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post #76 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:10 AM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

Too damn complicated.
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post #77 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

so i had a massive revelation with my nuclear strike i did.

what did i do" my passion let out" i went completely insane, yelled at her (she never gets yelled at ) and scolded her. then i murdered her boy friend, ripped him to peaces with my bare hands, spread his rubber plastic and wires all over the bed. after that i flipped the bed over and broke some things.

she gets it now, things are better

at first she thought i was jealous of the vibrator, i said 'well i am the one who tries to use it on you, not hte one who goes into the corner like a teen age boy with a porno magazine by yourself'.


she had the fear of God in her, she looked so timid and fragile and i know she loves it.

she needs time and i am giving her space but she couldnt keep her hands off of me.
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post #78 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
@alexm nailed it. My wife wanted a "nice guy" after a string of jerks. Once she had a ring on her finger, being with nice guy got boring. So she lost all attraction for me. Real fast. Like during the wedding reception.

OP needs to stop being a doormat. As others said, does not mean be a jerk. But stop being co-dependent. Stop catering to her at all costs. Stop accepting poor treatment with no consequences. Stop kissing her butt. Start acting like she is just as lucky to be with you as you are to be with her. Maybe she is luckier!
I'm in the (probable) minority of men who don't think women who do this, do it on purpose, however.

My wife does not need sex. She maintains she never has. I do believe her. Some folks are just built that way, much to the detriment of the rest of us.

But sex is what will get you a man, like it or not. And if you're a 'no sex before marriage' type, the promise of sex will get you a man, one who's willing to wait for you. Win/win in that case.

So no matter what kind of dude you are, it's highly likely you're going to get sex for the first little while. And it's not disingenuous sex, either - they really DO want to make you happy, or really ARE attracted to you. They're not faking it.

We men are basically taught, or learn ourselves, that being a d-bag will get us laid. Being a nice guy will not. Being a nice guy will get us lots of female friends, and eventually a wife (when they get tired of d-bags), but it will never, never, ever get us laid - even in marriage. At best, we'll get sex at the beginning of a relationship - because that's, unfortunately, how women are conditioned to get a mate (barring religious convictions, of course). And if we luck out and marry a woman who needs sex (not just likes it), then we get sex, but likely not a need for us. (I was married to that woman once). Or, like many of us, we marry a woman who likes sex but does not need it, and as soon as that attraction to us/the relationship ends, then sex is infrequent because there's no need.

So the d-bag is desirable until he's not. The nice guy is desirable until he's not. Each are good for only one thing, and they're not the same. Neither guy 'wins' in life, as far as marriages go.

You not only have to find a middle ground, you have to tailor that middle ground to your partner. How much of a d-bag or nice guy can I be? How much is too much, or not enough? Will she be furious if I don't do always do laundry, or will she lose respect for me if I do laundry too often? What's the fine line between showing vulnerability and showing weakness? Do I look at other women in front of her, and if so, how often before mate-guarding jealousy turns into anger at being disrespected?

Everybody's different. But all women want a bad-ass AND a nice guy. And that's not an easy thing to do.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."

Last edited by alexm; 04-06-2017 at 01:47 PM.
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post #79 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:01 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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so i had a massive revelation with my nuclear strike i did.

what did i do" my passion let out" i went completely insane, yelled at her (she never gets yelled at ) and scolded her. then i murdered her boy friend, ripped him to peaces with my bare hands, spread his rubber plastic and wires all over the bed. after that i flipped the bed over and broke some things.

she gets it now, things are better

at first she thought i was jealous of the vibrator, i said 'well i am the one who tries to use it on you, not hte one who goes into the corner like a teen age boy with a porno magazine by yourself'.


she had the fear of God in her, she looked so timid and fragile and i know she loves it.

she needs time and i am giving her space but she couldnt keep her hands off of me.
Who cleaned up the mess?

