Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:44 AM
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Re: Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging

I am not into hot wife/cuckold at all and that particular scenario I believe carries some extra risk as compared to other consensual nonmonogamous activities.

I have however had quite a bit of experience in the swinging lifestyle however and have had numerous full swap, group sex and 3some experience.

As you have described so far, I think the biggest concern here is that he is downloading porn on company time.

Will this put his employment at risk or get him in trouble at work?

That is your immediate concern here.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:04 AM
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Re: Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging

Now as far as the interest in hot wife/cuckold, I don't think the sky is falling and I don't see the need to hit the panic button yet.

You've been married a long time and you married very young. Your relationship may have reached a level of trust and security that he does feel comfortable in approaching you about trying something a little different.

The fact that he has brought this up to you and has been willing to work with you on it is actually a good sign. Many 30-something men that have been married for 10+ years simply pack up their stuff and move out to find other women and another wife and start a new life and start a new family, so lets keep that in mind.

And that fact that he is respecting your wishes and not pressuring you or whining or sulking or having it cause any change in your marital sex life is also a good thing.

From what you have written thus far, I am not seeing any signs of "distress" here.

This may simply be a dude who has got turned on watching some porn videos and has gotten some ideas of what he thinks may be fun for him and wife and he has asked his wife about it.

It is her prerogative whether she wants to give it a whirl or not and if she doesn't and she declines the offer and he accepts her declination and doesn't pressure her for it and doesn't have a problem with her declination and marital life carries on as usual here - then there really isn't an immediate problem here.

Swinging/cuckold/hot wife/3somes etc are real things that married couples do participate in and enjoy.

For some it does lead to problems. For others it does not and a good time is had by all with no problems.

If no one approached their partner about it, then there would be no swinging or 3somes etc in the world. It has to start somewhere. Your husband took a personal risk to ask you about this.

If you don't want to do it, then it is absolutely your prerogative to not do it and to not be bothered by it and it is his responsibility to respect your wishes.

But the fact that a young, healthy man in a healthy, stable marriage approached his wife about doing something a little different, does not need to in and of it'self trigger any alarm bells as long as there are not other associated issues with it like picking up chicks on the side, using pressure, duress, manipulation etc and as long as the relationship and marital sex life are trucking along as business as usual.

After 15 years, you may be wanting to try something a little different yourself. It is very important for a couple to be able to bring up and discuss these topics and each other's fantasies and be able to discuss them and address them in a healthy manner and not just judge and condem them because they are different than the expected norm.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 02:26 PM
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Re: Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging

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Originally Posted by sevenfortyeight View Post
No he does not work out.
If your husband is using porn he could be overstimulating himself sexually, and a "sudden" obsession with a new fantasy could be him seeking an extreme novelty as a means to compensate for overstimulation so that he can still be able to enjoy sex with you. Combine this with the fact that he is not getting much if any exercise and that greatly exacerbates the problem.

Set aside the topic of your husband's fantasy and approach it from an "overstimulation" and "not enough exercise" point of view. Explain to him that sexually speaking that less can be more, and that regular exercise will help him naturally manage his libido in a way that should be more enjoyable for the two of you within a monogamous context.

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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 08:30 PM
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Re: Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
That needs to be remedied. The physical pain/discomfort from intense work or exercise is necessary for health, both physical and mental.

He is most probably warping his perceptions by not exercising and rotting his mind with porn to stimulate him.

Can you talk to him about this?

He seems to love and respect you.
There is no doubt that porn is warping his mind. Today's porn is glamorizing the concept of sharing your wife or allow someone else to have their way with her.

There are a few who will actually like it but most men will be overcome with extreme jealousy. What seemed hot while watching porn, tears their heart in two, when done in real life.

The wife usually AND RIGHTFULLY, feels used and unloved until the OM whispers in her ear while they're doing it, the words that any women in such a situation would want to hear. " If you were my girl, I would never share you." Boom, game over for the husband.

You're husbands needs to cut the porn and get his but in the gym to lift some heavy iron to up his T levels. No normal healthy man would want another man to touch you. Just the thought of you with another man, should make his blood boil with rage.

Do not allow your husband to cheapen you. If he won't wake up, it's better to divorce with honor than to allow his dark fantasies to debauch you. Once you go down that path, you won't be able to undue the damage to the marriage or to your psych.

Last edited by jsmart; 04-01-2017 at 08:34 PM.
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging

Unfortunately the fetishes you mention happen to be the most popular ones out there and the porn industry knows it and feeds it as long as they can make a buck. What happens is guys masturbate to that kind of porn until they associate sexual pleasure with the fetishes they watch. I am from the pre internet age where you had to go out and find a girl to do those things.

I have done all of those things you mentioned and more over my 44 year marriage. I did not know what they were called but our friends asked to wife swap and other friends invited us into soft swinging. My wife is the one who asked two girlfriends to join us in bed and her best friend to have sex with me to cheer her up after a bitter divorce. I never went looking for these things. I have been on most of the major sex forums and see all the guys talking about the fetishes you mentioned and bemoaning the fact that their wives will not do it for them. There are several reasons for liking those fetishes that range from bisexual urges to wanting to see a live porn show and then go home with the star.

For most it is just masturbation fodder. My wife and I are very open about masturbation and what turns us on. She does not mind if I look at porn as long as she benefits from it. I would not worry about it as your husband is in good company with many millions of men all over the world. I would talk openly with no judgement about his masturbation. I never met a man who did not masturbate. Find out what he likes about that type of porn. It is said that jealousy and sexual arousal have the same physical effect on men. The only difference is the circumstances they feel it in. So watching that kind of porn over and over will associate those acts as sexual arousal because online the woman is not you and he is not feeling jealous, just aroused. The problem with most fetishes is that they nag at you until done. However, wanting to do something and actually doing it are two different things.

Best thing to do is tell him that you do not mind him looking at porn for whatever reason, as long as it does not affect your sex life. The secret to a great sex life is frank and good communication about each others sexual likes and fetishes. I know a lot of couples that role play cuckolding. The wife will talk about some guy she saw and how good it must feel to be with a more sexually endowed man. That will arouse your husband if he is into that kind of porn, trust me on that. Some wives will use a dildo while telling their husbands about ex lovers and how good and big they were. Some guys like the humiliation aspect of those type of fetishes and if that is the case with your husband, you can tell him that his penis is too small, no matter its size and how it rarely gives you the kind of pleasure you got from ex lovers. Basically you are doing his fetishes without actually doing them. One wife we knew left am empty magnum condom wrapper in their bedroom after getting tired of hearing her husband ask her to have sex with another guy and then tell him about it.

As someone who led a fetish sex life, I hope that I shed some light on the subject and explained the different options you have. The problem is that a kink is something a man wants to do while a fetish is something he has to do. Odds are that he is just mastrubating to that stuff. That stuff requires a wife so cheating is not going to do him any good. Don't worry about it but try to find something safe that you an do to feed his fetish without actually doing it. Many guys are content with just pretending.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 04-01-2017 at 10:54 PM.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:10 PM
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Re: Husband's sudden obsession with hot wife/cuckold/swinging

I don't think it is that abnormal


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