Is watching porn a form of infidelity? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?
Yes. 11 15.28%
Yes but I am able to tolerate it. 2 2.78%
No but I am still bothered by it. 10 13.89%
No. 49 68.06%
Voters: 72. You may not vote on this poll

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post #121 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:51 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

I think jealousy affects people differently.

There was an Italian restaurant my wife and I used to go to and she commented that the waiter was really attractive. For a while when we were deciding where to go for dinner I'd just tease her a bit with "how about the Italian place with the really hot waiter". Sometimes we'd go. I'm well aware that I'm not the most attractive guy on earth, so I don't feel threatened that she finds someone else physically attractive. I"m not worried she is going to run off with every attractive guy she sees.




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I remember years and years ago the general advice on a parent forum was to reverse the tables and make sure you have hot young men with enormous cocks on our computers and phones. Just to make them see how hurtful it is.

So that is what I did...but it just made him laugh. I remember he looked through my phone, found a naked pic and said something like 'I think he might be the best looking guy I have ever seen'.

He really didn't care.

He doesn't like me looking at fetish stuff or group sex. For some reason that bothers him, but not to the point of being upset or jealous, just a bit worried.
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post #122 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I understand this....but the question was really more about lust and attraction for others. What if she wasn't a porn star, just looked super hot and like she'd be DTF at any moment, she is hitting on you, you are single, etc......

I was just shocked that Anon was saying that the actual people in porn do not stir any lust or attraction in her. I really always assumed that the people (the way they look, what they do and say, etc) do cause lust in those who are watching. I'm still kind of confused by this.
I watch porn and the actual people do not stir any lust or attraction in me (assuming that they're not physically repulsive).

It's what they're doing, not who they are.
Question: do the women have to be at least average attractive with attractive bodies to watch? Do you find yourself looking for at least some what attractive women and you bypass the ones that aren't attractive at all? Just curious
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post #123 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:33 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

For me it is not about how they look but their attitude and enthusiasm.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #124 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 04:51 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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I'd be interested in hearing what others have to say....do you feel lust for porn stars as you are watching it or later? If the opportunity was right and you were single would you have sex with a porn star who hit on you and would you be all lusty after him/her? Do you feel lust for others you see anywhere in public, or gorgeous beach babes for instance when you are vacationing? Do you imagine having sex with people you see in porn, or people you see anywhere? If you do imagine having sex with others, do you only do it while masturbating or also while having sex with your partner?
Lust for a cute porn star as we are watching? Yes, I think so.

Even under the perfect circumstances I would not have had sex with any porn star. I have turned down some awesome opportunities with truly gorgeous babes who were not porn stars, so I am sure this is true. I would say no. I have an interest in biology, and a strong concern with avoiding disease. Sex workers have more than their share of issues with Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I understand life is full of risk, but I think that would be too much.

My wife and I did meet Nina Hartley at an event. She shook my hand. She shook my wife's hand. It was fun. Nina Hartley was there to sell VHS tapes, and we really weren't in the market to buy. It's a business.

I certainly feel lust for other women. Some I work with. Some I meet along the way in life. I always imagine having sex with them. I wonder how responsive she would be when I stroke her clitoris. How tasty she would be as I eat her out. How hard she would spasm when she comes as I stroke into her. If my wife is with me I might whisper something to my wife about one of those things. My wife will laugh, and roll her beautiful blue eyes.

I think about having sex most of my waking hours. Certainly it is not just when having sex.

Sometimes my wife will suggest I talk about the other woman I mentioned during the day, while we are having sex, to add spice to our sex.

Last edited by WilliamM; 04-06-2017 at 04:58 PM.
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post #125 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 05:49 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

For me the women need to be moderately attractive, but then I find a lot of women to be attractive. Its not so much that I have low standards (I hope!), but that I recognize many different types of beauty. Interestingly I find traditional porn stars to usually be quite unattractive and never watch mainstream porn. They seem completely fake in appearance and behavior so it no more exciting than watching two robots have sex.



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Question: do the women have to be at least average attractive with attractive bodies to watch? Do you find yourself looking for at least some what attractive women and you bypass the ones that aren't attractive at all? Just curious
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post #126 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 06:29 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

The women have to be attractive to me. But my standards are different than societal norms.

I do not like dress up, or fancy nails, or large breasts, or makeup.

Give me the girl next door, in sweats and tennis shoes. My wife is just like that. Sadly the only porn of any sort, even IShotMyself, IFeelMyself, AbbyWinters, and such, seems to be of only young girls who fit that description. While I like teens, I like a forty or fifty year old athletic woman even more. But that is so atypical it's very hard to find any films of such women.

So we only watch videos a few days a year.
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post #127 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 06:54 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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If I walked in and saw my wife getting aroused and excited looking at people having sex, that's totally cool.

If I walked in and saw my wife getting aroused and excited looking at a naked man by himself, not having sex, that would bother me a bit.

The first is about getting aroused by sex.

The second is about getting aroused by a man (other than me).

Appreciating beauty isn't necessarily arousing and for me its never been arousing. I also like to look at puppies and babies, they don't arouse me either.



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Let's not forget, the whole HD (as in hi def, not high drive) revolution is not necessarily great for porn lol.
But a boon for the make up industry.

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post #128 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Question: do the women have to be at least average attractive with attractive bodies to watch? Do you find yourself looking for at least some what attractive women and you bypass the ones that aren't attractive at all? Just curious
The women (and the guys for that matter) can't be so unattractive that I feel the need to avert my eyes.

