Sex is often the basis of the tension that arises between men and women, both within relationship and outside. All research shows that sex is the single biggest factor in couples having problem getting on with each other, whether it's about different levels of desire, different timing of desire of simply one person no longer fancying the other. When it comes to complaints about sex, men usually say there is not enough, while women claim there is too much.
The question is, does lack of sex contribute to a bad relationship, or does a bad relationship lead to less sex?
I would like to hear what you think.
It really varies and depends on the people.
With my ex wife, we had fairly frequent sex, but it wasn't good, and our relationship wasn't that great, either. Yet we still had sex ~3 times a week.
Currently, my relationship is very good, but we have great sex 3 or 4 times a month
However, I have to say that sex is really the only thing we fight about, and it's often a bone of contention for one or both of us.
It's often (like in my case) not the actual physical sex that's the issue, but everything that goes with it, including having a partner that wants to meet your needs, or is in to you, or simply has a sex drive to begin with. A mismatch in these regards can create doubt and, over time, resentment.
My ex wife, for all her faults (and a generally bad marriage for various reasons) was still a sexual person. My current wife is not. Outside of the 20, 30, 40 minutes a week (usually on the same day) there's absolutely no sexuality in any way, shape or form. So with that comes no anticipation or build-up, and that's my actual need - not the physical sex.
Everybody has different relationship needs. What I've learned in 25+ years of dating and relationships and marriage is that when it comes to these needs, sex is pretty much the only one that some people feel is 'okay' to not meet for their partners sakes, if they don't want to, and especially if they're confronted. It's often a case of one person's 'compromise' being the bare minimum in the eyes of the other. Or worse, no compromise at all (such as in the case of BJ's or HJ's).