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #80 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:05 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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Everybody's different. But all women want a bad-ass AND a nice guy. And that's not an easy thing to do.
Unless of course you get branded "Mr. *******" and, to her, that's what you are even if you are nice to her all the time. Then you can be both at the same time.
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post #81 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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Who cleaned up the mess?
she did.

and then all day it's been constant eye ball ****ing and tension with her and i, and kissing.
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post #82 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:20 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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I'm in the (probable) minority of men who don't think women who do this, do it on purpose, however.

So no matter what kind of dude you are, it's highly likely you're going to get sex for the first little while. And it's not disingenuous sex, either - they really DO want to make you happy, or really ARE attracted to you. They're not faking it.
If they are honest. Most are not. That is, if you are a nice guy, your girlfriend and then fiance and then wife does not at any point on the spectrum admit "I don't find you attractive, but I do want to make you happy, so I will sleep with you to make you happy." They say that they DO find you attractive. Which is misleading. Because you assume they mean sexually but what they really mean is as a husband and father but not as a lover.

Some of us are very slow on the uptake to realize they did not mean what we heard. I am skeptical that most of them do not know they are running a con. They know they don't melt or get hot and sweaty for you like they did for the bad boys. They pretend that desiring you as a provider and co-parent is the same as desiring you as a sex partner. It isn't. Do you think most of women cannot tell the difference? Would love to hear from the gals about that.

But most of all I just want to slap the younger version of me upside the head and say "idiot, you have a mirror, how could you fall hook, line and sinker for the obvious lie that she found you physically attractive and enjoyed sex with you?"

When you can see it coming, duck!

Last edited by Holdingontoit; 04-06-2017 at 03:28 PM.
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post #83 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 04:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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If they are honest. Most are not. That is, if you are a nice guy, your girlfriend and then fiance and then wife does not at any point on the spectrum admit "I don't find you attractive, but I do want to make you happy, so I will sleep with you to make you happy." They say that they DO find you attractive. Which is misleading. Because you assume they mean sexually but what they really mean is as a husband and father but not as a lover.

Some of us are very slow on the uptake to realize they did not mean what we heard. I am skeptical that most of them do not know they are running a con. They know they don't melt or get hot and sweaty for you like they did for the bad boys. They pretend that desiring you as a provider and co-parent is the same as desiring you as a sex partner. It isn't. Do you think most of women cannot tell the difference? Would love to hear from the gals about that.

But most of all I just want to slap the younger version of me upside the head and say "idiot, you have a mirror, how could you fall hook, line and sinker for the obvious lie that she found you physically attractive and enjoyed sex with you?"

the same bad boy can become the provider though. they only want the bad boy because he is making bad boys. bad boys make more bad boys like rabbits, darwinism is programmed in our psyche.

i was the bad boy with many girls, i was the bad boy with my wife, then i became the provider. you gotta remind them you aer still the bad boy. htis is what i figured out.

i also figured out my wife is a tiger, and the reason why she is so difficult and why she loves me is the fact that other men crumble under her paw. she broke up with every guy she was with because she turned them into pussies. most was she dumped them, one guy she just decided to buy a house when he was talkking about buying a house because he didn't just do it. she never really lived with anyone prior to me. she was the elusive tiger, and i was the man that tamed her, but sometimes my tiger gets out of hte cage and i gotta grab the snare and i forgot how to do that after so long.

last night i snared the tiger and now she is a kitty that purrs at me all day.



i think women value looks, but there are far more doable men to them (provided they have the personality) than there are doable females for us. we are pickier with looks, and personality we just overlook. they wouldn't settle for a guy they were not attracted to, so i don't think it is a physical thing. it's not like a guy dating some super model then ending up with the plane jane ugly girl and missing the hot girl, it's more of the personaility and confidence and people can transition.

also this thread i see how men **** this up. we act like jerks instead of confident guys. w confuse confidence with ass hole.
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post #84 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
so i had a massive revelation with my nuclear strike i did.

what did i do" my passion let out" i went completely insane, yelled at her (she never gets yelled at ) and scolded her. then i murdered her boy friend, ripped him to peaces with my bare hands, spread his rubber plastic and wires all over the bed. after that i flipped the bed over and broke some things.

she gets it now, things are better

at first she thought i was jealous of the vibrator, i said 'well i am the one who tries to use it on you, not hte one who goes into the corner like a teen age boy with a porno magazine by yourself'.


she had the fear of God in her, she looked so timid and fragile and i know she loves it.

she needs time and i am giving her space but she couldnt keep her hands off of me.
Wow aren't you the big man? You throw a fit of rage and then take pleasure in making your wife fearful, timid and fragile.

