Do some men use porn to relieve an erection? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 08:08 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

"use porn to relieve an erection"?

Is this a trick question? THAT is exactly what porn is for...to relieve and erection. lol
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post #77 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:08 PM Thread Starter
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Real question - did the man (or men, I suppose) in the videos you watched look anything like your husband, in terms of body type, penis size, etc? I'm going to guess that no, they did not - but that's okay. It doesn't mean you're not attracted to your husband, correct?[/QUOTE]

No they didn't look like him and still find him to be the sexist which has grown through our time together. No one can compare. That's something he can't seem to understand. I wasn't attracted to him at first not the way I am now
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post #78 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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I would be open to trying something different. I definitely stepped out of my comfort zone by watching porn today but I am a firm believer in seeing for yourself. Do I want him watching it? That answer is still a firm no lol but at least I can see that it's possible he is being honest and it's not anything he turns to often and for the reasons he said. I find a bit of comfort in that
The world needs more partners who are willing to do this type of thing. Your husband is a lucky man, honestly.

The next step is to reach some sort of compromise, or at least an understanding.

It's unlikely he'll never watch porn ever again (though it's possible, I suppose!). But at the same time, he's also not helping you out that much by refusing to watch it with you or to make your own videos.

Suggestion - film yourself, and give it to him. Or as far as filming actual sex with him, he can hold the camera, so the rest of his body isn't in it.
He said photos would be an option but for now he wants to give me all his sexual energy. He said if there is a time when I am going to be gone we can come up with options that will be best for both of us. I may try filming myself just to surprise him
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post #79 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:14 PM Thread Starter
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"use porn to relieve an erection"?

Is this a trick question? THAT is exactly what porn is for...to relieve and erection. lol
Lol well I thought some men used it to achieve an erection or because they are bored. Or as a hobby so to speak. I guess if it is used once in 5 months for 10 minutes then maybe it is just a rare horny occurrence where I am not there to relieve it for him
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post #80 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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did you tell him you checked out some porn?
No but I plan to. We have agreed to complete openness, where we know eacother from the inside out otherwise do you really know the person? Right now he has been asking me a lot of questions and feels really hurt that I find other men attractive. He says my eyes scan the bar and sometimes linger. I don't realize I do that and told him to point it out when I do. He really is my only desire and while I find men attractive that's as far as it goes. Just a fleeting thought that he is nice looking and my single friends should be here type of thought. So when he hears I wanted naked men it's going to hurt him. I am waiting for this weekend for the right time after I have built him up
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post #81 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:29 PM Thread Starter
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did you tell him you checked out some porn?
No but I plan to. We have agreed to complete openness, where we know eacother from the inside out otherwise do you really know the person? Right now he has been asking me a lot of questions and feels really hurt that I find other men attractive. He says my eyes scan the bar and sometimes linger. I don't realize I do that and told him to point it out when I do. He really is my only desire and while I find men attractive that's as far as it goes. Just a fleeting thought that he is nice looking and my single friends should be here type of thought. So when he hears I wanted naked men it's going to hurt him. I am waiting for this weekend for the right time after I have built him up
Oops my previous post should read watched not wanted lol
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post #82 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:41 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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He says my eyes scan the bar and sometimes linger. I don't realize I do that and told him to point it out when I do. He really is my only desire and while I find men attractive that's as far as it goes. Just a fleeting thought that he is nice looking and my single friends should be here type of thought. So when he hears I wanted naked men it's going to hurt him. I am waiting for this weekend for the right time after I have built him up
So you check out guys in bars (and certainly other places), you want naked men other than your husband (even though you say you won't act on it) and yet you forbid him from viewing pornography while masturbating.

Yeah that's fair.

I give your marriage 5 years tops.
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post #83 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=stixx;17634529]
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He says my eyes scan the bar and sometimes linger. I don't realize I do that and told him to point it out when I do. He really is my only desire and while I find men attractive that's as far as it goes. Just a fleeting thought that he is nice looking and my single friends should be here type of thought. So when he hears I wanted naked men it's going to hurt him. I am waiting for this weekend for the right time after I have built him up
So you check out guys in bars (and certainly other places), you want naked men other than your husband (even though you say you won't act on it) and yet you forbid him from viewing pornography while masturbating.

Yeah that's fair.

I give your marriage 5 years tops.[/QUOTlE]

Look at my post right before tours I corrected it and meant watched not wanted. As far as noticing an attractive man that's normal we all notice attractive people. I don't seek them out and I don't have desire or allow any thought to replace my partner. No one could ever. And if you read my previous comment you will see I watched some porn as an experiment to see if one can be aroused by the act alone without wanting to be with the person or even feeling a sexual attraction to the person in the video. I watched and it brough arousal and probably because it has been 7 days since I had sex because he wants to wait now since all this happened. So I was already turned on by my man and then when u watched it heightened my arousal just the physical act not the person and due to my already sexual state of mind
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post #84 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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So I was already turned on by my man and then when u watched it heightened my arousal just the physical act not the person and due to my already sexual state of mind
Right, so this is pretty much exactly what he's doing

Did you act upon your excitement at that time, or did you wait for him?

So, two things - you've followed the advice and checked some out on your own, and yes, you became aroused (and were already aroused). So now you understand where your husband is coming from.

