Do some men use porn to relieve an erection? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #106 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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Do you honestly believe that he did a Google search for porn and only looked at the search results but not at any of the actual images?
That does not add up to me either...

Perhaps that was his one slip up where he forget to enable private browsing and/or delete all his history.

Seems more like an episode of "I'm going to look at porn... oops, I do NOT have time!" and he never bothered to delete anything from that session.
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post #107 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stixx View Post
Do you honestly believe that he did a Google search for porn and only looked at the search results but not at any of the actual images?
That does not add up to me either...

Perhaps that was his one slip up where he forget to enable private browsing and/or delete all his history.

Seems more like an episode of "I'm going to look at porn... oops, I do NOT have time!" and he never bothered to delete anything from that session.
He looked at only google images not the search results. He first went to Google search typed in the query which was "goo girls" the results came up then he clicked on "images" in google. I know exactly what he clicks and searches let's just say that. So when the image results came up he never clicked on anyone in particular
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post #108 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:20 PM Thread Starter
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Perhaps that was his one slip up where he forget to enable private browsing and/or delete all his history.

Seems more like an episode of "I'm going to look at porn... oops, I do NOT have time!" and he never bothered to delete anything from that session.[/QUOTE]

He had a couple other searches such as "bang bros" and it was the exact same thing. If it was a slip up I would think he wouldn't have slipped up more than once that evening.
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post #109 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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He had a couple other searches such as "bang bros" and it was the exact same thing. If it was a slip up I would think he wouldn't have slipped up more than once that evening.
"goo girls" and "bang bros" are VERY SPECIFIC searches from someone that has seen a great deal of porn. He knows exactly what studios produce the porn he likes at this point.

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post #110 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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He had a couple other searches such as "bang bros" and it was the exact same thing. If it was a slip up I would think he wouldn't have slipped up more than once that evening.
"goo girls" and "bang bros" are VERY SPECIFIC searches from someone that has seen a great deal of porn. He knows exactly what studios produce the porn he likes at this point.

"goo girls" is short for "German Goo Girls" which is a studio that produces porn specifically depicting women being covered in sperm from multiple men. Generally speaking one encounters this content after searching "bizarre" and "extreme" categories in search of a new novelty and then gradually learns that they prefer a certain studio for the content they produce.

One does not go to a computer and randomly type "goo girls." That search is the result of hours upon hours of searching porn to discover a specific studio and producer of personal preference.

"bang bros" is also a studio name that produces porn, but the content is rather mainstream hardcore compared to goo girls.
I sorta determined that when I went to search this. I know he used porn in his sexless marriage so I know he has been familiar with it in the years before me which is why he has specific searches. He does not know that I am able to see his searches and he always just clears history since he has no clue I can see his activity on my phone. I don't think he even is aware of private browsing. He is quite technically challenged and only knows how to search and view and of course clear history and website data since its all in one. If he wanted to be sneaky he would know how to clear just the porn sites from history but he doesn't. I just find it odd that he only viweed the images and never went to a site or looked at videos
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post #111 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:51 PM Thread Starter
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Oh and bang bros image results had no explicit content which is why I think he then went to goo girls those image results did. He only spent 2 min on the bang bros image results then moved on. He said he used it routinely in the last few years of his marriage so I do understand that it became a habit. His ex wife is not stupid I think she would have found out if it was an addiction. She found out others things so I'm sure if it was something he did frequently she would have known. She didnt think he had an addiction to porn.
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post #112 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

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I sorta determined that when I went to search this. I know he used porn in his sexless marriage so I know he has been familiar with it in the years before me which is why he has specific searches. He does not know that I am able to see his searches and he always just clears history since he has no clue I can see his activity on my phone. I don't think he even is aware of private browsing. He is quite technically challenged and only knows how to search and view and of course clear history and website data since its all in one. If he wanted to be sneaky he would know how to clear just the porn sites from history but he doesn't. I just find it odd that he only viweed the images and never went to a site or looked at videos