That would kind of defeat the purpose
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post #129 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 10:02 PM
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Question: do the women have to be at least average attractive with attractive bodies to watch? Do you find yourself looking for at least some what attractive women and you bypass the ones that aren't attractive at all? Just curious
The women (and the guys for that matter) can't be so unattractive that I feel the need to avert my eyes.

That would kind of defeat the purpose
Hahaha yeah I guess you're right. I guess I should feel good that my partner picks women in porn who are less attractive than me. I think I would feel worse if they were drop dead gorgeous
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post #130 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 03:46 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Hahaha yeah I guess you're right. I guess I should feel good that my partner picks women in porn who are less attractive than me. I think I would feel worse if they were drop dead gorgeous
@Lizzyb I think this is something you are going to have to overcome (speaking as someone who felt exactly the same way).

If you could see ALL the porn your husband has viewed at some point you will see someone with better boobs, better rear, slimmer, younger, prettier, sexier...its the shop front, packaging, the thing that gets a person to 'click' onto the film and stay. Then the real allure moves to the acts, eroticism of what they are doing and natural arousal when looking at genitals. Something like striptease is a case in point - it is the teasing more than the good looks.

When I go shopping..I want to buy from shops that advertise their goods with *good looking models*. Because its a fantasy. I wouldn't buy expensive face creams if the advertising model looked haggard, nor lingerie if the model wasn't sexy. I wouldn't go into a clothes shop if the model looked old because I don't want to be frumpy. I think porn is the same for men.

Once your husband has ejaculated he has no interest in that woman - he may even have feelings of disgust. Chances are that when men view porn with drop dead gorgeous (unobtainable) women he is far less likely to flirt or have wandering eyes at work (or whatever). Its out of his system and its you that he cuddles up with at night. Hope that reassures you a little.

Last edited by peacem; 04-07-2017 at 04:09 AM.
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post #131 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:09 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Also, I'm curious. For every husband here who says they look at porn, how would you feel if you walked in and your wife was getting aroused and excited looking at other naked men? Are you totally ok with that? If she's lusting after another man's body? I wonder if men would feel as hurt by that as many wives do. Maybe not?
I wouldn't, but that proves nothing.

Obviously if I walked in on her doing this regularly, and we still had sex only once a week, I'd have an issue with it. But it's not about her actually watching porn - it's about forgoing me for porn. Or her vibrator(s), or the shower head, etc etc etc. Anytime something else takes the place of an intimate relationship with one's partner, that's an issue.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #132 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:35 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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I'd be interested in hearing what others have to say....do you feel lust for porn stars as you are watching it or later? If the opportunity was right and you were single would you have sex with a porn star who hit on you and would you be all lusty after him/her? Do you feel lust for others you see anywhere in public, or gorgeous beach babes for instance when you are vacationing? Do you imagine having sex with people you see in porn, or people you see anywhere? If you do imagine having sex with others, do you only do it while masturbating or also while having sex with your partner?
I actually don't, and now that you've asked this question, I actually find it kind of weird that I don't! Like I should, or something, it would be logical.

But yeah, never. When I do watch porn and do what people do when they watch porn, I'm just watching it in the moment, not imagining myself being part of it, or involved. Once I'm done, that's it. Most of us men simply aren't that imaginative, or utilize fantasy for these purposes.

Any lust I may feel for somebody else (real life or on video) is purely visual stimulation, not imagining myself with them.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #133 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:50 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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If I walked in and saw my wife getting aroused and excited looking at people having sex, that's totally cool.

If I walked in and saw my wife getting aroused and excited looking at a naked man by himself, not having sex, that would bother me a bit.

The first is about getting aroused by sex.

The second is about getting aroused by a man (other than me).
Interesting.

My ex wife (who forbade me from watching porn) had a folder of pictures of rock stars she thought were "hot" (mainly one guy...lol). Never bothered me. I thought it rather juvenile, as she was in her late 20's at the time, but it really only occurred to me later on that she was, uh, 'using' these images for other purposes.

I never called her on that, but it wouldn't have bothered me, TBH. Fairly tame, if you ask me, but then again, these weren't naked pictures, either. That said, if she was using these pictures for certain needs, it was clearly fantasy (ie. imagining herself with them) as opposed to visual stimulation (naked pictures).

In retrospect, and given your reply above, I'm not sure how I would have felt about that, now! Getting off to naked pictures of a random guy she happens to think is attractive vs. getting off to fully clothed pictures of somebody she may actually be fantasizing about, specifically (and repeatedly).

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post #134 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 07:07 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

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Question: do the women have to be at least average attractive with attractive bodies to watch? Do you find yourself looking for at least some what attractive women and you bypass the ones that aren't attractive at all? Just curious
For me, they have to be, how do I put this? Not unattractive. It's about enthusiasm, what they're doing, and simply about whether it gets me excited or not.

I have a thing for women with hips and thighs and smaller breasts, but it's not necessary for my enjoyment (including IRL). I will probably gravitate to women that fit this general description more often than not while watching porn.

So to answer this question - yes. But I won't spend hours searching for videos of the 'perfect' woman.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #135 of 238 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: Is watching porn a form of infidelity?

No

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.

Last edited by Thundarr; 04-12-2017 at 08:08 PM.
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