You also recognize that he may not be thrilled to know that you watched some buff dude masturbating, and consequently became aroused from this. ie. he may have the same feelings you do to his occasional porn watching. BUT, you understand where he's coming from that it's not actually the person in the video - it's the act. It's a sexual act, and that's arousing to most people, including you.

Therefore, he will either understand where you're coming from and possibly quit OR you will understand where he's coming from and start to occasionally watch porn, or at least be 'okay' with it.

I suppose it has a lot to do with how he reacts when you let him know that you had a little experiment.

It sounds as though your experiment with porn would be a take it or leave it mentality. You don't seem put off by what you watched, and were aroused by it. You now have something different to do on your own, should you decide you don't want to use your imagination or whatever.

Either way, it's good, IMO.

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post #85 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
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So I was already turned on by my man and then when u watched it heightened my arousal just the physical act not the person and due to my already sexual state of mind
Right, so this is pretty much exactly what he's doing

Did you act upon your excitement at that time, or did you wait for him?

So, two things - you've followed the advice and checked some out on your own, and yes, you became aroused (and were already aroused). So now you understand where your husband is coming from.

You also recognize that he may not be thrilled to know that you watched some buff dude masturbating, and consequently became aroused from this. ie. he may have the same feelings you do to his occasional porn watching. BUT, you understand where he's coming from that it's not actually the person in the video - it's the act. It's a sexual act, and that's arousing to most people, including you.

Therefore, he will either understand where you're coming from and possibly quit OR you will understand where he's coming from and start to occasionally watch porn, or at least be 'okay' with it.

I suppose it has a lot to do with how he reacts when you let him know that you had a little experiment.

It sounds as though your experiment with porn would be a take it or leave it mentality. You don't seem put off by what you watched, and were aroused by it. You now have something different to do on your own, should you decide you don't want to use your imagination or whatever.

Either way, it's good, IMO.
No I didn't act on it I waited for him And yes I am understanding more and more and feeling better and ready to handle this and move on the way we decide. It was helpful, the experiment and this forum for sure.
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post #86 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Lol well I thought some men used it to achieve an erection or because they are bored. Or as a hobby so to speak. I guess if it is used once in 5 months for 10 minutes then maybe it is just a rare horny occurrence where I am not there to relieve it for him
it is really a 3 step process:
1) form an erection
2) cum
3) relieve the erection

it is the middle step that is the goal. lol
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post #87 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:26 PM Thread Starter
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So I told him about my experiment and he wasn't happy but he did understand. He had numerous questions of course about the men and how old they were and stuff like that. He said he doesn't like me watching it. However it gave him an insight to my take on it. So now that I understand and I explained that masturbation is ok with me and I want to have different ways for him to achieve it. He agreed to try in front of me if I would as well he thinks I need that for my peace of mind that he can masturbate just to me. I told him I will need to work myself up to that but I am willing. He did say he doesn't want to masturbate he just wants to be with me and that now he has an outlet which is me anytime he wants to or feels the need for sex he has no desire to masturbate or for porn. I explained that it's ok to masturbate just find different ways and he stressed that now with me as am always willing particpant that he is relieved that he doesn't have to masturbate anymore. That kinda made me feel good. Now I have to step out of my comfort zone to have dual masturbation lol
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post #88 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:14 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I never masturbate unless we are fighting the I watch porn and get myself off. IMO the man shouldn't have to watch porn to relieve an erection. Why can't his woman help him?


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post #89 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 06:31 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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So I told him about my experiment and he wasn't happy but he did understand. He had numerous questions of course about the men and how old they were and stuff like that. He said he doesn't like me watching it. However it gave him an insight to my take on it. So now that I understand and I explained that masturbation is ok with me and I want to have different ways for him to achieve it. He agreed to try in front of me if I would as well he thinks I need that for my peace of mind that he can masturbate just to me. I told him I will need to work myself up to that but I am willing. He did say he doesn't want to masturbate he just wants to be with me and that now he has an outlet which is me anytime he wants to or feels the need for sex he has no desire to masturbate or for porn. I explained that it's ok to masturbate just find different ways and he stressed that now with me as am always willing particpant that he is relieved that he doesn't have to masturbate anymore. That kinda made me feel good. Now I have to step out of my comfort zone to have dual masturbation lol
That's great, seriously! This not only opens up a whole new world, but it also enables each of you to become more comfortable with one another, which is the ultimate goal.

Every now and again, my wife and I will engage in mutual masturbation, or simply do it next to each other. As I said earlier, she doesn't do it on her own (or extremely rarely, anyway), so this adds a new dynamic to our sex life. IMO, it's every bit as intimate as full-on sex, and can be just as fun, too. For us, it's just something different we pull out of the hat every once in a while.

For whatever reason, there's a stigma attached to masturbation - it's private, it's something we do ourselves, it's something we do only when we can't have sex, etc. Think about that for a second, and ask yourself, why? Two people who live together, have sex, yet are too shy to touch themselves in front of their partner? There's really no logic behind why someone would be too shy to do this.

ps. I don't like the bolded part above, but there's still progress being made, so that's good!

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post #90 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:15 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I never masturbate unless we are fighting the I watch porn and get myself off. IMO the man shouldn't have to watch porn to relieve an erection. Why can't his woman help him?


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Because she's too busy playing Candy Crush - need to make sure that she makes that next level.
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