Is watching porn a form of infidelity? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?
Yes. 11 15.28%
Yes but I am able to tolerate it. 2 2.78%
No but I am still bothered by it. 10 13.89%
No. 49 68.06%
Voters: 72. You may not vote on this poll

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post #46 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:08 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I definitely agree with your sentiment.

Her feelings do not make something true however.

Actually having sex outside your marriage has far reaching consequences that leave watching porn in the dust.

How would she feel if he had a non stop mistress for years? I guaranty she would feel far worse than about him watching porn.

I do believe he is somewhat of an ass hat for disregarding his wife's emotions and wellbeing but we could learn more from his side as well.

BTW. The church ladies I referred to were trying to compare the use of porn by their respective husbands to their very real cases of adultery.

It was some of the most mind bending blame shifting I have ever seen!
It is true for her, she knows, she had to deal with it. Porn use is cited in 60% of all divorces now which doesn't surprise me at all.
I agree with those ladies, if I was with a man who treated me so badly and so unlovingly and so disrespectfully that he looked at porn and wouldn't stop, I would see it as just as bad as physical cheating and probably end the marriage. For us as Christians, Jesus warns us that lusting after other people is adultery of the heart, and just as bad. That's what porn is.

Cant see what it has to do with blame shifting at all. The one who looks at porn is to blame.
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post #47 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Good point, I wonder how many men who view porn would enjoy their wives orgasming while looking at other naked men? I would feel like a cold heartless witch if I decided to lust after other men while ignoring my husband.
I would feel the same if I was doing that as WELL as having sex with my husband. I love and respect him far too much to act that way.
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post #48 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:13 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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That's your point of view, however. To them, it's not.

And that's my point - whether it is or it isn't is up to the people involved, plain and simple.
The meaning of adultery is when a married person has sex with someone who isnt their spouse, so yes its adultery whether they agree to it or not.
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post #49 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:26 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Any adultery will end badly. Its a very serious thing and has no place in a committed marriage. If you want to sleep around then dont get married.
You're entitled to your opinion, but it's not based on experience with ethical non-monogamy, so I think it's based in ignorance. The only thing you've said here that I agree with is that it's a serious thing - and as such is not to be taken lightly. It doesn't always end badly - I can give tens of thousands of examples to the contrary. If you mean only non-consensual scenarios, then yes, it will usually end badly. I don't deal in those. It can have a wonderful place in a committed marriage, if the couple chooses it. And there is no reason you can't be married AND have sex with others, if you mutually choose to do so. You are coming from a worldview that many people do not share and do not want to share. There is nothing wrong with your views - for you and those (admittedly, the majority of people) who think like you. Your views are wrong for me, and millions of others. They are not wrong - but they are different. What irks me is your petty prejudice that you have the only valid definition of marriage.

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post #50 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 10:06 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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You're entitled to your opinion, but it's not based on experience with ethical non-monogamy, so I think it's based in ignorance. The only thing you've said here that I agree with is that it's a serious thing - and as such is not to be taken lightly. It doesn't always end badly - I can give tens of thousands of examples to the contrary. If you mean only non-consensual scenarios, then yes, it will usually end badly. I don't deal in those. It can have a wonderful place in a committed marriage, if the couple chooses it. And there is no reason you can't be married AND have sex with others, if you mutually choose to do so. You are coming from a worldview that many people do not share and do not want to share. There is nothing wrong with your views - for you and those (admittedly, the majority of people) who think like you. Your views are wrong for me, and millions of others. They are not wrong - but they are different. What irks me is your petty prejudice that you have the only valid definition of marriage.
I dont know a single person who thinks its ok to sleep around when you are married. Marriage is about forsaking all others and faithfulness.
Maybe a tiny number think as you do, the majority of us are able to be faithful and monogamous and know that its very important in marriage.
No it isn't 'wonderful in a committed marriage' to sleep around, when you commit adultery there is no commitment. Part of faithfulness and commitment is saving sexual intimacy for the one made promises to. I cant imagine treating my husband so terribly. I love and respect him far far too much.
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post #51 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 10:30 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
Good point, I wonder how many men who view porn would enjoy their wives orgasming while looking at other naked men? I would feel like a cold heartless witch if I decided to lust after other men while ignoring my husband.
I'd say the ones that have wives who rarely have sex with them wouldn't complain if it meant they had more sex with them!
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post #52 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:14 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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It is true for her, she knows, she had to deal with it. Porn use is cited in 60% of all divorces now which doesn't surprise me at all.
I agree with those ladies, if I was with a man who treated me so badly and so unlovingly and so disrespectfully that he looked at porn and wouldn't stop, I would see it as just as bad as physical cheating and probably end the marriage. For us as Christians, Jesus warns us that lusting after other people is adultery of the heart, and just as bad. That's what porn is.

