Ignorance is bliss... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:25 PM
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

If I am reading his story correctly the issue is that his wife has claimed to be asexual and he now has an inkling that that is not true and may in fact be a very sexual person.

But the real issue is that his wife appears to be LYING to him about sex which is one of the most important things in a mans life.

If a man wants unemotional, disconnected, passionless, non-orgasmic sex he can go to a prostitute, no Thanks.

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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:54 PM
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

I would definitely have the talk. I think you need to communicate better. My wife was loathe to have sex in the morning, but I knew that under the right circumstances it could be really great. I waited until Sunday morning. The kids no longer live with us, and my job is now 6 days a week. Therefore, Sunday is reserved for us time and us time alone.

While she was sleeping I quietly submerged under the covers, pulled her panties aside and gently began my familiar routine. She awakened to a completely unexpected (on her part) orgasm. She was a little peeved as she likes to "clean up" a bit first, however, she remarked that it was the best way to wake up. I expect that she will surprise me similarly within the next few weeks.

PS, also makes you fairly ravenous for breakfast. Followed by a "wake and bake", and a return to the bedroom.
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

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Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Here's another suggestion, start edging your wife when you get home. Tell her "give me 5 minutes" then kiss her neck as you get her aroused and focus on getting her as aroused as you can and then after 5 minutes you walk away.



If she is masturbating every morning, and I'm not convinced she is, it means that she knows how to get herself there quickly and efficiently and that's what you need to give her.



My H used to sneak one in for me a few times a month, while I was making dinner, before he left for work or golf... so if you can get your wife to allow you to give her those "gotta get off now" orgasms your sex life will probably improve.



If you can show you wife that you can give her a great orgasm and then walk away, she will know that she can come to you if she needs to get off.



Also, stop *****ing about sex. She is chasing after 4 kids for goodness sake! Just the thought of it makes my girl parts shrivel up and hide. So get her out of the house, away from the kids, for an entire weekend (ideally) or at least over night once a month. Just go to the closest hotel, get carry out subs and pretend you don't have kids.

@Anon Pink Hey thanks for the "edging" tip. Never heard of it but I like it! Yeah, I would love to lend DW a helping hand once in a while in a non bedroom setting. Like spur of the moment while she is making dinner or doing chores or what not. But I would most likely end up annoying her at this point. I'll keep that idea in my back pocket though cause if the timing is right then I may go for it and see what happens.

And yeah...I am starting to see some common themes develop from all the great feedback. I will never ***** to her about sex again. I do not want to seem like a needy man child and I had no idea the complaining could be perceived so negatively by her. And I certainly don't want to badger her all the time. This is all very eye opening and has caused me to really take a step back and look at myself more than my spouse.

Thx again~


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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

Sorry for the delay in responding...work. And my company has a filter that blocks TAM (probably a good thing) so I am forced to use my phone.

Thanks for all the great commentary everyone. I never realized how daft and, quite honestly, ignorant I have been regarding my marriage and even myself. This has all got me thinking but it is for the better. And yes I also need to "get a life".

I have no intentions of bringing up this incident again, unless we discuss our, ahem, "habits" one day and she tells me how she's busted me jerking off, inadvertently, in the past. Which I believe she has, lol. Anyway she deserves her free time and I will not encroach on it, as this really does seem to be the one part of the day that everyone is asleep and thus is leaving her alone.


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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:55 AM
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

But a big tent at Walmart. Take the kids camping. Let Mom have a weekend to herself. The kids will love going to the woods, making a fire, toasting marshmallows and getting dad time. And wife will love having a solid block of time with no demands from anyone.

After a few trips, with the kids coming back big eyed about what a great time they had, Mom will ask to come along. Say "no, camping is dad time". Now, you have something Mom wants. I wonder what she will think to offer you to get you to "give it up" as to camping???

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #21 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

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But a big tent at Walmart. Take the kids camping. Let Mom have a weekend to herself. The kids will love going to the woods, making a fire, toasting marshmallows and getting dad time. And wife will love having a solid block of time with no demands from anyone.



After a few trips, with the kids coming back big eyed about what a great time they had, Mom will ask to come along. Say "no, camping is dad time". Now, you have something Mom wants. I wonder what she will think to offer you to get you to "give it up" as to camping???


Already have the tent - check. Oh what a nice plan, lol!


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post #22 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

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Tough one to swallow, but don't take it personally, OP.

I've said it before in other threads, I'll repeat it here - masturbation and sex are two entirely different things.

You guys are having sex every few days as it is, so there's no real cause for concern, IMO. If it was once a week, or less, and she was getting off by herself every morning, then yeah - not cool.

However, you have said that the sex isn't that great, and she's basically going through the motions for your sake. Then it seems, actually pleasing herself on her own each morning.

So, number one - don't take it personally AT ALL. This is the product of the lifestyle you guys have chosen, and nothing more. Has nothing to do with you, or your sexual skills whatsoever. It's all about time management.

.
Thank you...this whole episode was new territory for me so I was blindsided, and my initial reaction was to take it very personally. I have calmed down a lot since then, thanks to time and the feedback from the posters on TAM. DW does a lot (work) each day, taking the kids/ neighbor kids to school each morning, various physical/ speech therapy sessions 3 days a week for our 3rd youngest, swimming lessons at the Y for the 2 little ones twice a week in the evenings (I think it is twice a week), taking/ picking up DD#3 from Mother's Day Out school x3 days/ week, Volleyball practice for our oldest on Friday evenings, basketball practice for our son on another day (?), doctor visits, runs to the grocery store (haha, we run thru milk like crazy!), and don't get her started on chores....And the weekends are wildcards. Seems like there is at least one birthday party to attend every GD week. Sometimes as many as 3, but I will usually say Hell No, pick one or two and that's it! LOL. And then there are other misc errands...oh, and did I mention that I am always trying to fondle her and get a piece? So yeah I feel like a ****...time management is the phrase for the day for me...
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post #23 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

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....and did I mention that I am always trying to fondle her and get a piece? So yeah I feel like a ****...time management is the phrase for the day for me...
If you keep always trying to fondle her and get a piece, then it isn't going to happen. You are negatively conditioning her. I am sure you really don't want her to associate your touch with negative feelings and/or being used/pressured.

You need to examine how you view and phrase things. The reason is that saying things and writing things are one of the strongest ways we have of imprinting actions and emotions. Look up the power of self hypnosis and affirmations. Saying things and writing things out is a way to communicate between our conscious -self and our subconscious-self. It is how you can change yourself to improve yourself and your relationship with your wife.

Good luck.
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post #24 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ignorance is bliss...

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Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
If you keep always trying to fondle her and get a piece, then it isn't going to happen. You are negatively conditioning her. I am sure you really don't want her to associate your touch with negative feelings and/or being used/pressured.

You need to examine how you view and phrase things. The reason is that saying things and writing things are one of the strongest ways we have of imprinting actions and emotions. Look up the power of self hypnosis and affirmations. Saying things and writing things out is a way to communicate between our conscious -self and our subconscious-self. It is how you can change yourself to improve yourself and your relationship with your wife.

Good luck.


Sorry but the "always fondling and trying to get in her pants" comment was just sarc, which I realize does not always translate well on the web. Although I do agree with power of affirmations.


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