One image search on google can deliver endless thumbnails. Clicking on one image simply gives you an enlarged preview within the image results, for which you can keep swiping through the results. So one search can result in enough images to keep one occupied for quite a while...
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post #113 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=badsanta;17643777]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzyb View Post
I sorta determined that when I went to search this. I know he used porn in his sexless marriage so I know he has been familiar with it in the years before me which is why he has specific searches. He does not know that I am able to see his searches and he always just clears history since he has no clue I can see his activity on my phone. I don't think he even is aware of private browsing. He is quite technically challenged and only knows how to search and view and of course clear history and website data since its all in one. If he


One image search on google can deliver endless thumbnails. Clicking on one image simply gives you an enlarged preview within the image results, for which you can keep swiping through the results. So one search can result in enough images to keep one occupied for quite a while...
Right, I discovered that. I guess my question is why view images of "goo girls" it doesn't look very attractive to me so what is it exactly that he is craving? I mean if he was viewing beautiful nude women that might make me insecure with my looks but this search makes me wonder what he is missing out on. This search only shows mediocre women giving men oral sex and yes the fluid on them which is odd to me but I'm not a man
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post #114 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:47 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

I think it is because for most men (and maybe women?) porn is not about the people but about the act. "goo girls" is not my cup of tea, but it exists so there must be a market. Probably it is the fantasy of control and maybe degradation. Yes, degradation is nasty, but its a FANTASY, and from what you have written, not something he wants to do in real life.

He doesn't look at beautiful women because he has YOU. I watch porn but its not about the beautiful women for me either - I'm very attracted to my wife (for all that she is in her mid 50s), I watch it for the fantasy and for vicariously enjoying the wide range of sex acts that my wife will not do. Everything else being equal I'll watch attractive women, but its not the most important part.

As others have indicated, there is a fair chance that he has watched more porn that you think. From your previous comments, you have indicated that you are willing to take a rational view and to think things through (an excellent quality btw). I'd suggests that you think carefully about whether or not your objection to his porn make sense as long as his porn use isn't interfering with your sex life. Your choice, but just think it through carefully to make sure that you are not creating conflict where none needs to exist.



[quote=Lizzyb;17643833]
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Right, I discovered that. I guess my question is why view images of "goo girls" it doesn't look very attractive to me so what is it exactly that he is craving? I mean if he was viewing beautiful nude women that might make me insecure with my looks but this search makes me wonder what he is missing out on. This search only shows mediocre women giving men oral sex and yes the fluid on them which is odd to me but I'm not a man
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post #115 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

@Lizzyb: seems clear to most of us that he desires activities that he strongly suspects you would not approve of doing with him. So he turns to the internet for images of activities that excite him, but that he fears you would never agree to do.

You do not have to accept that he turns to the internet for release. You do not have to accept that he desires unacceptable activities. You do not have to provide him with an outlet for those desires.

But I think you are fooling yourself if you think he will obey you when you deny him an outlet and prohibit him from looking at those images. He may agree to refrain, but he will almost certainly cheat. And feel guilty. And try to hide it form you. And it will only weaken your marriage. You can demand that he stop feeling the desire, but history shows that demand rarely helps the relationship. Let him indulge his desires. Or let him go. But don't try to cage him. It may seem like a "win" for you if he agrees to be caged. But I think you will find it ends up being just as much a loss for you as for him. Few women continue to respect and desire a man who allows himself to be caged (unless that is both your kink and his - in which case cage away!).

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #116 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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Great responses and it set the tone for an open discussion. He said that he is familiar with the production companies due to his habit. He did say that it's the acts that are enticing and I asked if he wants more of that in our sex life. He still claims that he isn't desiring more variety. However I will take it upon myself to spice thing up every so often just in case. He is open even though this is uncomfortable for him and I feel that if he needed to tell me he needs more or different now is the time since I am being understanding and willing to please. I also mentioned the fact that his searches are more geared toward the fantasy of control and degrading and he said he feels that all porn depicts that and he feels it's wrong but also somethung that worked for a purpose when he needed it. He said in his search there were various acts which is correct and he said there were group sex as well as one on one and his preference was the one on one. He said there were 3 photos that he honed in on and he enlarged them to fit the screen which is why it never showed him clicking on a specific image. I stressed that if he has desires he needs to share them so we can determine if we are indeed compatible since I don't want to hold him back from his desires. We aren't married and it's best to find out before we get married
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post #117 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 07:35 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

There is porn that is not at all degrading to women (or men). There is porn to fit pretty much anything anyone might want.