You need help, probably from a prison psychiatrist.
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post #85 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 05:40 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
so i had a massive revelation with my nuclear strike i did.

what did i do" my passion let out" i went completely insane, yelled at her (she never gets yelled at ) and scolded her. then i murdered her boy friend, ripped him to peaces with my bare hands, spread his rubber plastic and wires all over the bed. after that i flipped the bed over and broke some things.

she gets it now, things are better

at first she thought i was jealous of the vibrator, i said 'well i am the one who tries to use it on you, not hte one who goes into the corner like a teen age boy with a porno magazine by yourself'.


she had the fear of God in her, she looked so timid and fragile and i know she loves it.

she needs time and i am giving her space but she couldnt keep her hands off of me.
What would you say to a woman whose husband uses porn, so she destroys his computer and/or cell phone? And then makes him clean it up?

Last edited by EleGirl; 04-06-2017 at 05:44 PM.
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post #86 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 07:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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What would you say to a woman whose husband uses porn, so she destroys his computer and/or cell phone? And then makes him clean it up?


If i wasn't having intimacy with her, and was wanking off to porn all day i'd deserve it. i almost never even look at porn anyway. i have good imagination, good visual memory and can think of my wife.

she didnt even care about the destruction.


she also claims no one has ever been with her while she has had an orgasm (except the one to 2 times she has used a vibrator with me, and those times she was super nervous and not at ease), not sure if i believe that but it makes more sense now. It makes more sense that she has never opened up with anyone because in all of this time she has never really opened up with me. she won't let me go down on her long enough to finish her, and doesn't give me instruction of what is needed and i can feel her getting close but she won't let me finish. so there is some kind of mental block. she and i both want to work on this issue now, before she didn't even want to discuss it.

first step; use vibrator while sitting next to me more often, perhaps after some good PIV mid course, just stop and use vibrator. then perhaps use it while PIV, then perhaps let me use it on her etc..

I am a guy, i remember when i was younger no amount of blow jobs could get me to cum, i was nervous and clammed up, it took me with my g/f at hte time a long time to get me to do that and open up. some guys get Premature EJ when nervous, i am opposite. still get a hard on no issue at all, but i remember that b ack then when i was clammed up.

I think this lack of intimacy during sex was causing her to be upset all the time. she'd demand to have no one be home and whenever that happend she'd use her vibrator and need her 'alone time' because to her that was the only intimacy she could feel.

i had to destroy that barrier with force because any attempt to get near it would get met with a claw at the face.


as for the others who say i intimidated my wife, i didn't do it in a way where she felt in danger, she knows me well enough to know i'd never hurt her, i am so gentle to her always in verbal and all other forms that she knows i'd never hurt her. i can't even spank my own kids. i also have extremely good anger control and never cause confrontation. her seeing me this way made her realize i am strong and that makes her feel safer not the other way around. it's hard to describe in words how i did this but the after effect is clear; she feels better now, i feel better we opened up.

we had great passionate sex, probably best we've had ever at least i can remember. we were all exhausted so it wasn't a quick 10 minutes of extreme passion. and it wasn't her 'faking it' because she doesnt have it in her to fake anything. no orgasm, but she came close i could feel and she was a monsoon down there.


