So why didn't you pick up all the kids and carry them to their bedrooms? I assume they all have their own bed? Watch some episodes of SuperNanny with your wife. Four out of five episodes are always about the parents being too chicken to 'upset' the kids by making them sleep in their own beds.
And it is your job as the MALE, the head of the household, to determine that the kids don't belong in your bed and put your foot down.
At the same time, though, it is also your job to ensure that you are contributing 50/50 and that you have hired a babysitter so you two can still DATE at least once a week.
I'm not making this up. It works. She enjoyed feeling like a sexy beautiful woman when you were dating; you pursued her. Now you have let her maternal instinct/GUILT guide her actions, you have taken a back seat, and thus you are spiraling downward. YOU have the chance to turn this all around.
But it takes ACTION. By YOU. Have you placed that ad for a babysitter yet? It's been two days now. Have you started taking on childcare when you get home? It's been two days since I brought this up. Two days since you've VOWED you're willing to change.
And now you say you're just gonna sit back and wait? Why am I not surprised. All YOU really want is your wife to desire you and tear your clothes off, but you really aren't willing to DO anything to get it.
I don't know how many times I can say this; MY WIFE CAN NOT BE SEDUCED!!! SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE SEXUAL!!! She doesn't like talking about sex, she doesn't think about sex, she acts like sex is some fad that all the kids were doing before we had our own children. The very idea of having sex is repulsive to her! We are very affectionate towards one another, often stopping to kiss each other as we pass in the kitchen. Hold hands when we drive in the car together, often kiss at red lights. She sits on my lap frequently just to have a conversation, and cuddles me on the couch while we watch TV, or go to a movie, etc. But when it comes time to have sex, she is like a ****ing statue. She freezes up, like she's actually petrified about what's about to happen.
I did put my foot down about the kids not sleeping in our bed, and usually they start the night off in their own rooms. But 50% of the time, our youngest (3) ends up in bed with us at some point int he night. She refuses to let anybody watch our kids unless they're immediate family (my parents, her mom and her sister are the only acceptable candidates), and she cannot be negotiated with on this subject. Like I said, we had a babysitter last Saturday and had a date night that resulted in no sex. I contribute 50/50 for sure, I am confident of that. I try to make her feel beautiful and sexy as much as I can. I don't just say it, I show it. This isn't my first rodeo, I know how to make my wife feel beautiful and special. I don't let her feel that I take her for granted.
SHE SIMPLY DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX!!!!! Her sex drive is completely gone. She thinks it's gross, and completely inappropriate to talk about. She has no interest in making it pleasurable for herself AT ALL. She claims to have not masturbated since the kids were born, and it wouldn't surprise me at all. She refuses to let me go down on her, or try anything that might make her enjoy it. I asked her if she has any friends she might talk about sex with, just to get somebody else's opinion. She scoffed and said that she refused to talk about sex with any of her friends, it's so crass and inappropriate to share those details. She gets super offended by dirty jokes, judges people who talk openly about their sex life, and if there's a nude/sex scene in a movie, you'd think she just had to watch somebody take a ****.