Cant see what it has to do with blame shifting at all. The one who looks at porn is to blame.
You and I disagree on a point or three. I can very easily debunk your argument about viewing images of sex as being the same as having sex in both the secular and non secular arena.

If you want to argue the religious side with me, I would gladly give my view in the politics and religion forum.
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post #53 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:25 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Not everyone who enjoys the journey learns to become a good lover. The two most frequent reactions to my trying to give women long massages were: "don't your hands ever get tired, we can stop now if you like", and "it isn't doing anything for me, can we just move on to sex so you can get off and we can go do something else". Never figured out how to make it good for my partner. Guess that is how I ended up with a woman who doesn't care much for sex. To her, my lack of technique was not a major downside because she didn't want what I am unable to offer. In the end, probably a good thing. I woman who did enjoy sex probably would have left me or cheated on me. Always a silver lining, right?
Maybe....or....

Perhaps you had the bad luck to give your sensual energies to women who were not sensual and therefore could not appreciate your efforts? Perhaps she didn't like giving massages and felt bad about accepting a massage she didn't want to reciprocate? Perhaps the woman who was eager to get sex out of the way and move on to other things was a woman who wasn't into sex no matter who was providing it.

Stop beating yourself up man! I'm all for honest self assessment and reflection but I wonder if your self reflection has morphed into self flagellation. Because really, how do you screw up a massage? Too hard? Too limited to one muscle? Really, how do you screw up a massage?

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post #54 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:35 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
I dont know a single person who thinks its ok to sleep around when you are married. Marriage is about forsaking all others and faithfulness.
Maybe a tiny number think as you do, the majority of us are able to be faithful and monogamous and know that its very important in marriage.
No it isn't 'wonderful in a committed marriage' to sleep around, when you commit adultery there is no commitment. Part of faithfulness and commitment is saving sexual intimacy for the one made promises to. I cant imagine treating my husband so terribly. I love and respect him far far too much.
You exemplify the church lady in all her rigid uptight repressed judginess. We get it, you're a Christian who thinks everyone should live by christian values, whether they are Christian or not.

No one here is trying to convince you to watch porn, or to allow your husband to watch porn.

No one here is trying to convince you to open your marriage.

And yet post after post of yours here in SIM is you stating how you feel about something and then proclaiming your opinion to be the only definition, the only way, the only answer.

On behalf of heathens everywhere, I'd like to thank you for affirming my complete animosity toward most brands of Christianity.

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post #55 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:53 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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You exemplify the church lady in all her rigid uptight repressed judginess. We get it, you're a Christian who thinks everyone should live by christian values, whether they are Christian or not.

No one here is trying to convince you to watch porn, or to allow your husband to watch porn.

No one here is trying to convince you to open your marriage.

And yet post after post of yours here in SIM is you stating how you feel about something and then proclaiming your opinion to be the only definition, the only way, the only answer.

On behalf of heathens everywhere, I'd like to thank you for affirming my complete animosity toward most brands of Christianity.
Yup. This is some of what I'm banging my head against in my circles.
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post #56 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:06 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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I dont know a single person who thinks its ok to sleep around when you are married. Marriage is about forsaking all others and faithfulness.
Maybe a tiny number think as you do, the majority of us are able to be faithful and monogamous and know that its very important in marriage.
No it isn't 'wonderful in a committed marriage' to sleep around, when you commit adultery there is no commitment. Part of faithfulness and commitment is saving sexual intimacy for the one made promises to. I cant imagine treating my husband so terribly. I love and respect him far far too much.
Porn is not "sleeping around".

I have very tight boundaries around what I want in marriage and very high expectations of a partner and yes that includes being faithful and monogamous but IMHO porn does not break that boundary.

