Do some men use porn to relieve an erection? - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #91 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:15 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by biggunz69 View Post
I never masturbate unless we are fighting the I watch porn and get myself off. IMO the man shouldn't have to watch porn to relieve an erection. Why can't his woman help him?


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post #92 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:00 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

@Lizzyb

Don't wanna disrespect your religious convictions; but most "christian" men use porn. Yeah, I know, the Bible says to not lust after anyone other than your spouse. Most christian guys don't care about that part of the bible. Maybe a lot of christians don't obey most of the the "Thou shalt nots" in the Bible.

So, forget about the religious/spiritual side of it. It's useless.

Accept that your husband likes looking at other women naked. He thinks a lot of them are better looking than you. He likes to think about what it would be like to have sex with them.

Graphic filmed portrayals of every imaginable act. Basically filmed prostitution.

Meditate on that; accept it, and decide if you can stay with him and have sex with him despite that.

(I'm sure you're beautiful; it doesn't matter---you can't be beautiful enough. You can never be beautiful enough)

If you decide it's worth it to stay; get everything you can get out of him; and don't be afraid to appreciate the good looks of other men.

fwiw, you have my sympathy and understanding.
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post #93 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I am very open to taking photos or videos and we have talked about that. That is one way we agreed if we were apart for a few nights that we could use that or even just phone sex. He also said if I was gone for an evening then I can tell him a time I wil be home and let him know that when I get home we can have sex that would also work.
I honestly can't imagine having THIS great a need to have to be in total control of every single aspect of a man's entire sexuality - his thoughts, his fantasies, what he has to watch when he IS allowed to masturbate, controlling when he masturbates, making him explain why he looked at porn twice in 5 whole months, etc. etc.

I really can't even fathom needing to have this level of control over ANYONE. It's just sad.
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post #94 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 03:14 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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The duration of my relationship with my SO is close to a year now and during this time I have found porn 3 times. We have an active sex life and I never turn him down. We have sex if not every other day then at least every 3 days. The 2nd time I found it I felt I needed to confront him since this was something I have never wanted in my relationship and I felt I might not have been clear. We talked and he said that he used it only because at that time we were visiting at my moms for a week and he had woke up turned on and then my mom walked in the room so he couldnt approach me for sex. Therefore he went to shower and that is when he used it. He promised he didn't have a problem with porn and he wouldn't use it again. Well 5 months later I find it again. I was getting ready to go to a wedding reception without him and then I decided I wanted a quick nap before. He said I could come and lay down nude and nap with him and I said no ill put my nightie on. I had no idea that was his way of trying to get me into bed for sex so I didn't get the hint and fell asleep. He said watching me getting ready and the dress I wore was low cut and sexy so he became aroused. So when I left he said he contemplated on not masteubatin and waiting for me but then the urge was intense and he didn't know if I would be home that night he figured not till early morning since I like to stay out and party. I asked why he had to use porn couldn't he do it without and his answer was it speeds up the process. According to the history it was about 15 min after I left and he only viewed it for 10 or so min. I obviously realize he isn't an avid porn user but is his answer valid? He seemed to think I had a problem with masturbation and I have gently explained that I'm fine with it that it's the porn I have an issue with. He grew up LDS so he was taught masturbation is shameful and he should feel dirty. I told jl to never feel that way and that it's ok if the time calls for it. But I also made him aware I will always satisfy his urge at any moment. He says he doesn't like to bother me that he feels selfish and he never wants me to feel used. We have kept the communication open since this happened last week and he says he feels closer to me knowing he can talk about the most embarrassing things and I don't look at him differently. He said I am making him a better person. He had a bad marriage before and used porn to relieve himself since they never had sex towards the end. Little personal info he is 50 and I am 41 both of us are in great shape and I always take care of my appearance. Just need some input since it is hard for me to undestand and I want to feel ok about his reason . Thanks in advance

By the sounds of these posts I'd say you're newly weds getting used to being in a relationship, married, boundaries, etc.


It also sounds very controlling with too many rules and limitations.


If he views porn a few times here or there, find out what porn he views and take the initiative, no talking, no new rules and just surprise him.


I doubt he's doing this to hurt you.


Us guys are simple. We get in the mood quite easily and mainly due to visual stimulation, So a hot woman, hmmmmm.


Porn are hot women who love sex and are great at it.


Stop telling him if he can relieve himself or not, porn or not, etc. He is in charge of his body and not you.


Ladies use vibrators all the time and are no different. They view porn, romantic spicy novels, you name it.


You can't be controlling like this only one year into the marriage.


He doesn't like it when you flirt? With other guys, yes? Or with him?


Mrs.CuddleBug thinks about and looks at other guys I'm sure. I've told her, there's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't bother me. Just don't tell me.


Now you're telling him you will be viewing some porn?


Way too much talking and controlling here.