As long as he (and you) really believe that fantasy isn't the same as reality, then what sort of porn he likes (assuming its legal) shouldn't matter.

He might like play-acting control, but also it really might be something he prefers as a pure fantasy. There are fantasies that I (and I assume many people) have that I wouldn't want even in play-acting.

If you both enjoy sex together, that is what really matters. Its worth finding out each other's fantasies, but that doesn't mean that you have to act on them - only on the ones that you both would enjoy doing. (even then you may find after trying them that some things are more fun in fantasy than in reality).

There is also space in a relationship for some fantasies to remain completely private if there is any insecurity involved. A woman with a fantasy about enormously endowed men might not want to share that with her partner if he is somewhat insecure about his size. That's fine - as long as she is happy with her partner in real life, it doesn't matter that she has fantasies of something else.

I see no problem with people in a relationship having some incompatible fantasies, its only a problem if there are not enough things that they do enjoy doing together. So you are not "holding him back" if there are fantasies you don't want to fulfill, unless they are really fetishes that he *needs* rather than just things he might want to try if given the chance.

You are talking and that is great. I think its important to keep reactions to "That's OK, but not something I'm interested in", rather than "you are a perverted xyz", because the second will just shut the other person down. You should also share whatever fantasies or desires you have - both because he might enjoy them too, but also so it all doesn't feel one-sided to him.

I wish I could share my fantasies with my wife, but I don't dare because she has reacted badly to some suggestions in the past. She has never shared hers with me. Its sad - because there might very well be things we would both enjoy if only we knew.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzyb View Post
Great responses and it set the tone for an open discussion. He said that he is familiar with the production companies due to his habit. He did say that it's the acts that are enticing and I asked if he wants more of that in our sex life. He still claims that he isn't desiring more variety. However I will take it upon myself to spice thing up every so often just in case. He is open even though this is uncomfortable for him and I feel that if he needed to tell me he needs more or different now is the time since I am being understanding and willing to please. I also mentioned the fact that his searches are more geared toward the fantasy of control and degrading and he said he feels that all porn depicts that and he feels it's wrong but also somethung that worked for a purpose when he needed it. He said in his search there were various acts which is correct and he said there were group sex as well as one on one and his preference was the one on one. He said there were 3 photos that he honed in on and he enlarged them to fit the screen which is why it never showed him clicking on a specific image. I stressed that if he has desires he needs to share them so we can determine if we are indeed compatible since I don't want to hold him back from his desires. We aren't married and it's best to find out before we get married
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post #118 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:19 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

Well, the only thing that matters is that you two can work out a compromise that works for you two.

I'm impressed with your own willingness to do a little experimentation.

Good luck to you.
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post #119 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:59 PM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

If they were image searches, he may not have seen anything he was interested in.


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Do you honestly believe that he did a Google search for porn and only looked at the search results but not at any of the actual images?
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post #120 of 172 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:04 AM
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Re: Do some men use porn to relieve an erection?

Just noticed this.
Maybe he really really likes blow jobs but doesn't to ask and pressure you into doing something you don't like. Based on his search and your having not done it in a while, maybe give it a try. Assuming you don't mind - next evening just give him a really great BJ to completion, letting him finish where he wants. You may make him really really happy - and wipe all thoughts of porn from his mind.

This may be something he has really wanted but been too shy to ask for - maybe based on previous relationships with women who hated doing them.

Of course this is a 2 way street. Later you need to tell him what *you* want.



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I finally decided to view his searches. So he only used Google search and only view google images. He never went to a website. Goo girls images were mostly all blow job photos and they were not sexy and attractive. The women were very average nothing exceptional. I don't want to sound vain but I am always told I resemeble a cross between Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. The women in these photos didn't look appealing maybe it's true he just has a fantasy about blow jobs and maybe I need to step it up. I'll be honest I have only done that a few times and that was in the very beginning. snip
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