Wife won't cum around me - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:22 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
When i quassi dumped her when we first started dating, she pursued me hard and things were a lot more intimate, so it's like she needs a chase. i am sure all girls are like this, just i forgot that i have to play these stupid games and cannot just be me. maybe a little b it of these games will get her back in gear and we can be normal. I am too open and don't hide things, i am too blunt with my emotions and don't hold anything back.
There we go with that same nice guy mentality that got you into this mess in the first place. Just like my ex when I finally told him he was too nice: "so you want me to be a jerk, FINE!" Um, no that is not the idea...

Women NEED men who exude strength. Being a nice guy does not communicate that at all. It makes the woman feel like her partner is weak. Weakness in women may be attractive to men because of their protective nature but it is an absolute turn off for a woman.
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post #32 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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There we go with that same nice guy mentality that got you into this mess in the first place. Just like my ex when I finally told him he was too nice: "so you want me to be a jerk, FINE!" Um, no that is not the idea...

Women NEED men who exude strength. Being a nice guy does not communicate that at all. It makes the woman feel like her partner is weak. Weakness in women may be attractive to men because of their protective nature but it is an absolute turn off for a woman.
boom, there in lies the problem.

and then i dont actually like 'nice girls' maybe i am a freak, but i hate weak girls, i like nice girls, let me rephrase that but i dont like weak girls. ive had really nice submissive girls in the past and i always felt like a jack ass when around them and took advantage of them.

i like parity, but maybe the problem is my definition of parity is th at i am rolling over and taking it too much.

It's almost like my weakness is my high sex drive so i fall for ****.
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post #33 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:33 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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no i do not. i am weird in that i like parity in dominance, my wife is pretty dominant person, very independant, i am in my career and life very dominant person, but i feel like i am taking advantage of someone if i am dominant and that makes me feel weird.


one thing we used to do when we were first dating was she'd wake up in the middle of the night all hot and heavy and want me to do her really bad, so i would obviously. and we stopped doing that a long time ago.

Perhaps the issue is she wants to feel like i am taking advantage of her, i almost get that hint but i am afraid to piss her off. she almost hinted that she wanted me to do her while sleeping. weird.
She wants to feel like you're in charge and absolutely yes, the feeling of being taken advantage of is also appealing to women (ever wonder why the most common female fantasy is being raped? ditto). She wants you to do her while she's sleeping because it helps fulfill that fantasy for her.

The woman is literally begging for you to take control! She's basically told you what the underlying problem is but you haven't been listening at all, smh.
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post #34 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:33 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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boom, there in lies the problem.

and then i dont actually like 'nice girls' maybe i am a freak, but i hate weak girls, i like nice girls, let me rephrase that but i dont like weak girls. ive had really nice submissive girls in the past and i always felt like a jack ass when around them and took advantage of them.

i like parity, but maybe the problem is my definition of parity is th at i am rolling over and taking it too much.

It's almost like my weakness is my high sex drive so i fall for ****.
She sounds bored.

Try this:
https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captiv...g+in+captivity

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #35 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

keke, another weird thing my wife does "i was thinking we would have sex tonight but i am so tired now" and then the "i wanted to have sex last night b ut you were gone" (when i am working late or something). i don't initiate this convo, she'll out of the blue just say this stuff.
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post #36 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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no i do not. i am weird in that i like parity in dominance, my wife is pretty dominant person, very independant, i am in my career and life very dominant person, but i feel like i am taking advantage of someone if i am dominant and that makes me feel weird.


one thing we used to do when we were first dating was she'd wake up in the middle of the night all hot and heavy and want me to do her really bad, so i would obviously. and we stopped doing that a long time ago.

Perhaps the issue is she wants to feel like i am taking advantage of her, i almost get that hint but i am afraid to piss her off. she almost hinted that she wanted me to do her while sleeping. weird.
Just because your wife is dominant in real life doesn't mean she wants to be the one that is dominant in the bedroom. And just because you are dominant in your life doesn't mean you can't learn to be dominant in the bedroom. It's a challenge to change a pattern once it's already established, but it can be done. I know it's too late now but it is generally a lot easier to establish good patterns in the beginning, so you don't have to worry about those issues.
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post #37 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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keke, another weird thing my wife does "i was thinking we would have sex tonight but i am so tired now" and then the "i wanted to have sex last night b ut you were gone" (when i am working late or something). i don't initiate this convo, she'll out of the blue just say this stuff.
She's just rubbing this in your face in the hopes that it will piss you off enough so you just take her right then. Please take the hint.
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post #38 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:41 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

Read the books I mentioned. They will spell all this out for you.
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post #39 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:42 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

My wife requires being dominated. Luckily for her, she met me. I take what I want, whenever I want it. She absolutely loves it that way. I never hurt her.

I do think a woman's needs must be met. I love my wife very much. I strive to ensure my wife's needs are always met. I tell her I love her, every day. I thank her for dinner. But I never asked her what she wants. I never ask her permission for anything. Especially when it comes to tossing her on the bed and stripping her pants off her and having my way with her.