Having to discuss everything, being more open, more rules, more boundaries, is extremely controlling and not what a loving and trusting marriage is about.


If you want to relieve yourself with or without him, its okay.
If he wants to relieve himself with or without you, its okay.


If you want to view porn once in a while with or without him, its okay.
If he wants to view porn once in a while with or without you, its okay.


If you have an idea to take sexy pics of yourself and surprise him, that's great. No discussion needed.
If you want to make sexy vids of yourself, using a vibrator for him, that's great. No discussion needed.
If you want to dress up, cosplay, total surprise for him, that's great. No discussion needed.


It's almost like you've never been in a serious relationship before and are way too controlling, limitation, discussions, rules, etc.


Whether you are a person of faith or not, the sex drive will always be there.


My advice is to chill and rock each others worlds with spontaneity.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.

Last edited by CuddleBug; 04-02-2017 at 03:19 PM.
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post #95 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 04:07 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
I really can't even fathom needing to have this level of control over ANYONE. It's just sad.
It's not only sad, it's unrealistic. He's already defying her rules and lying to her.
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post #96 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:00 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
@Lizzyb

Don't wanna disrespect your religious convictions; but most "christian" men use porn. Yeah, I know, the Bible says to not lust after anyone other than your spouse. Most christian guys don't care about that part of the bible. Maybe a lot of christians don't obey most of the the "Thou shalt nots" in the Bible.

So, forget about the religious/spiritual side of it. It's useless.
Yes and probably more so - I imagine porn is more appealing to those who are told its sinful. There is something about repressed sexuality and porn that creates a kink. Thinking that something is 'naughty' is hugely arousing!
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post #97 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:58 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I did try this version of relationship once where I didn't use porn but instead would just have "sex on demand" per her request. Ultimately she was too controlling for me but it was an interesting concept. She was the only woman who ever requested this of me. Honestly wouldn't be part of anything like that again.
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post #98 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 06:02 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

Even when my wife and I were at the height of our sex life, and were doing it nearly everyday (prior to the kids), I still viewed porn on a very regular basis. Now that my wife has minimal interest in sex, I probably use it more frequently as it's my main method of sexual release. I'd still choose real sex with my wife every single time over porn. I don't feel it's unhealthy at all. I don't over indulge, I don't watch porn that portrays violence or is degrading to women, and I recognize that those people are actors performing to a directors specifications, not having real sex.

I had a girlfriend in my early 20s who was very much against me watching pornography, and I tried to hide it from her at all costs. I don't think my wife ever said anything about porn. She's a little too prudish to actually watch it herself, but she's never judged me for it.
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post #99 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I had a girlfriend in my early 20s who was very much against me watching pornography, and I tried to hide it from her at all costs.
This is what's happening with the husband of the woman who started this thread. Only he's not quite at the "hiding it" stage rather he's at the "making lame excuses" stage. "Oh honey you really turned me on with that dress but since I couldn't have you and I had this pesky erection that wouldn't go away and not much time to deal with it I jacked off to porn because it's faster".

Eventually he'll just stop explaining it because the light bulb will come on and he'll realize it's much easier to simply not tell her he watches porn.

The problem with these two has nothing to do with the porn. It's all about her rigid thinking and her need to impose her will on another person. "I believe this is the way to live your life and you will do it my way or I will leave you!".

It could be porn, or it could be how full the dishwasher is before you run it, or any other multitude of reasons.

And it's also his fault for allowing this controlling behavior to perpetuate rather than standing up to her and saying "A guy's going to do what a guy's going to do and if you don't like it and it's a dealbreaker then lets cut our losses right NOW".
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post #100 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:09 PM Thread Starter
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I had a girlfriend in my early 20s who was very much against me watching pornography, and I tried to hide it from her at all costs.
This is what's happening with the husband of the woman who started this thread. Only he's not quite at the "hiding it" stage rather he's at the "making lame excuses" stage. "Oh honey you really turned me on with that dress but since I couldn't have you and I had this pesky erection that wouldn't go away and not much time to deal with it I jacked off to porn because it's faster".

Eventually he'll just stop explaining it because the light bulb will come on and he'll realize it's much easier to simply not tell her he watches porn.

The problem with these two has nothing to do with the porn. It's all about her rigid thinking and her need to impose her will on another person. "I believe this is the way to live your life and you will do it my way or I will leave you!".

It could be porn, or it could be how full the dishwasher is before you run it, or any other multitude of reasons.

