When I first started to struggle to understand myself and my wife's views on this matter I found an odd forum thread on Oprah's website were there was a heated debate about this topic (well over a decade ago). It was endless post after post about varying views as people handle shame and pain related to this topic in very different ways.
It was reading through all these posts that I learned that "lying about porn" to your spouse is way worse than just directly dealing with your spouse's conflicting views on the topic as it undermines trust and communication in a marriage.
I have also read enough on this topic to know that couples that have no issues with porn that may even enjoy watching it together, can evolve to a point to where it becomes a serious problem. An example might be where one spouse gradually refuses to watch it together anymore and later prefers to only watch it alone. In this case it is not hidden, but more of a gesture that one of the two really just wants to be alone and is choosing to actively starve their partner of intimacy. Almost everyone can easily see that yes that is a problem and that porn is being used as a form of infidelity, but I am mostly using this case to illustrate how such a view is not always tied to a religious stance on the topic.
I know not everyone will agree, but as we debate and help others with their struggles as it relates to this topic, it may be helpful to know where TAM stands regarding this topic.
Regards,
Badsanta
It was reading through all these posts that I learned that "lying about porn" to your spouse is way worse than just directly dealing with your spouse's conflicting views on the topic as it undermines trust and communication in a marriage.
I have also read enough on this topic to know that couples that have no issues with porn that may even enjoy watching it together, can evolve to a point to where it becomes a serious problem. An example might be where one spouse gradually refuses to watch it together anymore and later prefers to only watch it alone. In this case it is not hidden, but more of a gesture that one of the two really just wants to be alone and is choosing to actively starve their partner of intimacy. Almost everyone can easily see that yes that is a problem and that porn is being used as a form of infidelity, but I am mostly using this case to illustrate how such a view is not always tied to a religious stance on the topic.
I know not everyone will agree, but as we debate and help others with their struggles as it relates to this topic, it may be helpful to know where TAM stands regarding this topic.
Regards,
Badsanta