If anything my main personality weakness is i don't like to hurt people, so i do everything to avoid confrontation and control of others. Ironically, my job is all about being dominant and controling of others and taking charge, so maybe the problem is when i get home from work i don't want to boss people around anymore and i want to just let it be. I had been letting my wife take charge and she didn't like that.

women want the man to drive the car, woman want the man to pick the restaurant the woman wants to go to eat at, but it better be the right restaurant lol. Why is this? because women feel safer when their man has balls. They don't want an ass hole or jerk, or control freak, but they want a man who can be confident. I hadn't been showing my true self, i thought she wanted mr. nice guy because that's what iw ant 'mrs. nice', i have to remember women want what women want not what men want.

I give my wife a ton of freedom and flexibility. I knew she was masturbating all those times i left the house and thought maybe it'd open her up more. I purposely let her do it because i knew she needed to get it off of her chest. The sex life was improving that time, but now it's time to have her do it with me, she has had enough time to explorer her sexuality.

once she is comfortable around me to get herself off routinely, i'll encourage her to masturbate again.

Last edited by FORTIFIEDORANGE; 04-07-2017 at 07:41 AM.
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post #87 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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post #88 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 09:12 AM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

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Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post

what did i do" my passion let out" i went completely insane, yelled at her (she never gets yelled at ) and scolded her. then i murdered her boy friend, ripped him to peaces with my bare hands, spread his rubber plastic and wires all over the bed. after that i flipped the bed over and broke some things.
If my husband behaved like this, it would not be tolerated.

This isn't the behavior of a mature man, this is a the behavior of a toddler. Completely childish.

Therapy, book an appointment, as soon as possible. You need anger management.
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post #89 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 09:49 AM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

While you got the reaction you wanted from your wife, you got it for the wrong reason. Do you understand that there is a big difference between having a woman that wants to submit and give herself to you, and a woman that is afraid of you and is trying to appease you? Disappointing behavior on your part and unlikely to get you where you want to be. Please take some time and do the reading that has been suggested. It will be a lot more beneficial for you.
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post #90 of 93 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 12:11 PM
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Re: Wife won't cum around me

Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
so i had a massive revelation with my nuclear strike i did.

what did i do" my passion let out" i went completely insane, yelled at her (she never gets yelled at ) and scolded her. then i murdered her boy friend, ripped him to peaces with my bare hands, spread his rubber plastic and wires all over the bed. after that i flipped the bed over and broke some things.

she gets it now, things are better

at first she thought i was jealous of the vibrator, i said 'well i am the one who tries to use it on you, not hte one who goes into the corner like a teen age boy with a porno magazine by yourself'.


she had the fear of God in her, she looked so timid and fragile and i know she loves it.

she needs time and i am giving her space but she couldnt keep her hands off of me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
last night i snared the tiger and now she is a kitty that purrs at me all day.
Even a tiger will cower when it has no escape and knows that it will get beaten with the big stick.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
i had to destroy that barrier with force because any attempt to get near it would get met with a claw at the face.
To use an english expression that might get past the censoring, until Matt Matt reads it of course "What a load of complete and utter bollocks.". You have some serious issues, I'm not surprised she can't be intimate with you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
as for the others who say i intimidated my wife, i didn't do it in a way where she felt in danger, she knows me well enough to know i'd never hurt her, i am so gentle to her always in verbal and all other forms that she knows i'd never hurt her. i can't even spank my own kids. i also have extremely good anger control and never cause confrontation. her seeing me this way made her realize i am strong and that makes her feel safer not the other way around. it's hard to describe in words how i did this but the after effect is clear; she feels better now, i feel better we opened up.
By your own words - she had the fear of God in her, she looked so timid and fragile. Again you are talking total bollocks, you are simply trying to justify your anger outbursts.

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we had great passionate sex, probably best we've had ever at least i can remember. we were all exhausted so it wasn't a quick 10 minutes of extreme passion. and it wasn't her 'faking it' because she doesnt have it in her to fake anything. no orgasm, but she came close i could feel and she was a monsoon down there.
Oh the poetry in your language, it's so touching.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FORTIFIEDORANGE View Post
once she is comfortable around me to get herself off routinely, i'll encourage her to masturbate again.
Sorry I misjudged you. That's such a wonderful thing to do for her, encourage her to masturbate once you are OK with it.[/SARCASM]

You need help.
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