And it's also his fault for allowing this controlling behavior to perpetuate rather than standing up to her and saying "A guy's going to do what a guy's going to do and if you don't like it and it's a dealbreaker then lets cut our losses right NOW".
This was a habit in his bad marriage of 22 years he resorted to porn because he wasn't having sex. We are not married yet and porn is a deal breaker which I was upfront about. If he wants to view porn it's his choice. This is a 50 year old man who has had 2 marriages. I think if he wants something he can speak up and say it. He's not the crafty type to think up lies. I realize not all men are alike and some are honest, I believe he is. He's not like typical men seriously he's not. I have had a lot of interaction with men and my main is rare. If he wants porn then he needs to leave and find a partner who would be compatible since that's not me and he knows this. We aren't married so it's easy to leave. We have been together exclusively for 9 months so it's not like we have a lot of years invested. He watched it twice in almost 5 months and I understand the circumstances for this. He is the one who says he doesn't even want to masturbate he feels guilty not sharing sexual experiences with me. I told him masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. He still feels this way and that's his choice.
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post #101 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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This was a habit in his bad marriage of 22 years he resorted to porn because he wasn't having sex.
He's not going to give up that habit. You might think he will, heck he might even have himself half convinced that he will but it won't happen. Even if he can restrain himself it won't be natural and he will resent you greatly for it and it will cause problems in other areas of the relationship.

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This is a 50 year old man who has had 2 marriages.
There's a reason his first two marriages didn't work out. It's not all about his crazy exwives.

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I think if he wants something he can speak up and say it.
He obviously likes you a lot. He thinks you are the woman with whom he will have a successful marriage and spend the rest of his life with. Just like he thought about the first two wives, until of course, he didn't.

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He's not the crafty type to think up lies.
Nothing crafty about it at all. He's in conflict. He's got a porn habit, he's got urges, he's going to give in to temptation and he knows if he comes clean then it's over. Since he doesn't want to lose you he has only one choice. So he tells you that you looked hot in your dress so he masturbated to porn because it was faster and he was in a hurry or something.

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He watched it twice in almost 5 months.
You don't know that. All you know is that he TOLD you that.
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post #102 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:34 AM Thread Starter
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He watched it twice in almost 5 months.
You don't know that. All you know is that he TOLD you that.[/QUOTE]

I so know. The history is attached to our goggle account and I see everything. He doesn't have any other access.
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post #103 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 12:50 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I so know. The history is attached to our goggle account and I see everything. He doesn't have any other access.
Not ALL porn is online. He may have resorted to online porn in the rare instances that his offline materials were not accessible. Such material might include DVDs, thumbdrives, magazines, VHS tapes, SD Cards, and/or semi-obsolete camcorder tapes just to name a few.

I grew up in the age of VHS tapes. I remember staying for a month at my parent-in-law's house overseas. I was a rather desperate man during this time as there was not a moment for my wife and I to have time alone during this trip. So I used: 50mb Live Linux OS Distro to boot my father in law's desktop computer into a live linux distribution one afternoon so that I could download myself some porn movies and photos onto a thumb drive without leaving any traces. My laptop I had with me during that time had no wifi access. This at least allowed me to watch some movies offline that I downloaded previously.

Just saying...

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post #104 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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I so know. The history is attached to our goggle account and I see everything. He doesn't have any other access.
Not ALL porn is online. He may have resorted to online porn in the rare instances that his offline materials were not accessible. Such material might include DVDs, thumbdrives, magazines, VHS tapes, SD Cards, and/or semi-obsolete camcorder tapes just to name a few.

I grew up in the age of VHS tapes. I remember staying for a month at my parent-in-law's house overseas. I was a rather desperate man during this time as there was not a moment for my wife and I to have time alone during this trip. So I used: 50mb Live Linux OS Distro to boot my father in law's desktop computer into a live linux distribution one afternoon so that I could download myself some porn movies and photos onto a thumb drive without leaving any traces. My laptop I had with me during that time had no wifi access. This at least allowed me to watch some movies offline that I downloaded previously.

Just saying...

Badsanta
I realize that but we live and work together so we are together almost 24 hours a day. Our home is tiny and there is nothing in it, such as vhs, magazines, dvds, thumb drives, no pc's, we live and work here so no where to hide anything and we go out and socialize together except for a few occasional times that I do. We are very simple and basic people. We have one vehicle so if I leave he has no way to so it's not like he is leaving and finding other ways to access porn.
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post #105 of 173 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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I finally decided to view his searches. So he only used Google search and only view google images. He never went to a website. Goo girls images were mostly all blow job photos and they were not sexy and attractive. The women were very average nothing exceptional. I don't want to sound vain but I am always told I resemeble a cross between Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. The women in these photos didn't look appealing maybe it's true he just has a fantasy about blow jobs and maybe I need to step it up. I'll be honest I have only done that a few times and that was in the very beginning. Why would a man watch women that are not stunning giving blow jobs, any other reasons? When I think of men watching porn I thought they want to see sexy women more like 10's and not 5 or 6's, it's confusing...he never even clicked on any image just viewed the results.

Last edited by Lizzyb; 04-03-2017 at 01:49 PM.
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