Some women are like that. And woe to any man who would be so weak as to need to ask for permission. She said to add ANY man who would be stupid enough to ask for permission would be totally outta luck. (She did not say totally, but they don't want me to use what she said)
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post #40 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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My wife requires being dominated. Luckily for her, she met me. I take what I want, whenever I want it. She absolutely loves it that way. I never hurt her.

I do think a woman's needs must be met. I love my wife very much. I strive to ensure my wife's needs are always met. I tell her I love her, every day. I thank her for dinner. But I never asked her what she wants. I never ask her permission for anything. Especially when it comes to tossing her on the bed and stripping her pants off her and having my way with her.

Some women are like that. And woe to any man who would be so weak as to need to ask for permission. She said to add ANY man who would be stupid enough to ask for permission would be totally outta luck. (She did not say totally, but they don't want me to use what she said)
if i try to go down her she tells me she doesnt want to and pushes me back, should i just take what i want in this case?
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post #41 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:52 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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if i try to go down her she tells me she doesnt want to and pushes me back, should i just take what i want in this case?
Nope.

Here's the thing. If she wants you to take her, she wants you to take what she secretly wants for herself. That way she's absolved of any responsibility. Taking her and doing stuff that she doesn't really enjoy isn't going to stoke her fire.

Mental gymnastics, but there you are.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #42 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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Nope.

Here's the thing. If she wants you to take her, she wants you to take what she secretly wants for herself. That way she's absolved of any responsibility. Taking her and doing stuff that she doesn't really enjoy isn't going to stoke her fire.

Mental gymnastics, but there you are.
so figure out what she wants without her knowing i figured it out. so read the hints and signs.


she definitely wants to be dominated, i am seeing this now. she always says "do you want me to flip over" and she likes it that way but doesnt really tell me that. when i flipped over and did it that way she really got excited. this was in the past week or so.

i am starting to remember the good times that i forgot about in my depressed mind death spiral i was going through.
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post #43 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:05 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

It's a tough call. In my case, in that exact situation, I ignored my wife's pushback. It turned out that's exactly what my wife wanted. I did what I wanted, and she loved it. But it's a tough call.

At that time my wife did not have a safe word. I actually had to assign her one. She didn't want one, but as things got more to her liking I worried she might actually need one. I never do anything which might hurt her, but she loves to be restrained. While restraints aren't dangerous really, I insisted she have a safe word to go with them.

After she got her safe word, my wife became empowered to resist and freely say no, without ever meaning it. Then she felt free to occasionally playact the poor maiden. She does tone down her performance from what she would like because I cannot perform if I feel it is too realistic. I want to console her, and I loose my erection. It's just something she likes to do once in a while, probably because I am not up for it. Pun intended. She laughs about it later. We have a lot of fun with sex, and it doesn't bother either of us.

However, I married her, and by God, it is for better or for worse. We go where her responses lead us.

I cannot possibly say what your wife really wants.

On the dark side, maybe she wants to set you up for a charge of spousal rape.

But maybe she wants to feel that powerlessness, but won't say it. Maybe she has wanted to try it at least once, and is so sick of the banal she is just tired of waiting.

I knew what my wife liked because we started reading erotic literature together while I massaged her soon after I met her, back in 1973. We spent hours every day exploring what we liked about each other and sex. Life is about exploration.
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post #44 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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so figure out what she wants without her knowing i figured it out. so read the hints and signs.


she definitely wants to be dominated, i am seeing this now. she always says "do you want me to flip over" and she likes it that way but doesnt really tell me that. when i flipped over and did it that way she really got excited. this was in the past week or so.

i am starting to remember the good times that i forgot about in my depressed mind death spiral i was going through.
See what happens is, a woman falls for you because you have traits that turn her on. But at the same time, some women see their husbands as projects to be worked on. So they train their husbands to be the "perfect mate". But a few years down the road they realize that their husbands no longer display those traits that attracted them in the first place, because they have trained those desirable aspects out of them.

Messed up isn't it?
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post #45 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

I believe that you should be up front. Let her know that you have caught her masturbating and let her know that frankly it hurts you. Let her know that you believe that intimacy between the two of you is lacking and you are concerned. Let her know that you consider sex at this point mechanical and do not forget to tell her that her little phrases like "necking is for kids" or "lets get this going" say to you that she considers herself a convenience for you and her interest is limited to you finishing and leaving her be.

Next, you tell her that you will be exploring greater intimacy with her. You intend on possibly seeing a sex therapist and want a fully intimate sexual relationship with her on a go forward basis. Her reaction to all of this will tell you where her head is at. She will come at you with the same stupid stuff like she doesn't like the house messy. (Sorry, I've messed up several houses in my time with a lot of sex in different rooms), or the kids or she's down on herself. Point out, or let the therapist point out that those arguments are spurious, given that she is getting herself off with a vibrator without you. My sense is that she is either not into sex or into you. A sex therapist, or the threat of same should shake some of the real reasons loose.
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