partner's sexuality. Masturbating. Toys. Several things all tied in to feeling inadequate.

And I like the idea that if you are opposed to your spouse watching other people having sex, then make a video of the two of you for your partner to watch when you are not available.
I think there is a good deal of truth to your first paragraph.

As for the video - good idea! The trick would be - if my wife would even consent to making a video - would be finding another woman for the FMF threesome I'd like to watch! If your tastes are very mainstream vanilla, a video could work, but if you like to watch things that you wouldn't normally do, then a video with your spouse might not. Besides, I think it would get old after a few viewings, whereas with porn there is infinite variety, at least. My ex and I made a video - I think we watched it once or twice together and separately, then got totally bored with it and deleted it. <yawn>

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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