As importantly it is super important that I am not micro managed by a man and I have no desire to do that to him. It would feel suffocating to be in a place where even seeing a sex scene in a movie is taboo. I also find it very unnatural to bind another up so tightly that even looking at another person naked is considered wrong and akin to infidelity.

Again this is how I choose to live, what others do is their to own. But just because others have different boundaries there should be no judgement eg MBH is a poster that has much broader boundaries in his life, all power to him and MrsMBH the difference is that he has broader boundaries but also great respect in his marriage.
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post #57 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 04:25 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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I'd say the ones that have wives who rarely have sex with them wouldn't complain if it meant they had more sex with them!
Maybe they would prefer their wives had more sex without looking at naked men!
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post #58 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 04:40 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Porn is not "sleeping around".

I have very tight boundaries around what I want in marriage and very high expectations of a partner and yes that includes being faithful and monogamous but IMHO porn does not break that boundary.

As importantly it is super important that I am not micro managed by a man and I have no desire to do that to him. It would feel suffocating to be in a place where even seeing a sex scene in a movie is taboo. I also find it very unnatural to bind another up so tightly that even looking at another person naked is considered wrong and akin to infidelity.

Again this is how I choose to live, what others do is their to own. But just because others have different boundaries there should be no judgement eg MBH is a poster that has much broader boundaries in his life, all power to him and MrsMBH the difference is that he has broader boundaries but also great respect in his marriage.
You don't seem to get it.
I find it so freeing having a husband who treats me so well as to forsake all others and not look at porn. I love being married to a very moral man who has such standards. We don't 'bind each other' up at all, we both had these standards long long before we met each other and I love him for it. We each have our own moral values, we don't impose them on each other. He is the most easy going, easy to please man I have ever met, he never tells me how to act in this area or what I can and cant do. My moral values are my own. I will avoid sex scenes even if he isn't with me, I don't think its good for our marriage to see them. Intimacy is for us alone. I am not going to bring other men into the marriage bed, even if they are only in my mind. I respect and love him far too much to do that.

I know what porn use and infidelity does, I have seen far too many marriages destroyed by these things.

By sleeping around I was talking about an open marriage not porn.

There are so many studies and articles around now telling us the damage that porn does, both to those who look and to the marriages. We would have to be blind not to know this now.
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post #59 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 04:49 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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You exemplify the church lady in all her rigid uptight repressed judginess. We get it, you're a Christian who thinks everyone should live by christian values, whether they are Christian or not.

No one here is trying to convince you to watch porn, or to allow your husband to watch porn.

No one here is trying to convince you to open your marriage.

And yet post after post of yours here in SIM is you stating how you feel about something and then proclaiming your opinion to be the only definition, the only way, the only answer.

On behalf of heathens everywhere, I'd like to thank you for affirming my complete animosity toward most brands of Christianity.
Having seen so many people and marriages destroyed though infidelity and porn use, I hope that people will learn the terrible damage it does both to the one who looks at it and to marriage in generaL.its sad that so few understand the damage and harm it does, and the amazing marriage and sex they can have if both are completely faithful.

When we marry we make promises, it all depends on whether we want to keep those promises or not in the end.

I get that you and others get angry when you encounter people who dont do this, because its going against the flow and that is never popular. There are many like us though, who recognise that its a horrible industry that damages so many in it and so many who use it. The only winners are those who make billions out of it.

If you asked my husband, family and friends, you would know that I am not in the least rigid or repressed or uptight. I have never been happier or more relaxed. I am a very easy going and easy to please person, as is my husband. I am also someone who wont let anyone treat me badly, so I would never be with a man who thinks its ok to look at porn.

Last edited by Diana7; 04-05-2017 at 07:41 AM.
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post #60 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:12 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Porn is not sex education and if someone, man or woman, is using it as a baseline for normal sexual expectations, than that person is obviously misinformed.
Agreed, for the most part.

There are actually many 'how-to' videos, for starters, which would be considered porn by many (ie. graphic).

There are also many, many home-made videos available on certain free porn sites, that have real people doing real things in them.

If one is talking straight-up studio-produced porn, then yes, that's fake (and the people are even more so, usually!) and there's nothing educational about it. But there's plenty of so-called 'amateur' porn out there that isn't fake.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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